A question ... and those who think it is prying can certainly feel free not to answer, as I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

If a woman opts for a career as an escort, is she simultaneously choosing (either implicitly or explicitly) to fore-go marriage and children in perpetuity? Or do these things come later after retiring? Or do many escorts first have marriage and/or children, but then pursue escorting as a career after a divorce?

If marriage/children are pursued after retiring, is the former career a non-issue psychologically due to successful compartmentalization? Some other strategy? Or is it problematic?

If escorting came after a divorce -- was the divorce an influence on the career choice?

As a tangent question, how influential in the decision to pursue a career as an escort were various philosophical perspectives? If so, which ones and where were they first encountered in explicitly identifiable form?

Anyone answering should know up front that I'm generally supportive of the profession so long as it is undertaken by an adult of her own free will!

But I don't understand why you've asked if we're possibly forgoing marriage/children in perpetuity...unless I planned on doing this for the rest of my life--not a financially viable option--why would I forgo the trappings of a 'normal' life?

I don't want to specifically comment on the second question, because my answer might seem disparaging to married men who frequent escorts.
But no, I don't think compartmentalization will be necessary.  
I strenuously disagree with the stigma society attempts to force on working girls, and I don't have an emotional connection to that stigma myself, so I don't think that in the future I'll need a strategy to maneuver around my scarlet past.  
Also, I have no interest in a future relationship with a man who buys into that stigma himself, or would disparage me (or feel shame-by-association) for having chosen this work.

As to your last question, I think most of us share the primary philosophy of making a living.  Not very intellectually satisfying, I know.
Some women see themselves as modern-day temple prostitutes, servicing men who seek to commune with the goddess...I doubt their clients see it this way, but that doesn't really matter.  Whatever gets you through the night...
 
Before I started, I read a book called "Whores and Other Feminists", a collection of essays by current and former sex workers, who attempt to deconstruct sex-negative feminism, and subvert traditional paternalistic attitudes and constraints towards women's sexuality...prostitution (stripping, etc.) as sexual liberation.
There are little subgroups of female and gay male pros who share this liberationist philosophy.
I don't think many of us will admit to you in person that we too share this philosophy...we don't want to disrupt your fantasy--you're paying us to paint a certain picture, after all...

Part of why I enjoy doing this, is because I grew up with the puritanical belief that my body and sexuality were disgusting and shameful...and this is a way for me to push against the beliefs girls (and to a lesser extent boys) inherit.  However, I think if I started doing this before those beliefs had been largely dismantled, escorting would probably be damaging for me.

Beyond any heady philosophical or socialogical perspective...on a mere cellular level, I can say for myself that sex is like a vitamin...it makes me feel well physically, emotionally and mentally.  And I'm financially free for the first time in a long time...

You are a seriously refreshing woman! I'm sure you live far enough away from me that philosophy won't disrupt my fantasies!

So, would you see your philosophical underpinning as an extension of John Stuart Mill's feminism believing that government should have no say regarding the private lives of its citizens? His ideas were later extended to the dismantling of pre-defined gender roles, etc.

With thoughts like yours out here, I'm eager to see what others think!

have meet several ladies with children,  married, divorced.

I don't pry into peoples private life, but some ladies have been very open about themselves with me.

I just assume that like everyone else providers have SO, some are married and some have children.

Why shouldn't they?

Possibly the stupidest discussion I've ever read. The world oldest profession is chosen for one reason only, cold hard cash.  Most women are in and out once they make the money needed to get their lives together and do something else.  

There are always exceptions of course and I have met a few married women with kids but the bottom line was quick easy money.  BTW, this isn't a career and please don't ever use the word perpetuity if you don't want people to think you are a douche bag, which you are.

I love these women for whatever reason makes them available to me.

Funny thing is I never thought to ask a girl if she had a husband, boyfriend,or kids as I think for my time she is my girlfriend and there is no one else shed rather be with than me it works for me to each his own.

Known as the Love Goddess, over on the Erotic Highway board that could do a question like this more justice.

