Sometimes - when I look at the boards, I am mystified with the posts. There seems to be a real question of tension between parties and I have to wonder - why?!
A couple of times I have noted that comments about a lady being with a gent are "ignored" or worse snipped at. And other times I note a slight sharp edge between either two hobbiests, or a hobbiest and a lady or even two ladies....
About the only thing that I can attribute some of the behavior to is jealousy. My question (and I can understand an alias when replying to this) is "do any of you feel jealous with respect to others in this hobby... (with the exception of Jeopcon1 who we all are jealous of!)? that is, if you like a specific lady or gent - do you secretly wish that whoever did not see him/her?!
While I know we are not supposed to have those green tinged feelings.... I just cannot help but wonder.... if some of the hurtful things said to some of the ladies are due to a bit of jealousy!
I am jealous every damn day. While I would never post inflamatory language about anyone - provider or client (unless it was absolutely warranted or necessary), I am jealous mostly about reading of other guys with my favorite ladies. I certainly dont feel that way concerning every woman I see - just a select two or three with which I seem to share a certain chemistry. And they know who they are - and they know how I feel.
For me personally there is no jealousy, in fact I will tend to read new reviews of my ATF's just cause it gives me a vicarous thrill to know I've been there and done that, and helps me relive my personal moments with that provider.
Does it exist within the hobby? Damn straight it does. In fact my first provider (don't bother looking I posted no review) who I had seen several times and called to book an hour after she had taken some time off, ask me to only book a half hour. After our time (which went over a half hour anyway) I asked her why the half, and she replied that too many guys were getting possesive (she did provide awesome GFE and post-coital cuddling and chat that made you feel like she was yours alone) and creating too much drama for her and that by cutting time down to half an hour even if it ran longer it left time for only action which she enjoyed.
A couple of threads down I posted a question about how would hobby if given $3000 to spend within two weeks. I was surprised that most guys said they would do a weekend with their ATF, when personally I would have choosen to spend it with 6 different higher end $500 providers for the variety (not looking for a relationship by hobbying only fun).
The answers would indicate that a lot of guys prefer an intimate experience to variety which of course opens up the possibilities of emotional attachements and jealousy.
-- Modified on 8/9/2007 8:37:58 AM
While I've had a couple of ATFs, I don't have any issues about other hobbyists seeing them nor do I avoid reading the reviews. Funny, cause I do have two hobbyist friends who constantly fall 'in love' with providers and get weird about the girls. In fact, I once jokingly said to one of them that I was going to have to schedule a session with his ATF to see what the fuss was about and he didn't think it was at all funny.
I also had one provider who consistently didn't return referral calls to other providers. She would call me an hour or so later asking if I was interested in seeing her. Not that she was into me, just into my wallet...
I see one provider only, on a regular basis, and I must admit I get a little jealous when I read reviews of other hobbyists who see her. I realize that providers see many gents, and it is something that I have to accept. Being new to the hobby I hope that I can just enjoy the time I spend with her, and learn to not to be concerned that I am not the only gent she sees. I feel she and I have a good connection, but I would imagine she has good connections with all the gents she sees.
There are several ladies that I am friends with on these boards.
One, in particular, I consider a very dear, special friend.
Yes, I get a knot in my stomach when I see a new review of them/her.
Not because I'm jealous, but, I think, more that I read some of the comments that are written and sometimes they are not flattering or positive.
I also see the very positive reviews and am pleased that someone else got to know the wonderful ladies I know.
Having discussed this with several ladies, I sometimes think about them with a client who may not be a "gentleman" and what they have to put up with.
Again, not jealous, just concern about them.
When someone writes that they "banged the s**t out of her" about someone I know, it bothers me, but I know it's part of the job and they know that if they ever needed/wanted to talk/vent I am always available with a sympathetic ear, or a friendly hug, when possible.
But to your question...
no I am not jealous, we have no right to be jealous.
My friends know how I feel.
I don't own them, they are not beholding in any way to me, but as friends, we are concerned about each other.
Just my opinion...
B
I think your perception is right on the money, and I have noticed the same thing, and is one reason I do not post here regularly.
I remember when I came to these boards as a newbie, instead of being welcomed and supported, I had all kinds of nerds trying to talk big, and make me feel stupid.
Well almost two years and 15 encounters later, I guess I'm not so stupid after all. lol
But yeah, I've noticed that some dudes are really miserable and jealous, and they most definitely DO act like women on their periods (no offense to the ladies - at least y'all have an excuse! I'd be grumpy too if I had to feel that way for a few days long).
What are you gonna do though?
It's just nice to see other dudes who AREN'T bitter and jealous, and who have some maturity...
when I read about the wonderful times that Bev gives her clients; and I feel the twinge of pain when a review is not so hot.
I'm like a stage mother sometimes, I swear.
You can have full emotional attachment and still be able to avoid jealousy.
Mostly jealousy is a cover for feelings of inadequacy, but Bev makes me feel very complete and loved, so I have no place for that in my life.
The same is true of all the other fine providers whom I see, only to a bit lesser extent.
I've come to the conclusion that there are only two root emotions- Love and Fear. All negative emotions, i.e. anger, jealousy, excessive pride, etc. stem from fear. Fear repels. Love attracts.
As Mr. Fisher said, jealousy is always the result of the ego's fear of inadequacy and this fear keeps us from experiencing the fullness of love. Get rid of the fear and you get rid of the jealousy and that enables us to love without attachment.
