Hi Folks. I'm in NYC, and occasionally I have gone for the massage treatment. Now up until last week, it was an hour of something nice that took care of some physical needs for me. I even had a regular gal I saw, but it was always about the hour I was there.

OK, so last week I wanted an erotic massage, and decided instead to look on Eros. Then found good reviews here of a visiting provider, so I made a call and off I went.

First, she looked incredible and was fantastic. Second, as I asked her about herself, she shared things that had me feeling she was one special woman (travel, helping in poor nations, education...).  She was also complimentary to my mutual touching, which threw me off. Now I wasn't sure what was real.

2 days later, I wanted more. Made the call, went back, more personal info shared, and this time the session was a lot more mutual and passionate. Not even really a massage this time, more like being together on a massage table. At the end of that session, we're talking exchanging emails to stay in touch. I get home, zip off an email thanking her again with art we had discussed attached, and I'm letting her know I'm available if she wants to do museums and whatnot while in town, if there's time. I felt like this was crossing a line, but I did it anyway.

Saturday rollas around and I want more contact with this person. I make the appointment. She asks if I'm not in a ruxh this evening, would I like to pick up some wine and hang out first for a while. So what do you think I say to that?

We're over there, talking, finding out more about each other, she gives me a nice little gift from the country she's teaching in (she's American). I gove her a CD of my art. There feels to me like there's some mutual connection. Time to go in the bedroom. I have every intention of paying. She feels awkward asking, and I assure her it's fine. Besides our play, we talk a little about "out there" and "in here" and how do I feel about that. I was afraid to say I hope we can get to know and like each other and just let things unfold. Instead I make a joke about how I'll give her massages for free. She's also considering moving here.

End of an incredible evening, she's got to meet friends wishing her goodbye. We talk more about staying in touch, as well as her encouraging me to see a friend when she's in town. But now there is only one massage provider for me.

End of her stay and I'm obsessng now. I don't believe she's gone, I was played, I haven't heard from her. I'm shooting of emails and making phone calls. Feeling awful each time. Now tryingto let go, live life, thinking it would be nice to hear from her someday.

I went in wanting a massage, got opened up in ways I didn't know I was closed, and came out wanting a girlfriend. Can you tell this is really on my mind?

and you have my sympathy.  But, were you played?  Did this woman lie to you?  Did she deceive you?  Or did you allow your emotions to trick you into believing something was happening that simply wasn't?  I don't ask these questions rhetorically; I really don't know the answers.  I simply pose these points to help you achieve a little perspective.

It's very easy to become emotionally involved with many of these ladies.  It fact, it's amazing -- given how delightful many can be, and given the depth of the GFE service they provide -- that more men don't fall into this self-made trap.  When I was new, it happened to me.  And it hurt.  And I was bitter.  It's hard to come away from such an experience without being cynical.  But when the fog cleared, and I asked myself the same questions I posed at the start of this post, I realized I had not been played...at least not by her.

Once I got past my cynicism and began to understand that my emotional responses were really biological in nature; that these responses were perfectly normal given the stimulus involved, I started having a much better time.  Ironically, once I learned to discount my responses to these ladies as simply biological, I did meet a provider, and she and I did fall for each other.

The relationship lasted about a year.  It faded for the same reasons civilian relationships fade, and I have no regrets.

Yea I don't know what's what right now. I've had plenty of one night stands with civilian ladies and have not felt this way. They just weren't as interesting as people. I was really thrown off by a few things, in particular the last night where we hung out and I got gifts.

I don't know if he was saying what I wanted to hear, but a friend who counsels people (providers included) thinks I made an impression, and she now has her reasons for not getting in touch (busy now, processing feelings). But since I could be counted on, I'd probably hear from her when she returns.

Another question I have is: Why be so incredibly nice and give extra time and etc.? Payment's guaranteed for the night anyway.

Yeesh.

Thanks again.

Good response.  For that reason I seldom go back a 2nd time unless a fair amount of time goes by, especially if it is what I consider a passionate encounter.  I alsways love 'em for the moment and when my time is up I start the search for the next moment.
Billy

I wouldn't say you were "played" at all.  Any relationship is organic, whether it's with a provider or a civvie.  It's a living thing and has its own growth curve and lifespan.  Maybe she's not great w/ emails or maybe she's afraid of getting involved or maybe her computer's down. That's only one piece of it. You'll be back and be able to see her in due course... or you can invite her to meet you somewhere.  

Relationships w/ providers can often be wonderful, significant relationships, but they don't work the way civvie relationships do -- at least not in my experience.  And that's what makes them really, really special.  So my advice:  let it be what it is, and let it grow naturally.  Don't give up, but don't be a pest!

PS -- With all due respect, at this stage, try to think more about her and her interests and less about yourself.  

-- Modified on 5/3/2004 12:26:17 PM

It sounds like she definitely liked you--giving you a gift and encouraging you to hang out is unusual (I do that only for my favorite regulars, not someone I just met unless he WAS special.)

However, think of it as a vacation romance. There was a real connection, you both had fun, but she left and her "real life" took over (which may even include a boyfriend.)

If she doesn't reply to a couple of messages, it's a polite way to say that the "vacation romance" is over. I wouldn't pursue it further...instead go on with your life as you are trying to do, and enjoy all the great memories.

You obviously got emotionally attached to the lady, and it was a wonderful experience. It was a great experience while it lasted but you must go on with your life.
Perhaps she has a boyfriend and felt she could not handle this friendship, perhaps she was getting emotionally attached herself. Whatever the reasons are,just try to have fun and get on with your life.

but don't change your e-mail address for at least a year! - You never know!!!

Long story short, sorry she didn't get in touch sooner, reasons, I can call her whenever. So this is interesting and nice.

Mainly, I've come to realize (yet again) a lot about myself and my insatiable need for attention. (Childhood issues, don't know if you guys delve into that.) Like I said before, some people press the right buttons when I least expect it. I confuse spending a lot of time on my own with handling the problem.

I appreciate the input you folks are sending.