Let's see what they come up with.  It is tough to sound fun but not send the wrong message

Posted By: Jordan_Carter

Give your intro. Feel free to post a photo if you'd like also lol. This is to be fun ok. Things have been way too intense, I'm looking for laughter But it wouldn't hurt to get a realistic intro so that we ladies know who to flirt with

To give an idea of an ad, I'm going to mock up 2 examples:

***ADS***

Male Provider 1: "Hey you. I see that you are missing something and curious to know if maybe there is another man that can fill the missing void in your life. We all need someone to confide in, trust and share our most intimate moments with. We have needs that must be fulfilled, but life doesn't always work out that way. What better than to have a companion you can trust with your deepest feelings, intimacy and passion for life? A man who can handle the real woman in you and loves being with you? No one is perfect. Everyone isn't for everyone. But there is someone for you. He may be me...I'm unsure. If we meet, its a secret between us that only we share. A secret with no strings attached and we both know what we are getting into. We also know the potential gain."



Male Provider 2: "My name is Gary and I will make you pop in ways you never thought you could. My chiseled abs, stamina and curved beefy Johnson will leave your body quaking for more. I will take care of you and make you feel like a queen! Pleasing women is my desire. I don't stop until you say "NO MORE!" I'm well versed in the alphabet (sex positions) and will help break your body in so that you can get it on like its the first time. Whether you are looking to spice up your love life and want some pointers or are looking for a regular tune up I am here for you. Satisfaction guaranteed."

I would start off by saying all the other guys probably have AIDS or STDs of some sort.  Then I would find some statistics to back up that claim with scientific research from a providence in West Belgium somewhere, for example.  Then I would say WATCH OUT for those other guys, or else you'll get arrested because they may be male prostitutes.  I however, am not one and I would explain in detail my social services and relaxing therapy techniques.  Followed a statement about what happens between two adults in the comfort of a Comfort Inn is their private, albeit comfortable, matter.

I would take tasteful cell phone camera shots of me in the mirror of a bathroom vanity.  If that did not work, I would post pictures of someone else's cock of huge size and explain later that I was having a bad cock day.  I would wax my back, crack and sack, but I'd wait three days have I heal.  But I do that anyway.

I would not up-charge for gs or anal.  I would give discounts for longer, bowling partner dates or euchre parties.  Some ladies may not be looking solely for sex, so its important to suggest things that they might like.  

One other thing.  If they want to see the pictures of me modeling ladies underwear, they have to write me for the website password to unlock those images in the pictures section.  Those are only for a select group of ladies that I determine are panty worthy.  

Okay, one last thing.  I might mention how they had better be looking at my ad through a proxy server from a hole in the wall coffee shop with WIFI under an alias of an alias, else someone could trace them and find out who they are.  By all means, lets avoid knowing each other.

Teddy bear with a tongue like the energizer bunny!

Hairy-assed, somewhat round, drama free FILF. Equipment is appropriately sized for portability and multiple uses. Easily excitable with multiple pops, guaranteed to make you feel like you know what you'r e doing. Luvs to drink pineapple juice.

the idea of writing an ad as I see it

you write the ad to attract the right kind of clients Soooo guys start thinking with your head, your big head that is.
If someone is reading your ad where ever you post it, they are already looking. You don't need to convince them they want this but screen out the ones you don't want to see.
Remember its always a sight unseen adventure on this end, so use your ad to screen out the losers and the low end of the scale.
Now since you are writing this ad to attract women and hopefully women with $$$ who will most likely come see you again you need to write the ad with a bit of class. Remember you are not the only ad out there.
What about you in that short ad and introduction sets you apart from all the other ads out there.
Plus women are who you are targeting as the readers of your ads. Women more than men want a full experience. Not all but most I'd say. use what women like to entice them.  Seduction is the key to your advertising success.
The ad needs to sound as if they are getting what THEY want out of it, not what you want. Stop thinking like a client and start thinking like a business person whos business is Seduction. This is key as I see it. They are alresdy drawn to the site that hosts the ads now set your ad apart from the norm, a bit more upscale to attract an upscale clientele.

Now try again

Mine would go something like this:

"Ladies, if you're looking for that special someone, that manly hunk that'll rock your world and blow your doors off, then I'm not the one for you. But if your taste goes toward 60-year old, gray-haired men (what little hair is left), who are under-endowed (and can't get it up anyway due to med issues), slightly overweight, largely under-handsome, then I'm the guy for you!. Call today at BR-549. Hurry, cause my appointment book is filling up fast (Not!!)"

