Ladies and Gents,
This will be my last post and day on TER. So I wanted to leave you with a topic that will allow provider and client alike to rip me to shreds over it if they so desire. May as well go out with a bang!
Its been a great site and all of you have helped very much. Thanks to the moderators who, while pissing us off sometimes, do a fantastic job of keeping things cool. Keep it up!
I committed a couple of I now understand are a couple of the ULTIMATE sins of the hobby. Yes, I am new, but ignornace of the "rules" is no excuse. I'm an intelligent person. I should've known or have been able to figure them out: they aren't really that hard and make sense in trying to protect both provider and client. Unfortunately my emotions over took my head, both of them.
I have listed those sins below so that anyone and everyone can add to them to help others not make the same stupid mistakes. Yes, I know this topic has probably been on the board a million times already, but it never gets old, and people still do the stupidest things, like me, that others would regard as simple knowledge. These must be repeated constantly!! So, beat me up if you must for dragging the board membership through this yet once again, but I think it is worth it.
Ways to Really Piss Off Providers and Ruin the Whole Experience and Fantasy for Yourself at the same time:
1. NEVER, EVER forget that this is a BUSINESS First, Foremost and Always. Without the money, there would be no girl. Some of the girls are so good at what they do, at their JOBS, gentlemen, that it is easy to forget this is nothing but a BUSINESS and think that something else is going on, or could. NO! DO NOT get caught up in this mind fuck trap. They are nice to you BEFORE the session for a reason. They are nice to you AFTER a session because they are hoping for a regular, if she liked how you performed. Those are the ONLY two times that you should contact a provider, to set up a session, or to end a session, from what I have learned.
2. NEVER EVER contact the provider after the event, even if it is just to say "thanks". That easily leads to a place in your mind you don't want to go. See rule #1. Call, e-mail, or PM ONLY for future business transaction related reasons. Post to the board for all else; they don't control the boards. They are public. You simply CANNOT afford to let yourself think that you can be friends, lovers, anything but client and escort. Pretty Woman was a fucking MOVIE for God's sake. It ain't like that at all. Aint; ever going to be, and thus my own fall from grace. I learned these things too late.
3. Never, EVER talk to other providers or agencies about previous providers, your experience, or to say what a nice person the companion was. Even if it is just to say "Hi, banged one of your business mates the other night, she was great. what you got going?!" There is no "sisterhood of providers" out there, and you can just get yourself in way deeper by not following this rule. See rule #1. When you leave a providers room (or vice-versa), pretend she moved to Australia and will never be heard from again. If you ever get the guts to want to see here again, assuming that would even be a possibility from her perspective if you screwed up too much (in her perspective), then you can pretend she just came back to the US for a short visit. But for all that is holy KEEP YOUR EMOTIONAL DISTANCE AT ALL TIMES!!!!
These are the three major ones I violated. I am probably now a DNS list somewhere by many providers who keep in touch with those I pissed off in two short days.
Thats OK, I visited this world, gave it a try, made some mistakes, and learned from them. That is what life is all about right? It is all good.It is what it is. And you can always move forward. I did get something valuable out of this experience, a little better attitude.
I encourage other clients and providers to add to this list other broken rules, regulations, unmentioned, etc., to remove some of the secrecy of this whole process and avoid unfortunate misunderstanding that lead to more misunderstanding and hurt feelings....for the good of the order. Or simply blast the ones I have put out there and tell me how stupid I am. It's all good.
My last comment on the subject. To those out there who I know read this board and post fairly often, if you are one of the ones I offended, "creeped out", interfered with your business, bothered, intruded in your life, and the multitude of other sins I supposedly committed in a week long period in just two simple sessions, I am asking for your understanding. I apologize for all of it. I hope that can be enough for you, because at this point it is all I have. If not I will just have to live with it.
So there it is. I hope it is helpful to someone since it is my last effort. I hope the moderator takes pity on me and actually posts it on the GD board.Goodbye, good luck, and BE SAFE out there. Oh, and take care of each other too. EVERYONE needs friends.
God Bless You All! I have to go back and try to save my OTHER world now.......
