I am clean shaven, showered, and smell great. My hair is done, my make up on, and I am ready to go.....no where. Got a PM from someone responding to my post on a non-provider related subject, wanted to know if I wanted to play today. I said yes, always ready to play.
We emailed back and forth, agreed to meet, then I told him I needed his number to speak in person. I called and spoke briefly with him on the phone. After that he kept texting me asking me what did I like. I didn't answer him. Just kept with neutral topics. I may be new but I'm pretty sure you don't talk about stuff like that on the phone OR via text.
I also asked for a reference as he didn't have any reviews here. He gave me one and I called and left message without a response STILL. While I was waiting I went to shower, told him that I would text him after to get address. I mean really, I've been cleaning the house all day, I was yucky.
Texted after shower and told him I was ready to leave, where was I heading. I get this text - so tell me more about what you like, pretty please with cherry on top. Seriously? Where am I heading? nothing. nothing. nothing. Then I bailed out with a text and told him I was feeling like it was a set up and I'm not comfortable putting myself at risk! Then HE texts and says "I was feeling the same". ARGH!
Then my new good friend and protector called and gave him hell on his voice mail for me. So there.
Do I out his screen name/handle here? Or do I just let it go?
And WHY WHY WHY WHY do people want to waste my/yours/our time like that?!?!?! GRRRRRRRRR. I'm so frustrated!!!!!!!!
How funny - I didn't even mean it to sound like that! It's a friend who knows that I am doing this and is just worried about me. He is into the hobby himself and is trying to keep me safe, while helping me learn what to do, and not do.
Posted By: pleasureglans
In Vegas, we call those people pimps.
Sorry about your frustrations. Lots of fakes & flakes on both ends of this game.
That's just bullshit in my opinion... not the way to play, if the guy that did you like that is reading this... you should be embarrassed and owe this lady at least an apology. Maybe not a reason, as we all have lives outside of the hobby and shit happens, but definately an apology.
We only have one side of the story here, but it sure sounds like you have nothing better to do than run someone in circles... not cool dude.
And to you Renae, sounds like an either very inexperienced client, or a bad situation possibly relating to LE (I'm not thinking on Christmas though due to staffing, probably not going through the trouble of putting the necessary additional manpower on) ... but any other day I'd bail if I were you. As far as this guy, bail anyway... plenty of "fishermen" in the sea if you catch my drift!
I'm not going to answer the question of outing his screen name, but I'll address some of the overall frustration.
Like in any business, there are jerks out there. You can't change them, so the best you can do is organize your business in a way that minimizes your interaction with them. I can understand being upset after all the time spent getting ready for nothing. But I'll try to (gently) play the devil's advocate for a moment.
Was he trying to set up an appointment fairly last minute? Was he reluctant to give out reference info? Was he asking about specifics by phone/e-mail?
It sounds like the answers to those were all yes, which if I were in your shoes would be strikes one, two and three. I wouldn't have prepared anything prior to both getting his referrals and having them respond back. Perhaps the ladies can pitch in with numbers, but I'm sure there are a substantial percentage of contacts that never get beyond that stage. No reason to waste time or effort until some minimum threshold of likelihood is reached.
An initial contact from a realistic hobbyist should contain the information you need to screen them, along with a desired time, place (if outcall) and duration of appointment. If there is no history or mutual friends, it should be enough in advance to give time for appropriate responses from references, which could be tricky right during the holidays.
On the plus side, your instincts were right not to discuss sexual details over the phone. There is no need. Also sensible to bail out on the appointment.
Then there is the issue of your "hobby protector" calling and giving him hell. Personally, I think that is overkill. Having a mentor is great. Having friends, resources and support are all big positives. But if you were only out some effort of preparing, chalk it up to a learning experience and move on. Instead of creating drama, figure out how to stay out of the situation in the future, while expending less emotional effort on such a time-waster. Getting worked up about it doesn't help anything.