You are the Center of my Universe

Have you had enough of monosyllabic "conversation" and ache for something more? Are you feeling unappreciated after a hard day of work? Are you tired of uneducated creeps with gigantic beer-bellies pawing at you like a chunk of meat? Lumps who never want to do anything with you? It's time to give me a call, and get the royal treatment you truly deserve.

I'm a cut-above the rest. Well-educated in a variety of fields, I am also a martial arts instructor, certified hypnotist, massage therapist (specializing in therapeutic swedish techniques) and have an EU expert diploma in human sexuality. I know how to create a safe, welcoming and comfortable cocoon from which you will emerge reinvigorated and renewed. A bubble bath and a relaxing hot oil massage await you! Who knows what may follow?

Would you like me to lend you an ear? It can be frustrating when you are speaking, and the listener keeps interrupting with "solutions" when all you really need is an attentive and responsive listener who cares. I'm a good listener -- you'll see. But sometimes a woman wants intelligent and witty conversation as well, and as an accomplished public speaker you'll find me able to address practically any subject you desire without the competitive aspects that can turn attempts at conversation with men into pedagogical monologues.

Have you ever discovered that getting a man to take you dancing or to a museum is like pulling teeth? Not with me! With you as the center of my universe, I love dancing and enjoy culture. Having been formally trained in etiquette, I am also an excellent companion in social situations, never failing to impress co-workers or relatives. I am widely traveled, and you'll find me a bastion of safety wherever we may go.

As for my personality you will find me warm, accessible, caring, kind and genuine with a self-deprecating sense of humor and a desire to please. I'm a poor actor, so if I seem to be enjoying your company, it is because I am genuinely enjoying you.

Time with me is a guilt-free experience with safety and discretion assured, so contact me in advance for a date you'll remember for years to come.

Come North to share the warmth of my oasis in the Vermont woods. The soothing aroma and gentle crackle of a roaring fire, a plush, warm rug, and a glass of wine awaits you in my cabin. Miles from the stress of civilization, we can indulge in each other's deepest fantasies. Whether you are in the mood for a slow, close, naked dance to smooth jazz, a warm, sensous soak in the freshly-cleaned hot tub, or a wild ride to ecstasy, your wishes will be attended to. As a mature man, I will take my time, caressing your skin with gentle, knowledgeable touch and soft, deliberate kisses, and I will caress your mind with aroma, sound, and atmosphere. As a fit and flexible man, I will raise your heart rate, driving you down the path not taken like a Porsche, with strength and high-energy rhythm. I will make you laugh, purr, sing, moan, and howl. Romance, recreation, or rock-and-roll? Would you like to be in my arms, or on your knees? It's up to you! Please add $100 if you'd like a video copy of our session!

my ad

i am not so pretty and i am really not wealthy enough to be interesting. so i budget carefully. my various endowments are so tiny that they are usually not mentionable. the only part of me that really still works is my tongue. i am also a nice guy. so i always finish last. the only sort of companionship i can possibly provide is that i am somewhat clever, engaging, charming and like everyone to be happy. i am a connoisseur of fine music, exquisite cuisine, can identify classified Bordeauxs by vineyard and vintage blind, and i absolutely adore women.

hourly rates negotiable. no donation is toosmall. i know my place in the world.

Hello, my name is Gustaf.

I have one driving passion - your pleasure.  Leave your worries and cares at the door and let me melt away your inhibitions and in the end I'll leave you shuddering  and daydreaming about the next time you can be in my arms again.

I am your carnal fantasy.  I'm not your boyfriend or husband or guy pal - I am the tall, handsome, chiseled stallion that resides in your wettest fantasies that wakes you sweating and breathless in the middle if the night.   Only now you can live out that dream and I will give you that sweat release your body aches for, over and over again....

I am only a phone call away.

555-213-HUNK
Email:  [email protected]

Please visit my website at:  www.wetdreamscometrue.com

Rates:

1/2 hour - dreams don't come true in a half an hour sorry
1 hour - best $300 you will spend and you are worth it.
2 hours - $500 good chance you will leave with a limp.

Extended sessions are available and I will carry you out to your car because you may but be able to walk.

Uniform requests accepted if provided in advance.