Ok. So I've been screwing a stripper. It started as PTP, then moved to free friends with benefits. Then edged towards dating. I know it's been rehashed over and over that strippers and providers are all about the $$. I see that in her but I also see a Person looking for a connection.

I'm genuinely a nice guy, thus I tend to get walked over if I'm not careful and I'm getting too close to that here. Our physical encounters have been fewer and she mentioned when I saw her last that she was still really into me but had been hurt a lot and was apprehensive of my situation. (my marriage)

So...there's enough mongers on here to help a brother out. Ive never had a real affair before this. Just the occasional provider or stripper OTC. How do I keep this girl interested in me?  

It's very hard to play hard to get with her if that's the 1st suggestion. We live 2 hours apart and usually only see each other when I'm in her town for business every 3 weeks. Even then we don't always connect.

She wants you to divorce your wife and marry her.

I don't think you want to do that, do you?

You must break this off now and never see her again.

It will seem cruel, she will be upset, and you will probably miss her and hate yourself too.

The alternate to this is much, much worse.

Sorry to be so cold and blunt, but this is a pretty bad situation.

The lesson here for others is to maintain those barriers.

Enuf said!

to your problems!

"I can honestly see a scenario where I would leave my wife for her."

Just a synopsis of all the other great advice!

Are you happy with your wife?   And do you have kids?  Are you committed to the marriage?  You are already jeopardizing all this by P4P, and letting it turn into a real relationship takes it up a notch.  Are you prepared for the consequences?  No moral judgement here, just reality.

Even if you want to end your marriage, this is not the way to do it.

Have to say I agree with mrfisher. Calmly walk away. It's a very bad accident looking for a place to happen.

Wow!  Not the direction I expected this thread to go!

Ok, here's the deal.  My marriage is basically over.  We just don't get along anymore.  I have two boys, age 8 and 11.  We tried a short separation, but I saw quickly my 11 yo was NOT going to adjust well to that.  My wife has no idea of any of my extra curricular ideas, but I'm convinced she likes it that way.  She has collapsed into depression, and I can't get her to care about anything (especially our family) or seek help.  I've struggled with this for years, even tried couples and solo counseling.  There's no reviving this thing.

So, as I said, I met a stripper and we hit it off amazingly.  She only works at the club 1-2x/month for some extra cash and has a decent day job + school.  We did some PTP but then I stopped paying.  Lately we've been having real dates and lunch dates.  There is something there, but it's waaay too early to make any decisions.  As I said, she voiced some apprehension about my marriage.  

I'm not an ass.  I'm not looking to just string her along.  I do have genuine feelings for her, but I have some significant justifiable apprehension about her as well.  She is a stripper and we did exchange money for sex, so we both have to question the integrity this whole thing began with.  I do want to keep her interested in me long enough to see this play out.  I can honestly see a scenario where I would leave my wife for her.  I'm not there yet, or anywhere close.  I'm not throwing away a 15 year relationship for a fling.  Hell, even if I did get a divorce tomorrow, I'd be very hes

As I said, I'm a "nice guy", which usually means I act like a wimp when it comes to things like this.  I need to man up a little, but I'm not sure which way to go.  To make matters worse, she has no house phone or internet, so the only way to contact her is by cell phone and she has a terrible phone with terrible service.  When someone texts or calls her, it only gets through about 5-10% of the time (I've verified this by calling her when I know the phone is on and sitting right there. It rings sometimes, but not usually).  Thus, all the suggestions about waiting 3-5 days, texting sparingly, etc just doesn't seem to work until she breaks down and gets a new phone.  I'd get on her about this, but she's had some unexpected expenses and hasn't been able to afford them.  (She hasn't hit me up for money on them and I havent offered, because I don't want to go down that road)

So, again, I know there are zillions of married guys who convince girls to stay with them.  How do they do it?  

-- Modified on 7/15/2011 6:58:21 AM

Make more money.

Use the TER General Board to find the Erotic Highway, then ask the LG. She'll have you headed in the right direction in no time.

The most effective treatment for depression is the combination of an antidepressant which works well for that patient and psychotherapy.













-- Modified on 7/15/2011 7:18:06 AM

-- Modified on 7/15/2011 7:19:23 AM

You're already in a marriage with one woman who is emotionally unavailable through her depression, and you're asking advice on how to be in another relationship with another unavailable woman.

The new girl lives in a different town which gives you only several days a month to see her (if you're lucky).  While chronologically she may be an adult, she obviously is not mentally/emotionally an adult or she'd not be living like a transient with no home phone/internet or reliable cell service (10 year olds can figure this one out).  How can anyone expect to hold a real job (or even be a halfway decent stripper or provider) if no one can reliably get a hold of her?  She can't handle her finances well enough to have a 6 month minimum reserve so 'unexpected expenses' end up putting her in a bind - *not* the sign of an emotionally/mentally mature person.  The fact that no matter how nice she is, or how well the two of you hit it off, she isn't mentally an 'adult' should be sending off huge red flares to you but apparently it's not.  Even if you don't believe she's a train wreck waiting to happen, the incontrovertible fact is that she's simply a replacement of the unavailable woman you're married to.

The question should not be how to get her to stay with you (since she's not *with* you anyway), but why you keep pursuing unavailable women.  If it's simply P4P then the answer is to simply have a bevy of unavailable women that you can rotate between.  But if you're actually wanting a relationship, the first thing you have to do is find an *adult* who is emotionally available to have a relationship with!  And nothing you've said about this girl indicates that she is a candidate.

Some very good advice from a wise, and beautiful woman.

The old saying "Fuck around WITH you, Fuck around ON you!"    

If she knows your married and having fun with you, she will ALWAYS be suspect of you messing around again on her eventually OR she will still see dudes' on the side. May go well for a while, but eventually this will happen, guaranteed!

IF you're over your marriage and don't care, then it's one thing, go for it!  If you aren't done with your wife, then slow the shit down and don't get sucked in man...

Just my 2cents...

you're not being nice to anyone here including yourself.  don't want to judge you, but, what's nice about adultery?  what's nice about "keeping this girl close"?  And to be selfish about it, what's nice about setting yourself up to get ripped to pieces in two different cities?  Each choice needs to be separated.  Stop feeling sorry for being "walked over" and start making better choices, 1 by 1.  Dr. Fill

If you try to work both sides of the street you will lose both.  You must look inward first...  decide what you want to happen.   I have to say if you want out of the marriage you should get out.  Open marriage??   Maybe but I doubt it.  
The GF or any GF is not going to be happy long term with playing second fiddle to a WIFE.   If you want a LTR you need to be free.
skb

the marriage and cheating on your wife. He is a p.o.s and I hope his wife catches him and takes him for ALL he's got!!! Nothing worse than a cheater! I don't care what excuse they give!

I would suggest you do the following math exercises:

1. How much is a good divorce lawyer's hourly rate that practices in your area?

2. How much would you have to pay in alimony if you divorced?

3. How much in child support would you have to pay if she gets the kids?

4. How much equity do you have in the home? In your business?

5. How much do you have in retirement? - Prepare to lose half of it.

Her lawyer will have a field day with you in court if any of your indiscretions can be proved. The divorce process is an ugly one - it usually starts with lots of emotions, but ends up being all about money.

While I would say I have not been cheating (my SO knew in advance about my seeing providers and agreed to it, albeit reluctantly), I don't judge people who "cheat."  I simply suggested the OP think about the consequences of his actions, but tried to be careful re the "judging" part.