...which probably means that some will immediately brand me as a mangina, but whatever...

For me, part of what makes for a true GFE is the time spent chatting before, between rounds, or as we're in wind-down mode.  I have a much better time if I find that I have some sort of common interests with my date--could be something innocuous like both being "cat-lovers", liking the same "cult-y" TV shows (think "Mad Men" , "Breaking Bad", or similar), similar politics or world-views (a tricky one, I'm aware), etc.

I can look at a provider website, and if I see wonderful photos, but terrible spelling, grammar and punctuation (along with the claim of holding "advanced degrees") I tend to move on.  I know this game is different than match.com, but if I get the impression that my prospective playmate is likely to be on the vapid side, I'm far less likely to enjoy myself--I have to feel like there's "somebody home" on the other side of the fence.

This goes hand-in-hand with my preference for longer dates.  A large part of the fun for me is that for the length of the appointment, everything else goes away, and my date has to at least pretend that I'm the most important person in her world, and has to listen to my stories, laugh at my jokes, etc (all the things that my wife used to do, and no longer does--I swear, if women could remember to set aside some amount of time every few days to let their SOs just "hold court" and do most of the talking/bragging/grousing, and just treat their men as if they are the center of the universe, most providers would be out of business).

A few years ago, I had a date with a gorgeous Brazilian lady.  I didn't realize until we met just how limited her English was.  For some guys, I suppose this would be no big deal; for me, it was something of a buzzkill.

But hey, this is all just me.  Other hobbyists may feel differently.

A post yesterday got me thinking: how many of you fellas cough up the dough purely for the physical stuff (in other words, fucking a hot girl)? On the other hand, how many of y'all want a genuine connection/chemistry/intimacy? I realize that the two aren't mutually exclusive, but I'm wondering how many of you guys have personality/brains/sense of humor as high priority criteria when making your decision on who to see.  

...in want a genuine connection/chemistry/intimacy .....personality/brains/sense of humor. That is important but so is looks and maturity.

I'll bang the hot young chick all day long & pretend we have a connection. If she can do the same, she's a regular. If she can't I still banged a hot young chick.

Physical attraction has to be there (I am paying good money after all). But for me, if that's all there is - I'm never satisfied and bore quickly.

From the provider side of things, I completely agree with you, RokkKrinn. There's nothing worse to me than when it is abundantly clear my attempts to converse and become comfortable are clearly unwanted. I really don't like it when people look at me like I am wasting their valuable time by trying to form some sort of a connection--because it's not like I blather on for the entire hour. Of course not! I totally understand what this business is about, and I don't want to waste anyone's time. However, I do like to talk, have fun, and establish some sort of common ground before getting physical-- even if it means just telling a few jokes or making small talk for a couple minutes. I don't think it's sexy when someone comes in and jams their fingers up me or something without even saying hello (unless we've chatted beforehand and agreed upon a sexy physical scenario prior to meeting-- then that type of thing can be fun.)

to have many more multiples of 'notches on the bed post' than I currently have. The term you used, "f*cking a hot girl", is not in my lexicon. While I think all of the ladies I have had the pleasure of seeing were attractive, I never came across a picture and had that be the main determiner of whether I _had_ to see her.  

You posts are usually thought provoking.

A connection is required for optimum enjoyment but a connection cannot be made void of repetition. An "RnR" appt is always necessary.

Of course guys are visual creations so the aesthetics are paramount

If not might as well fuck a doll. Cheaper!

But then we might not have the same definition of intimacy... For me, intimacy =  a mutual re-orientation of life towards one another and away from everything else... You know, two becoming one...  

as long as it is not time waste ploy. I recently met two providers and both of them talked for 30+ minutes before the first kiss.  

..but it is a new year so drag out a new horse and pick up a stick.

Even with pre-meeting correspondence, it's hard to determine how compatible it will be in the flesh, and I'm not one who will try to chat for weeks leading up to an appointment. So for first visits, it's basically do I like what I see and do the reviews confirm what I'm looking for performance-wise.  

But chemistry brings me back.  I've never really been disappointed after having sex with a hot girl (provided nothing was weird), but if it's an epic fuck with a few laughs or interesting conversation thrown in you can bet I'll be wanting to do that again.  "Genuine connection?"  I don't know about that, but I do know I have more fun when I think the girl is having a bit of fun herself.

