HH

By what I mean is, I don't believe that EVERY guy is some old, fat, dirtbag that you wouldn't see unless he paid you. Some are good-looking, or confident enough in themselves that you find this attractive. And therefore, makes for a much more pleasant experience. Wouldn't you agree?

Then of course you have the one's that look and act like a pig, and treat you as such. That must suck, awful.

I talked with a lady, a lot about such things. She told me 'Mikey. You couldn't do it.' She knows I'm a vain person, and if I'm going to pay to be with someone, well, I want who I want.

And in the same respect, after she told me this, I couldn't envision myself being a lady that I wouldn't ordinarily like to meet and get nasty with if I met her at the grocery store, for instance.

It puts a perspective on what you do and why. Your constitution is a hell of a lot better than mine would be.

Now, what brought me to this is, I was talking with my brother KJ5233 tonight. Never seen him inperson, but plan to. He's a fucking great guy and I love the shit out of him. Sent him pix of me, but never got one of him till tonight. Actually it was from the website from where he works.

I think he's a good-looking guy. Especially cuz he has a killer personality and loves to laugh. The fact we both drink like fish is icing on the cake! lol!

I'm met some other guys as well. And they all made me smile with their wit, their charm, and the way they carry themselves. Not to mention the good times we had with the ladies. Made me sad when we had to part ways.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Fag. That's cool. The thing is, I'm secure in myself that I can call another man attractive, and not just by his 'outer' looks.

Doesn't mean I want to sleep with him. Just means I can appreciate, and hopefully learn, from said person.

That's just one of the differences between most of you and I.

Call me a drunk. Call me a self absorbed prick. Call me a what-the-fuck ever.

The fact of the matter is, I can see beauty in most everybody. Whether they have a pussy or a dick.

well, if it talks like a drunk, walks like a drunk, and acts like a drunk...

i'm just kidding.  whether or not you're drunk (and the stream-of-consciousness tone of your posting inclines me to think that you are), you make a very valid point.

"The fact of the matter is, I can see beauty in most everybody."

the superficial matters so little in the face of what lies beneath it.  when you can make a real connection to a person's inner self - or even simply when someone shows you kindness and care - the importance of their outer self falls away completely.

the man who was instrumental in helping me to blossom as a provider, as a sensual being, and just plain as a person is not ever going to be on the cover of GQ.  i can acknowledge that objectively.  but when i look at his face, i truly see beauty.  he untied the knot that was in my head and opened my soul to what i really wanted to give & to share using nothing more than kindness, unconditional love, and a gentle touch.  he and i no longer have a client/provider relationship, but i am honored to call him my friend, and i will always think he is beautiful.

the guys who scream mangina over and over and over again will NEVER be able to convince me that my work is soulless.  i believe my vocation has made me a better person in a number of ways (aside from the obvious benefit of making me a much better & more artful lover with an ever deeper appreciation of the subtle) - it's honed my intuition for other people in addition to heightening my self-awareness; it's helped me to develop a real honor for the absolute sovereignty of the individual; it's made me more compassionate, less judgmental, and given me profound insight into the workings of the human mind; and personally, i feel, it's helped me to establish a framework for what to look for if and when i do decide to seek out a relationship again.  we are human beings first, "hobbyists" and "companions" second.  and i do believe that there is beauty inside of nearly everyone.  we just need to meet the right people, to make us feel safe enough to show the beauty inside of our true selves.

in closing, KJ seems like a really cool guy. there's nothing wrong with making friends with whom you can feel safe to be your true self.  such a thing is invaluable.

I've never made it a secret that I indulge so excessively. But I do have a job. And I don't drink then, and it does take me quite a while to progress to the point where you and some others might think it takes for me to make such statements. That's cool. I'm easy to judge.

And I do appreciate you acknowledging I have a valid point, however twisted some others might see it as.

I'll even be more frank. My abusese have been ingrained since I was young by my peers and inherited also, as much as I do indeed enjoy them for the most part. But I digress....

And I know you're not kidding. I might be stupid, but I'm not dumb.

In any case, shit happens. We've all been through things we wish never happened. And I'm not talking hobby-wise, though that also happens. But just like you said, there are people out there. People that see you for you. Not as a fuck object. Someone that knows you, and can see what you're seeing.

For instance, this boss of mine. Cool guy. Old hippy and a Steelers fan. Gotta love him!

Anyway, this GF of mine and I broke up, 20 something years ago. I was crushed. I would go to work, and he told me I looked dead by my eyes. They're very dark brown to begin with, but apparently they were black then.

