a tendency to take them for granted over time?

Even if you feel genuine appreciation for a LTR client, if the behaviors that marked the "getting to know you" phase - the sharpness of interest, the little courtesies and acts of hospitality, disappear, this would be taken as a sign *to me* of decreased interest (of course this may not be the case with everyone lol)

I realize that this is a two way street and that if the gent begins to take *you* for granted it can be hard to overcome. I have tried very hard to avoid this in the LTR relationships I've enjoyed, and yet over time they all seem to fall into disrepair.....

I truly hesitate to invest myself in an LTR again. I am blessed with one such relationship which is actually very "young" compared to some and plan to do all I can to keep it real and vital.  But for the most part I have moved away from GFE/LTR as much out of past disappointment as from my core interest in other expressions of the hobby....

I'd appreciate the thoughts of gents who especially enjoy LTRs and have seen the ups and downs as well....

Cheers

GTM

The best recommendation is that variety is the spice of life. That means you need to do different things for each session. Try things that you have not tried before.

The 2nd recommendation is to space out your appointments between your atf. Each person is different in the hobby world you don't want yourself her to become to attached. She needs variety/space just like do in terms of seeing other people.

a hypothetical situation:

suppose in a LTR the gentleman observes that you may be stresed in some way and is unsure whether you are becoming tired of his attentions or have some other stress. would you prefer:

1) he silently and perhaps mistakenly back off?
2) he discuss the situation in the context of managing the business relationship? ("i'm concerned, would it be better long term to decrease frequency?")
3) he discuss the situation in a more personal way?

yes i once tried one of the above options (2) and it blew up in my face when the discussion spiralled out of control toward (3)

I do have men I have been seeing for years and it does become a very personal time. I don't think that the hotness of the time you spend is the center of attention at this point. When someone sees you for a long time it's usually because they like you in general and like the connection you have shared. If you are real and truly enjoy your company that would be hard to break although men do have a wonderlust eye for someone new and that should be expected. My door is always open.

Kisses Haley

And I *always* see several other ladies, usually young agency girls, in between visits with anyone I see frequently. That does help keep things in perspective from the client viewpoint..... and scratch my V A R I E T Y itch lol....

Cheers

GTM

-- Modified on 5/16/2009 10:00:54 AM

Been there, bro.....

I've tried to make adjustments in a few different relationships by communicating in the style that men usually employ - ie becoming unhappy or annoyed, sulking, and then becoming very businesslike lol.

I'm batting .166.  And that percentage would be .000 if it were not for the fundamental grace and warmth of a certain lady......

Remembering that no matter how close the provider and client may become it is still a SERVICE. That's why I am so big on *remembering* the envelope and keeping it real. I might totally adore the lady and want her for who she is as a person, and enjoy her company.

But the envelope did in fact "happen".

And I expect, rightly or wrongly, just as much focus and effort from a regular lady as a new(er) guy will receive for the same donation lol.....
in fact as a regular client why should I not receive a bit *more*  in terms of effort as opposed to the new guy.

Of course, the lady has a vested interest in expanding her *business* and thus will make an effort to charm the new guy into return visits.

But why then expend less effort on the guy who has become a core part of her *business*?

Happens all the time in my experience lol....

well, good for you and that lady. may it work as long as it is good for the both of you.

i don't usually start by being unhappy, sulking, or annoyed. i start by asking for clarity. only when formerly granted clarity is witheld do i get grumpy.

i find sudden murk disrespectful. with two exceptions (both from this world) i am on good terms with exs from this and the civy world:  clarity and grace was maintained.

differ! Yours sounds more intelligent and mature than mine often is in the context of male female relationships. Guess I'm a knuckle dragger lol

In my career I became accustomed to people watching very intently for any remote sign of my desires or attentions, and hopping to it. Doesn't work that way with most women lol.

