And what did we take away from all this? You shall fill out my contact form, and I won't tell you where I'll be / what I'll be doing this Sunday morning!
As TER sports many outspoken individuals with colorful opinions (many of whom are delightful, and I have met in person) I’d like some views on a recent incident, as it continues to perturb me.
A potential client expressed interest via my contact form (always a good sign as it means he’s ventured through my website.) After some exchanged and friendly e-mails, he wanted a booking for Sunday. I wrote back telling him I was unavailable Sunday, but had availability for Saturday evening.
He then wrote back wanting a booking for Saturday afternoon. I responded by saying I had a work-related meeting from noon until four. In closing, I mentioned I was leaving to attend a soccer match at an English-style football pub before attending my meeting.
After watching ________ beat ________ and then having a productive meeting, I returned to read an e-mail in which he stated that he hoped I wasn’t spending a gorgeous afternoon inside watching other people play sports. He then went on to say he wasn’t a soccer fan, or an American football fan. In closing, he told me perhaps we could meet when I hadn’t promised my time to “football”.
To be polite and assuage any hard feelings he may have had, I immediately wrote back, politely saying it was my job which claimed my afternoon hours, and not the English Premier League, as the match occurred at 7.45 am and lasted until 9.45 am. I never received any sort of reply.
Here is where I’d love some constructive feedback. Now, I may have saved the situation by simply saying I was only available Saturday evening. I feel my personal disclosure for enjoying a good match in a pub has cost me a client. If anything, I was simply making innocent small talk. However, I simultaneously feel that this incident may have warded off potential conflicts, particularly as this is a World Cup year.
I feel for you on your situation..Take into consideration that sometimes "Less is more" Perhaps you could have been less open until you actually met him .. I can tell you appear to be VERY intelligent .. feel free to PM me for any more assistance.. Lovely Lorena a sincere provider here for you!!
There's no need to explain your life to a client, especially a new one. Simply say you are not available, period. Then explain when you are available.
I have an ATF that I have seen for years - many, many past appointments bewtween us. When I ask to schedule some time for which she already has plans (either personal or with another client), she only says 'sorry, I can't make that time'. Never an explanation offered and never one asked for.
Keep things simple and straightforward, especially with new clients - that's my 2 cents.
when making new acquaintances in this sport - in both directions I might add.
It is better to be simple clean and straightforward. To keep scheduling, screening and etc businesslike but pleasant.
After you meet, if you feel good about the person, and if you feel that you can relax with them a bit, you can take some of the constraints off - carefully. You do not want to make real personal disclosures until / unless trust is established.
Too Much Information is often the downfall of what would otherwise be simple uncomplicated and pleasant.
The manner in which he reacted to the information that's on him.
Look you owe nothing more than your availability to any suitor, especially a new friend. As others have said keep it simple. His schedule then can either accommodate or not.
His reply was snide and uncalled for. Frankly the mere fact that he did not respond back after you tried to reach out again to him, tells you something. It's all about them I know, but when he presents himself as all about ME, ME AND ME, he's a looser.
I suspect if not that this loser would have found something else to complain about had you even made the accommodations for him.
I Think he probably felt rejected and expected you to drop everything just for him because you had been sitting by your computer waiting for him to email you all day as you have nothing else better to do right?????? (Lol) Well all I can say is that everything happens for a reason and if he was this much of an asshole in one email just imagine how he would be in person.. Just my 0.3 cents
design, I beg to differ with the others. I think this client is simply not available at the time you offered. Your offer was quite clear thet the business meeting was before his offered time. If he misread your message, the loss is his.
We often ask for... even beg for, a glimpse... of a lady's real personality. Stating that you enjoy soccer (my family members are too though I'm not particularly). Still, I'd enjoy knowing that you are a real living breathing person. I think you did nothing wrong & many would have enjoyed having a topic to converse on. skb
I think it makes it more interesting and shows you are taking some time to reply to the client. From a client's perspective it can be very frustrating to just receive a terse "Sorry, can't do it then" reply repeatedly. You can just as easily lose a client that way. It's happened to me and I've lost interest in seeing a few ladies because of it.
