A previous post got me thinking about an issue that seems to be more common here than I would have thought.    I think that there is a large population of men (including myself)  who are looking for that true "girlfriend experience"  in which he's made to feel that he really is as desired as he would be if he were experiencing that situation with an actual girlfriend.   But if a provider is very good at making a client feel that special, it seems to me that you will be continually running into a situation where the client starts to think there you really are developing feelings for him and start to expect more than what this kind of exchange is really all about.   So what do you do in these cases?  How do you make it clear to a guy you've been seeing consistently for a long period of time that it's really just a business transaction without him going all Chasing Amy on you?   And if you suspect a guy has reached the point of developing feelings for you,  how do you deal with it?

The key is to stifle any expectation for what you call a "true 'girlfriend experience.'" If you really want to feel "as desired" as if by "an actual girlfriend," then you need to get one of those, with everything that goes along with it.  That's not what GFE is.  GFE is only the trimmings.  When delivered by a really good actress, some guys can confuse the two.

Don't worry, she will have another melt down soon, and go stomping off in a huff, only to return a few days later. If you've read the book, there is no reason to go see the movie, especially one with as many sequels as this one.

play up the GFE in the process of setting the "date", after the date, ignore any communication attempts, except for maybe one reply to a "That was Great", shortly after the "date".
That way the client gets the GFE, but is reminded that it is what it is and nothing more.

And it would be foolish for guys to comment on how they would handle. Common sense solutions like having a conversation about the reality, not communicating too much after session (via txt, emails, or phone) can be applied. How about just cutting off communication altogether !

But since, I look like this, I don't have to worry too much about such things...

Hey,  Shrek is a huge entertainer.   He's probably getting laid more than all of us combined.    Just look to Steven Tyler as proof of my thesis.

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I like clients who are clear from the outset "this is a fantasy for me".  
They want me to open up, they want me to be theirs in the context of the situation but it is very clear that they are boundaried.

After they leave and the door closes the fantasy is over but when we are together anything goes emotionally and physically.

If its clear that a client has a "soft spot" and is really wanting to be cared for (and a lot of single guys especially older ones, divorced ones etc bring that baggage into the game) I don't "let go" entirely.
I don't mislead them.  At 55 minutes to the hour I'm running a shower.  Its GFE and wonderful, but there isn't that room to explore and roam the "secret love affair" fantasy.

I feel like guys who come in and from jump street with the attitude of  "look, I respect you and what you do, I know this is a business and I'm not leaving any part of myself here when I leave" get the best experiences because they're not busy conflating the scene with their emotional needs that cannot be fulfilled by any paid actor.

I just opened an email last night from someone who wrote a nice introduction that raised some red flags- "you remind me of a girl I used to know", "I'm divorced", "would you like to have dinner with me sometime if we have an appointment".
Now if he'd just made an appointment and we'd had a really nice time, some good chemistry and he seemed like he had some boundaries...maybe I would have sent him a note that said "hey, my night isn't confirmed, I'm kind of tired and stepping out- drink? Grab a bite?"  

But because this person has already indicated that he may be lonely, and may feel affection for me from afar because he thinks I look like someone he once knew and he's already asking for an off-the-clock date...that looks like it could present some problems so I'm much more likely to be guarded.

So short answer - I personally don't lead clients on for personal gain or emotional satisfaction.
I've witnessed it many times over and when it goes bad it goes dangerously bad.
I enjoy clients who allow me to feel special feelings for them in the context of the relationship we both recognize as professional- I can get very hot under the collar for clients I'm fond of but I only let myself really let go and get that way with those I can trust can feel as deeply as I do in a very compartmentalized fashion....when that occurs then we are getting close to the true beauty of GFE.

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Until you change your behavior my material doesn't need to change, I simply work with what I have been given How's Roger?

It's the Scottish brogue that gets you hot right?

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-- Modified on 3/19/2014 5:35:25 AM

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Don't hold your breath too long however.

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that statement. As you can see below, some gentlemen just can't take a compliment without being nasty back. Oh well lol, I do sometimes forget where I am for a brief moment...the Land of Oz and the munchkins here.

I was away for last 3-4 days, and I am sure everyone has stuff come up in their lives when TER fuck board takes lesser priority.  

But to take your reviews with you and delist yourself every time you leave is laughable, to say a least.

'recycled' today, Ha. I had to laugh at that one...you and Nick recycle more shit than anyone on here. Find new material at least and hey if you're going to stoop as low as mocking...yet again...at least do it as a grown up this time. When I leave it's because I'm off my fun union break and it's back to the grind. Has nothing to do with you fools, who are you kidding. I know you'd love that title, but it ain't gonna happen. LOL

Child. How's that sandbox GAG?

-- Modified on 3/19/2014 5:57:36 AM

You said... "But Shrek is cute..." If that's a compliment, I don't know what your wrath feels/ sounds like...  

