many others on this board.

When I pay to be with a woman it is mainly for convenience and the opportunity to be with someone I might not otherwise meet. The whole power thing you seem obsessed with never even crosses my mind.  As you allude to, then contradict yourself, most women have more power over men than we ever will over them- and that's even more so with providers because they set the boundaries of the encounter.

So you may think it's all about power, and it may well be for some guys, but please don't throw the rest of us in that category because you can really only speak for yourself.

BTW, nobody does drunk better than MP67, so you either need to drink more so you can compete on his level, or drink less and make more sense.

Come her seeking permission or pity? I think the most honest thing you said was the black man polishing your boots. He knows his plight won't get much better unless he stoops and loses whatever integrity he has to get booze or food, or whatever his addiction. You remind of a guy who gets his dick sucked and complains that the provider didn't make him spill a full cup. Get over yourself.

Wow.

You may be speaking for yourself here...as opposed to all of  the guys who are power hungry assholes willing to pay for sex.

And, my bet is the guy polishing your boots today was not nearly as angst ridden as you are about the whole boot polishing thing.  

Sober up. It will all make sense again.

Take two Tylenol and call your faculty buddy in the morning. Make a confession about men being powerhungry. And then go home and fuck your wife for the rest of your life. Hot sex is truly wasted on sociologists.

Part of my life is titty bars.  Not as much as it used to be but it is still there.  I have a lot of fun, the girls seam to, the bartender sometime laughs her ass off, sometimes tries to hold me back.  Sometimes the other customers do not understand the attention I get and look down their Phd noses and do not get it.  Sometimes they call me out, Not in a physical way, but mental gymnastics.   I most always win because I enjoy what I am doing.  I am not looking for other customer's approval, I am just having fun.  Why does it have to be a Alias competition  to shout down someone’s post? Yes it might be asinine but just be a man and post under you real ter name.  No I do not get the control thing as I have always know women gets laid when they want, men get laid when they can.  Just because your a paying customer does not mean you can not get shot down.

It isn't the money. I make more then we need all by myself. Her providing is less then a fifth of the house hold income.

It is the power. Guys give her a days wage or more for an hour of her time on a regular basis. Then many of them want to please her as much as they want to be pleased. They pay her complements and many of them treat her better then they treat their own SO. She makes most of the rules. She sets the pace.

In fact the confidence boost from manipulating her clients in a good way is addicting for her. I think you are crazy if you actually believe you have more power then the ladies you are seeing, you don't. In this game at best you are on an equal footing. Unless of course you are seeing the pimped out or trafficked ladies, then sir you have the power but then you are scum. Even then it is the pimp with the real power.

Sex is power, if you are going to study the hobby you better realize that. The ladies control the sex so they have the power.

Second thing, I don't hobby for the power rush of it because I know I don't truly have the power. I have a great deal of respect for many of the ladies that do this. I am amazed on how friendly they are to a man as fat and ugly as myself.

I call more than a few sex workers my friends. The only person I really trust with my life and choose to share it with is a sex worker. How is that not having respect for them? I married one for heavens sake and chose to stay by her side when she chose to return to the hobby.

I can promise you I respect the ladies I see. If I didn't I would not soil myself by having sex with them. If you got to really got to know them how can you not respect some of the ladies that do this. Some of the best people I know are sex workers.  

Do I respect every lady that does this? No, but I don't respect every doctor out there as well. That does not mean I don't respect ether group as a whole.

BashfulJohn you may be speaking the truth about the fact that you don't respect the ladies you see and it gives you a sense of power over them. I will assure you, you do not speak for a great many of us Johns.

if you were to "fuck her just to teach her a lesson", what would that lesson be?

Huh! And, I thought I was doing it to have a good time!

I've come to the conclusion that when someone focuses on the need for power, they don't believe, down deep within themselves, that they can be truly cared about by another human being. I can't think of a single person that I know of, who truly feels loved and lovable, who focuses on having power over another person, unless it's in self-defense.

HH

concern with power and manipulation is childish

grownups treat each other as human beings and don't play such games. of course there is a stage in life (it's called adolescence) when one plays tricks and games like that while one figures out how to be an adult. power and manipulation games are common in the high school crowd. they are also regrettably common among today's politicians. that's why politicians of both parties are so infantile. you and they apparently got stuck at a developmental stage that is appropriate for a teen but inappropriate for anyone with a driving license.

in the hobby such arrested development cases show up on both sides of the envelope. on the client side there are guys who desire to play various tricks on providers to get what they want above and beyond what the provider provides. on the provider side there are ladies who treat clients as "tricks" to be fleeced for maximum profit. note that the usage of the word "trick" its telling.
LOL!

but seriously:

no i am not like you at all. neither are the ladies that i continue to see. they conduct their business ethically. in return i am straightforward in my dealings with them. there are occasional miscommunications but manipulative and tricky drama and power plays are absent. i've had enough of that and need no more.

when i see someone, client or provider, with such a power centered and manipulative agenda rooted in failure to develop into an adult human being..... well i hope that someday they can grow out of it.

First, what I don't think is directly stated is that he is confused over who would actually hold the reins of "power" if he were to fuck her.  He says he would be teaching her a lesson, but he would also be responding to the signals that she chooses to put out there, demonstrating that this young thing can bend an older, "wiser" guy somewhat to her will.  Although he can "dominate" her physically, contained in that is that he expanding the borders of their relationship in a way that makes him potentially more emotionally vulnerable to her.  So he feels ambivalence about pursuing her, because it might be transferring power to her, or at least away from himself.  There is also, perhaps, the undertow of guilt imposed by society about a younger woman with an older guy which is harder to dismiss when you know the person well beforehand than in the typical business first relationship.    