You can't predict how someone you haven't met will respond to your reply - you're not a mind reader. In this case I think it was uncalled for to make that remark that you didn't see him just because of some footie. If that's what you enjoy you shouldn't feel guilty turning someone down to make time for yourself - you're a human being with your own interests. Heck, if it were the 24 Hours of Le Mans or the title-deciding race of World Superbike I'd probably be in front of the telly myself even if my favorite lady happened to be free then (although I COULD set the DVR lol). It goes both ways
I don't think you should be too worried about it and the fact that you made the attempt to respond even after his snide remark and you were even self-critical about what happened show that you are trying your best.
Ive noticed she doesnt even have a VIP membership and was trying to give "sage " advice.. I wanted to express that in the beginning take it slow.. even in the beginning of being a provider.. Personality is ALWAYs part of what people like about me.. Im not your Barbie doll look so usually it has to be a bit more.: )- Im not able to send her any private email.. sincerely lorena
Someone applied the term "snide" and I agree. Your schedule is your schedule, whether you were rearranging your lint collection or scaling Mount Everest. You gave this guy too much info, he felt slighted and then became intrusive. Take the high road - as you have already done - learn from the exchange and move on.
This guy was a complete dick, but there are guys who want nothing but the fantasy. They want to hear nothing about your personal life. They want you to talk as if you never see anyone but them. Other guys want you to act as if you are their best friend in real life. I truly admire any lady's ability to figure out who needs what and give it to them. I couldn't do it.
She said she was attending a match at an English Style Pub. She never mentioned drinking.
That's like going to a sports bar to watch a baseball game, you don't have to drink, it is the experience of watching with other fans, even if all you drink is water.
The best place to watch football is in a pub with other fans of the same team.
You assumed, and maybe he did as well, that going to a pub means you drink, but that isn't necessarily the case.
she was going to watch the match... it was early on a Saturday morning and she was going to a business meeting right after... I don't immediately assume drinking.
Maybe where you are it is different, but where I am there are not a lot of "football" (read soccer) fans especially not many for a specific team.
So, say she likes Manchester United. She could maybe get the match live through her cable or satellite, and watch by herself... or she could go to a pub and watch with a number of other fans all cheering for the same team, all sharing the experience of watching "their" team play and win...and you don't need to actually drink to do that.
It necessitates getting up early, not that that would stop the likes of MP67, OSP, or GaGambler from drinking at that hour, or any hour for that matter, but most "normal" people who have a business function afterwards, probably aren't imbibing at that hour of the morning. The aforemention drunks excluded of course. rofl
I had also considered the time factor. A "business" function could also have been interpreted as a session. I am just throwing out what may have been going through his mind. Naturally we are all just guessing at this point. I had to throw out another possible alternative. Personally, I would not go through with a session if I suspected a morning lush.
Most of us should agree that it was TMI regardless.
And next month I'll celebrate 17 years clean and sober. Perhaps I enjoy the company? I'll pass on the water, but I'm happy to sip a coke while I hang out with friends.
...games in the pub where they are serving Irish breakfast & tea, we don't pay for beers (we give them drink tickets we purchased the previous night so they're not selling beer in am...a tip from a city cop). The ones of us who had to go back to work...lawyers, plumbers, architects, carpenters & electricians sipped our tea & yelled & rooted for our teams!
by what you did in the morning before your meeting, and not conflicting with his appointment request, is he really the kind of guy you want to see?
He is either freakishly needy, or easily offended, neither quality particularly good in a client.
I read your reply as explaining why you couldn't meet in the afternoon, and then friendly banter about what you would be doing during the day; nothing for him to get upset or offended over.
I personally would have read the reply as you making conversation, which would actually make me feel more inclined to see you, as you were not simply "business" in the reply.
Bottom line, you couldn't see him at that time, it was for work, but had it been for soccer that is none of his concern, you are available or you aren't and for him to try some passive-aggressive bullshit guilt trip with his "when you haven't promised your time to football" shows that he thinks you should put off whatever you do in favor of him... Yes, you should work with your clients, but he thinks he should take precedence over whatever else you have going on, and despite how much he may want that to be the case, it isn't.
You work when you work, you are available when you are available, and if that doesn't work out for him he is going to be a butt hurt little bitch about it? Yeah, he probably did you a favor by not replying.
Your disclosure was not all that personal. Sure, less is better with a newbie client, and you absolutely did not over-share. This is true even if you wanted to catch your ATF team.
The fact that he reacted in this fashion to this level of information tells you everything you need to know. He is slightly better than a case of the clapp.