Bring it on.. Because I am curious...

spell everything out to you boys. That's when I leave cause it's like I'm teaching first grade and I get bored. Did you not knock yourself about looking like Shrek..."but since, I look like this, I don't have to worry too much about such things"...was that not a knock on yourself then? Well in any even that's how any right minded soul would take it so I replied with...Shrek is cute, cause he is and he's a sweet soul too.  

Take it as you may...you and the others will always see everything as I write as a negative, no matter how  it comes out. I could you tell you the most beautiful thing and you'd find the negative in it, someway, somehow. Sad. Oh well, not my loss

Opening your mind is a beautiful thing.

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I was just fuckin' around with you anyway...When I am in a serious argument with you...You would know....

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In the end, I think explaining to a guy who starts to really develop feelings and wanting to take things to the next level is to gently remind them that this is really a one way relationship, emotionally (and in most way physically too). In the end, they really don't know anything about me. They don't know what I'm passionate about. They don't know my biggest fears. They don't know what I value in a friend. They don't even know my name. And taking something from a girlfriend experience to a girlfriend reality involves making this a two way, egalitarian set up.  

Are you prepared to go down on me for 45 minutes straight to get me off? Are you prepared to hold me when I cry over a fight I get into with my mom? Are you prepared to see me in sweatpants, no makeup and deal with me not wanting to be touched for several days in a row? Are you prepared to see me do human things, like burp, fart and menstruate? Are you prepared to deal with my flaws, my fears and the worst of me?

I think most guys, if they were really honest with themselves, would answer "no" to all or most of the above. And that's ok. I think that's one of the things that, frankly, men can be dense and miss. I am not my persona. My persona is a collection of some of the best, most charming and seductive parts of me. But it's not all of me, and in order to offer the best GFE, I can't be all of myself. It's like being an actor: you learn to inhabit the role you're playing and learn how to connect to that character and to thoroughly enjoy being in that role...but it isn't you. At least, it isn't all of you.  

And I suppose if all else fails and a guy REALLY still isn't getting it, I can (even though I really don't like talking about my personal life) I let them know that I am already taken and have a boyfriend.That usually blows their minds

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...by remembering that in the sessions, the provider puts aside the problems of her real daily life, and ramps up the energy to a level it would be impossible to maintain 24/7, and that if she got into an honest and real relationship with a client, the mundane problems would surface, the energy would subside, and lo and behold she'd be just another woman muddling through like everybody else. Not very exciting, and probably a great disappointment when compared to whatever the client was fantasizing about. Do you REALLY want to deal with her bad-hair days? I sure don't.

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If I see men from the latter two categories, the lifespan of our privider/client relationship is one or two dates, max. Those men are turned off by me setting boundaries. A simple NSA business arrangement is not what they want. But, it is all that I offer...so eventually, we reach an impasse. I will not budge, so they either have to accept my terms, or find another victim.

When I was new, it was not so easy for me to set firm boundaries, as I was more worried about hurting a guy's feelings and/or losing a client. But now I see a guy who behaves that way as manipulative and presumptuous...so it is easier for me to smile at him and throw out a gentle but firm reminder that, while we might have a very pleasant and friendly business relationship, I am still an escort and he is still my client. I dont feel badly about doing that any longer. He found me on Eros...period. If I lose a client (and I have lost many clients this way)...it was bound to happen anyway, and it is much better to end things earlier rather than later, when things might get more complicated.

When I was new, I did have one such situation go south...this guy was not only one of my best-paying clients, but he was a pretty cool guy to boot. So I let him overstay and even went out with him OTC (he was still paying for 3-4 hour dates). He was a consummate hobbyist and a reviewer, and also had a SO...so I thought he understood the hobby, and didn't see any risk of him getting too attached. But he came to believe that I desired a relationship with him...in his view, we either had to continue as bf/gf, or not continue at all. He could no longer accept us as provider/client. Of course, i let him down hard and he was needlessly upset.  

But, I have a longtime regular to whom I once dealt that crushing blow...and he still sees me. He is still quite deluded about the nature of a G FE appointment, but at least between us, he keeps things grounded in reality. But that is rare...for 99% of guys, once it gets past the point of no return, there is no way to salvage the arrangement.

... I believe it is best to keep these relationships professional, with no expectation by either party beyond that.  

However... it is possible for a provider/client relationship to develop beyond a strictly professional one.  That has happened to me over the years, on two occasions.  In each case, it was clear that the lady was open to and desired more than a professional relationship.  Not a romantic relationship (both women already had an SO, as do I), but one of friendship.  Thus our relationship stayed professional, but in terms of interaction, level of trust, helping one another... it was as friends.  One might say, "friends with benefits."