Second, regarding the power dynamic of a visit to a provider, I don't think the power trip has to come from or at the expense of the provider.  The fact that I know that whenever I have a bad day at work I can call up and screw an attractive young woman is a heady feeling, although doing so, of course, depletes my bank account and my actual spending power.  There is also the sense of power of controlling the time and setting, to an extent, of the visit, by scheduling in advance or choosing from dozens of available women at a given time.  Life is full of bizarre, downright unfair reversals; fortunately, the hobby provides a way to exercise some form of control over a very complicated but basic drive.  

Finally, the OP made some blanket generalizations, and certainly, for the well-adjusted, emotionally secure hobbyist, a visit with a provider should not be about a power struggle, where he gains by her loss.  So we try to drive within the lines.  But not everybody cares; let's face it, many guys do get off that way: being a bully can be fun.  Perhaps they just don't post here.  Who would want to admit it?

I'm still relatively new and posts like this one engage me at my own stage of thinking about the hobby.  As the OP said, this place is one of the few sites where this stuff can be discussed freely.  I'm glad he posted.

Jackboots are they?


Thank you
2011 = 28

its just another alcoholic who needs a meeting.

Baby, this ain't AA...this isn't your meeting or your very much needed therapy group.

wake the fuck up.
If anyones capitalizing on this business its not the guys taking advantage, more like US using what we have based on Your weaknesses.this is in no way human trafficking. We ave made a choice. We choose to take your money from you.

Get over yourself. You are no more than a trick, a pay check a car payment. Forgotten about later. We move on with our real lives.

God get some help. Every day theres several meetings feel free to drop in and tell your story there.

With all the posturing and figurative brown-nosing, God forbid anyone actually put their nose in an ass, I enjoyed your composition.  I had to scroll back up to the top of your post to see if this was written under a cowardly alias layer, but no it was not.  A+

I will be walking with a spring in my step today!

-- Modified on 4/9/2011 9:24:50 AM

Yea, wow. 'Fuck her to teach her a lesson'? What was I thinking?

After I posted, later last night, I went online to email the woman discussed and let her know it was nice to see her again, and she had already sent me a few emails, and was still online, so we e-chatted for a while.  There's no problem there.  No confusing stuff.  There's significant backstory that was left out of my post.  Trust me; we are pretty explicit about stuff, and I don't remember if I did but it would have been totally within character for me to have said to her "I should fuck you just to teach her a lesson."  In which case she probably would have laughed and told me her current prices.  In any case, it was nice to see her again in part because although we live in the same city here in the U.S., we've never actually met outside of Europe.  She's the same goofy person here as a student as she is there as a reporter by day and escort by night.  It was really nice seeing her again, catching up in person.

And yea -- I'm sure the shoe shine guy was happy to get my business.  He made twenty bucks in 10 minutes, we put on a decent street show for a gathering crowd, and all had a good time.  He was star of the street.  I liked that he was working and doing a good job.  I don't give money to beggars.

As for the power thing -- OK, whoa, I am not obsessed.  The woman in my post is supposed to be writing a paper on power distribution in some place, and she chose strip clubs (because she is into them lately; oh she's so young sometimes! -- I told her to hit the gay clubs and drag shows; they're way more fun).  So anyway we were discussing the power balance in strip clubs -- club owner, customer, stripper, society.  And this stretched into various types of brothels and locations in major European cities, etc.  And anyway, the fact that prostitute clients are indulging power and buying ego strokes is a given.  Dudes -- if you don't get that, you are delusional.  And ladies, if you aren't selling ego strokes and the illusion of power, then you are not optimizing your professional opportunities.  I never said that the customers have all the power.  That's ridiculous.  I just said that's what the customer is shopping for, whether they realize it or not.  The actual power balance shifts depending on the person and place.  An upscale incall is one thing.  But there is a long gradient from that through being on call to celebrities, or under the thumb of Russian mob room owners and gangs and pimps and work agents for boys and girls who are still just children.  Do not even try to tell me that the provider always has the power.  I have seen otherwise.  And it is a really sticky net.  It's not pleasant to think about children making the cheap underwear we buy at Walmart either.  But you know, it's the way it is.  They're lucky to have a job.  And hey sex has got to be better than factory work, right? [/sarcasm off]

As for me writing about me... Well who the hell do you want me to write about?  I'm not like you other assholes who can apparently peer with ease into the mind of every poster here, and speak for them.

And what's the fat thing about?  I'm 45yo, 6'1", 170lbs.  I used to teach wilderness survival in the mountains and my biggest hobby for decades was martial arts.  Now hotel rooms and yoga are fine.  Hell, I might just go have a bubble bath right now.  Call me a girly boy loser if you want.  I don't care.  I like bubble baths.

And yesterday was my first time drinking since I think a glass of wine last week.  The only sad thing about it was that I was reading this stupid site drunk instead of with friends where I should have been.

And hey -- I love fucking my wife.  It's just that she's over 4000 miles away right now, and skype can transfer files but not my dick.

Man sitting at home on the veranda with his wife and he says, "I love you."


She asks, "Is that you or the beer talking?"


He replies, "It's me............. talking to the beer."

In the world of commercial sex, it is often acceptance that is being purchased.  But if a person, by challenging the accuracy of their negative beliefs about themselves, can learn to change those beliefs and become more self-accepting, they can be healthier people.

Sometimes "power" is the term used when the real issue is acceptance.

just like sitting in the front of the roller coaster puts you in the driver's seat.