how dare you fuck  my husband! Cant find a man of your own?? Do you realize that you just took away my son's father? If I ever see another email from you to my husband, I will make it my personal mission in life to find everyone you know and tell them what a homewrecking whore you are. Do not email this address again!!!!!!. he told me everything and because of you, our son has lost his father. Do you understand what you have
done???.
You knew he was married, I hope you can sleep at night.

*****************************************

I was shocked to find that in my email box. I told her that yes I AM a whore, I CANT sleep at night and I do understand what I did. You see, we just dont see the devestation and repurcussions of what we do. What if your wife/girlfriend/so finds out? What wil she say? You think she's gonna think this is a "hobby"??? It feels good now, but what if you get caught? This guy was someone I actually cared about. He's lost his wife and a son he adored (and a lot more if the REAL truth comes out). So, is it all fun and games now guys? gals? This shit is serious people. We are playing with each others lives here. remember that.

hh

hush hush,
keep it down now,
voices carry...

It's sad that this lady ended up finding out about this.
However, if a guy chooses to see a provider and has a SO, there's a reason why he's not at home with his SO; 9 times out of 10 it's because his SO isn't doing something right, and/or the provider has something that the SO doesn't.
I am quite sure (or at least I hope) that all providers and hobbyists are aware of what they're doing when they do it.
And if you can't do what you do without feeling guilty about it, then you need to find something else to do.
I personally am in love with what I do and wouldn't care what anyone else had to say about it. I have had females contact me in the past, and in a nice, respectful, appropriate way have explained to them that shit happens.

Happy New Year to all and be safe!

Elite

Wow... Obviously the woman who sent you the email is in a lot of pain, but I think she's venting at the wrong person.  Honestly, to me this would be like sending an email to a bar if her husband was an alcoholic.  He sought you out, he's responsible for his actions, you are providing a service, not holding a gun to anyone's head.

It's hard to know the context of this incident in their marriage, (ie. first time, fifth time, etc) but if this is the sole basis for her leaving her husband then I suspect they didn't have that great of a marriage to begin with.  (Maybe that's why he's seeking the affection of strangers).

Anyway... I wouldn't beat myself up over it if I were in your shoes.  I if I sold him a yacht that he couldn't afford and bankrupted his family then I would feel badly that he excised such poor judgment, but I would still sleep at night.  Considering your lack of control over your clients judgment, then if you can't keep your role in the equation in proper perspective then I think you're sensitivity and empathy are admirable but ill suited for this business.

My 2 cents of the continually devaluing US currency.

Just like on Jerry Springer, don't blame the husband, blame the other woman.  Providers don't ask if a guy is married.  So how is it their fault when the guy has a wife.  The interaction between a provider and her client is nothing more than a business transaction like buying a new suit.  Yes it is more personal, but it still is a business transaction.  To hell with the irate wife and just let her vent her misplaced anger.

"Honestly, to me this would be like sending an email to a bar if her husband was an alcoholic."

Couldn't have said it better myself, although I'd have used "social drinker" instead of "alcoholic"

I feel for you.  

We provide a service in hopes we don't connect with anyone that can't handle the decisions they make for themselves.

I don't want to hurt anyone and I hope no-one I see decides to hurt their loved ones by dumping their guilt upon them.  How selfish and immature to think it's in anyway right to do so.

If you cheat, keep it to yourself.  It's not fair to dump on your SO and expect the guilt to go away.  You're just hurting those you love.

seduce him when his wife wasn't around.  He has to actively seek you out in the first place.

It is hard to say who is right or who is wrong in situations involving emotions and relationships.

You're in this to make money so that your life is a bit easier.  He was in this so that he could satisfy himself with sex/companionship/variety of women he couldn't get at home.  Besides, most likely, you are not the one he only saw outside of his marriage.

Best wishes.