I'm sure starting out is nerve-wracking. Wander over to the newbie board and read, read, read. There is a lot of info there. Learn as much as you can and then stick to practices that maximize your safety and minimize your grief. Get onto the provider board and learn about various methods of screening. I'm sure the ladies have lots of tips to give you away from us guys.
Be patient. Having no review history will scare off many potential customers (myself included). Lots of guys are uncomfortable with a total unknown, especially in light of the heightened LE activity in your general area. But sooner or later, somebody will risk it. If things go well, you'll end up with a review. That makes it easier to get another one. Then the guys who are interested but being cautious on the sidelines will start to contact you. Try to be the careful and discreet provider guys feel comfortable calling right from the start. You don't want to have to overcome hurdles you inadvertently put out there at the beginning of your time in this business.
I'm no old-timer myself, so take what I say with a grain of salt too and try to look at it as advice intended to be helpful rather than busting on you.
I wish you the best of luck. Perhaps we'll meet some day.
that will make harassing and or threatening phone calls on her behalf should immediately take her off of anyones "to do" list.
That said, it sounds like she there were many red flags that should have convinced her to cancel the appointment early on. Any guy that not only inquires about specific sex act, but continues it after being politely informed not to should immediately but put on your own personal DNS list.
The OP also made a serious error in agreeing to meet before screening, and then attempting to screen after the fact, I think we can chalk this up to a new, unreviewed provider trying to see a new hobbyist, also without reviews, and apparently they both have a lot to learn about the business.
Plenty of blame to go around on this one, but at least the appointment was canceled and no real harm was done. Expect that hobbyists have a long memory, it won't be forgotten that the provider had a man, pimp or otherwise, call a hobbyist and either berate or threaten him. Very few of us would EVER see a woman who has admitted to this type of bad behavior. I guarantee you, I would never, under any circumstances see the OP after this thread.
wow - again - chalk it up to being new. It's not okay to have friends that worry? Golly sometimes I feel like I have to censor every word I say. I was excited about meeting someone. The appt was in the works and being discussed when I asked my friend what to do. That's when he said get a reference. So I did. It's all a learning process, and I'm not more polished or proficient, and that I get excited about meeting someone. I hope I never lose the excitement, but surely hope that I become more polished.
Posted By: GaGamblerssmarterbrother
that will make harassing and or threatening phone calls on her behalf should immediately take her off of anyones "to do" list.
That said, it sounds like she there were many red flags that should have convinced her to cancel the appointment early on. Any guy that not only inquires about specific sex act, but continues it after being politely informed not to should immediately but put on your own personal DNS list.
The OP also made a serious error in agreeing to meet before screening, and then attempting to screen after the fact, I think we can chalk this up to a new, unreviewed provider trying to see a new hobbyist, also without reviews, and apparently they both have a lot to learn about the business.
Plenty of blame to go around on this one, but at least the appointment was canceled and no real harm was done. Expect that hobbyists have a long memory, it won't be forgotten that the provider had a man, pimp or otherwise, call a hobbyist and either berate or threaten him. Very few of us would EVER see a woman who has admitted to this type of bad behavior. I guarantee you, I would never, under any circumstances see the OP after this thread.
crosses the line into being a pimp and you into being a provider that no one here will want to see.
Sorry to be harsh, and I am willing to make a few concessions for you being new, but you have (perhaps inadvertantly) crossed one of those uncrossable lines.
I you are willing to have your male friend "give the guy hell" for this, what are you willing to do to the first client that you feels shorts you, or that NCNS, or any of the mulititude of things that simply happen in this business, especially to providers who "book first and screen later"
I would suggest that you find a female mentor to teach you the ropes, any guy that would get on the phone and "give hell" to a client that could quite likely have been LE is doing you no favors, and could end up causing you and him serious harm. I don't believe he knows much, if any more than you do. If he did, he would never have done such an ill advised thing
It wasn't my idea, and I didn't ask him to do it. When I told him what happened he said he would call to make sure he didn't bother me. The guy was texting me incessantly. I didn't think anything of it. Looking at it from your eyes, it looks very different than it did in the moment.