Of course I got over it and moved on. Made some mistakes along the way, just like anybody else. But I don't regret what happened. It made me who I am. And I mean that in the most humbling way.

I know I can be a handful. I know more than often I post under the influence. But to the degree, and to my sincerity of my posts you'll never know unless you truly made an effort to know 'me'.

I'll admit, I got into the hobby to meet beautiful women and pay to fuck them. That's it. But then I actually talked with them. Before, during and after. Some I've never fucked, and probably never will.

The thing is, they're all beautiful in their own right. Just like I said about some of the guys I've met.

Shit. Willy Shakespeare wrote wonderful stories. As did Ernie Hemingway. Jack Kennedy was a monger, but did that make him any less than a damn good president?

Many famous  and renowned ladies appreciated a man's touch, also. Does that make them less of a human being?

Butterflydust, I don't believe I've had the pleasure of going one-to-one with you like this. Thank you.

BTW, yes, I have been drinking, but at no point did I feel the need to go toe-to-toe with you.

You're a gracious lady, and actually one of the renowned ladies I was talking about. Might be famous, outside of TER, for all I know if it wasn't outside of your alias.

Mikey

It is always touching when you bare your soul.  Well most of the time.  You 2 are better people than I, as there are some women, you could not pay me to do.  But that does not mean I would not let them pay you.  I would think we all have limits some where.  No handsome stud here, I just try to be polite and respectful as I get and give as much as I can during a visit. Ya I know I write in paragraphs.

it was not my intention to make you feel that i was trying to sincerely insult you!  i was hoping the little winking emoticon thingee would get that across, but i guess i missed my mark.  i am really sorry!  (hugs)

Obviously, I'm not a provider, so I don't know what providers see first hand.

Certainly, a lot of ladies have posted complaints about the men being old, ugly, overweight, nasty, having poor hygiene, etc.

However, in my general experience, women are less superficial than men. They care a lot less about the outside than the inside.

That's not to say that a woman can't recognize a hunk when she sees one; but I think she will be faster to reject a hunky guy with a bad personality than a guy will be to reject a gorgeous babe with a bad personality.

Know what I'm sayin?

As a human matter, I think it is difficult if not impossible to completely separate how someone treats you from how you respond to them. So I think that, in general, provider reactions likely are more related to a hobbyist's behavior than his appearance.

But that's just a theory. I haven't hijacked any providers' minds to look inside. Government has these silly rules that limit the experiments I can do in my lab.

Outside of this  might be a bit vain and a tiny bit shallow but more than anything I appreciate a great personality and if you have a great sense of humor alone that's sexy by itself. I have a few very regular visitors that aren't who I would date IRL per se based on looks alone but that if i'd met them before/outside of all of this I would.  And i'm a terrible liar, not good at sugar-coasting and like 80% of those I see I wouldn't unless I was paid but I do agree confidence, personality and so on go A VERY long way with me.

I love a guy who is straight that can securely say if another man is ugly or not. That's not gay at all....not that there's anything wrong with being so. There's absolutely beauty in some that can outweigh the outside. I used to date what some would call pretty boys but I found more avg or not even all that avg with good manners (ex. open a d@mn door), can hold a deep convo, can crack some jokes usually appreciate a lady a little bit more.

Not looking for sympathy from anyone, especially some lowlife alias hiding behind pussy such as yourself. Just saying I'm trying to appreciate some people. But I'm sure you couldn't understand that concept.

but beyond that, let's not fall into some kind of trap where you can only speak your mind if you hobby a lot.

People hobby for different reasons and often the pocket book places a limit on how much one can hobby.  That's should not become a liabiity to one's right to speak on here, should it?

Every once in a while I'll see someone here, fly to where they live, and even flown them here.

Why? You interested in seeing me?

Hellz Yeah!!!!

Man......I was suffering from Serrano REVENGE this morning!!!!!!!!!

Been suffering from something else since Sunday. But it's almost gone, and I'm feeling much better now!

Tomorrow I'll be as good as new, and ready to tear it up again! lol!!!

Could you say the same in the one's you write?

Or in the one's you receive?

Just throwing it out there.....

You definitely have a point! And your description, up until the end, could almost be believed as infallible and complimentary to you, I, and the rest of the poor slobs that exist on these boards!

Re: well, if it talks like a drunk, walks like a drunk, and acts like a drunk...

Butterfly ...

you surprise, amaze and delight me more and more as time goes on ....
you are well on your path to Buddhahood (enlightenment) ....
you are sweet, compassionate and lovely ...

love you always ....

moon51 ....