As i have told my ATF, what happens within my marriage really doesn't have much to do with her other than diversion of resources to her.  You can't really lose your kids, particularly the younger ones unless the other spouse poisons them.  He may not live with his son and that really is a custody issue but that has nothing to do with you and more to do with how the couple works out their custody deal.

As for you, I thought from a couple of posts back that you had quit our little community.  You are reminding me of Al Pacino in the Godfather, always being pulled back into this against your will.  

If you are really going to leave us behind and I wish you well, you need to cut ALL the ties including your email addresses and your old phone numbers.  How do these people keep tracking you down?

You are really beating yourself up for problems that are not yours and you didn't create.  None of your former clients or their SO's are your concern or responsibilty.  You would really do best to find a support structure within your new life so you can truly get on with your life.

My best wishes to you.

I have often said that if a woman came home and found her husband in bed with another woman, and grabbed her gun to shoot = how many of you think she'd shoot her husband?
How many of you think she'd shoot the woman?

My guess is that she'd shoot the woman, and so it's not surprising to see emails, or get phone calls (as I did) from the wife cursing at you. First of all, they are in pain and anger; and secondly, they have no understanding of what we do.

I am not out to steal anyone's husband. I don't even want one.
So far, no one has even come close to getting emotionally attached to me, nor I them, and I don't think that will ever happen. Maybe it's just the way the sessions are, the kind of men I date, or something.
I conduct my business giving as much respect to the wife or SO as possible; no foul conversations about her are accepted, and it's my goal to not see a married man in his own home again, although I have done so. It really matters to me that her home is kept 'sacred'.

It is a business, it is a fantasy, and I'd like to think that when he returns home, he is a happier, more relaxed man for HER.

"Heav'n has no Rage like love to Hatred turn'd,
Nor Hell a Fury, like a Woman scorn'd"

 William Congreve, The Mourning Bride, 1697

See link for a hobby related news story.

-- Modified on 1/2/2004 9:07:52 AM

Don't beat yourself up over this HH. you are not to blame. Your client and possibly his SO are to blame. Your client is guilty of breeching his vows to his SO. His SO may be guilty of several areas of inattention to her duties as a wife.
   Some say that monogamy is unnatural. They may be right; However it is both noble and seems to be a common family dynamic in most all civilized cultures. The irony is infidelity is also common in all civilized cultures.

   As for me I'm divorced/single and am getting more cynical about the human condition every day

 IAATM

    Cm.


-- Modified on 1/2/2004 9:11:05 AM

for giving his email over to his wife and letting her send such a mean and threatening letter to the provider!

I would NEVER allow such a thing to be sent to my provider, ATF or otherwise.  She doesn't deserve this!

And this whole thing about the son lost his father - I don't buy it.  My father was caught cheating and there was a divorce.  I think it was for the best and my father was always there for me, financially and emotionally.  

Time for this hobbyist to stand up and be a man, take responsibility, and face the music!

If he's blaming the provider, or even allowing that to be perceived, he's a wimp!

If the guy went out to a bar and picked up a lady (non-provider) or had an affair with someone from work, would that make it better?  Although I don't have all of the information in this particular case, I'm fairly certain that the blame isn't on your shoulders.  If it wasn't you, it was going to be somebody else he sought.  I don't mean to sound unsympathetic but we're all adults here and take responsibility for our own actions.

Why not reply and tell her "actually I am working to keep you and your husband together..see I provide something for him that obviously you dont..and if I was not providing this service..he would be more likely to have an affair or a fling..which would bring so many uneeded complications to your lives..if he had an affair to get what he gets from me ,chances are the woman he was involved with would end up with feelings or an unwanted pregnancy or your friends may find out and embaress you more.by seeking out my services(he did seek me out) I will not call your husband when he is at dinner with you or a game with your son..I will not fall in love with him, or tell my coworkers we are sleeping with each other,or be seen together  out places,,see I am actually saving you the uneeded heartache that would surely follow if your husband had an affair..obviously he loves you..but needs something you are not providing..mabye its just  a change he sought out,mabye its to have a woman's undevided attention for an hour,,whatever the case may be..unknown by you I sleep very well at night,,because I feel better knowing I am actually working to save your marriage..to make your husband..whom I do not want to take from you..smile instead of coming home from work tired and aggravated.causing you both to argue unneededly.. I make him see how he is able to still be with the woman he loves at night..and spend an hour with me to bring a smile to his face..think of it as a quick fix to his male ego..instead of drinking after work or worse..You may send your Thank you note to my email address..you obviously already have it......send this to her..maybe you will change her opinion...