If we’re simply looking to “fuck a hot girl” we’re considered cold, exploitive, objectifying, disgusting bastards. If we’re looking for a “connection” with mutual interests making for “chemistry and intimacy” we’re considered lonely, deluded, socially inept idiot losers trying to find friendship and love in the arms of a whore.

There are hundreds of girls on this site that will fuck you until you can't stand, then get in front of you doggie when you fall to your knees, and then finally climb on top of you and ride you Asian cow girl greek when you are on your back until you pass out into a sexually induced coma, and when you awake, she'll be blowing you like a raft on a sinking ship.

I'm looking for connection, chemistry and intimacy. And I actually didn't realize that until I'd had a bunch of appointments and figured out that the ones that were meaningful to me were the ones where we connected.  Being attracted to the provider is important, but without a connection and feeling of intimacy I'm likely to feel like I missed out on something.

My first reason for seeing a gal is mainly visual/physical, though of course she must have good reviews.  After that, if the chemistry is right, a connection may follow.  I've developed a lot of female friends this way.  To that extent, this game works backwards from civvy sex.

It's not just about the sex.

if I wanted that personal connection then I would stay in the civvie world.  I hobby for the thrill of new pussy. not looking for a girl friend.

He used to coach my team.

Case in point:

Many years ago I met a K gal working in one of the (now sadly shut down) CT. AMPS.  We clicked right off even though her English skills were just enough to get by with her trade.  Nevertheless, I saw her almost monthly for several years and then convinced her to let me take her up to Boston for an overnight plus.  It was as good an overnight as I ever experienced, but I decided to push the envelope and took her to the Peabody Essex Museum in Salem Mass. the next day where one of the exhibits was a recreation of a rural Korean village.

When she saw it, her eyes welled up in remembrance of the village where she was born and raised, and I was never so proud in my life to have shared something like this with her.  

Subsequently we became much closer and did overnights in NYC visiting major museums there and I even got to dine at several Korean banquets with her friends and sisters* in Flushing, Queens.

Moral of the story:  Don't let yourself be limited by conventions like words.  Actions do speak louder.

As to the OPs question, I guess it is pretty plain that I seek connections with the providers I meet.  This was less so when I was a young, horny, sack of hormones; but now I think the connection side may have eclipsed the physical side.

Even in my early days of hobbying, I was always much happier to meet someone that opened up and would share time with me to discuss personal stuff.  

I never was a wham, bam, thank you ma'am kind of guy, but I understand how some guys can be and I think that is fine.  To each their own.

I'd like to hear from providers which kind of client they would rather see, or if it even matters to them.

*Interesting aside:  One of her sisters looked familiar to me.  She told me I had seen her many years earlier in another AMP in CT.  Small world!

I continued to see this K gal pretty regularly for a period of well over ten years.  Then one time when I went to call her the phone was disconnected.  I have never been able to get back in touch with her since.   It hurts to lose someone that way, but it wasn't the first, nor was it the last time something like that has happened.  I would do it all over again if I had the chance.

Yeah I think you and I do have different definitions of intimacy. I was referring more to compatibility on a personality level and the resulting chemistry.  

At different points in one's life I think we all have different desires and needs.  I think many of us thrill to the notion of experimentation and novelty from time to time.  And yet I recall that my best adventures--i.e. those I was most likely to repeat--were those that sparked a genuine feeling of connectedness, engagement and emotional reward.  Which is to say that if you felt that all you were doing is repeating a mechanical operation with another anonymous entity then probably most of us are likely to feel satisfied only up to a point.  

Cats and Breaking Bad? We already have a connection.  

That's not being **genuine**, let's be real. But you can still enjoy some chemistry with laughs and good conversation

I would describe it as "bounded intimacy"  If I don't get it, as someone else said here, at least I got laid. But the intimacy part get me coming back.  My ATF and I are going on 5 years, its a very interesting relationship that happens an hour or two at a time.  
 

They will never get anywhere as long as Snyder remains involved with personnel decisions (see Orioles and Peter Angelos).

They are exercising their personal freedom and they have a right to do so?  