Am I there? Not 100% of the time. The hobby has enabled me to get lots of practice in, though! LOL
to my ATF.I do have 'some' feelings towards her but no real jealousy.A few months ago I posted (on another board} a Happy Birhday greeting Guess what happened: One of her regulars responded by asking how do I know her birthday, while 2 other of her regulars decided to stay on the sidelines of her many well-wishers. One of them,wrote a review of her hinting indirectly at the futility of my being 'in love' with her...BTW, both of them haven't seen her since then! Here's an example of jealousy financially damaging to the lady.
While I do not think it happens a lot! I know that it happens, I too have observed.
thanks - this is an honest response or at least it is my observations as well.
The tone here is not that different from what I see on other boards that I participate on. Everyone has an opinion and some are better at expressing it than others. This is not the New York Times here. There are no editors watching content or style....or spelling or grammar.
Anyone with a handle and internet access can post but that doesn't mean they always have something to say.
can see! the jealously is harder to pin down... but after a while there are patterns.
thanks to all, while not confirming my conclusion, it does not disprove it either.
Then I get home and fire up TER and there's a new review of her by a guy who also just reviewed my other ATF (they both know this alias).
So naww, no green-eyed monster here, although it took me a while in the hobby to get over that stuff. You just have to remember that while they may be the only one, or one of a few to you, you are one of many to them. I also console myself with the knowledge that I'll be doing a double with them week after next - Yeeee-Haaaaaa.
Since we're all human and experience a wide range of emotion, I'd have to say yes, jealousy exists within the hobbying community. I think the real question isn't "Does it exist" but more to what extent it exists. I have observed rivalries between providers. Whether that's jealousy, competitiveness, or just plain personality conflicts is beyond me. I have heard of providers who refuse to give references for fear her clients will go elsewhere. I don't think that's jealousy more as personal insecurity....which as an astute person in an earlier post pointed out leads to jealousy.
To answer your questions specifically, I've had a gent or two I've wished I could keep to myself. Alas, the philanderers had other ideas! I am human afterall...who knew??? LOL.
need i say more ?? Many hens and many cocked roosters 
I have also observed jealousy ruin the business for specific ladies when other ladies decide that she offers too great a threat.
To those who would deny that this exists - whether you call it jealousy or competition or some other human emotion or relation - I would offer if that is how you wish to view the hobby - more power to you! I wish that I could turn a "blind eye" and "blind ear" to what I see and hear.
My reason for providing the post was to determine if I was the only one making the observation. Many times I've made observations - and thought that I am the only one seeing what is in front of me. as I get older, I am beginning to learn that it is often good to get someone else to check my observations...
Mary's comment about the extent - and what course of action are very appropriate. I will admit, if I could! I would keep all my ATFs to myself. I know that that is not gonna happen! no matter what and even if it did - would that be something that I would really want or something that would provide "pleasure" to them! I suspect not! And that is how I manage my green headed monster.... but I have observed others who cannot. For ladies in competition with ladies I would offer this gem...
In this hobby I have observed all types of ladies - from air-headed hot beach babes to mature sophistocated women who were and or would be successful no matter what they did. No one type fits all men. I know what I like (boobs help, but if there is a brain attached to the boobs... look out! I have fun!) but that would not be suitable for all. similarly, I have looked at the reviews and have observed that there are some other gents with the same taste as me (just by reviewing the ladies that they share time with). However, there are also gents that prefer other types of women... My caution to ladies is forget what your "competition" is doing - focus on the niche that you provide. You will certainly get clients! with the divorce rate what it is!? and that is only the tip of the unhappy marriages.... and with dudes like me out there (divorced and willing to "Rent-a-wife" for an evening).
Finally - jealousy is not a bad thing.... it is our reaction to it that is not so good. Jealousy lets me know I am still alive - and that I am capable of developing emotions for another human. But even in civie life, if you do not manage that emotion - it will ruin your life.
Thanks to all for very interesting answers... especially the latter ones... as I think that they reflect more what I observe and experience.
Very well said, BSD. As a newbie to the hobby, I really appreciate the post, as well as all the replies. The responses have given me information as to something I should look out for as I participate in the hobby. I tend not to be a jealous person at all, but the hobby is new to me, and I've learned so much in the few months that I've been doing this. I think jealousy or envy can occur, especially when feelings may develop during the course of hobbying. Thanks again!!
I do sometimes wince when I'm reading something about someone I know and feel that they have been treated poorly -- ladies AND gentlemen. I've also seen some behavior on message boards and in reviews that makes we wish that those people wouldn't ever book a session with someone I like, because I think it has little chance of going well. (I wouldn't say that it would be fine for them to see someone I don't know, but I feel more invested in the welfare of people I know.)
Probably more than anyone realizes, or will publicly admit. Far too many guys (and some ladies too I'd imagine) look to this hobby to fill voids in their life that it was never meant to fill.
Personally I've only had it happen once to me. Great girl, not one you'd really expect to find in this business to be honest. I found myself getting bothered knowing she's a pro that has sex with so many guys for a living. I think I developed a crush on her which was weird because that has never happened in 10 years of hobbying!
So I stopped seeing her, which wasn't easy but it was the right thing to do.
I felt a twinge of jealousy myself; not towards my ATF's other clients, but instead towards her boyfriend. It wasn't for the sex he was getting, but for the time he was able to spend with this incredible woman. I offered to stop being her client if we could have a platonic friendship in civvie life if she was feeling conflicted. She thought about it but ultimately declined. Too many people don't know what she does for a living and she didn't want to have "secret" friendship with me, or have to try and explain to her friends and family where we met.
I quickly got over it and still have a great time with her.