This takes a completely different turn, mods, so that's why I made it a separate thread. (of course, if in your wisdom you decide otherwise, that's no biggie to me.)

The key background story here is two years ago I caught my wife cheating. Enough that I had her by the proverbial balls (or ovaries). Initially, she was very apologetic and we went through the usual: me- revenge sex spree (leading to many reviews here on TER and slightly increased economic prosperity for a certain demographic of the NY/NJ area) and divorce threats, her- repeated mea culpas, and then we made up (with awesome amakeup sex), in that order. Then, I was dragged (literally) through couples therapy (so i was punished again both financially and psychologically). It was quiet for 8 months or so, but now again around the same time of year as before, this drama has started up.

It's not an annual female cycle thing, so I'm thinking either she's fed up with the atonement or bad husband-ning and/or hooked up with some guy and wants out. Or that woman's intuition thing that someone suggested earlier is playing out but is misdirected.

Don't want the Johnny boys to think you are being disrespectful...

So, she went out and got some strange...it's ok for her, but the mere thought of you doing it sends her into a nonsensical rage.

There's a term for this...it's called "Border-line Personality Disorder". Your therapist should have picked up on it. There are some good books on this subject. You should get educated on it. But before Amazon even delivers it, run don't walk away from this.

I just watched a friend go through this. It fucked him up for a long time. You cannot win in this scenario, the only thing you can do is save yourself. Hopefully the shock of your dismissal will help her a bit too.

That she has hooked up or "found someone" as spouses (M or F) like to put it.

Either she is looking for grounds, or it's guilt she is reflecting towards you.

If you still care about her, try to figure out which and find a resolution, one way or the other.

Festering only makes the infection worse.

Good luck ODB, sincerely.

As a person who has been through a few breakups & one divorce.  Only you can decide how you want to live and specifically how you feel about her.  Only she can decide how she wants to live & specifically how she feels about you.  You might require a few meeting with an intermediary or arbitration type where both truely open up.  
My soon to be ex told the psychologist whom I was paying for...  that she didn't want to be married to me anymore (having expended all my funds).  It made my decision very easy.
Only by discovering if there is an overlap of wants can one make a decision.  
Only you can decide if you have any interest in continuing this...  I tried everything to make her love me, only to be rejected.   I you are no longer interested in trying...  and no one could blame you...  then cut your losses.
For the several years, nearly all of the 5 year marriage, she acted out.  Subtilely at first & becoming more blatant as time went on.  She never told me the words which would make me leave...  it was all acting out.  Throughout, she had all the power & control as SHE had already made up her mind.  Only when I was slapped in the face with the true facts, caught her in her lies (not to mention catching her in the act)...  that I got out.  Once I did that, I took back the POWER & CONTROL of my own life.  She no longer controled me.   As traumatic as the facts were, I worked through it over several months & was able to move on.  

I wish you the best,
HV

I say again, you can not trust what she tells you.  You need to be sure, carved in stone facts.  She might suspect you are cheating & be doingthis to test YOU.  If there's something going on on her side, people can be good at hiding it from family (whose activities are known) but not from an outside observer.  

My ex was claiming to be staying over with her GF who was going through a rough patch...  I showed up at the GFs remote location about 10 PM...  we talked until midnight when the GF went to bed (her grandson was already asleep in the other room)...  while I got a pillow & blanket on the couch.  She was cooking us breakfast when the soon-to-be-ex called.  She was headed home & had tried calling our house to lie about where she'd been, but I hadn't answered.  She wanted GF to call until I picked up & tell the lie.  I know all this because her GF had motioned me to come next to her & held the phone off so I could hear.  
GF said "I can't tell him that."
STBX said "Why not?" (like you always lied for me before)
GF said "Because he's standing next to me!"
click

I never cheated or hobbied in those days...   I was personally able to track some of STBX's  movements, her GFs ex clued me in on where she was going, a cop buddy of mine followed her.  So I knew for certain what was going on.

I was severely underemployed at the time, had expended my savings supporting the STBX, so she no longer had an incentive to string me along.  It was her house...  I got my stuff out, Gone.  

Had I known & believed (I had been seriously in denial) I would have saved a bit of my dignity & some of my cash by stopping payments on her property.  (Bills can always be paid up afterward...  if things go the other way.  They can only charge you interest.)   I had paid off a large back tax bill before we married...  It was legally held in such a way that I could not even make claim for the addition or improvements...  I lost every dime I'd put in.  Everything was paid up and currant the day I moved out.  

We did not have credit cards in those days.  Cash is invisible.  I should have withdrawn cash from my account & held as cash which would have been a starting point.  I wasn't that smart.  I didn't have enough money to rent a motel room the day I moved out.  I moved into my parents unfinished basement in winter...  

I made another stupid mistake.  I sold off my gun collection to raise cash.  I opened a bank account with a buddy...  his name first...  so the ex could not claim it & it wouldn't show up in court ordered searches.  The buddy had an accident, when he couldn't pay the hospital bill they claimed the account.  It was in his name.  
I stupidly thought the INTEREST was important.  Preserving the PRINCIPAL is important.

This what you do. Ask her if she want a divorce? Answer is yes. Next question, do you want to file or do you want me to file? When are you moving out?

Starts blabbering, Statement: My lawyer will call your lawyer so get one.

Grow some balls and act like you have some.