Has this  occurred to  any hobbyists/providers?. Several months ago I  saw  a provider.A beautiful,intelligent    lady  in her 30's. I consider myself a nice looking fellow, on the more mature side (50's) and a  gentleman who  knows how to treat a lady..(Its my European-Latin American upbringing, I suppose) I brought some wine, and  prior to our  "scheduled" one hour sensual encounter, we had a nice  conversation .We spoke  About  our interests,arts,hobbies (Other than sex) etc.  Incredibly, two hours had elapsed, and we finally went at it. It was a true GFE, with some incredible sex. On our next encounter,  the same thing  occurred, except it got quite late,(We spke  for  3 hours and then  we went at it for another 2..)   I was invited to stay the night. Even though I am a divorced individual, with no commitments, or constraints, I declined. Subsequently, the  lady  called me (I had  given her my telephone number to originally callback  and verify  my credentials) and told me  she would love to get together...That no money  needed to be exchanged, and  that  perhaps an evening at the movies, or a show  would be nice. Now, here's the dilemma:  While  I   enjoy our time together, the fact that  a  line had been crossed (By both of us) greatly diminished my  eagerness to  have sex with her. In all honesty, If I were paying, I would be playing. It seems she would like to have a relationship with me.  I  thought  I would quite   accepting of  her  life as a  provider,  but the thought of  her  mode of life keeps  telling me that this  will never work.  On the last conversation,she  told me  that  she would be willing to give up her work, and  seek  another   venue  to earn  money, but again, the thought of running into her former clientele leaves me concerned. I suppose this is a no win situation. If any of you,  from  both sides of the fence  have had similar experience, perhaps  you would like to share  your thoughts
Thanks.

be able to let it go.  SORRY, but someone has to tell you the truth.  By the very nature of your question, you are the type of person who could not deal with this situation. Don't fool yourself into thinking you could. I think that I am very open minded, do not judge others as long as they don't intentionally hurt others, know the difference between sex and love, and am confident enough in myself that I could deal with this type situation. I would never have to seek "our" pathetic opinions on such a personal matter; I would just do what I feel and believe to be right. That said, every once in a while, in a quiet moment, even I ask myself: "Deep down, am I being honest with myself (most people aren't)? Could I really handle it? During our biggest fight, when she really hurts me, could I resist the urge to bring up her past?".  Bottom line: You're asking "us" to help make one of the biggest decisions in your life, geez man, what does that say about how you REALLY feel?  Be honest with yourself, don't apologize for your true feelings. YOU are the only one that you have to answer to. (Just so everyone won't worry that Purelust is turning legit.......email me her name and contact info; I'm sure the little darling could use some consoling and hell, I might even get a freebie if I can be charming enough....lol).

This topic has been posted several times very recently here. You may want to view some of the threads that discusses this topic so you make your own decision based on what others have and are currently experiencing with providers and your own state of mind.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do and hopefully no one gets hurt which is the bottom line IMHO.

The Good Doctor
PS. Go by your instincts, feelings and what your Big Head has to say to you. Providers, Adult and Mainstream Actresses do have normal lives and relationships with the only difference from you is that they are gossip.

I had a similar experience. I saw an MP girl several times, after which she invited me to see her at her apartment. I went, figuring she just wanted to cut out the mama-san, but no, she was offering a freebie. We ended up dating for a few months, dinners, movies, a weekend in San Diego, etc. Also, the best sex of my life, without question. But I got weird about the situation, and started giving her the cold shoulder. By the time I did some thinking and realized I was having a lot of fun with her and wanted to make it work, she stopped taking my phone calls. Now I regret not trying harder to make it work out. Bottom line is, if you like her, give it a shot. If it becomes too uncomfortable, you can break it off later. But if you don't give it a try, you might miss out on something great.

Do you date? If so, how do you meet women? Do they always tell you the truth?

But you have the beginning of a relationship based on truth at the outset. How exciting. If you are walking with a fantasy, just take it a day at a time. If you are in love with her, take it a day at a time. If you are using her, don't.

Since you don't seem to want a relationship, I understand your discomfort.  Bail now before it gets messy.  Same as with a girl from the straight world.  

But if you decide to give it a whirl, be prepared for some new and uncomfortable insights and experiences.  Stepping into a provider's world is like walking into a different universe where everything is upside-down.  You'll learn a lot about yourself and about the hobby (from another perspective), perhaps more than you want to know.

It can still be a good thing with the right girl, but be ready for some weird shit.

It only matters to you whether or not YOU are comfortable with the possible uneasy situations that could come up in the future. Weigh the pros and cons, and then decide for yourself if it is worth the possible awkward siuations you may (or may not) encounter.

Many a man wonders "what if...." and realizes that it is the regret not taking the chance is greater than the regret if it did not work.

Good Luck!