In those two cases, the answers to all of your questions below are "yes".  And in fact most of those have happened in one way, shape, or form with the two ladies I met in the hobby who have become my friends.  Truth be told, I quite relish the thought of going down on one of my provider friends for 45 minutes to get her off... 'tis one of my favorite things.  She of course would gladly return the favor on me, being the friend that she is.  

concern yourself with. There's nothing wrong with my behavior until I am provoked. And you know this. You change your tune, I'll change mine. In this essence, gentlemen first. Stop with the name calling and idiotic remarks regarding me and we'll be all good. Do a search and see if you've said anything pleasant even when I wasn't even posting here...I think not. And you wonder?

In case you haven't noticed, you and one other one inparticular are the only ones who this happens with (with a few followers who chime in)...everyone else on the board is good for the most part and I have no issue with them. A debate is simply a debate, if you can't handle it, then move on. But to constantly defend yourself against idiotic statements is just lame. You would do it too if I constantly harassed you the way you do others, including me. I think if you had any pride in yourself, which I have to believe you do, somewhere, you would. And I will continue to do so until your harassment stops and you speak like a normal human being. It's that simple.  

And if Roger's the only one you got.....well....I fooled ya few times then months ago. But I don't play those games anymore. Sorry to disappoint ya one more time.

If you notice she goes up, then down, then back up, then she crashes and she has to leave. It's classic manic depressive. It's a meds/counseling issue. She has to stick to a program for her to change and she has to want to change as well.

A) It wasn't first time you did... It was like 10th time... I lost the count, but give or take couple...

B) No one likes being played games with. And your creating multiple personas screams of just that. Playing Games....People hate it.

I would think everyone expects that all guys know and understand it is a fantasy that we are paying for. I think it's unfortunate that any hobbyist thinks it's anything more than that, because 1 or 2 guys blurring the line could convince a lady to be more reserved and then those of us that never lose sight of the line suffer for the others immaturity. My ATF, who is now retired was the most amazing woman I've ever known both in personality and action. She always made me feel like she was my GF, for 2-3 hours at a time. And when it was over, it was over, until our next appointment. It really is a shame that some people don't recognize and respect the boundaries.

Providers are doing this to make MONEY....Guys do it for SEX.   It's really clear to me, why is the water so unclear and muggy for others?  I understand feeling and emotions but at the end of the day you paid for sex.

but when you get into the light of day after being in the theater, that cold hard reality should set you to right; but there are times that doesn't happen.

Now when I was a kid, James Bond movies were all the rage and when I came out of them I'd....

But why tell you when I can show you:

Pull up a chair and make some popcorn, here's one of mrfisher's home movies:

10x LOL. I've only been here a year. And both were for reasons I can't get into. And I will do it again if I have to and not worry about what you or anyone else thinks.  

2. I am not playing games with anyone, it's quite the other way around..if only you know the whole story, but you don't. I haven't created any multiple personas since I relisted this fall and you guys can't let go of the past. That's not my problem. I was testing the waters with a few, nothing more no different than what people do here every single day, so don't make it bigger than it is as usual.  

3. If you hate me, so be it. But hate is a pretty nasty and harsh word even to use on here. Be careful with that with someone you don't even know. But don't hate what you don't understand. That's not fair. But I do understand it. Feel free to put me on ignore, that's why they make the button.

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Isn't this every mans fantasy? A hot woman who will treat you like a king for a short time without all the BS that traditional relationships bring. A lot of us guys are married or have been at some point. Or had a serious SO at some point of our lives. Remember how great she was before ya got all committed and shit? Big diffrence after that ring went on and a couple kids came along.  

I've met a few ladies who turned into actual friends talk a lot OTC and some other benefits a smart fella  won't share. And each time it was because they knew I wouldn't go all stupid on them and try and turn a nice friendship into a delusional romantic stalker thing. Hell I like my lady friends to much for that. Why turn something fun into the drama fest that most traditional relationships turn into eventually?  
Don't know why some guys get all clingy but I'm sure it happens. Ya ever need a reality check read reviews written after yours.  
I can see where a lonely fella with not much of a real life would get sucked in by the act that ladies have to sometimes though.

Are you prepared to go down on me for 45 minutes straight to get me off? Mffyesmmff, Hell yes I am,  sorry for the muffle but my mouth is busy. As for all the other ones, no and that's the beauty of our appointment, I, we, get to play and have fun and fantasy and then bid our goodbyes. That's beautiful. You don't have to listen to me burp or fart or snore like a bear all night. It's fucking perfect.

I don't pay providers for sex, that would be a crime.I pay them for their time and companionship, it's just that I'm such a gorgeous stud that they always want to suck and fuck me until I'm spent. Lol

And no I don't hate you.. Just the stuff you do.

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Outside those two hour chunks, she lives her life and I live mine.  We just intersect as often as I can afford...