If you want a seriously stupid discussion, try anything involving politicians.  (*chuckle*)

In all seriousness, there is a reason for the questions.

The reason, quite simply, is to disabuse a lady friend of mine of some very strange ideas she has in her head. This lady is an attorney and a Mensan, but really clueless about providers.

I'm not even going to say what her ideas are, because they would be so insulting to so many people. Just imagine every possible stereotype, multiply by two, and add to it a sort of pseudo-feminist zeal that believes all providers are being exploited. (I'll believe they are being exploited when they start paying ME!  (*grin*))

Even though I won't state her specific beliefs, the answers to the questions I asked will thoroughly re-educate her if I can get more than one provider to answer the questions!

I can understand why you think they are stupid; but there is a whole wide world out there that doesn't know what you do.

One of my favs retired about a year or to ago, is married and getting or has gotten pregnant.  She is a great lady and will be a great mother.  I know one lady I hope to see who is unmarried, I believe she has a same sex partner, and is a dedicated mother. One of my very best friends for many years is now in her mid fifties, is absolutely gorgeous, and was and remains a dear dear friend.  She ran one of the truly classy and successful BDSM places and is known for being very severe and specializing in really frightening medical scenes. (Not my thing, I was never a client.) She has a son to whom she is devoted.  Quit the profession about 4 years ago to get remarried. She seems very content and her husband is thrilled.  I don;t know why one would think love/marriage/family are incompatible with being a a provider.

I'm sure it depends on the provider.

The fact that two things could possibly be compatible for certain folks under certain circumstances doesn't mean they are for all folks.

For example, I asked a similar question of a provider directly, and she told me that from what she had learned of men, she would never marry as she couldn't count on a man being faithful. Maybe a different provider would have a fundamentally different outlook and as a result derive the entirely opposite perspective from the exact same circumstances.

We can all cite examples, for example, of people who smoke for 80 years with no adverse effects; yet for most people it is quite unhealthy. The results of a given experience will vary with the person given her particular temperament, predispositions and philosophical influences ...

I must tell you that 2 of the last 3 ladies I have seen are married and have children.  Their husbands are in complete agreement with the lifestyle.  With that said, who the @#$% cares.  This is a fantasy land.  It doesn't matter what the reasons are that people are in the hobby.  I am glad that these ladies ARE in the biz.  It is for my enjoyment.  I am the one who pays.  They are here to please like good businesswomen who are self employed and want to succeed in their line of business.

husbands or SOs.  It's particularly common among providers in their 30s and 40s.

Some would observe that there are providers who are the breadwinners in their families and support their husbands and children.

In any event, in the cases of which I'm aware, the husbands know of and support the provider's business and profession.

for some people.  Nothing is good for everyone.  The point is that marriage children and providing does seem to work for many and for women who used to provide and then decide to retire, they have not ruled out the pleasures of family life even if they are among those women who don't want to pull it off during their providing careers.  

in an important sense, it is none of our business.  The only reason I am happy to know this about providers is because I would hate to think of these exceptional women as they are often portrayed ie emotional cripples who can never enjoy intimate family life.  We know this is simply not true and I am glad to know that.

There are probably some providers who are victims (underpaid asian and latins) but most see it as a means to an end.  I'm most upset when the press catches a politician and these woman are demonized.  I knew the DC madem and others like her. The general public doesn't appreciate the service these angels provide and I hate watching them hung out when things blow-up in the press.

first, i would like to reiterate a point made by others, that for the majority of women in this hobby, it is not a "career." many escorts hold down full or part-time careers (or are full or part-time students) while doing this and use the hobby for supplemental income. for most it is just a quick means to an end. for those of us who choose to do this more long-term, there are nearly as many reasons as there are women. yes, some do use this hobby to pursue a life of independence and freedom, of not being tied down by a 9-5, man, or children. but again, that is only some.

my second point i'd like to raise is that your question assumes that a woman cannot pursue escorting while being married and/or having children. why the assumption that in order to be an escort, a woman can be tied to nothing and committed to no one?

i am married, very happily so (for which i'm endlessly grateful). i did not pursue escorting until i had been with my Husband for several years. i have no children, but i do have a stepson who lives with us most of the time. my escorting has only impacted my marriage in positive ways...it is just one more thing which brings us closer together. it is not pursued secretly or with shame, but with his complete knowledge, consent and covert participation. without his watchful eye, i would NEVER feel comfortable pursuing this hobby. i would feel far too vulnerable. but then, i am not the roaring, independent she-woman sort.