-- Modified on 1/2/2004 11:03:52 AM

-- Modified on 1/2/2004 11:04:44 AM

As long as married women continue to think their vaginas are golden, and mediocre sexual performance passes, the hobby among married men will continue to thrive.

And by the way, the tone that woman took, you can tell she's a cuntinuing source of inspiration for her husband.

you should get out of this business now.
All you did was have sex with the man.

Stop trying to lay guilt on the rest of this in this community for what we do...

hey maybe that is your goal in the first place?  Stir up, troll a little trouble.

If you truly are a provider, find another profession.  Obviously you do not have the emotional wherewithall to be in this one.

It is better to have loved and lost, much better!

ML

First off: Til Tuesday!! I always liked that band and still like her in her solo career.

Now to the point. I understand you feeling resposible especialy since you cared for him ... but lets face it YOU AREN'T RESPONSIBLE FOR THE ACTIONS OF OTHERS.

My seeing a provider is MY DECISION and the outcome of being found out is MY RESPONSIBILITY. True I'm single at the moment so if it did get out noone would be hurt but that doesn't change the fact that the decision was mine and mine alone. This guy should have taken into consideration what the consequenses would be if he was found out and taken measures to ensure that he wasn't. This is one of the reasons that I don't see providers when I'm in a relationship, I don't want anyone getting hurt and the feelings that occur when cheated on really suck (been on the recieving end). Take care and don't blame yourself too much (I know you won't stop, but try to remember you did nothing wrong).

PS, before Aug5 blasts me for any spelling errors: I'm a Chem. Eng. and have an MBA and I could NEVER spell.

Seldom

I have nobody in my life to piss off about this hobby, that is unless my mother were to find out, ha ha ha.

Since this was an email, perhaps this was just the way that client chose to end further contact with this provider.... imposing an angry wife!  That certainly would do the trick to suspend any further communication!

Or maybe not...

is so much easier to blame the woman. That's the one comment my client's wife made when she called:

"How could you do this? How could you do this to a woman, when you're a woman!?"

Absolutely!!  I get the woverwhelming feeling that this guy needs to send his domineering wife packing.  And, by the way, if it's true that she intends to make her own son "lose a Father," she's harming her son to get back at her husband for the fact that he likes strange pussy...my God, what a crime.

If this is all true I feel badly for all involved.

Jacksonlips

I think you're on to something.  The whole thing sounds a bit suspicious, especially the provider's response and attitude about it.  Yeah, I AM a whore, and I CAN'T SLEEP, and we should all really consider the lives we're ruining, all of us damned horny guys and girls.  Sorry.  I don't see it that way.  I'll bet the author of that post had a bible laying very close to his or her computer.

On the other hand, if I'm wrong, I do feel badly for all involved.  Not that I believe any of it is "wrong," rather all involved can not deal with the realities of human sexuality.  

Jacksonlips

For failure to adhere to basic security procedures. Here it is right here:

"Do not email this address again!!!!!!."

First of all, I cannot even imagine sharing an email address with ANYONE. AOL allows seven screen names, each with its own email address and mailbox. I imagine that competing ISPs would do the same thing, or at least provide more than one.

Second, if for some reason he had to share an email address with his wife, what do you think free email accounts are for? There are dozens of them out there: yahoo, hotmail, etc. Setting up an account takes five minutes. You can use an alias if you want to. The account resides on the Web, not one's hard drive. If you worry about spyware finding a message after you download it, go to the damned library.

