I seek the advice of those assembled. I have been doing this for over 15 years and tonight is a first in my experience: I was no-showed twice for a multi-hour appointment within a three day period by the same lady.

First appointment was scheduled well in advance for this past Friday evening. A series of promising emails were exchanged. Thursday afternoon I received an email stating "I'm not feeling at all well today and don't want to make our appointment unless I'm feeling 100%... " and asks if we can reconnect when I am in her city. I replied with two alternative dates and she chose this Sunday evening. Making the Sunday appointment necessitated my driving 6 hours round trip, which I made clear at the time.

Additional promising correspondence was exchanged leading up to Sunday evening. I make the 3-hour drive, arrive on time and call. A few minutes later her assistant returns my call and says the lady's child has had to be taken to the emergency room, that they have just returned and she needs another 45 minutes to get ready. I agree to wait. Forty-five minutes later I get another call from her assistant saying the child must return to the emergency room and that this evening's appointment needs to be cancelled. The assistant attempts to explore the possibilities of rescheduling; in response I recommend we discontinue the conversation since I am not in a proper frame of mind to have a civilized one. I've just finished making the 3-hour drive back during which I decided to post here on TER and see what others would do given the circumstances.

I am traveling and this trip presented the opportunity to see this lady, someone I've been hoping to see for some time now. She is very favorably reviewed here on TER, although her inability to make her appointments on time has been noted in two reviews. I'm sure had she made either appointment it would have been an exceptional experience. I will be traveling through her city once more on this trip but after that there will probably be few opportunities since I rarely travel to this part of the country.

LADIES: what unconditionally constructive action would you like to see me take if this were you? And if this involves rescheduling yet again for a 3rd attempt, what assurance could you give at this point that you would actually keep the appointment?

GENTLEMEN: what response or offer from the lady would unconditionally make this situation "right" for you at this point or would you simply post a negative "no show" review and move on?

Many thanks in advance for all your comments and suggestions.

I wouldn't make a 3rd attempt.

If I were you, after a lady would no-show on me twice, I'd immediately find someone else to see, that will actually show up.

We all know that in life the only thing for certain are death and taxes. Both of her reasons for missing the appointment sound legit and some would say good for her to risk losing income the first time rather than perform at less than 100%.

As for the second cancel, yeah it sucks that you drove 3 hours for nothing, but assuming her reasons are true, come on her kid is having health issues and you're pissed about not getting your nut? Jeez dude, you need to rethink your priorities.

As for posting a negative review, well since you never had an appointment and no services were exchanged you can't post a review. You can do what you have done here and post the issue on the board.

In the future maybe it's best to avoid any provider that has had "on time" issues mentioned in her reviews, to assure you get your appointment. However, I can tell you that one of my ATF was famous for being late, and the first time I scheduled to see her she no showed with no explanation (although later apoligized and rescheduled), and pretty much every time I saw her after that I had to wait, and it was worth every damn minute of it too!!

-- Modified on 7/30/2007 11:55:49 AM

I had the same thing happen to me a couple of years ago, in fact, three different well reviewed providers did this same thing to me over the course of just a couple of months.

I just moved on and everything's been coming up roses ever since.

Two is my limit.  No exceptions.

While I've had a lady offer the next date on the house to make up for back to back missed appointments, it seems that you really want to hear from the ladies.  The problem with that is that the ones that will answer are the exact ones that would never do it, except under the most severe circumstances.

You can ask someone what makes them tick, and may get a true and introspective answer, but I don't think you can expect much of what makes someone else tick.  I'd love to be wrong, because it would save a lot of us untold headaches.

You can't make it right.

You were correct to not berate the assistant and therefore behaved as a gentleman should.  The response to the assistant I would have offered is, "Tell her I understand her child comes first."  Besides you knew she might not be timely but scheduled anyway.  I doubt I would have driven 3 hours to see someone who might not be reliable though.  (I have driven three hours for a wonderful 3 hour date with an extremely reliable lady.  I still daydream about that.)  Given your feelings though, I doubt you should reschedule.  There will be issues on both sides so why bother?

Once I tried to schedule with a HDH with glowing reviews.  She changed the day more than once, she changed the time more than once, and then she wanted to switch from her incall apartment to a 4 star hotel at my expense.  We were still 48 hours prior to the appointment when I had had enough.  I called off the date at that point explaining that it appeared we were not compatible.  There is no point in spending intimate time with someone when it is clear you don't click.

In any case you can't post no show reviews.  You post it on the regional board.  Not what I would recommend unless you want to get blasted for disrespecting motherhood.

that made the appointment then never called to cancel or who said they were on the way and then just didn't show up.  It sounds like she cancelled with good reason...the second time on short notice for sure, but a child's emergence health issues simply can't be scheduled. Unfortunately, life happens...even to us.  We do get ill, and we do have responsibilities outside of the business of satisfying your needs.

That being said, anytime I've had to cancel someone I try to make sure that one of my friends is able to take my place so that my client is not left "high and dry."  Not that I'm always able to comply with this, but I do try.  So, unless said provider has a system like that, I'm not sure that I would make another attempt.  Or at least schedule 2 appointments for that day and keep BOTH of them.  That way if she cancels yet again, you at least have the other who will show up.

As far as constructive action...there isn't a lot.  As I said, life happens.  You could put a post on the local board about your disappointment at being cancelled on twice and one of those times being at the last minute.  That's the only thing you could constructively do.

As far as someone cancelling on me...twice is the limit.  It's not like he's able to send a friend to fill in for him....LOL.

Thanks everyone for your replies. I realize life happens and I certainly understand the priorities and issues of dealing with kids and health problems --- I've been involved with providers in the past so know something of the life.

I probably should have been a bit more specific concerning the nature of the calls with the assistant. She said the health issue had been going on for several hours and that they had just got back from the ER. Well, the lady knew I was driving in 3 hours for this 4-hour appointment and I guess I would have expected a "heads up" at the very least at some part of the day, certainly at some point before I'm in the parking lot. In any case, the assistant said all was well and that they were now getting ready for the appointment and if I could wait 45 minutes the appointment would go as planned. Then, 45 minutes later I get a call saying the child has to go back to the ER. So in 45 minutes we went from all is well to going back to the ER. I'm ready to sign up for believing the first or second but I find it hard to believe both. So I guess somewhere in there I started feeling like I was being told something less than the truth.

So not angry about not "getting my nut" but more angry that I felt I was being played.

Haven't heard anything back from her or her assistant. Doubt I will.

Just a guess on my part, but no-shows are really providers (or clients) who don't bother to call or give any explanation -- they just don't show up. In both cases, she gave you the courtesy of a call, and, to be honest, both reasons sound valid. Yeah, I'd be annoyed to drive six hours just to be let down, but a sick child has to take priority.

The choice is really yours right now: do you want to give her a third chance? It could be, assuming her reasons were honest, that she'll make it up to you with a great session. On the other hand, maybe you're just not in the mood to see her any more. Fair enough. From the sound of it, I think you should just write off the experience and move on.

--b.