And by 'C' I mean "cancer," unfortunately.
Two and a half years ago I had some surgery and radiation that pretty much killed my sex life and almost all my desire for about a year. It's been a long road, but I'm finally back to feeling reasonably frisky again. The problem is, things don't function the way they used to, and the question of how best to explain this to any woman has me stuck.
I'm not asking how to sell a sob story that gets discounted services or anything like that. I mean, while I don't think a CBJ is ever going to do it for me again, I'll just steer clear of providers who don't offer the alternative since I know they either won't budge or will try to upsell. If there's one thing that kills the mood for me more than cancer, it'd be haggling. Yes, I know how limiting that will be in the United States, but that's my situation.
I've also done this enough to know that with some providers *any* sob story is going to make them suspicious, even if they can't figure out what my "angle" is.
The bottom line of what I need from a playmate now is:
* Patience on her part, and to not expect things to proceed predictably from step A to B to C. It might take extra focus from her too.
* Just as importantly, not to make a big deal about it. I feel self conscious enough as it is. Too many questions or checking on me will just remind me of the issue.
* Following on that, anything she can do (or not do) that keeps me "in the moment" is a big deal too, since I now seem easily and rapidly distractible.
And what I need to know is how best to explain the above in something besides a 333-word message board post. 
Any advice or insight is welcome.
If you still have use of your fingers then do a simple search on TER and you should be able to pull up a boatload of providers willing to satisfy your sexual requirements.
I agree...you don't have to go into why you have some difficulty, only that you do and the lady you choose, will have to have the desire to as patient as you need her to be.
I have seen two men who told me they had cancer and that things don't work the way it used to. I had no problem with it. You might not want to bring that up since it might made a few providers uncomfortable; however if you just politely explain your situation minus mentioning the big C then if she is a great provider she should understand. Just make sure you do indeed pick a great one. (Reviews, back channeling, etc)
If each review sounds that way you should get that treatment yourself.
Don't talk about problems right away as it may kill your own mood. I think starting with a lot of kissing and just letting things flow works best and it's hard to get started when your deep in conversation.
Plan on taking a longer appointment so neither of you feel rushed. It's the destination not the journey that is important, don't put pressure on yourself to perform. Doing this make your big head and your little one very confused and they won't work well together.
You may mention something about your cancer in a e-mail or phone conversation but keep it light. I don't know if you have reviews or whitelists but we are companions and talking sex in any way is never good with a stranger.
Good luck and I wish you well
Kisses Haley
Keep the problems to yourself and have fun...you don't have to go through all the menu with any providers..you just do whatever you can..most ladies are accomodating.
I'd suggest you NOT bring tis up in advance. Select patient mature providers... In my limited experience, the youngest providers don't cope well with clients who don't operate "push button mode". More mature ladies realize that "perfect specimines" are a rarity. Read reviews to be sure the desired menu is available... You'll need VIP.
Book an adequate length of time, take it slow. You can require the environment to be free of distractions. Once you are together, you CAN whisper... "take it slow I'm only good for one." or words to that efect. It is all about the journey, not just the desination though I do want to arrive eventually.
I have a partial spinal cord injury... but things work if everything is done just right. I do not reveal the details of my injury unless we hit it off & a return visit is planned. I ask myself what is the minimum they need to know.
If you tell too much, you might well get turned down because it's less effort for a lazy girl. You didn't want her anyway.
Best Wishes,
skb
"My medical history makes me something of a challenge, and it will take a bit more focused effort and creativity to fully enjoy our time together."
A top drawer GFE provider will see to your needs and happiness, because that is what top drawer providers do.
And instead of a regular condom, try the female condoms. They are non-latex, and I find them to be far superior on the pleasuremeter.
Good Luck
-- Modified on 8/6/2010 1:30:47 PM
What an excellent way to put it! That way a provider can make an informed choice if she is willing to take on a gent with those needs.
Some ladies specialize in this.
Nurses and healthcare providers.. Gasp!! No really.. Just ask around...
My point is do your homework on your lady friend and be honest.. I suspect if I were 22 again I would still be clueless as to what to expect from you...Thank god! I am not 22 Again. but I do miss that body....
On the bright side.. I am not 22 and there are many ladies who like myself are nurses etc and have a bit of life expereriences behind them who understand there is more to S@@ then getting the deed done in in the quickest time possible..( I have this vision of cow girls chasing the baby goats, roping them and throwing their hands up.. ) Big round of applause. she got it done in 1:32 seconds.. Ok. that is sad. I have no idea where this vision came from...
You could probably even send an email that says" Hey I am a healthy gentleman who has had some health isssues. I know what works for me if you are willing to be patient... I will explain when I see you.. P.S. Don't worry I have all my pieces and parts.. ( smile) I am trying to get you to see Not all of us are clueless or uptight..
Good luck in your search.....
Find someone that is mature for sure and maybe that's also into massage/tantra; a serious practitioner. Then, tell your story plain and briefly. There's no need to talk about it in a big way. It's you, it's now and you're dealing with it, end of story. Our past is just that, our future always uncertain. The here and now are always to toughest because it's hard to be here now than it is to live in the past or future. Best of luck to you fellow traveler.
-- Modified on 8/6/2010 11:21:56 AM
It is simply your story. Congratulations on bouncing back and beginning to regain your libido.
I think you would be doing yourself a disservice if you do not share this information. A provider cannot adjust to your needs if she does not know what they are. A more mature provider may have more experience, insight, compassion for your situation (especially if you’re feeling self-conscious). And, you can bet yer bippy she has seen this kind of thing before.
But, you only need to share what you’re comfortable with. I would think all that would be necessary is for you to communicate that you’re two years into recovering from cancer, and the experience has changed your needs. You can communicate details of what those needs are in person.
You may want to think about exploring the option of seeing a provider who has some experience with Tantra. Slowing down, focusing, breathing, can do wonders for helping you ‘stay in the moment’ and understand your own sexual response; especially now that it has changed.
Schedule more time and give yourself a break. Allow yourself to relax into the experience organically without putting pressure on yourself to ‘perform’ or ‘achieve’.
A good provider will be happy if you are.
Thanks a lot to everyone for their responses and insight. I'm not sure about that cowgirls and goats image either, but I think I get the point.
I obviously have a tendency to babble which I need to "rein in" (ha), but I'm also not sure about the "say nothing" approach. I think any woman would be puzzled by a guy who's supposedly eager for fun but takes an unusually long time to get going. I did have one civilian experience in the last few months, but when things started getting fun the question of whether to explain caused my brain to seize up. She was very "understanding," but since she didn't actually understand she started the "it happens to every guy" speech ... and wow, if anything's ever been a self-fulfilling prophecy, that qualifies.
The advice about seeing an experienced and thoroughly reviewed provider confirms what I had planned. I've actually got someone in mind that I found on TER. And what I'll ask for the first time is an extended session, give her the bare minimum information up front (in the initial contact if I can), and see how she handles it.
Anyhow, thanks again.
I won't add anything, except to wish you well, tell you to relax and enjoy the best you can, and HAVE FUN!
Angie 
XOXO