....gives a shit!!!!!
Happy Easter.
As with John's posts,I had an HOUR to kill.
Your rules are quite RIGID.
You think you're the only here who has 'sinned'?
Good Luck on the OUTSIDE.
Post on the board that you are leaving the hobby. Who really cares? Not the girls who you supposedly offended. I'm sure they are well on to the 10 or 15th customer since seeing you.
If this is not for you don't post your sudden departure as some sort of a downer for all the other non-mangina participants here on this board, or even your regional board for that matter. Just fade away into the night or day as it may apply.
You clearly believe you are a victim somehow. You are not.
It shouldn't have come as some big, shocking revelation that you are not supposed to pester and harass people. That is not some secret "rule". It's just common decency.
you pays your money and you takes your choice
anything else thst seems to be there is often illusory - the stuff of our own needs wants hopes and dreams
the escort biz is a fantasy, an illusion
thinking it is anything more, allowing yourself to believe that it is anything more, is the slippery slope...
and you don't have to be a newbie to fail the test that this little world confronts us with
I respect all of you on this board but sometimes some of you (not naming names) sound so cruel and jaded like you have been hurt by a provider or something but you continue to hobby but stay emotionally closed. I have been doing this for about 6 months and I feel like I have made some connections beyond inserting my dick into a vagina. I realize it's a business but do we have to be so cold hearted about it. What happened with some personal intimacy and closeness? I know myself well enough to know I won’t get too attached like the OP but I also feel that this hobby can provide a little more than just getting your dick wet. Maybe I'm living in a fantasy world too but that's how I feel. Why can’t there be a middle ground here. What the OP did is way left and some of you guys are being way right. Just my .02.
all Mangina's to the left and real hobbyist men to the right, does not get any simpler.
I suggest you join the dark side on the right and soon, before its too late.
as you keep your head screwed on straight.
With the right lady I can be "romantic"
but I do not let that distract me from the service aspect of the arrangement
nor do I let the lovely fantasy go to my head.
Great you learned a life lesson...get over it go forth man..stay or be gone but forget about her and her feelings cause she has forgotten about you, unless you are still pestering her!
Its very simple actually.
Be yourself. Respect yourself and others. Most of all, have fun.
Fucking duh!
And for the record, #2 is bad advice. Most providers appreciate a nice follow up e-mail or call after a special date. There's nothing wrong with it at all. Now incessant emails everyday and frequent phone calls will get you on her DNS list fast.
Just leave the lady and her provider friends alone.
you can color it any way you want to but the truth about you and your behavior is out known and believed.
you are in no way a victim you are a stalker.
you give this business a very bad taste. you don't belong here.
stop trying to drag this onto the boards she obviously wants to wash her hands of you. This continuing behavior is certain proof of your unstable personality.
we all know all about you by now. The truth.
It is good that you came to your senses sooner then later.
For the record, I am not agreeing with everything you are saying, just most of it.
The hobby is not meant for everyone and you are correct by making a speedy retreat.
You see the problems begin when some of these clowns stay in the hobby knowing full well there are boundaries, but they lack discipline and self control. Not all of them are manginas either and some of them are also providers.
I would much rather see a post like yours as opposed to seeing some of these sniveling whiteknights slobbering over providers on threads like wounded puppies.
Good luck.
have little choice but to accept them as they are.
Without you they will have no direction and will splinter into smaller mangina groups, all jumping at the sight of their own shadows. There will be mass confusion without their captain.
Bibs tissues all around!
Hobbying ain't for everyone.
For one thing, having sex with a woman you barely know with the total absence of everything that usually surrounds it can be very disconcerting for the unprepared.
For another, it can be downright strange to have sex with a woman who is so afraid of what you may do that she takes pains to hide her identity. It is the total contradiction of what sex usually means in the real world.
This stuff can cause issues. For you, it obviously did. Sorry 'bout that. Hobbying just ain't your bag.
The important thing here is that you save your REAL world. You know, the world that is IMPORTANT and that likely contains a woman who actually LOVES you.
Any further participation in this world for you endangers the important one.