I need to find the person physically attractive, but I also need to enjoy her company. That doesn't mean she needs to be conversant in current US-Israel-Iran relations, or be able to talk about classic authors. If she has a pleasant way about her, I'm happy to talk about things we did growing up, cars we like, food, travel, or just about any subject we might have in common. I like people, and can find something to talk about with most anyone.  

as " genuine connection/chemistry/intimacy?" with a provider because she is not really invested emotionally in the experience. Also, I can't trust what an escort says during an appointment.  

-- Modified on 1/4/2014 11:49:57 AM

If a narcotics supplier is often called a connection, then I see no reason why there cannot be a genuine connection with a provider.

genuine connection is too broad and cant really be defined to satisfy everyone's definition.

There are women who do invest themselves emotionally. Maybe just a few but they are out there.

But as you posted some do...and more often than not it turns into a cluster fuck of sorts.

FUCKING!!!!

with any long term relationship { more than a week end } I might find with a civilian .  

I hear you and maybe I haven't partaken in this realm long enough to have cluster f-cks but I really don't think I will. Why does it have to turn into something so complicated? Am I missing something?

es it works backwards. That's why it's so great. Fuck first. After that who knows. With civies it's all "who knows" as you struggle to fuck. Not into struggling.

As many others said, Hotness on first date. Chemistry/personality on subsequent visits.  

that's what I was going to say!

It 's not what the OP asked but I guess this is what she's trying to market.

If you read my other post to one of yours, you'll see that I acknowledge the market you're catering to.

It's when either side wants to create something that the other side is not interested in reciprocating on.

Thanks princess love you too!

Posted By: BadCollegeGirl

He used to coach my team.

Thanks for proving my point!

Not everyone is starved for intimacy or friendship or a connection. So not everyone needs that.

Hey !!!! Where the f'ck are they list all their numbers and they can have me any way they want lmfao !!!! The hell with a connection !!!!!

...For me this can only be acquaintanceship at best, not friendship.  

When I started out I just wanted to have sex with hot women.  Over time I started to connect with some girls on a different level than others. Eventually I realized that the sex was better with girls who I had seen a few times. I'm more relaxed and they are as well which always makes for a better time.  I'm at a point now where I have a few long-time regulars and rarely try new girls. When I travel I will sometimes roll the dice on a new lady and it's always fun to experience someone new.  Still, I always look forward to seeing my regs.

Muah!

Posted By: MikeShanahan

Thanks princess love you too!  
   

Posted By: BadCollegeGirl

He used to coach my team.

You'd have to put me down for the whole package deal.  Beauty without brains is not beautiful.  Just empty space.  If an attractive face opens up their mouth and sheer gibberish spews forth, that is definitely a a turn off.  If you take an average, normal person and they are able to articulate an opinion, or thoughtfully describe something, then they go to the head of the class in my book.  

Again, you've hit the nail on the head...not to mention made me blush! Thank you, beautiful!

It sounds like you two are just a step away from the platonic clubs in Asia where you just buy conversation with an escort.  

You really are mini-LR, aren't you? Lol.

And I think both of us have reviews that demonstrate our offering of much more than conversation. That said, you're right, I do market myself as a lady who offers actual dates, as opposed to being a pile of flesh and holes. That's deliberate.  

I'll take that as a compliment!

And it seems successful from the looks of it here.  

I haven't read here that no one enjoys the conversation and companionship part of the meeting, but some people don't prefer the insincere intimacy part of it. It's great being in someone's company and truly enjoying each other beyond the physical, but some people take things over the top and get too emotionally invested, forgetting it's a business transaction. Hey, I don't mind playing goggly eyes, stroking my man's arm and ego to offer a "genuine connection", but I draw the line when I start telling them I'm having sincere intimacy with them. Some of them end up believing it and become stalkers. No thanks. So conversation and truly enjoying someone's time is a blast and GFE to me, but pretending like it's anymore in the p4p world is just a played out marketing gimmick. Been there, done that.

pretending like we're having some type of real boyfriend/girl friend love connection, no thanks. I used to get really into that, but clients get hurt when they believe it.  and not being into definitely doesn't equate to treating a lady like she's only flesh and holes. just two adults having a good time while enjoying reality.

BCG is using terms like "actual dates."  

Because she doesn't want to be flesh and holes.  