If she is serious about pursuing a career in another venue you should probably wait for her to establish that before getting too serious with her. You don't want to be stuck supporting her if she's out of work or she may become resentful and blame you for making her give up her career.
On your end, you had better make sure that you want a relationship first and if you do and you try it, forget about her past. Don't think about it, don't bring it up. She will never give you the right answer. You dwell on it and no matter what she says, it will eat you up inside. Don't go there. Get rid of the ego and curiosity and start a new life with her, for however long it lasts. Just realize that she use to be a provider but she gave it up for you. Chances are, her old clientel will never approach her in public, I know from participating in this hobby that I would never approach a provider if I saw her (especially with another man), for no other reason than my fear of being found out.
There is my final point though. Remeber that half the fun of this hobby is the excitment generated from the fact that you are with a provider. You will no longer have that with this girl. She will be a TRUE GFE and that is not all fun and games. I think that this is the main issue here. You didn't meet her out at a bar while you were looking for a potential mate, you paid her for sex. There is a difference.

While 'directness' is an issue with any relationship, 'trust' and 'work' are in my opinion the main obstacles found in relationships formed with providers vs. non-providers.

TRUST- a lot has already been said about us guys not trusting providers or ex-providers, however the fact of matter is that providers have difficulty trusting us as a result of how we meet them. You've already mentioned that you have trouble getting past her history, but can she also get past yours?

WORK- Although you may be confident and secure in yourself, there's already enough obstacles in any relationship without having shared intimacy as another. The best chance for a relationship like this to work out is if you support her. While she's talking about another "venue" of work, it's unlikely that another type of work is going to pay her $$$-$$$$/hour! Even if she's tenacious, how long do you think she'll stay with a job that pays $10-$20/hour?

DIRECTNESS- It's important for both of you to be up front with exactly what you're looking for out a relationship- not always an easy thing to do though. I.E., she may tell you that she'll be accepting of you without a commitment on your part and that she's just wanting you for your companionship or as an uck buddy. However, if you accept her on these terms, she will end up hating your ass..... guaranteed!!!

She just plain fell in love with your sorry ass..... You are a sharp dressed man and charming as hell and all that good sh*t ya know... I know! I cain't b'leve it neither...

There's a lot of good advice in here.  If you're seriously interested in the lady then you should consider pursuing the relationship.  Great women are difficult to find (and great guys probably even more difficult if I'm to beleive my femal friends), so dealing with something like the biz - while difficult - may be worth it.  Also, neither one of you will have to keep any secrets about the past from each other.

I'm sorry but it feels like you are bragging.I can't help believe that somewhere in your unconscious this wasn't something you desired for what ever reason. Older man seeks young beautiful star-crossed woman, usually unavailabe, to prove he is still desirable. It's an old story, often of revenge. I have more experience than most in this and have spoken of this matter at some length on this board.  You may refer to these posts.
      What I will say here, and I believe GND will agree, is that most providers have serious trouble with intimacy, often for good reasons. This does not mean that they are without the longing for closeness that many of us feel. If you truly care to "treat her well" as I have so often heard on these boards, you would think twice and then again before you break down her "walls". They are usually all she has to protect her form psychic chaos. Unless of course, you are one of those narcissistic men who want women to fall in love with them just to feel good about themselves; only to dump them when they do.
      This woman was powerfully attracted to you, AND YOU LED HER ON. Of course she should have known better but that's not the point. You went from stage one(money-sex), through two(money-sex and time) to three(free) in a heartbeat. Make sure it wasn't 'sport', because when her walls go up again they will be a little thicker and the chances that they come down again will be a little smaller.

-- Modified on 1/5/2002 9:44:37 AM

-- Modified on 1/5/2002 10:25:19 AM

Dreamer:Your assumptions are truly incorrect. No one led anyone on.(An assuption without the facts is an unfair statement) No need to do so..No one is "Bragging".  There is no "Revenge here.. No one  is "Star Crossed"...(This lady  has been in the arts as well as a major  artist, and has accomplished her financial goals as well).  We are both adults, and as such have decided to  continue our friendship and accept   lifes turns . Communication is the key to any relationship, and we have  put our concerns on the table. I know  quite well , a mind, and a heart are a terrible thing to waste.
Thanks to all others  for your comments.All are valid and perceptive.

Yeah,
    They are doing things down there that would make any provider I know blush!  Yet, if you were to hook up with them, would it bother you?  If the woman was clean medically speaking, who is there that can pass judgement?  Hell, men have been getting away with being sluts for as long as I can remember.  Although, we give it away.
    If I had the chance to meet someone that "did" it for me in the love department and was lucky enough for them to love me right I would do it.  I would rather date a provider than a stripper any day.  The provider is at least honest and up front, no games.  
    Now, if she wants to continue to work, I would have a problem with that.  Sorry, I do not like to share.  I love all the ladies I have met.  I just haven't found the woman I am "IN" love with.  If I find her through the TER, so be it.
The Footman

I had a client that I really liked as a person.  He was very intelligent, kind and compassionate.


We became good friends (so I thought).  The day of 9-11 I watched the President's Address with him at his place and I felt so safe in his presence.  He has a very calming affect on me.  Naturally he tried to seduce me and though it was not easy, I managed to say those three little words that men hate to hear..."It's Too Soon".  )  

He hasn't called me since.  Obviously he was not the "uncommon" man I thought he was...he turned out to be quite common, indeed.  I am so glad I did not have sex with him.  It would have really hurt to find out afterwards that he was just out to use me for free sex.

I am not angry with him.  Just disappointed.  If he had really been my friend, he would have at least continued a platonic friendship.  But since he isn't getting what he wanted, free sex, he has no use for me.  I cannot tell you how glad I am that I took my time and proceeded with caution.


Veronica