Hi lilli,

Any question carries with it a number of implicit assumptions. I phrased my question the way I did in order to answer supplemental (unstated) questions that were brought up in a conversation I had with a lady friend of mine who is a lawyer and self-described "feminist." Think of her as the particular brand of feminist who sees all men as rapists and considers consensual sex impossible. Any woman who engages in sex work, to her, *must* be doing so either under duress or as a result of a profound impairment of faculties of some sort.

While I've declined to state what she said, because it is so insulting; the answers that you, lils and others are providing -- because of the way I stated the questions -- serve to substantively refute her ideas -- without me ever having to post them and risk profound insult.

Anyway, my friend and I have rather spirited discussions about a wide array of topics. I figure that while I can read all sorts of statistics, there is no better source than an actual provider to refute some of the more ridiculous conceptions.

That having been said, I think it stands to reason that each person is an individual; and will react differently to different circumstances based on a variety of factors.

...sounds like the kind of woman i despise! of course, i'm sure the feelings would be mutual.

my life philosophy and values could not be more different than those of a rabid feminist. feminism even in its mildest form bothers me. i have very old-fashioned views when it comes to gender roles...for instance i believe that a married woman's first priority should always be her Husband, i believe that a man should be the Head of his household, i believe that a woman should be subservient and obedient to her mate, etc. i am the polar opposite of the independent woman...my Husband is the top financial provider by leaps and bounds, he controls all finances and gives me a small weekly allowance. this imo is the way it should be between man and woman, but the average western woman of today would be horrified at such ideas. and of course the average feminist would believe that no woman could ever hold such beliefs or live such a way of life of her own choice and free will, sadly.

him your pimp.  Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I don't think it's just the 'average western woman' who finds the pimp/prostitute relationship horrifying...people who consider themselves old-fashioned/traditional/conservative would too...only more so.

I don't buy the pimp thing. Not when it's a husband who loves the woman! Obviously, he manages the money for maximum mutual long-term benefit. (Or he had better!)

I'm personally fairly fluid on gender roles, believing that within each relationship a particular dynamic based upon abilities and inclination will develop such that each partner will "specialize." Sometimes this looks like traditional roles, sometimes not.

In one LTR I was in, the woman preferred the lawn mowing and I did the bathroom cleaning; while we shared the cooking equally and I handled long-term finances while she handled short-term. In another, the roles were more traditional.

My view is what people do in their relationships is up to them unless I have to pay for it against my will. (*grin*) I admit to having a few fairly traditional bones in my body, though. But these are personal preferences rather than something I'd enforce on others.

i do understand that people are very diverse, and many would not feel that they have a place under the traditional gender roles and relationship values in which i believe. however i think that social/cultural conditioning plays a huge role in this, over generations, and imo quite a few folks would be surprised at what they found if they took the time and thought to look deep within and discover the truth that lies there. but that is a long anthro-socio-philosophical debate for another time! *smiles*

and to the person who referred to my Husband as my "pimp," i would take no offense to that if it were true but it's simply not. a pimp manipulates and forces a woman to prostitute herself for his own personal gain. i became an escort of my own choice, for reasons entirely unrelated to money, and very carefully select clients. because i am so selective and very low volume (as this hobby is not the center of my life), the financial "gains" are very little. my Husband's income is healthy and secure and has always been more than adequate to provide for the family.

and personally, i rather like receiving an allowance, and being dependent on my Husband. it's a very nice feeling, being taken care of and not having that weight on one's shoulders.