look like a mutant Ms. Potato Head...LOL. Or even Senor'Wences. LOLOL  The images in my mind are just not right......

starring Michael Anthony Hall, Robert Downey Jr., and Kelly LeBrock?

The perfect provider would consist of no less than 12 women, and 15 guys could theoretically come up with 180 different females when all is said and done.

When you 'mix' you're very likely to find the end result isn't a 'match'.  Imagine a picure painted half by Michaelangelo & half by Monet.  A woman's looks should be like a jigsaw puzzle..if the pieces don't 'match' it's not the same.

And I agree with Ali's post...soooo much more to the 'perfect' woman than the sum of various body parts.

I know this was asked as a joke but why not throw out an answer... Image, it is not. But as people know, I am always a bit wordy. I can easily give the 1000 words a pict will give.

Looks, size and age are completly unimportant. All of these things change durring our lives anyway so they can't possilby make us a "perfect" provider since it is a skill not  a passing phase.
1. She should have the ethics of a honest priest at confession and pride herself in keeping confidances under every  including gossiping about other providers... It always makes you look bad.
2. She should remeber her clients point of view and what they may or not be risking and dedicate herself to protecting her clients even though they often don't think clearly at the time to protect themselvs.(yes, I know you cant' help it... blood flow issues and such but that is why you seek a PROFFESIONAL) Such things as perfume and glitter should never be worn. It could permanantly end a clients home life. (remember, even though YOU may like it the next person she sees may have a lot to loose and the scent she wears for you will linger on the pillows.  Doing a lipstick check on them before they leave, making sure that they don't hang out in the parking lot of a hotel where the risk of being spotted is huge and hard to explain... Make SURE they shower before leaving. Not only does it provide an extra amount of protection for the rare instance of an undetected STD but it also makes sure that they don't have your lingering scent about you. Don't forget, women have a much greater sence of smell than men and his wife WILL smell you about him. Provide UNSCENTED soap and hair products.
3. She should be a master at making the most uncomfortable and nervouse feel welcome and at home. THis also is a learned skill. Such things as breaking a bit of bread togehter touches the animal instinct in all of us and is why many business transactions happen over lunch. Also a bit of sweet food will often lead to a bit of a sugar boost and can assist in an extra "round" for those that may have blood flow issues.
4. Skill at knowing a bit about everything including current events makes for lively conversation and the ability to speak about everything from ditch digging and phone sanitation to current technics used to make the hubble telescope work will give you the ability to let any man feel he is the center of the world. IF you can make his "boring" world seem to be the most facinating thing in the world to you then you will not only brighten the moment but his whole next week as he goes to his regular job and daydreams about you.
5. Remember, men live in a very cold world. Most men have not felt the touch of another human being except on the hand or in a rough mannor in ages. Many can't even remember if you ask them.. So it is those little touches that show that you care. Thier nerves are all the same as ours and they often love thier toes licked, their hands rubbed, and those little spots that get tight and sore stroked. KISS THE NECK!!! It drives them CRAZY! LIck the ears and nibble. If you like it, they love it.
6. NEVER bitch about anything. Thier wives often don't want to be seen, and constantly complain about thier weight, looks, and money. These subjects should NEVER come up.
7. Never ever be ashamed of yourself in front of a man. Eye contact durring sex, unihibitted behavior, and a woman that takes a bit of charge and lets them know exactly what works is top notch. Men are often quite afraid of us and really truely want us to feel good. They live in fear of rejection so they love compliments and direction about technich.
8. Allow yourself to get "mussed" Only women want to see you perfect. Men really like to know that they did the job right and the best way to that is to look the part.
9. The unbreakable illusion (or possibly reality in my case of course ) that you really want to be there at all times. Money is not your driving factor but instead it is thier fabulous mojo.  (remember boys... this is part of the ILLUSION  you pay for... Don't ever make the mistake of thinking that it is such realitly that you can walk out without leaving your gift...) You enjoy every part of them. Thier touch, laugh, voice, eyes, smell, (try smelling a guy and watch how much he digs it)
10. And finally, MOST IMPORTANT is your personal ethics. Make sure that you draw the line when the door closes.  A man uses a provider to protect his heart in many cases. Don't cross boundries and call them after. I never spam even though it might potentialy better my business. Protect them from becoming attached to you. This is a business that can be very dangerous emotionally for people. It is our job to protect thier hearts when they can not protect thier own. We should take it as a serious task to better thier lives not bring them pain or cause confusion.

Anyway, that is my HO. Now, that I have divulged my "secret formula" I will probably starve homeless in the street as fellow line up for the ladies with the age, looks and weight all right.

-- Modified on 9/24/2003 12:15:10 PM

I don't really believe in "perfect".  It doesn't exist in my mind.  My ATF's have all been imperfect in some way:  a little extra "baby fat", tall and thin and just a little awkward, slightly heavier ankles than one may enjoy, even (and especially) a BBW or 2, those little things that set them apart, and imperfect.

But where they all excel is in being their kind, joyful, uninhibited selves with their desire to please the man they're with, as we are interested in pleasing them.  And they're all different in how they approach this sometimes daunting task.  That's what we call individualism.  And that's why I love them all.  They are all different ladies doing the same thing in different ways, with much perfection leading to the same success.

Oh, and BTW, those physical "imperfections", coupled with that great attitude, make these ladies the most beautiful in the world.  And 3 of my ATFs even responded to this thread!

Just my philosophical .02 upon release from the hospital (medical, not psychiatric!).

-- Modified on 9/24/2003 8:38:32 PM