As a client, this man is probably demanding and critical.
I am wondering if he is psychologically abusive, actually. Of course, I would need to see more of his behavior, before I could make that judgement, but this (him blowing up over small talk) is your first red flag that he is an abusive person.
Dear Design.lust: I am wondering and assuming that this was a client that frequented you and you enjoyed him on a social and libidinal level. Now since this has been established, how do you keep this relationship repaired and the arrangement going since it has many benefits to you on a myriad of levels ? One way was to disclose to him with respect to blocks of time that you would be available due to the fact that you have other economic and professional interests. Then say I will check back with you during the course of the day to see if anything has changed and to address his personal well being since he is a valued client. That would also massage his ego a bit better. Also ask him would it be good to give him the option of another time and maybe a slight inducement of a monetary nature sense you where unavailable at the time previously agreed between both parties. Thus you value his time and his business. Also could you also give him some extra time as well as part of an apology for being stood up. The main thing here is damage control and taking the responsibility that the series of events with respect to your date did not go as planned. Obviously you have an affinity for this client and you do not want to see him leave you. Henceforth go the extra mile to appease and placate him so that he will still patronize you. It is not only a business interest but make him feel like a personal interest as well. As a business person as well as a friend it is in your interest to retain him because he satisfies you on so many levels.
Sincerely, A Concerned Hobbyist and Friend of the Board.
Ummm....she said it was a "potential client"...which tends to mean someone she hasn't seen before, so not sure how you are getting that it was a client that frequented her, and that she enjoyed on a social and libidinal level...most folks don't get that much enjoyment social or otherwise from someone they have never met.
As for checking in with him? Huh? she told him she couldn't see him in the afternoon then told him what she was doing in the morning as small talk. Why would she check in with him?
Stood up? Huh? He asked for a time, she said she wasn't available, made some conversation and he got butt hurt...how do you figure that is being stood up?
Extra time to make up for the non-existent "stood up"...Huh? Now clients get extra time for asking to see a lady on Saturday afternoon and she was unavailable then...extra time for her being unavailable?
Monetary incentive? To make up for her not being able to see him Saturday afternoon? huh?
Affinity for? Friend? Huh? He satisfies her on many levels? A potential client? What levels? Inquiry? Email? asking for availability?
Benefits on a myriad of levels? Well I am sure he fulfills her quota of butt hurt, whiny, passive-aggressive emails...I don't think that is worth going the extra mile to appease and placate though.
I don't think we read the same post... wait...or are you the "potential client"?*grin* I mean who else would tell her to give free time and a discount to a guy just because he got upset she watched a soccer match hours before the time he asked if she was available?
Either you are being sarcastic and doing it so well no one would know...or one of us has reading comprehension issues...or maybe you replied to the wrong post?
If you were drunk enough you might understand his point, nah I am drunk and it doesn't make a bit of sense to me either.
Let's ask Mikey, if there was ever a drunk who could understand another drunk, it would be him. Oh fuck it, even MP67 would tell him to fuck off as well.
I would be more than happy to instill my vulgar sense what I think is fucked up about this individual, but somehow, I think these good people already know what I would say.
The only question would be, how many 'fucks' and such I would use to go off on the poor bastard!
unless you really know the client very well and you both trust each other.
i have to confess that i used to be charmed by innocent small talk. but sometimes it simply exposes risks and other concerns that might scare a client off. or it might raise issues that one side or the other might feel the need to DISCUSS. unless you are so mutually comfortable that discussion is worthwhile and constructive.
can you imagine what would happen if you accidentally revealed to a client that a political opponent or competitor was also a client? unless you are willing to have an honest dialog about risks it is not likely to go well....
When my provider is not available, I'd rather not hear what she's doing and why some other activities seem to be more important than meeting me. It is a sensitive situation.
She might say "I need to walk my dog, rather than see you" I might interpret that as "hmmm????...her dog is more important than seeing me inspite of the fact that I'm forking $$$$$".
Of course, I completely understand that what she is doing maybe 1000% more important than seeing me. Maybe her dog is her baby. And I may not be a dog person or a pet person. Hence, the misunderstanding.
I have had to reschedule dates many times because of things come up in peoples lives. Making a comment like that shows the he wasn't that interested in meeting you.
