ne the weirdest/funniest things a young provider told me made me scratch my head and later laugh out loud.  

.....I swooned.
It made me laugh and also made me realize how few of us female mongers engage in this beloved hobby

Took one look at the four or five bottles of lube I had and said, "Are you a whore?"

Why am I getting a mental picture of you in a strap on?

One client said he's never been with a Russian like me before....Ah yeah that's because I'm Latina! My hurt for days after that!

I think he meant your "Russian" moves ... Your boobs are big enough 😜

And yes,Roxy. You know her!

I picture her as "lipstick" as opposed to bull dagger/truck diver fattie.

But come to think of it.......the possibilities are interesting!

I seldom listen to what providers say, and what I do hear is usually out there. Once I thought a provider told me she had a loose pussy, I misunderstood what she was saying. Another provider told me she had a pimp, but he was nice because he sent her children money, and another provider told me if I came in her pussy, we would be fighting.  

That would be s true assessment

..... black and served on the rocks.

Go read the review. I laughed so hard!

the most filthy and offensive joke I had ever heard.

During the down time I was idle talking about something and she said "shut the fuck up" I laughed so hard it took a moment for me to realize she was back to sucking me. A lovely, spirited, sexy, fun young lady.

This makes it sound like you were barebacking her, Vern.  Say it ain't so.

Everyone makes mistakes sometimes, I'm only human... Don't worry I never came.

In town, local provider. I contact her. I get verified, then she tells me that she thinks she knows me, that I am a friend  of her father. What!! How do you know that? So I keep telling her that NOW I HAVE to meet her. She says no. So, I really liked her looks but saw and read some things that I thought she could do to look more professional. I emailed her like four things to do. She called me and said okay, we can meet because she now realizes I am cool and a nice guy. I arrive with no appointment and we meet. Guess what, we are total and perfect strangers. After deep french kissing a bit on her bed, I had to leave (she was just leaving her downtown hotel) but we have been together several times. Pretty crazy shit!

tied with an early BP experience: "I don't kiss, but we can since you have teeth."

ME: That's not your belly button either

Yes It's lord day.....Jesus hang out with prostitutes.Jesus had compassion...

So evey dick you put in your mouth you have a rabbi bless it....LOL

I don't think any race is superior

For some strange reason, I've never had a Russian provider. lol. I wonder what kind of pounding they could take!?

I'm going to have to pay YOU!"

Saw a provider twice, and each time I had clothing requests (lingerie, sexy businesswoman, nothing too extreme). During our 2nd session, I was talking about seeing her again and she was wondering if I was gonna make her dress up as Supergirl. She isn't a provider anymore, but if I saw her again, I wouldn't have asked her to dress like Supergirl (maybe Batgirl or Poison Ivy since the provider was a redhead

...she was referring to your tongue?

Oh wow this is hard.  
Was she Blonde?
Jewish?
LOL

My second favorite was, ' I don't care how many bottles of Ciroc you buy me Drew ... I'm not putting my tongue up your ass ' or something like that.

-- Modified on 1/7/2016 12:31:13 AM

And look what that got him.  
 

You seem like a little puppy dog. What's up with that?