...do you feel like his kicking you to the curb and shopping elsewhere, or do you see it as just part of the business? I have a regular I see when I am in San Diego. She understands that that are schedules are infrequent so she has no problem giving me a glowing reference. But if you are seeing someone locally and fairly regularly, is it bad protocol to ask her to be a reference for you to see another provider? I am just curious about the range of responses I get to this question.
I have no problem whatsoever with giving references . It's a business and I do not "own" my clients as they do not "own" me. I want other ladies to feel a sense of comfort and safety and will always provide a reference when asked.
I assume that if you are seeing me that you will see someone else.. That is part of the reason you do what you do... Ok. Women like variety too. We just don't talk about it..
There are many times when I am unavailable to play...I actually pay attention to which providers call me for references and which ones don't.. Why? because they get it. They know the game and they are much less likely to find themselves in a situation.
Those same ladies that get their panties in a wad about who you are seeing are the very same ladies that have constant drama and never ending high school games of who likes who??
So the answear is No, It is honesty and good business for everyone when we are all honest about why we are here and why we do what we do.. If you ask me I will usually even refer you to another lady who I know or has a good sense of maturity and sense about her.....
Since you asked, I have a question of my own....
Does it make you guys feel good when a lady gets all jealous? I can see how that would stroke a guys ego.. hum.. just thought of this... Ok I am not your girl if that is the case.
first i will say that if a gent i have seen requests a reference from me, i will provide it without hesitation and wish him all the best. however i will also take it as a sign that we are not compatible, that i made a mistake somewhere along the way in choosing him for a client. i put a tremendous amount of time and effort into selecting men who have genuine needs, beyond the fun physical ones, that i can fulfill. those men who have a void in their lives, who have been sorely neglected or stunted both emotionally and sexually. i weed out the multitude of men who seek nothing more than NSA fun or variety. there is nothing wrong with that, not in the slightest, but it is not what i am in this thing to give. that is something you can get from anyone...no need to see me in particular.
luckily only one gent has ever requested a reference from me. i provided a very positive reference for him, immediately. but i also at that point no longer considered him a client. he was surprised when, upon contacting me a few weeks later hoping to see me, i had to tell him that would be impossible.
i would hope that my clients feel some small level of possessiveness when it comes to me, and would not be recommending me to their pals or anyone else.
One of my ATF's would happily provide references for her other clients but for me it was an issue. Why? Don't know. I saw her a few times after that, but our sessions were never quite the same, so I stopped seeing her.
You have repeatedly presented yourself as different than the average provider, whatever that is. What you offer isn't for everyone, and probably not for me to be honest. Still, I don't see anything wrong with presenting a business model that works for you. It would seem that you're not willing to see anyone that shows up with cash in hand. That's cool, and certainly well within your rights. Most ladies exclude someone; yours is just more particular.
To those that are bothered by her approach, why do you want to see someone that doesn't like you? I've been with a couple ladies where we didn't click. It's not about blame...I just shop elsewhere. I don't see lilli's approach as very different from that.
& she has the preogative to use any business model she chooses. If hobbyists go along with it or not, part of the biz. My feedback on all this is that her "policy" is inconsistent because she expects monogamy from hobbyists, but is not monogamous herself. It sounds like she hasn't made her mind up if she's a provider or a sex therapist.
Plus, at least in my opinion, if a provider is willing to give references, but will no longer see said hobbyist, the NSA aspect of the "relationship" is gone & then it starts to sound like a "clingy" civvie relationshop.
As said previously, different strokes-----I wouldn't go along with all of this,but I'm sure a number of hobbyists would.
I know for a fact that what you outline as your area of specialty is not unique.
A client seeing someone else... How in any way does that have anything to do with what it "is" you give?
Strikes me as a sort of narcissistic delusion based on a premise of infallible judgement. I'd say that you are cloaking an insecurity. That is not a barb or an insult, just an observation.
Has it occurred to you that clientele seek various types of fulfillment at times not necessarily your particular brand? Yet, their need/ want to see you remains?
What really is it about a client, whom you've had a positive experience with, seeing someone else that immediately nullifies the validity of the experience and nature of the relationship?
