We've all heard the expression "you don't know Jack Shit."  Well here's the answer to who Jack Schitt really is (the surname spelling was changed several generations ago when the family first arrived in the United States).

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt & O. Schitt.  Awe Schitt was a fertilizer magnate who married O. Schitt, a partner in the firm of Kneedeep & Schitt, Inc.

Jack in turn married Noe Schitt.  The deeply religious couple had 6 children; Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, & the twins...Deep Schitt & Dip Schitt.

Deep Schitt, against her parents' objections, married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop-out.  

After 15yrs of marriage, Jack & Noe Schitt divorced.

Noe Schitt later married Mr. Sherlock, & because her children were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name also.  She was thereafter known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Dip Schitt & Lodda Schitt married, producing one nervous son..Chicken Schitt.

Fulla Schitt & Giva Schitt were inseperable during childhood.  Eventually they married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.  The newspaper announced the nuptuals as the Schitt-Happens weddings.

The Schitt-Happens marriages produced 3 children....Dawg, Byrd, & Hoarse.

The prodigal son, Bull Schitt, left home to travel the sorld.  When he returned it was with an Italian bride, Piza Schitt.

So if anyone should ever accuse you of not knowing anything about Jack Schitt, you can correct them.  You not only know about Jack, but about his whole family.