pm sent

I think a lot of us have

I think that sometimes a connection is established between two people.  It doesn't matter what the setting - even here, it happens.  Wherever people gather together, this will happen eventually.

It's what you do about it that matters.

First, are you saying that the person you are "attached" to is upset?  I'm not sure I understand why.  Is this because you decided to see someone else?  That's certainly your right.

Communication is the key.  If you are developing feelings, tell her.  She may or may not be comfortable with that.  Most of the time, providers already have significant others and lives, and they don't want those interrupted.  However, they may allow feelings and true friendships, so long as there is the understanding that it can't go further.  Either way, communicating and confirming boundaries is always a good thing.

Whatever happens should be between you and your lady.  Every relationship that a client and lady has is different.  Don't let anyone tell you what is right or wrong; it's up to both of you to decide what works for you.

There have been many great, nurturing relationships between people.  There's also been ones that have ended very badly, as one person expects too much.  The real key is to be open and communicate.  This keeps the expectations on both sides in check.

Did you tell your lady why you wanted to see someone else?

Becoming too attached...  happens all the time... and usually doesn't work out well, at least seldom to both party's satisfaction.  I am too attached to my ATF...  I didn't ask for a referal!  But I have seen others for several months.  When I went back, the feelings flooded back.
More recently we've talked about feelings...  The thing is, I have it easy, since I'm married & going to stay that way.

Where do YOU want this relationship to go?  Look inward, and then takes steps to make it happen...  or NOT if that's what you want.  A civie relationship with a provider has lots of pitfalls.  Many posts on this read back!
skb  

-- Modified on 9/14/2008 6:40:40 PM

-- Modified on 9/14/2008 6:41:36 PM

I have been lucky in that I have met a number of lovely extremely appealing ladies.  I have, during the past five or six years, become really attached to two of them (and somewhat to two others) but it has always been kept real. Some time ago, I got really close with two others.  I have stayed friends with them both.  One is married now and we are friends to this day,the second got married, divorced, and we have lost touch.  I adore the four I have seen most recently and I hope they really like me, but it has stayed there.  I am not sure what I would do if it got crazy. I guess I am too self protected to have allowed things to get too dangerous.

Hobbying is about getting lots of bites of interesting apples.  I knew that this is what I always wanted to do and I enjoy it and plan to continue this way.

Some gals become regulars for a long period of time and become friends.  I also end up entangled to some extent with their lives for better or worse and that is just the way life should be.  But these are not SO's nor do they regard themselves as my SO.

I have one orange, and that is Bev Fisher.  I suppose some people can see their way to have more than one SO but for now I am not one of those.

Nevertheless, such a relationship is not a hobbying one.  For a SO relationship to work, each individual has to assess the circumstances of their lives and make a pretty clear eyed decision about whether to go there.


In my case, Bev and I had the circumstances to allow us to proceed and we had the natural chemestry and view points about things, etc. that bode well for this.  Only our geographical circumstances stand in the way but with the internet and air travel, we are making it work.

You might want to post this on The Erotic Highway Board to get The Love Goddess' take on this as well.

I like this topic

I have come to realize this is a wonderful, safe way for me to experience connections, intensity and passion. If I want more than is realistic then it is no longer fun. I enjoy my inner world of beautiful feelings, memories and daydreams between meetings and that is enough for me. Nothing better than experiencing intense chemistry knowing I do not have to deal with all the intricacies of a long term relationship. I am very pleased about this as I've had enough complicated relationships for this lifetime. So the chances of my wanting more than someone can comfortably give are pretty slim at this point.

Your situation sounds complicated and not very much fun at all. Hopefully once she is less angry you guys can have an honest converstion about what both of you need and want.

Good luck.

and although most will tell you to forget making a caring relationship with a provider work, it's worked very well for me.

This is a chance for both you and the lady to do some serious work on yourselves and how you engage in relationships. It's a chance to be completely open and honest with each other and construct a relationship that's as conscious as possible. That's hard work but well worth it.

Have you told the lady about your feelings and fears? If not, do so as soon as appropriate. Good luck and have a great time on the ride!!

Provider Ethics

First and foremost is to do no harm...