As for your rules ... well, in general I'm sure they apply. I march to my own drummer and make up my own rules, though.
I certainly don't agree with your lessons as written. Some of us do care about our lady friends but we also know the limits. An occasional e-mail after a nice date. Some time to catch up without intruding into their private life.
This hobby is not for everyone... and maybe not for all phases of one's life. If you have found these activities not to your liking than you have learned a life lesson.
Go forward from here.
First and foremost, posting variations of this message on three different boards is of and in itself, a cry for attention or help.
There are many companions and clients who enjoy intimate relationships and friendships; not a day goes by that I don't speak with or interact with a client. No, it's not necessarily "client maintenance" - more often than not it is genuine affection and fondness for the men with whom I have spent hundreds of hours with.
Having dated SEVERAL clients romantically, yes, this business can lead to so much more- deeply satisfying, enriching friendships and relationships which enhance the quality of our lives both client and provider.
With that being said
These things develop *naturally*, in its own time-
it cannot be cultivated by internet stalking someone and reading each and every one of their posts, making assumptions about their friendships, relationships, public persona, private life or the intersection of the two.
Unfortunately, there is no sisterhood of providers that some of you have obviously romanticized in fantasies of pillow-fights, makeouts and gossip about clients.
I am one of the providers that you contacted in regards to the object of your fixation and no, I didn't respond because it was so obviously an attempt to open a line of conversation about a woman that I admire, respect and LOVE (no, she is not my mentor, another one of your ASSumptions- I've been in the business longer than she has and have far more cumulative experience).
I am glad I did not respond as one who did commented that you immediately sent her NINE private messages.
You are OUT OF CONTROL. The excessive PMing, the theatrics- its all quite ridiculous and telling as to your current state of mind.
Many of us enjoy private friendships and true love with other participants that will go far beyond our involvement with this business.
You however, will not because you're too self-absorbed to realize that you are using this business to absorb the shock or pain of whatever else is going on in your life.
You can't insinuate yourself into the lives of public "hobby" participants by reading a series of posts and commenting on them with faux familiarity. The members here who display public affection have known each other for YEARS- not two mind fuck appointments.
The funny thing is, your provider was classy and discreet enough to only initially tell me that she was having difficulty with a client whose expectations were too extreme- I knew no specifics of you until you until one day ago!
I feel so badly that she felt that she had to keep your psychotic behavior in confidence, avoiding sharing her burden with even me!
I'm one of her best friends in the business and she didn't even betray your trust as a client by telling me what she was enduring!
And yet here you are, slandering her- referring to her with your cryptic half-ass messages doing everything short of revealing her because you didn't get the outcome that you wanted (only God knows what that actually was! A friend? A non-business lover? A confidant? This isn't Match-fucking.com! REAL relationships occur in this business with mutual trust, honesty and chemistry!)
Page long PMs are NOT okay! Psychoanalysis per discussion board postings is NOT okay (judge your potential provider, choose your potential provider by her public postings - understandable, but keep your judgment to yourself!). Mutliple PMs, emails etc are NOT okay!
Do you understand how many hundreds of people a well-known, public or popular provider will correspond with in the course of a week? A month? Yet you assume that its kosher to send the mail that you've sent or lay the emotional burden that you've placed upon her? Multiply your behavior times 5! Or 10! Or 20!
Do you know what clients who exhibit the behavior that you have do? They run our tags after outcalls! They show up at our homes! The try to figure out ways to insinuate themselves in our lives! Is that the kind of person you are? If you aren't, we can't tell!
You wanted a provider, you got a damn fine one- only you couldn't just relax and enjoy the companionship of a woman who just wanted to show you a good time!
Now get yourself a shrink like the rest of America and be quiet!
I hate to show my ass like this in public but this woman does NOT deserve to be raked through the mud like this!
Be quiet! I wish that you and your half-truth pity-party posts would just evaporate!
You are tearing my friend to shreds with your behavior! Just because YOU have no concept or understanding of boundaries doesn't mean that you should put your newly formed cynicism off on others or preach to people who view this board! MOST clients here have at least one lady with whom they are truly friends or lovers because they know how to respect our space and business! Your issues are your own!
in a word dude, you are a "douche".