Despite how it seems, it really was not intended that way. And I don't think he meant it that way either. Now I'm very uncomfortable about it.
Hopefully it will just be a lesson learned, having a male handle such issues for you escalates things to a whole new level, which is of no benefit to you.
Always remember prostitution is an illegal activity, do you really want to call that type of attention to yourself?
It's a simple matter to block or ignore texts, it is quite another to raise the stakes by allowing another man to call this "client", some guys react quite badly to this, and the guy, judging by his behavior is not wrapped that tightly to begin with.
and while I am in the lecturing mood, get someone to teach you how to screen properly, you can avoid a lot of drama before it starts by proper screening.
Yeah, lady, you went about it the wrong way. But you didn't know any better. Chalk it up to that and don't make the same mistake twice.
First time fuck him, second time fuck you. Know what I mean?
Trust ME. There is a place and time for letting it all hang out, and this isn't the place for sure. Unless, of course you post under an alias, then only the mods know who you are. And they ain't sayin' shit.
The best advice I heard was find a lady to help you with your screening and guide you in other aspects. Get on the PO board and ask. There are some fine ladies that won't mind taking you under their wing and show you the ropes.
Providers Only board any time we want to, remember this: We providers can only get there AFTER we have at least one TER review. Although I've been a provider for a year now, I have no TER reviews and because of that have been denied entry to the PO board.
Renae, my advice to you is to research the different ladies on this board from their posts. Many will gladly help you with suggestions to help you stay out of harm's way. Some will squall like a cat with its tail being pulled and treat you like their personal scratching post. A few will talk a lot without saying much.
As for the hobbyists who claim that you've screwed up royally and will "never" find a playmate from this board, pfftt. Men have shorter memories than they'll admit. After this page has dropped off this front page and gone down into the never-never land of "past posts," someone will call you.
I ASSUMED that the PO board was open to all providers, no matter how many reviews they had as opposed to the RO board when a guy has to have 10 to join.
Been there, waste of time. Anyway....
I like to think, that many would help her. Provider or hobbyist.
It wasn't my idea, and I didn't ask him to do it. When I told him what happened he said he would call to make sure he didn't bother me. The guy was texting me incessantly. I didn't think anything of it. Looking at it from your eyes, it looks very different than it did in the moment.
I'm with most of the others who say your friend (protector) calling to give the guy (date) hell was a bad move on his part. Very thuggish sounding, if you ask me.
Then, only here (not in the OP) do you say "he (date) was texting me incessantly". Just block his calls and texts. HOW to do that depends on your phone and service.
There are providers who have assistants / bookers / screeners who are men. But their attitude (in my experience) is polite, friendly, cordial, and no trace of pimpish thuggery. And they probably PROTECT the provider from guys like the jerk who called you but before and without the drama.
Good screeners, M and F, can probably sniff out an accidental newbie jerk from genuine dyed in the wool jerk and protect the business, as well, by not blocking every single number that doesn't follow a preferred script.
Anyway, at least you have an easy New Year's Resolution to make: Don't let friend "protect" me on the phone!
gagamblerssmarterbrother is giving you excellent advice. I don't know the particulars of what your "provider protector" said to this trick but he obviously got his phone # from you. The trick could be LE or weenie enough to call LE reporting a threat from a "pimp" which would have resulted in them taking a keen interest in your activites and possibly setting up a sting to nail you. Your "provider protector" may be a noble guy who wants to keep you safe from harm but he has no judgment. Like someone else said, ordering dinner does not make one a chef. It is nice he cares about you enough to stand up for you, but his actions are drawing negative attention to what you are doing and you don't need that.
Posted By: RenaeReveals
It wasn't my idea, and I didn't ask him to do it. When I told him what happened he said he would call to make sure he didn't bother me. The guy was texting me incessantly. I didn't think anything of it. Looking at it from your eyes, it looks very different than it did in the moment.
Despite how it seems, it really was not intended that way. And I don't think he meant it that way either. Now I'm very uncomfortable about it.