I prefer to NOT be the only provider a client is seeing. I also prefer that a client see different types of ladies to enhance his hobby experience.
We are not married, I do not have a claim on him, his choice to see another lady is not a sign that he and I are not compatible it is a sign that he is exploring his sexual fantasies and I say HAPPY HOBBYING!!!
Lilli, what the hell? (GFE overload baby GFE overrrrrrrrrrr loaddddddddddddd) So when you see other men, should a client become insecure and assume you did not click with him and in turn feel bad? Honey this is a p4p business not the dating game. (what is that all about?) I am certainly not for everyone and neither are you.....if he sees someone else SO WHAT....he is not there to forge a lasting, warm fuzzy relationship with you.........
Allure, i flat out admit that i'm a very weird sort of provider (heck, i'm just a very weird sort of girl to be honest!). as you say, no one is for everyone. i am in this hobby for very very specific reasons...there are very specific needs and desires of my own that i wish to fulfill, and i find this particular method to be a fabulous way in which to go about making those things happen. so of course, i look for very specific kinds of men...a minority to be sure within the "hobby" world. but that's cool with me, as long as i and the men who need someone like me in their lives find each other.
also as i've stated many times, i do not believe in sexual monogamy, for ANYone. and the men i am sexual with OUTSIDE the hobby world, i hope are having sex with other women and enjoying the heck out of themselves, getting all the variety they can handle. but within the hobby world, that is not what it's about for me. i am trying to fulfill a specific need in men...a need that fortunately not all men have. this will be a terrible analogy, but here goes: say i'm a psychotherapist, and a man comes to me claiming to have issues of depression. then after a few sessions with me i realize, this man does not suffer from clinical depression...he just has a back injury which gave him the blues for a bit. he needs an orthopedist, not a therapist! that is my philosophy within the hobby...as providers, we are all specialists (though obviously some have a broader range than others). and my specialty is a holistic sort of therapy, for those "afflicted" if you will. you have psychotherapists who, for the money, will gladly take on as a patient the perfectly emotionally and mentally stable guy with a back injury. you have those who, for the money, will gladly see the narcissist who just wants someone to listen to him talk about himself 3 days a week. and then you have those patients tortured by internal demons, those suffering with severe neglect and frustration, those who feel they have no one on earth to turn to. the ones who really need help, where you can really make a difference. those are the only patients i want to take.
the sort of losers you cater to. This way they will know what they are getting into, that should they ask for a reference you will be done with them and kick them to the curb.
"and then you have those patients tortured by internal demons, those suffering with severe neglect where you can really make a difference. those are the only patients i want to take."
I don't know about other guys but the above quote really turns me off. But of course how would I know your secret wisdoms, until it is too late. To be sure, I am not 'tortured by demons" or "suffering from severe neglect and frustration". I just want to go get fucked. If it is all good, I like to repeat. If I seek a reference, I would hope the lady did not hold all manner of being an upset psychotherapist taking their own insecurities out on me by punishing me for straying to another provider. Oh My, what a let down! NEXT!
One thing puzzles me -------Lili certainly has the right for not seeing hobbyists after providing them references, but why did she make her "double standard" practice public here ? Didn't she know that her stance would generate negative feedback from hobbyists & providers on this board ?
Sorry Lilli you have no patients, in the end you are a whore just like everyone else who fucks for money. You have Johns. They are using you and paying you to do so. WAKE UP. If its easier for you to do so by claiming you are something more that a whore go ahead in your own mind, but this horseshit doesn't fly here. We all in one way or another are either Whores or Johns at the end of the day and you are no different. Can't bullshit a bullshitter.
this is a pay for play site where everyone on it either pays for sex or gets paid for sex. Yes its a site for whores and johns. Its plain and simple. Now the word WHORE only seems harsh if you give it the power to be insulting. So PROVIDER you think sounds better than WHORE or PROSTITUTE? Companion Whore Escort Prostitute Provider what ever term makes you feel comfortable its all the same at the end of the day just as John Trick Client and so on. It is what it is. No bones about it, I have never seen anyone arrested on *Companion charges* Yet Prostitution arrests happen daily. Its not harsh its reality.