Thank you.
AR
Oh Ally, great post!
...Until the wheels fall off!
LOL
Life in the hobby is not as black and white as this particular guy would like to think...Or at least, it doesn't have to be. What happens beyond the envelope however is a rare and natural progression between two mature and reasonable adults. I know nothing about this guy's apparent crash and burn in the hobby but it sounds like, based on what I'm reading here, he has already blown it in the trust department ad once trust is gone there is nothing left. It appears from his posts here there really is no hope for the guy ever having a clue...
Well, I don't necessarily agree with your title here, but beleive it or not, I find no argument with most of your points. I think you give me too much credit for being coniving though.
As to the whole thing about "outing" the provider and giving her a bad reputation and all that. I have NO IDEA where all that came from. None of that was ever my intnetnion. and about posting? I was never informed that this was some kind of private club taht not everyone could join. sorry.
I am sorry that she is feeling "ripped apart." That does sadden me. She is a classy lady and a kind one to boot. I never debated taht and I was never angry. she shouldn't have any emotional baggage to be carrying form me, taht is for sure.
Long PM's and e-mails are my way everywhere in my civie life, nothing special because she is a prpvider, but, I see your point over that perfectly clearly now.
Look, she has nothing to worry about. I had two nice times with her, she got the gifts, I made a mistake and "fell" for her in that short time, realized my mistake, and am moving on. I don't know what else you coudl want or what else I can do to rectify things.
All of you guys can hate me and if it makes you feel better curse me and call me a dangerous person and all that stuff, but it didn't change who I really am, it doesn't change that I made a mistake, it doesn't change that I still respect and admire the provider I saw for many more reaosn than just being good at her job, and it doesn't change that I really am sorry.
Certainly, I never, ever watned to "rip her to shreds" however I am doing that. She has nothing to worry about, never did.
As I said in a later ost here, I think a lot of my concepts above were misinterpreted. They were MY mistakes, not hers, not other providers, not other clients.
Respecting space, honoring boundaries, etc., is something that I failed at big time, I have absolutely no argument there at all. Issues? Sure, I have issues, don't we all.
This has gotten completely out of hand. I never wanted to rake ANYONE through the mud or anythign even close.
I wish her nothing but the best. really. and I am shutting up and leaving to boot. geesh.
Besides my posting above, in which I indicate that I believe the hobby is not a good place for everyone -- and that you really need to get back to your family for your own good -- I would like to disabuse you of one notion.
That is the notion that genuine relationships cannot occur within the hobby.
They most assuredly can and do.
Admittedly, that isn't what I was looking for; but I would have to say that I have a couple of really good friends who are providers. When I say "really good friends" I'm not using a euphemism for something romantic or exaggerating. These are people with whom there is a substantial amount of linkage of our respective lives on a daily basis.
And this is most assuredly NOT based on money. One of these provider friends I see for a session 6 x a year or so. She sure as hell isn't getting rich on that. But, of course, outside of sessions we mutually help each other in a variety of ways.
And this just really happened naturally over a period of several months. A while back she remarked that, based on our first session, she never would have guessed what good friends we'd eventually become. I agreed. It was surprising.
But here is the thing. If she and I had met at a seminar, political event or anything like that; we still would have eventually become friends because all those commonalities in interests and worldview would have come out. Hell, it probably would have been sooner because in a session there isn't much time for chit-chat; and most of it steers far away from the areas where we have commonalities.
So -- yes, there CAN be genuine relationships in the hobby. But it is NOT the hobby that causes them. The hobby just serves to bring people together. Most of the time, it's pretty much fee for service just like any other transaction. But sometimes, people become friends. Other times, there are even romantic involvements. Usually, these are fortuitous but unplanned/unsought.
Thing is, MOST of the hobby is a sort of friendly acquaintance two-ships-that-pass-in-the-night sort of thing. People have limited capacities, no matter how nice they may be, to add people to their circle of friends. I can't be close personal friends with 290 people. I'm genetically limited to about 15 according to anthropological research. Well -- providers are limited too. They just *can't* be close personal friends with all their clients. Even if they would love to, they can't. It's not humanly possible.