How do you have an ex in this world?? EOM

I feel your pain!  I have a couple of LTR with some of the most fabulous people.  The key is to put a little spice back into it.  Remember the first time you met, and why you continue calling back.  After a certain period of time, you need to take things a step further.  Maybe doing soomething out of the ordinary, or extremely romantic.  
If you don't feel that same desires and wants maybe its time bring in a "friend".  Typically, your girl will brag about how much she really likes you, or simply try to get you and her friend to become closer, expecially if she is "trying to expand business".  Sometimes a little healthy competition is good for a clients diet

but i think that your more classic communication style is more attractive to women and better suited for success in this world.

(i detest hobby and am a little uncomfortable with sport. i like the Japanese "floating world" but it doesn't translate well.)

i tend to come off too rational or sweet to have passion and fire, too vanilla for kink. it is sometimes difficult for me to get past that rep and provide a surprise but it does happen.

It's like any relationship over time. Needs chang. Desires shift. What was once new and exciting is now either expected or even overlooked. If both parties are not clearly communicating and making effort to keep the relationship fulfilling it will wane.

Yes, it may be a professional relationship, thou a LTR is still a relationship. Even maintaining a NSA civvie friend takes effort. If it becomes so personal that you can't talk through it easily... It is no longer a professional relationship an it's time to move on. Noone is married here, isn't that the point?

If this always happens to you, you may want to take a look at your own ability to communicate your desires and your needs... Even if you've become a sport fucker at heart, the info of self study will benefit you tremendously...

termination of a LTR involving the guarantee of a cetain minimum number of visits monthly.

there are also folks that are married or have SOs who provide. i am not suggesting that... just an ex NSA arrangement in this world, no further visits.

is the phrase that was in use in the procurement of an escort in Japan in the early 80s.

The single among us used to compete at bringing the hottest dates to the various compulsory attendance soirees thrown by the staff. However the Japanese were a bit xenophobic about providing compensated dating girls to US servicemen.

I managed by my superior wit and charm lol to do  quite well. One such lady became one of the great loves of my life in a relationship lasting three years.

First I am very compartmentalized. I have made my living doing hard, brutal things. The only way to live with this is to submerge the sensitivities. My own feelings sometimes come as a surprise to me lol.

Second I have become accustomed to people in my professional life "reading my mind" as it were and working very hard to stay up with or ahead of my needs desires and intentions.

Third, due to the experience of having relationships with a few providers go waaaaay over the line to the point of becoming SOs, I have seen the whole deal from the other side of the sheets as it were. Enough to make Pollyana a cynic lol. Talk about J A D E D

I acknowledge that I am very high maintenance. I want *both* the "courting behaviors" of a new relationship and the level of intimacy and un-guardedness of a mature one.

Thank you for your thoughts....

Con Afetto grande

GTM

You got the midas touch and everything turns gold.

than the classic "floating world" but is works for me!

and it is an important one that I need to consider, ie that the lady desires or needs variety as well. Many of the ladies that I have met in this sport are "hobbyists" as well - they are highly sexed and crave newness and variety. I need to take that into account.  I suppose it is only natural that a lady in an LTR would perhaps be more *excited* by seeing someone new.....

I'm sorry I didn't answer your question with some meat and potatoes information. I have posted about meeting in many locations and wearing sexy clothes. Also change your location like my job interview and a little BJ under the desk but my all time favorite friend for years is the one that shows there is no limit to imagination. Here's the post to refresh your memory and for me to have a great big smile on my face just reading it again. I hope you enjoy and smile a little with me.

Kisses Haley

What is the funniest or should I say quirkiest thing you have done
Posted by HaleyOrlando  , 4/13/2009 7:36:53 AM   [See my TER reviews]

I have a friend I have known for many years. He comes into town every few months and always calls me. It was his birthday and a very special one at that.

What to do with a man who has seen every aquare inch of your body inside out. For those who have gotten to know me I think my fun side is pretty evident.