More about GFEs.  I'm not a trophy hunter and don't have a "To Do" list (except for BCG and Amsterdam69696, neither of which will ever happen for me) but have physical needs that can't be fulfilled by my SO.  Nothing new there.  I would like them fulfilled by someone I know (somewhat), can trust to keep our screwing secret, isn't fucking 5 guys a day making me feel like sperm donor #17 - get back in line.  I want someone I'm comfortable with, who knows what I like, I know what she likes and there's no drama or unpleasant surprises.  I want no needy phone calls.  I want a predictable value for money.  I want to rent the best parts and not have the baggage of the rest.  I'm willing to sacrifice some variety of all the incredible women out there, the excitement of the first date.   I want someone who isn't going to get all upset because I'm under a lot of stress and just want a slow comfortable fuck with lots of deep penetration and a lot of physical contact.  I want someone who doesn't have to prove that she's the next great PSE, but knows how to push my buttons in the right way to get me what I need.  I want someone that can read me well enough to turn into the next great PSE if that's what I need today.  I'm willing to show my appreciation for those qualities.

But she really needs me (and my envelope) for only those two hour chunks, and I'm OK with that, other than the texting while I'm driving home (don't start) "Thanks, Hon.  It was great - see you next time."

Ive ran into this situation but since every situation is different Ive had to handle each one in a different way.... I honestly tend to back off a bit and give them a cool down period.... Even if it means losing a good client in the end, taking the chance of having a stalker or hurting somebody emotionally isnt worth it to me, its best to step back.....

I love your prose Ally—its nice and tight, logically flows, easy to read and understand.

There are many terms that seem to be only loosely defined, one of which is GFE.  If one defines it as either “..wanting to be cared for..”, or “..made to feel that he really is as desired as he would be if he were experiencing that situation with an actual girlfriend .” there is plenty of opportunity to fall into “attachment” feelings, especially when one takes into account that our bodies send chemicals to stimulate bonding during great sex.

But, if GFE is simply defined by having an experience with someone who enjoys the encounter, lets say, enjoys kissing and being kissed, being touched and touching, being stimulated and stimulating, giving and receiving affection, giving and receiving pleasure, loves creating and receiving orgasms, etc, it seems as if relationship is symmetrically rewarding for each person.

Wanting to be cared for, if that includes cared about as if they are just another human being doesn't seem dangerous?  

As desired as if one is with a girlfriend seems to be motivated only by a fantasy that only includes effortless bliss, which to me is NOT a GFE experience. Perhaps that is synonymous with extreme infatuation experience that may or may not lead to a GF relationship in the future?

In the past I was fortunate to have dated a few attractive women, girl friends, some of whom I had very enjoyable sex with.  But, girl friends came and went. If I happen to see a pix that looks like someone I had enjoyable sex with, it does not trigger a desire in me to date that person. After all, I met some beautiful sexy desirable girls, women, that I NEVER want see again!

For a variety of reasons, I’ve always felt a lot more at ease with women, became used to women as friends, and most of the time I am friendly regardless if they are single, married, dating, lesbian etc—its about how they treat me.

It can be confusing to a woman until they realize that I'm simply being normal and natural with them as a person without an expectation of anything else. If one expects or is afraid than a friendly person leads to trouble, then one will be sending “shut-down”, unresponsive signals, or trying to manipulate the other person into actions they feel do not feel threatened by.

For more than a decade I’ve taken pottery classes, the majority of the time I have been the only male in those classes. Once in a while I ask someone if they like to grab some food or coffee before the 6PM class starts, nothing about that has anything to do with a “date”!

Quite a few time someone tells me they really like something I made during class when the kiln has been unloaded, which I enjoy.  My spontaneous reaction is to just give it to them! I'm happy I found a good home for it.

Before the advent of cell phones, I’d stop and change flat tires for women, do minor repairs to get their car running again.

In its simplest form, I just enjoy meeting women. That doesn't mean I want to date any of them.

When i travel to meet a woman, probably spend the night in that town, and will have dinner there, if i feel comfortable the person is friendly, i'll ask if they'd like to have dinner right before we meet.  It's not a date, just an easy way to see how comfortable and safe you will feel with me.  You'll have to decide if the free meal is worth your time, or not. If not, I might bring flowers in your favorite color, just to break the ice, nothing to do with dating!

And yes, for a variety of reasons, I want you to feel very safe and secure in my company.

Deprive

I'd say a provider should keep on seeing the guy as many times as he likes...right around the 10th or 12th date - show up - and tell him "not tonight, baby".

Of course I am joking;  

I would not want to be a provider in this situation;

When I read some of the M and G reviews, or how people communicate on the boards, it appears that many ladies and gents have good friendships. We are all human with feelings and eventually they get hurt. Just enjoy the ride.

 


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