I'm not sure what has happened here; but I definitely agree it is time for you to exit the hobby. The hobby is a strange place in a lot of ways and it can be hard to adapt to it. Just like not every woman can cut the mustard as a provider; not every man can be a hobbyist. Being a successful hobbyist requires a great deal of personal knowledge of one's own limitations as well as self-discipline in an arena filled with the most powerful of temptations.
You have at least owned up to the limitations and that is a start. I recommend just plain cold turkey. And, just for good measure, take all the money that WOULD have gone into hobbying, and spend it on vacations and stuff for your wife. You'll be amazed how much, and how much better, sex you'll get at home with that focus.
Good luck!
Promise?
Always have, always will.
I think it's horseshit you can't be friends with providers. They're fucking people, too. What? Because they sell their bodies? I sold my soul to my job. WTF difference is there?
I talk with some of these ladies. Either on the phone, email, PM, or text. Some everyday. 2 or 3 times a day. And talk about shit other than the 'hobby'.
Some of them have lives. Kids. Jobs. Their world doesn't revolve around our dicks.
Yeah, some are 'hyper-sexual', and figure 'WTF. Might as well get paid for it.'
So fucking what?
You got burned. Guess what? Me too. And I'll get burned again. And again, and again. That's life, fucker!
Go cower and hide. I'm here for the experiences. I'll get fucked and do some fucking in the process.
Peace!
You can't be in the hobby if you have a problem with falling for providers. Take some time away from hobby and explore relationships with people around you. You'll find it way more satifuying
I think there has been a misinterpretation or misunderstanding of my OP. It certainly wasn’t meant to infer that I was somehow mistreated or cheated by the provider. In fact, it wasn’t a commentary on anything about providers; it was about me being an idiot. I was no victim at all, as someone seemed to think I thought. She was exactly as her web site portrayed and true to her reviews. I understood her contribution for her time and the gifts were exchanged without any difficulty whatsoever. And for me at least, it was an enjoyable dinner and a good time all the way around, followed by an equally enjoyable evening of conversation and companionship on a second meeting. She was simply wonderful. So if somehow anyone took my comments as ANY kind of disapproval of the provider, or the business in general, you are 100% wrong.
I was, in fact, generally commenting on the things that I did wrong. I made mistakes AFTER the meetings that have led to all of this. My biggest sin was allowing myself to be enamored with her and forget that this is a P4P first, foremost, and almost singularly. I forgot that once that door closed, the “relationship” was over. That was MY mistake, no one else’s, and I have owned up to it. I’ve apologized. I’ve backed off. I’m leaving TER. I don’t know what else I can do to make up for beginner’s mistakes (does this make me a “mangina” somehow—being apologetic!?)
Its Easter people. It a fresh start, a new day. I feel renewed. How about a little understanding and compassion for a change? I’ve reconciled myself with it all. Forward, always forward, never backward, right?
You said it was going to be our last post...and yet you are still here...
we misunderstood he was all done gone for good fare the well Good bye forever yada yada yada...
AS thegrimmfami ter handle
NOW Back all shiny and new all better and a different person all together tgf2010...lol yup hes gone for good!!! LOL
Just Pathetic simply Pathetic.
You TRACKED all of her posts, trying to figure out what she really was all about. ALL of her posts, how much time did you spend on this???
So are you REALLY leaving now??? You changed your handle like we won't know it's YOU!
Try E Harmony, you should fit right in...only the women there aren't as HOT,lol!!!
we already know what a fruitloop you are.
what happened to * Good bye cruel world* looks like you plan on stayin and screwin up some other poor unsuspecting girls life AGAIN!
try following the whole thread, or all three threads by this simple borderline stalker *BF* wannabe.
No its no crime but last we heard this stalker was leaing for ever. Lies lies lies. Great lil pitty party he threw for himself though. lol
I have no clue who the guy is or where the other two threads are. And no I did not read this entire thread. I frankly posted because a couple of people asked if I was an alias involved in it and I posted to show I am not. That's all.
Press on brother.