Well got some great news.  Will be expecting the 2nd little one in 9 months.  

As I absorbed the great news I later started to think about my life.  It occurred to me that it might be time to break myself of this hobby.  My mental reflection has started to urge me that I have been living a young boys fantasy of spending time with beautiful and gracious women.  Thanks to a nice income this has become true for my adult self.  FYI:  I have enjoyed every minute.  

But I wonder if now is the time to quit this great hobby.  The reason being I start to think if I am becoming like those adult men I knew as a young boy.  The adult men who could not "grow up" and live the life of a man.  The best quote I ever heard was "A boy does what feels good and a man does what is necessary".  I think this hobby is making me into a boy.  But I am so torn because I have no life besides my family, my work and this hobby.  If I quit this I fear that my life would suffer terribly.  I don't golf, don't play poker.  I literally work, take care of my family and use this as my stress relief.  Even exercise is used as renewal for my work life.

Man I am torn.  Any advice would be appreciated.

Do what makes you happy.

Now if your outside activities threaten to disrupt your family life, that's another issue.

But if the issue is simply "I'm getting too old for this", then I say carpe diem.

Truthfully, I think this is a bad place to ask for advice on this subject. For the providers, it is in their interest to tell you to continue and your fellow hobbyists obviously don't feel the same way you do or they wouldn't continue to enjoy this pursuit.

If possible, think it would be better to talk it over with someone you trust who is neither engaging in the hobby nor against it. If you don't know anyone who fits this criteria, I'd go with your gut feeling about it. After all, this is your leisure time you're talking about.

Edited to add: Also, there's no reason to make a hard and fast decision about it. If you're unsure, you could always take a break and see if you miss it.

-- Modified on 11/16/2008 1:57:31 AM

Congratulations on your next child.  

Everyone is different, of course, but here's my deal.  I have never been able to remain completely monogamous and have enjoyed long term friends with benefits and -of course- the company of charming, intelligent, skillful, sexy providers.  I find there are times when I am less interested and times when I am more interested.  For example, there are three ladies I would have already seen including one a thousand miles from here, but I have a new civvie obsession and am temporarily inactive in the hobby.  I have been married twice (16 years and, so far, 25 years) have five kids and so far five grandchildren.  I would never give up the hobby, but have gone,at times for years, without indulging.  Still, seeing new ladies or familiar friends remains ones of life's true pleasures for me and I would never swear off for good.  

Fortunately for you, you can back off for a while and come back when the time is right. The main thing is not to get judgmental on yourself and think that only immature men do things that feel good.  Things that feel good are often good for the soul.  One warning sign that this is not true for a given activity would be if you did NOT feel good during and after an activity, just relief.  I always feel good for days after meeting a terrific provider.  I hope you do too.  

-- Modified on 11/16/2008 3:58:55 AM

why you can’t grow up and be responsible with out growing old. The difference between a Man And a boy is that a man knows  he can take of his life and him self. Good luck,.

First off, congratulations on your new addition.  Life as you know it will change ALOT with the second one.  lol

As for your leaving the hobby...  No where is it stated that its all or nothing.  While you enter this new stage of your life, why not take a break from here?  Then you can figure out what "being an adult male" means to you.  It would give you time to prioritize things in your life and see if you are happy/content without the hobby. You may find that being the family man is enough or find a new outlet for your stress.  Or you may find that you really do need the release that you get from seeing someone.  Only you can decide that.  If it's easier, set a timeline.  Say, for 6 months or until the baby is born you will take a break from here.  Keep in mind that the first few weeks may be tough.  When you are used to one thing relieving stress and it's gone, the stress levels tend to get worse.

As for the comment about the difference between men and boys, the majority of my friends are responsible men with all the challenges and stress that comes with that title.  Their limited time with me lets them be a "boy" for awhile - get rid of some stress,not have to think or be in control. They then leave, with lower stress levels so they can go back to being responsible again.  

Good luck in your decision.  

Kari~~  
(formerly known as Karizza)

Hey Ridge....congrats on your soon to be new addition!...Anyhow,i hobby because i'm now divorced after 30 yrs of marriage...i for one could'nt stray while i was married...not because i didn't have the temptation...my x even treated me like "Shit"....but when i looked at my kids,i just couldn't do it(cheat that is)...even though my kids may never find out..i just felt in some way,it would hurt them...i guess maybe i was never strong enough to carry around the guilt...or maybe i remained strong because of them!...hope that makes sense to ya!

she has all the answers. Congratulations to you and your wife on the upcoming new addition.

if quitting the hobby will improve your life is to quit. Quit for long enough to really figure out if hobbying is a net positive or negative in your life. That may be a couple of months or a couple of years but it truly is the only way you'll know.

And so does a man.  

Seeking pleasure and fullfillment is not a sign of immaturity, and is actually a basic human need.  

The key is finding the BALANCE in finding those pleasures while not neglecting other responsibilities.

You CAN have your cake and eat it to...but it takes WORK, and by that I mean thoughtfullness and discipline.

Altruism is not the only path...

Hobbying like everything else in life has to be balanced and not interfere with your quality of life.  I guess true questions to ask yourself are:

(1) will you be able to support a family with 2 kids and continue to hobby

(2) will hobbying interfere with your duties as father to 2 children or not?

(3) will you be a better more pleasant person to be around without the stress relieve you have grown accustomed to or not

It also depends on whether you hobby "at home" or when you travel on business.

Obviously if spending time with providers will preclude you from taking your kids to soccer games or will cause you to postpone getting braces for your kids, the answer is simple - time to stop.  However, if getting temporary fantasy relief from work does not interfere with your life .. nothing wrong with being a kid every once in a while

Lina

part of your life, then that is fine.  If you decide to take a break, that is fine as well.  

As long as the funds used to hobby do not take away from your family's financial situation, then everyone of us is entitled to his or her form of recreation.

All hobbyists have our reasons for being in the hobby.

Good luck.

You don't GOLF!!! WTF
Seriously everyone needs something fun in their life and just having this hobby doesn't count.  Hunting, fishing, golf and squash are my outside of work obsessions.  And while my kids were young I curtail ALL my activities to some degree but now that they are in highschool they really don't need old dad hanging around so much and I have time to indulge again.  The problem you might face in 15 years is what the hell to do with yourself when you are not working.  And while the activities are fun they are also about having friends to enjoy life with.  I love all the girls but this hobby for the most part is really somthing I do alone.  Good luck.