Let me say I see a handful of Favorites, repeatedly... Ladies where I am compatable, and warmly accepted. I occasionally see a new lady whom I consider to have the potential of a Favorite. I'm not at all into carving notches on my six-guns... er, bedposts! However, I find that being exclusive with a provider... is emotionally very hard to keep boundaries... for both of us. Additionally, I find that much like a marriage, the provider lady starts to take short cuts & put less effort into the meeting. I prefer not to ask my favorites for referances, because it is hard on the GFE illusion... but I would if I needed to. Any provider who thinks she OWNS me as a client, is in for a rude awakening. skb
I have no problem giving a gentleman a reference.This is not a marriage if a gentleman has seen me on a regular basis and sends me a reference request I will get back to her as soon as possible.I don't feel like I cannot see this client anymore if he does contact me for an appointment he will get the same great treatment he has been receiving.I ask for references so I am not about to get an attitude or decline seeing a client because he saw someone else.Maybe he was in a mood for a different type of lady that day nobody owes anyone a commitment of only seeing that one person.That's why it's called a hobby and not a marriage.
What you said was exactly what I expected from a professional, and each of you have always exuded class and understand the business from both ends (no pun intended).
Guys, listen to the girls (the classy sexy ones) and they'll tell you. 1st priority is always safety and security. References help provide that first priority and make the start of any encounter much less fraught with anxiety.
If she's not worried, you get to skip right past that initial feeling each other out phase and your time is soooo much better! Hopefully, I'll be able to get a reference from each of you someday.
No I dont feel kicked to the curb at all. Every man has his own reasons for hobbying, but one of the top reasons for most men to hobby is variety. Although I do see some men who see me exclusively, I have no doubt that the majority of men I see are also choosing to see other providers from time to time as well. Its no skin off my nose. They'll be back again.
References are an important safety feature, and part of being a professional. Its not bad protocol at all to ask a lady to be a reference for you.
Mistake I made is not asking a favorite if she would be reference first. One favorite was really ok with it, the other still hasn't talked to me since! It was a big mistake or the wrong lady to call a favorite?
I can have the reference out in 10 minutes but seldom do I get the info. I put my safety on the line with LE every time I give a reference and expect to get all the info so I need not search or worry.
I would rather give a reference for a man I know well than someone I have seen once who thinks it's owed to him. A reference is not paid for with your donation and deserves appreciation for the lady who gives it.
No matter what we say we (the men and the women in this business) are humans with egos. I always try to ask a provider in one city to be my ref for someone I want to see in a different city. Some providers really do not mind, but others, no matter how cooperative they will be, do feel a small amount of being slighted. There is no reason to chance hurting someone if avoidable.
I know this doesn't work for guys who only play in one cuty.
When asked I have a few names ready, but I don't like to use references for screening. I would rather provide my real name, TER handle and work information. I would rather not have my providers know my hobbying activities. However, they would know if they look up my reviews because I do write reviews. Go figure.
I am always reference friendly with reputable ladies. I have had a few strange experiences a few times, with both a lady and a gentleman.
Gentleman that I have never "spent time with" but knew on a friendly basis asked me to be a reference for him. I told the lady the truth, that I have never seen him in a biblical sense, but that he was a nice guy. I got a phone call from him a few days later and he was upset. Did he expect me to lie for him? No way. I am always honest with other ladies in the business regarding references.
Just recently a lady that I have never met in person befriended me on a local board that I frequent. She seemed green around the gills: ie; She was using her regular phone for her work phone with her true identity coming up on the caller ID, every time she called me or sent me a text, asking me for a reference, after a lengthy explanation of how to go about it, she still did not "get it". I just gave up after repeating myself to her 4-5 times on the same topic on how to screen prospective clients.
Those are the extremes I have experienced, and can probably say they were a waste of my personal time, but I have in the past, and always will give honest and to the point references to reputable providers and gentlemen I have personal experiences with.
I think the hobby is about variety !! Isnt that the spice of life ?? I give refernces with out a thought about it. I'm glad my client's are active in the hobby?? It's not like your the only man she see's !
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