FOCTOMS - Fell Off the Chair andTripped Over My Schlong! WWJD? What about BLOW JOB MACHINES!

WWJD? - not read ads about fans even though Jerusalem and Nazareth are hotter than Saudi moose piss in the summer.
Try a dehumidifier too. If you can't afford AC you must learn how to s**k your own Schlong or die! LOL
The real historical Jesus was actually an extraterrestrial, a space-adventurer, sent out to explore and write novels about amusing civilizations (?) in the outer reaches of the Milky Way, and to nail a lot of poon, but also benevolently to improve the dna of Earth, and he failed big time in that endeavor.
His main goal was to eradicate basketball because of its moronicity, but the time machine fucked up, and bb had not yet been invented in ZERO AD! Remember Jesus early in Matthew going around asking people where the tall black guys were?
Jesus of Nazareth, of virgin birth (if you believe that, you're dumber than George Bush!)was not just a carpenter. He was an engineer, an alloy specialist with a minor in microengineering of devices with multiple function.
He missed the time thing by 2000 years and had only limited tools. He made great blowjob machines, but the Consumer Reports of Tel Aviv ran him out of town. Why? Splinters! Great machines, but the wood was always leaving splinters in everybody's schlongs. That is worse than a Jewish girl with braces!
I've always felt sorry for Jesus. He's part android now, lives on some planet in the middle of the MW, is 3.3 thousand years old, going on his seventh dick and 69th wife. Still pissed off about those time machines made by MicroPutz.
My first job was as a patent lawyer. My boss had a hilarious collection of patents issued or denied on sex machines.
He died last year and his fat-assed wife burned everything!
There is a whole new world of humor and pleasure in brilliantly engineered blowjob machines.
Where are they? Let's havesome URLs and info. LOL
Let's modify this thread to discuss blow job machines and which are the best!
I've not searched this, but surely there are millions, INDEED BILLIONS, to be made BY INVENTING EXTRAORDINARY blow job machines! MAXIBLOW.MULTIORG. VELVET-TONGUE.COM. ULTRAVIXEN-HOOVERETTE.MULTIORG.
IMAGINE THE BJM OF THE MONTH, WITH THE ARTISTICALLY SCULPTED FACE AND HEAD OF A DIFFERENT ULTRAVIXEM EVERY TIME, MAKING EYE CONTACT, winking and smiling. WITH AUDIO - (sorry about the uncooperative caplock) Delivered in a brown wrapper monthly that says: "Boring Spam."
"Oh, you taste so good. Fill me up with gallons!"
[An expression never uttered by a wife anywhere, anytime!]
"Let me lick and suck your creamy thang inside out!"
[My ex used to say that all the time, to the milkman.]
"Tastes like French Vanilla! Can I have more in a little while?"
"Oh God (or Jesus in the alternative), f**k me in the mouth!"
These expressions I am sure we all have heard a million times from women who promise the experience of a lifetime because they like images of Benjamin Franklin, whether by donation or alimony.
The Unholy Father
Curator, Vatican Patent Office
Section on Blowjob Machines and Five Speed Clit Lickers


-- Modified on 6/10/2002 12:55:38 PM