There is plenty of blame to go 'round here. I think RR did the right thing in ultimately canceling on the guy but it sounds like what we really have here is a case of two folks who are both new to the game both making some classic mistakes.
As far as "censoring" everything you post here? Well, maybe not everything but the last thing you want to do is tell us that you have a potential "White Knight" who we may have to deal with if something goes wrong in an attempted booking with you. Sorry, I'm not interested in that sort of drama.
I hadn't left the house yet - it was an hour drive - I figured the worst that could happen was I could be clean and showered with no where to go. I didn't realize I would start a s**t storm of pimps and calls and don't do lists and everything else. Gosh - I was just frustrated. Even worse I didn't realize that I could say and do so many wrong things in one day.
Many established ladies have male friends in the business. Sometimes a girl needs man's opinion of wording ad, or choosing dozen most appealing pictures from 100s taken during photoshoot.
When I rolled out new website, I emailed link to "work in progress" version for input to several past and current patrons to hear their input.
After all, we market to men so it would make sense to consult with them. That said, this would be absolute extent I would ever involve any man in running of my business. Way too many possibilites for things ending badly.
Next time you feel frustrated (and you will), went with female not male friends.
You had years of experience and even if you had done everything perfectly and exactly right; these time wasters, no showers, and downright rip offs will happen. It's just a fact of life in this biz. And it always happens at the worst possible time. So learn to let it just roll off your back because there will be more callers to replace the time wasters. AND, trust me, you will become proficient at spotting them fairly quickly.
I am clean shaven, showered, and smell great. My hair is done, my make up on, and I am ready to go.....no where. Got a PM from someone responding to my post on a non-provider related subject, wanted to know if I wanted to play today. I said yes, always ready to play.
We emailed back and forth, agreed to meet, then I told him I needed his number to speak in person. I called and spoke briefly with him on the phone. After that he kept texting me asking me what did I like. I didn't answer him. Just kept with neutral topics. I may be new but I'm pretty sure you don't talk about stuff like that on the phone OR via text.
I also asked for a reference as he didn't have any reviews here. He gave me one and I called and left message without a response STILL. While I was waiting I went to shower, told him that I would text him after to get address. I mean really, I've been cleaning the house all day, I was yucky.
Texted after shower and told him I was ready to leave, where was I heading. I get this text - so tell me more about what you like, pretty please with cherry on top. Seriously? Where am I heading? nothing. nothing. nothing. Then I bailed out with a text and told him I was feeling like it was a set up and I'm not comfortable putting myself at risk! Then HE texts and says "I was feeling the same". ARGH!
Then my new good friend and protector called and gave him hell on his voice mail for me. So there.
Do I out his screen name/handle here? Or do I just let it go?
And WHY WHY WHY WHY do people want to waste my/yours/our time like that?!?!?! GRRRRRRRRR. I'm so frustrated!!!!!!!!
-- Modified on 12/25/2010 7:03:21 PM
Unfortunately, it happens a lot in this business.... they're called time-wasters, and you'll get your fair share. I've been in this for 6 years, and still at least twice a week, I get "prepared" for a appointment that never happens.. cancellation, confirmation call never comes, etc. Just be glad that you weren't in route to the appointment, or worse, at his residence, and he won't answer the door/phone... those are the worst Hey, I spent x-mas eve e-mailing back & forth with someone for about an hour, just to have him stand me up today... it happens.
This shit does happen (the time wasters or worse - maybe LE or psycho)... In the big scheme of things, this is small potatoes and you need to let it go (and learn), and learn to keep a leash on your friend. He is doing you no favors whether this was inadvertent or not.
Here is where this has gone wrong from the very start (even before this guy called).
You have posted several threads here about being new... being lonely... being eager to get started...
It's hard enough to be new, but you made it sound like you were almost desperately eager to get hooked up with an appointment. You responded to lots of posts telling every Tom and hairy Dick to call you, that you were available. Not to put too fine a point on it, you sounded a bit desperate. This made you a target for a variety problems.