It is hard to offer intimacy and yet not carry it too far. To care about someone but not lead them astray.

We ladies are human too and many of our friends are very kind and comforting to us. Sex is the very basic part of the hobby and is offered by every provider. The intimate part, when you peel back any pretence and open your emotions, is something that can be very problematic for some.

Many new gentlemen to the hobby have never felt this before and be quite confused by their emotions. They are searching for answeres and relief from a less than perfect marriage.  

Sometimes it is hard on both the provider and the gentlemen, but is best to walk away.

Kisses Haley

-- Modified on 9/14/2008 10:10:10 AM

Perhaps you weren't the only one who developed genuine feelings for someone.  As a provider, I have had special relationships with clients, and on very rare occasions, I've developed romantic feelings.  On those occasions, I made a conscious decision to open myself up a little more (no small feat, mind you), in hopes of developing a deeper relationship with the man.  Now, had any of these men reacted to me the way you've reacted to this favorite lady of yours, I probably would have responded the same way she did.  Sure, I'd give you a nice reference - and then I'd immediately withdraw my vulnerability from you, after you showed me the feelings weren't mutual.  I'd probably also have my feelings hurt a little, be disappointed, and eventually I'd agree to see you again - but not until I reconciled my feelings for you.

I'm not sure why you think your feelings for her are a bad thing.  Perhaps you're married or otherwise unavailable.  Or perhaps you feel they're one sided.  But you'll never know if you don't communicate your thoughts to her.  I understand its easy for hobbyists to confuse sexual intimacy with real "love", but this sounds different.  I obviously don't know the lady in question, but I personally would not volunteer or suggest spending time together off the clock, if the potential for deeper attachment was not there.  So talk to her and be completely honest.

If you are seeing a lady on a regular basis, one you get along with and have great chemistry with -- how can you not get attached?

I do have one regular who tells me often that he is in love with me.  We have always gotten on together swimmingly.  The important thing is that he knows that this doesn't mean I can give him any more than I already do.  He understands the boundaries of our relationship, and why they exist.  For the record, I love him, too, although not romantically.

I cannot imagine getting angry with him if I was asked to give a reference for him... of course, I would feel a brief twinge of jealousy, because that is a normal human emotion, but it is just that: an EMOTION, and I would not allow it to affect the reference I give nor the way I treat him.  I know that he sees other girls (for some reason he usually tells me when he has seen another girl) and it does not bother me.  I have no claim to him, I mean geez, I have two boyfriends.

I don't know what to tell you about this girl's anger with you.  Clearly she is attached, too, to some extent, and is feeling jealous.  That said, she must understand that this is still a business, and you are still associates, and she is still accepting your money for a service much of the time.  Hopefully you can both get over this little speed bump and continue enjoying one another.

Give it some time

you both will get over it. Love is an involuntary reflex to sex. Have sex with the same person long enough and guess what?  Let time pass.

I guess you could say that I am "super attached" to a certain lady. I guess you could say that I love her, and I know that she has feelings for me. But I think we both know where the boundaries are. She has her life and I have mine, and we both understand that our relationship can really go no further. I am married and I do see other ladies and have used her as a reference, and she does not seem to mind.
So I love her, but I am not obsessed with her, and I am very happy with things the way they are.

Re: has anyone here...

This was a very timely post for me. I had just gotten back from seeing a new lady that rocked my world emotionally and physically when I read this. Here I am a few days later and I haven't been able to stop thinking about her. I'm happily married and Love my wife to death. I am just a man that desires a little variety in life. I've been in the hobby only a few months but I had been in search of someone who could orally please me the way my wife of 15 years has learned to do it. Granted it is a tall order for someone you just met as my wife has gotten to fine tune her skills over the long time we've been together. Anyway the appointment started out great with us hitting it off like we were already in love or something. Then came the oral part and I about lost my mind. This was my first true GFE and my emotions are running high from it. I have scheduled with a different girl this week and I'm hoping this will get my mind back down to earth. I am fully aware of the consequences of letting this go any further but for now I will definitely be seeing her again in the future. I just hope I can keep my emotions in check and not get too carried away with how she makes me feel. Damn that perfect BBBJ.
Just my 2 cents and a little more...