I believe most Gentlemen can understand that we all have a life...including a love for sports. I wouldn't sweat it. Go for The World Cup Games. i schedule around my loves, too.
been positive in two ways. Such a genuine and candid exchange would have made me feel MUCH BETTER about the initial scheduling difficulties. On top of that, it would have created a bit of anticipation that I might be seeing a lady who was willing to share of herself more that just physically. That is EXCITING to me!
I called her to set up an appointment in response to her email. Somehow the conversation quickly went south and I was on the verge of saying FU as she had a bit of an attitude. The only thing that stopped me was that I had this happen once before with a certain type of provider and once we met, it turned out to be some of the hottest sex I've had. So I shall see if history repeats itself. If not, then I go my way and she loses out on a reliable hobbyist. Sometimes you just have to roll the dice. May the cards fall where they may.
I think it’s nice and highly attractive that you follow the EPL and the World Cup…
In regards to this situation….in a relevant post as has been mentioned here before …guys/girls that don’t treat waitresses/restaurant employees/staff well or disrespect them generally don’t have a positive spirit….which can ruin the entire mood (even if they are nice to you).
So while the fact remains that you revealed this interest beforehand and might have turned him off…in the process it showed that you have interests/hobbies/other stuff to do and potentially rounded up interest from others
If this dude doesn't want to see you over something this trivial, then good riddance to him! I see nothing wrong with a little chitchat with clients. If I'm not available to see someone at the time they request, I'll sometimes tell them what my plans are for that time. Not because I feel like I owe them an explanation, I just like sharing a little more about myself with them. Of course, I never tell them my exact location of where I'll be at. But if a client didn't want to see me simply because I like a sport that he doesn't like, I'd consider it as a way of weeding out the bad guys.
it also depends on your style and comfort level in your escort work. Maybe you revealed you two had a personality conflict.. it isn't all about the money so maybe best you parted before meeting.
and I can also see it from a girlie perspective. I'd feel a little insulted if I wanted to see someone and they said "no, sorry I'm busy that night and your other choice, I'd rather watch TV that afternoon (than see you)"
Saying 'no' 'no' 'no' can be a bad start to a friendly encounter. Part of our job is making another person feel valued and important. right? hugs, A.
I always leave it at, "I'm sorry, but I don't have availability until....."
I find myself wanting to talk too much about what I'll be doing but I stop myself because I run through my mind every possible reaction they potential client could have.
And no, I'm sorry but absolutely not, not no way, not no how; does anybody owe anyone extra time or a discount because they have a life!
When things like this happen I thank the universe as it most likely saved you a nightmarish session with a hard to please individual with over the top expectations...(just a passing thought).
You owe no explanation as to what keeps you from seeing anyone at any particular time....that's personal. You either can see a client at a particular time or not.
I'm sure this guy is a really wonderful man and just really wanted to see you...
Stop doubting yourself. You do have a life. You were honest and still accomadating.. Sounds to me he was upset because you did not jump when he wanted you to jump..
If you had shared with him.. Your family drama I would certainly tell you that you had given to much info. But, you do have a life and your own identity right...
The guy felt diminished. He was prepared to hand you a "love offering" and the job explanantion might heve gone over but the mention that you were going to spend part of the day watching soccer on tv was just too much. He found a more accomodating provider, you can be sure of that.
That is precisely why I choose not to give too much info for those sensitive types. It pays to bend the truth or give no reason at all. No hurt feelings, but I stand by my original thought and that is she dodged a bullet in not seeing him.
...I am quite overwhelmed by the rich variety of responses to my query! Thank you all for taking the time for sharing your thoughts.
Tattooed_Asian's response was quite thought provoking -- I hadn't considered that.
Krakr14 -- that's a fascinating guess! But that wasn't the match. I do feel for Burnley, though (hums "That's Why We're Going Down")
WebTerrorist -- you absolutely get me! The match atmosphere is exactly why I head pubward in the morning.
And Peter_South, it is quite possible to enjoy juice or tea in a pub, as many footie fans do (particularly for those early morning matches.) There are many delicious alternatives to water, although Voss mineral water is actually my drink of choice.
Thank you again for all the intelligent and often amusing responses! (I loved the bit about the lint collection!)
And what did we take away from all this? You shall fill out my contact form, and I won't tell you where I'll be / what I'll be doing this Sunday morning!
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