Add to that, you agreed to see someone BEFORE screening them, which is a recipe for disaster. True, many ladies do not screen, or screen VERY lightly (review history or whitelists), but he had none of this AND was asking questions that should not be asked. IMO it's never OK to back off of your screening protocols, but with experience, that is your call. You don't have that experience yet.
You COULD agree to the date pending screening, but nothing should move forward until you get the word from someone you know/trust. ALWAYS back-off of agreements ASAP. It sucks, but better to back away sooner rather than too late. It is too easy to create fake provider and hobby profiles... you can't just trust any old reference either.
I am meaning to be harsh (sorry of it is Christmas... this is your present)... but you need to learn this to keep yourself safe. Though we are ultimately responsible for our own safety, our actions can impact others by bringing undue attention to these boards or "hobbying"... folks get flipped by LE, or worse.
Please take all this, as harsh as some may sound, as people trying to help keep you (and the rest of us) safe. Please, go home, sit down, have a drink of wine and call someone you care about. Give yourself a chance to reflect on this.
You were right to turn him away...good clients won't bother you for dirty talk.
This is where screening before you made the appt may have saved you some trouble. It not only keeps you safe, but can help you weed out the nuisances. creening makes it simple - give me the info, and don't give me a hard time about it - or, get lost.
Just think about how you would behave, if you wanted to make a good first impression. If a guy doesn't act that way, then can him...not all money is good money.
The only one dealing with your clients should be YOU (or a PROFESSIONAL screener, if you decide to hire one). Privacy and discretion are very important issues in this business; your clients will not want somebody else contacting them about their business with you.
Do NOT worry about blowing off guys who waste your time. They are not customers anyway.
Do NOT worry about having a friend drive you to appointments, or keep track of where you go and how long you're gone. All good. But like others have said: He shouldn't be calling people. Ever.
Do NOT be embarrassed about screwing up now and then. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone learns. There are plenty of women out there who will share their experiences. Use them. Get to know them. Yours can be a really lonely job.
Try not to let this get you down so much. Time wasters are something we have to deal with. The longer you're in this business, you'll hopefully learn how to weed them out. If we let ourselves get all worked up over every time waster, NCNS, etc., we'd be pulling our hair out! If your guy friend calls up every client who upsets you, you're going to have even more drama and stress. There's nothing wrong with having someone look out for you. But if you want to keep him around as your 'protector', you need to let him know that he can't be calling up clients like that.
Personally, I will not set up an appointment until I have completed the screening process. Also, when checking references, be sure to research the provider and make sure she's legit. If you have any questions, feel free to PM me!
It takes time to get an efficient process down for meeting with new gentlemen, so don't be too hard on yourself or him for things not going perfectly. From what you've written, it sounds like he was not clearly told all the info you needed (ex. you didn't ask for a reference at his first contact). It will save both you and your potential clients a lot of time and trouble if you have a clear and consistent list of the info you need from him.
My advice: Tell him ALL the info you need from him. Once you have *everything* (address included!), verify it, wait for references to get back to you, talk to him on the phone if that's something you require, and THEN agree on a time to meet. Don't even say you're interested in meeting until he's fully screened. Definitely don't start getting showered etc. until you have him screened, scheduled, and everything is confirmed.
If, in the meantime, he persists in red flag questions like, "What do you like?", call it off sooner rather than later!
I know, it IS frustrating to go through the effort of screening and scheduling to not have it pan out for one reason or another, but it happens. A lot. Shrug it off and move on. Save posting handles/alerts for the true NCNS/dangeous/creepy clients. And no more angry voice mails, especially from a male "protector" -- I'd be surprised if he didn't post an alert about YOU for that.
Chatty kathy's are usually time wasters (wanting to spend too much time or the phone or sending a million emails before said appt especially trying to be flirty.)
Sending a guy to give him hell I don't get though. If I feel the need to i'm for doing that myself. I hate texting guys anyways.
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Hey, I spent x-mas eve e-mailing back & forth with someone for about an hour, just to have him stand me up today... it happens.