This guy was asking for it.

Right on, Rebel!!

The whole time I was married, I felt like I was back in high school, always having to ask my parents permission to go downtown.

Let me just carry forward some of the logic that many have expressed in this thread.

Everybody has said that the provider is not responsible for the problems that apparently have been created.  She was actually providing a needed service which allowed the guy to escape his drab life and help preserve his marriage.

The same sort of logic can be applied to your the local crack dealer working on the street corner.  He is simply providing an escape to people who find their existence too drab without the drug.  He is not repsonsible for any problems that are created.  

The same sort of logic could be extended to a gangster like AL Capone who always stated that he was only giving the public what they wanted just like any other businessman.  He provided alcohol when it was illegal, gambling and prostitution which allowed people to escape their drab existence if only for a few hours.

I am not attempting to take any position or render any judgement other than to express a concept.

What's your point?  Are we supposed to be in a quandry given those examples?  I think drugs, gambling and prostitution should be legalized.  Next.

I was going through this thread wondering if anyone would say what you said Megan.   I agree totally with you and beg to differ with the insinuation by some that men see a provider inevitably due to some failure on by his SO.  In some cases this may well be true.  In my own case, seeing a provider time-to-time is what keeps me from having an affair which to me is a far greater offence to a marriage or longterm relationship.  Does my SO 'fail' in someway? Not in anyway that even the most provider would not ultimately fail in after several years, more or less. It is unfortunate that our society is so rigid about this topic.

Amazing that if all these 'vices' were legal, there would be less opportunity for crime/undeworld elements to paricipate. If there was never Prohibition, the Mafia would likely have never flourished in the USA.  Had we kept a large array of drugs 'legal', our prisons would have room for the rapists.  Prostitution?!  Imagine how work related health care (need to be legal for this one) would benefit all of us partaking in the world's oldest profession (provider AND client!).

on your part.  The logic is not limited to those specific acts but I am not going to attempt to do your thinking for you.

Good, because we should all do our own thinking.  That's what personal responsibility is all about and the key to this issue.  When the husband saw a provider he was thinking for himself.  The provider was not doing the thinking for him.

again.

-- Modified on 1/3/2004 3:27:47 AM

Actually I agree with you.  Then we would have room in the prisons to lock up all of the people who failed to show personal responsibility for their actions.  I could care less what drugs you choose to take in the privacy of your home.  When you get behind the wheel of your automobile under the influence of drugs or alcohol and then kill or maim somebody your sentence should be commensurate with the crime.  Since your victim is dead and the rape victim is presumedly still alive because the perpetrator is only being charged with rape then your sentence should be longer than his.  Actually in the Old Testament biblical theory of an "eye for an eye" you should be put to death.  Although I have heard a lot of people advocate the legalization of drugs I have found very few that are willing to honestly show the personal responsibilty for those types of stiff sentences related to being reckless with their use.



-- Modified on 1/3/2004 3:35:11 AM

I posted as misty and noticed my reviews glaring at me.  12 pages I think? LOL

I don't want to see them every time I post.   I'd have to call myself "gotlotsadick"

-- Modified on 1/3/2004 5:20:13 AM

I think thats a stretch... if the provider who recieved the letter feels she is in the wrong..then there is probably much more that she is not telling us..I would never ever feel guilty.everyone has a inner voice..some louder than others..you do what's right in every situation.saying that , I honestly feel what I do helps in most situations..most people get so bogged down with day to day life escaping for an hour is like a mini vacation..if its adding more stress than your obviously doing something wrong..

I don't personally think that monogamy is a natural state for many WOMEN... but since society has been, time out of mind, bashing it into our skulls that that's what good girls do, well... they do. And get bored silly. And thus their husbands look elsewhere, never realizing that the problem with their wives often involves boredom plus a conflict with feeling shame over desiring more sex, and more creative sex.

Monogamy moshmogamy!!! What better way to torture ourselves. Think outside the box, says I!

Hugs*
Tamara