Question for you guys and girls out there.  First off, how many of you would have sex with a person if you knew he/she has herpes?  I dated a woman for 4 years who had it and I was unwilling to really open up to it although I was faithful. She couldn't have an O from sex (even before me and the Big H)and she didn't like the dental dam, so she pretty much went unsatisfied and for the last year we only had sex once a month or so.  Should I have just done it and taken the risks?, or was I right to wait (I thought we would get married and things would be better) I also thought I could see providers if she continued to dislike sex.  Is herpes that big of a deal?  Did I lose my girlfriend over a silly red bump?

Back to the hobby -- I have very little experience with this, except for one trip to a MP (which was great).  I am devastated right now about my girlfriend leaving me and am an emontional basket case.  Will seeing a provider help maybe to blow off some steam, or will I be mind screwed???

You dated a woman infected with (I presume) herpes simplex II, for FOUR YEARS.  That's correct -- FOUR YEARS.  You restricted yourself (I further presume) to intercourse with a condom, although you are entirely vague on this point, for FOUR YEARS.

Now she left you, and you ask whether herpes is "that big of a deal?"

After FOUR YEARS you come on a public board and ask for such advice from people who don't know you?  I don't mean to flame, but I think the answer to whether herpes "is that big a deal" is -- apparently -- yes, at least to you.  FOUR YEARS. And now you ask!?!??!??!??!??!??!?

Next, you ask (again, from people who don't know you) whether you should see a provider or whether you will be "mind screwed."

I think you already are.  My advice is, go see a provider.  Just don't get herpes. That might make you think that the last FOUR YEARS were a complete waste of energy.

Have you been tested?
Do you have any idea about how this would affect you if you were to ever contract such a thing?
I'm not coming down on you or "flaming" what ever they may call it.
Well, just make sure that you don't hurt anybody in the process and I hope that you will find yourself a hot little lady who will give you something more meaningful than a grudge f*ck because she is infected and quite possibly hates the world.
I am not being an as* but think of the repercutions?
Listen, being a hobbyist can be for many reasons and it does not indicate any type of status quo or fashion statement.
In fact these ladies are always in style.
Kid, watch out for yourself, have as much fun as you can without hurting yourself or anybody and hope for the best for that special lady you left behind.
It must be tough but we all wish her well.

Tough question! Its a judgement call and you have to live with the answer. I'm not sure if anyone on this board can answer your question to your satisfaction.

Seeing a provider may help to get your mind off things for the moment.  If you love you girlfriend,  you will continue to dwell over this.  I suggest you call her and tell her you love her.  Tell her you'd like to work it out.  If you get back with her,  ask her if you can speak with her GYN about the disease and get some insight.  This way you know how far you can with or without protection.  If she can not orgasm,  get a vibrator.  That's safe and it does the trick.  It should help to losen her up for the real thing as well.  Good Luck to you.
Sincerely, Alyssa Young

QUOTE:
"(I thought we would get married and things would be better) "


Trust me, things that are problems NEVER get better after you're married.  Relationships develop, and you can find many joys together, but if the sex is bad before you're married, and that's important to you, run.  It only gets worse.

I think you made the best of things with your last GF. She is disfunctional and doesn't seem willing to be helped. Move on.

Seeing a skilled provider can give you a whole new perspective on what is possible to experience with a woman. In your case, I encourage it. It WILL help you blow off steam, shouldn't screw your mind, and make you feel like a MAN again!

-- Modified on 11/12/2002 6:43:54 AM

Quote:
"Seeing a skilled provider can give you a whole new perspective on what is possible to experience with a woman."

Amen!  10 years with a disfunctional wife gave me such a confidence problem, I thought I had ED.  The Viagra helped a lot as I started hobbying, but after a few good experiences, I didn't need it anymore.

Man, what a joy to learn that it never was my problem!

yes, IMHO you lost your girlfriend over a silly red bump.

Statistics show that 20% of us have genital herpes, and I'll bet that number is way higher. In this hobby, we have all been one or two degrees removed from exposure to this and more, and we accept some risk no matter how we practice.

I have had herpes for over 20 years (everything else got cured, but those were the old days- completely safer sex now for me). I was married for most of those; she didn't have it, was aware that I did, and never got it. I am healthy and aware of my body, and I have known when to avoid contact. No matter what the old wives say, herpes is simply, in my experienced opinion, a nuisance.

I have lost a few civilian GFs over this issue...their loss.

I might agree that she could have benefitted from some professional help, but as always she would have to be the one to truly want to do this.

I also agree that a good provider can help you take your mind off of just about anything!