My friend is bald and I have always been attracted to bald headed men. They are the sexiest men on earth as far as I am concerned.

He wanted me to surprise him with something special for his birthday that he would never forget because our time was running out. He is turning 80. Mind you he can run with the best of you so don't think this man does't play.

Anyway back to my story and my weekend date. I have always joked that instead of using my pocket rocket i'm going to lube his bald head up and rub my pussy all over it. So do you think I gave him something he will never forget

Kisses Haley

Communication is the key to long term happiness with one in any type of relations, Without it there's nothing, why prolong what doesn't work, It's not fair too both parties, It takes effort on both ends to keep it alive if it's truly what you desire!
We always want what we can't have, also are ones expectations of another realistic?
Goodluck...

I strive for longer term, repeat clients, most of whom tend to see me on a monthly or biweekly basis. However, I hold the same philosophy for this lifestyle that I have held for my personal life: we are not meant for "forever" relationships.

Love, in the modern sense of associating it with marriage or long term relationships, is not only a new concept that arose with the development of the middle class, but it is unfortunately associated with all sorts of ridiculous ideas regarding possession. (Not surprising, given that move to pair "love" with "marriage" which has historically been a far more political and business based maneuver with lifelong applications.)

I believe the modern feelings of "like" and such fall into that same trap of having possessive associations.

I know your question was in regards to keeping things "fresh," but think perhaps the underlying perspective needs to be examined. I personally feel that relationships that do not have other socio-political contracts built into them (ie-marriage) should simply be enjoyed to their natural completion. It's not that every date should be the same from start to finish. However, if I (or the gentleman) begins to feel we must "work" to keep it fresh and enjoyable (as opposed to acting out of spontaneous inspiration), then we're treading into that murky territory of unnaturally forcing things beyond their natural lifespan.

Keep that DNR order above your relationships at all times. If you find it starting to flatline, do not break out the defibrillators. If, at a later point, you want to schedule a date to discover if the time apart has perhaps given a new lease on the relationship, please by all means do so. Even if it hasn't, it is certainly a lovely way to for two emotionally mature adults to reminisce about their past times together without letting those silly misguided possessive feelings take control of the show.

I have been in quite a few personal relationships that did not feature possession and exclusivity. Certainly not control. I am not wired that way and consider it to be unnatural.

However

In a situation where a male and female are choosing each others company on a regular, long term basis, certain hopes or even expecations are natural (even though they are self limiting).

I have had several ladies comment to me that they appreciated the fact that I was always fully present, that I did not take them for granted. That I continued the little "courtship" gestures that they so much enjoyed. That I continued to show real interest.

My measure of whether an LTR is ready for code blue or not is measured in pretty much the same way I suppose.

Cheers

GTM

-- Modified on 5/16/2009 6:38:52 PM

possessive in a somewhat different/broader way in this case. I think of possessiveness in terms of assumed time rights. This may mean I think you belong to me (or mostly me) right now/until the relationship is over, or it may mean expectations or even demands that interactions should/will continue into the future. Neither is a prerequisite for the other, but the way I see it, both are certainly opposed to the "take one hour at a time" mentality.

Of course, the former concept of possessiveness can be quite hot when reduced down to a much smaller time frame, say, minute to minute. But that is very much another topic.

Defitely seen the ups & downs.  I started (and eventually ended) a few LTRs because the attention & action at the start diminished over time. For example, an observation that happened every time: the getting you the hot towel stopped (or was that actually becoming a GFE?  LOL).

But that wasn't the deal breaker.  The two cups, or attempt at three cups, faded.  Most meetings became a long conversation, then some lovin', and then some more conversation or a nap.

So the hot time and hitting your groove with someone enough to start a LTR, gave me some expectations that faded and weren't met.

being bald as a cucumber and being extremely oral my head had gotten quite wet at time.  Had fun giving one lady an O with my nose but now I was wondering if I could do it with an ear ???   Wanna try???