So who do you like more Wendy's gal or TMobile babe? I'm dying to know.

spot on answer... between you and Nicky, it's nailed to the wall...

there are some men who get their feelings caught up. I've had clients tell me they love me and cry when I declined to be with them. I love passionate sex, lots of kissing and bodies connecting, conversation and all that great stuff, even dinner and dancing dates but I no longer want to lead clients on with the use of certain buzz words. We can genuinely enjoy each other, but that doesn't mean we're having genuine intimacy or a real love connection. p4p
ps. I like your posts.

It's always somewhat surprising that people in this business are as hung up as many in the civvie world on these issues. Its just sex!

ruined it because I tried to develop a regular "relationship" with a lady and it failed miserably. I'm more one or two and done now.
I could see familiarity or comfort level increasing (particularly for her), but NOT a "connection", developing by seeing the same lady regularly.

I've seen your boobs. Don't wanna dis-con-boob them

I'm still here. Ya'll don't give me credit for playing all angles is all.

Sorry, gotta fled. I have a 4hr drive trying to avoid a snow storm. Hasta

If I have never meet the woman, it will be 100% physical attraction or service options.  Only after I have met a provider can I make a connection, if one is to be made.

You'd be surprised, actually. Most of my regulars are under 40.

That was kinda lame.  

You can't try to make something happen.  You either hit it off with a lady or you don't. Even if you get along with a provider each lady has her own set of boundaries where clients are concerned. I do a fair amount of OTC stuff with my long-time ATF-dinner, weekend trips to the casino etc- but the sex is always payed for. For my purposes connection=trust.  That is a rare thing in this endeavor.

My intention is not to belittle the service you provide.

is "friends" with a 21 yr old girl. It happens ALL of the time right?  

Hard to miss that the most candid, thoughtful responses are coming from an alias, not those who need to pay attention to how they're being perceived by hobbyists.  Bottom line, you can't buy or sell intimacy or a genuine connection, and to believe otherwise is to tread dangerous ground.

I wonder if your lawyer, doctor, broker, and carpenter -- all of whom provide services to you in exchange for payment -- would agree that you and they are truly friends.

Hot gets me looking at her - brains/personality/sense of humor/chemistry keep me coming back.

Wanting to offer friendship is indeed a real thing.  Selling it, however, is not.

I'm new to the hobby and have a S.O that is awesome everywhere but the bedroom. I'm strictly doing it for the physical aspect.  

From the post above you see I'm not the only one discussing your use of words like real, actual, and genuine to describe the experience you give and the implications.  

Chemistry brains and a witty tongue are very important but as the subject line reads...

Pretty sure they would.

Just internet boobs. Discomboobulate all you want.  

Hugh Hefner does it all the time.

Read a hilarious story for only $5 on Amazon, tittle is: ESCORT - The True Story of an Orange County Call Girl.  The author's website has some cool pics: Google Sacha and Max Publications.

-- Modified on 1/5/2014 1:48:01 PM

How can anyone make a true connection within an hour? It is the little head thinking for you again.

I personally see only a couple of women I have found that offer physical attraction, awesome sex and great personality. I was lucky to have found one of them as my first foray into this hobby and she has remained a regular for years now. We sometimes hang out as friends also. The other lady is just business only but still the same applies. I think the sex gets better as you learn about each others likes and dislikes etc. plus now I don't have to try to get to know her we just go straight to it. But when a new lady or touring gets my interest I still may go see them but I prefer to have a more relationship type of experience. I know I am paying but I also know we have mutual feelings for each other even though it is not love but just a respect for each other and desire to please one another. I just know I want a guaranteed good experience and this way has worked for me so I don't see the need to change. But hey to each his own. Happy hobbying !

Agree completely. Why change what works. I find it gets better for me as I get to know my regular ladies and hopefully better for them.lol But I like you do enjoy a little strange every now and then to.

yup and funny the ones selling the connection thing in this thread offer a fucking hour. if you really sold that connection your dates would all be longer. hour would not be an option, but not all of them can get a guy to pay for longer so they offer it. bit of a contradiction. guys who book hours are there to fuck not get to know you. all these intimacy providers sure do have alot of walked in, said hello, swapped some spit, daty, bbbj, fucked her, came on her face, fucked her again, out the door, reviews. i dont see many took her to paris for the week, spent the night and woke up in her arms reviews. where are they?