Falling for another client!!!!

Had a rare, absolutely ecstatic feeling recently with another client.  Madly passionate about each other, couldn't get enough, while in bed and just talking -- similar backgrounds, higher educations, experiences, hobbies/interests....  We laughed about how unbelievably perfect it was.

This has happened far too often, both in LA and especially in NYC!  I screen well, cater to a very much upper-scale clientele with my (significantly higher) rates and other screening info, and generally make sure we have common interests, etc before meeting.

Several other encounters ended up with similar feelings, and one actually developed into a full-fledged, long-term loving-caring relationship, but he was/ and is still tied up with his dutiful family obligations, and I bless him for that.  He's definitely one of the closest friends I've ever had -- and I have a LOT of dear friends!  It was/ is so fabulous that I have no regrets on continuing with a married man with his multi-year obligations -- feel if it's right we'll hook up again when the timing is best for both -- the connection was so great!

So here we go again with another potentially more involved relationship!!  This seems just like the last....  intense chemistry, similar personal background info, get along as well over drinks as we do in private....  

So, am I warped in thinking this is fine?  Really don't want a permanent relationship right now (I'm still young in my late 20's, and have so much more I want to do and see before settling down....), yet love the occasional and the repeated occasions of being with someone special and dear...

Thank you!!!

I thought that the client was the one that fell for the provider. I'm glad that you have a warm heart for your clients. Some are cold as ice and can't wait till the session is over or before.

We all have the reasons we do for doing what we do, but have you double checked your motives recently? What I mean is, are you sure that subconsciously you aren't in this business to meet 'that someone'?

You say:
"This has happened far too often, both in LA and especially in NYC!  I screen well, cater to a very much upper-scale clientele with my (significantly higher) rates and other screening info, and generally make sure we have common interests, etc before meeting."

Are you sure in your screening processes that you aren't subconsciously 'interviewing' for someone you could be interested in?

You're in your late twenties, and I'm going to take a stab at it by saying that I'm guessing you haven't ever been married yet?
Most women in their twenties have a real underlying current that is hard pressed for at LEAST FINDING 'that someone' whether they have gotten to the altar yet or not.

In this business, we are providing a service and that service is to many types of men (however selective we may be), and also both single and married. Married men are 'hands off' no matter what - I don't even 'go there' in any part of my mind or emotion if they are married. First of all, I'M PAID TO remember that. You should, too. If you can't, and as you say, 'so here we go again' - let that be a clue that you either shouldn't be in this business, or haven't really been honest with yourself as to why you are. Recognize that you're at too fragile of a place for yourself - and remember to take care of yourself. However nice he is, he won't. Don't delude yourself.

Yes, it's fun to 'score' once in awhile and really 'connect', but it almost looks as if you're 'looking to'. Hoping to. For other reasons.

Something to think about. And as I say, just an opinion; doesn't mean mine's right.

I recently told a provider that what she wanted is not possible.  It is best if we all think of this provider/client world as one in which we can have good friends with whom we are not romantically involved.  The "civilian" world is the world in which to find romantic partners.

I think you are either secretly (without realizing it) or knowingly searching for your soul mate. Maybe I'm wrong or maybe you just fall easily when given so much attention from a man whose intelligent and good-looking. It can be therapeutic at times, but don't confuse love for interesting. Just my two cents!

Hugs,
Ciara

I don't know why you'd suggest she get out of the business if she is dating customers.

There are a lot of different motivations for a lady to be in the biz. Money isn't almost the most important.  

If she can handle dating clients and the associated repercussions (it's never an easy situation), then let her have her chance, and her joy.

the reason I might suggest she take a look at her reasons are because there is more than one person who is affected - she also has the clients to consider.

Nothing wrong with dating - it's just best if they are single.
She was referring to a man who's married.

However, dating and escorting are separate arenas (altho you can certainly meet someeone via escorting that you end up dating) and it's best not to confuse them. Keep AFF, Craiglist and any others as a means of dating prospects, and escorting to escorting.

See Jackvance's post.


-- Modified on 2/22/2004 10:39:26 AM

Some of my most memorable sessions were with a provider who was working on a very 'limited' basis. It was always a major turn-on for me to know that she was more interested in sex with men that she connected with rather than engaging in this activity purely for financial gain.

It wasn't clear from your post whether your new "client" is married or not. I'll assume he is. As long as your both honest with each other about one another's feelings, I see no harm in it. However, even if the relationship progresses, its most likely that he'll end up sticking with his spouse and you could end up very hurt.

Sounds like you really need to take maybe a month off, go to a warm isolated beach somewhere and think about what YOU want from life now and in the next 10 years.  Once you have answered that question in a definitive fashion, the answers to any other questions that you have will be taken care of.  While arriving at your answers, please remember that you CANNOT have everything that life has to give, you will need to make some choices.

Escorts should be in the business to provide romance, not love.  If a woman is looking for love she needs to find it through avenues which will give her a chance to realize what she is seeking.  The poster of this thread seems headed for a deadend, unless she sits down and clearly defines what she wants from the business that she has chosen.

Both are clients. Both are unmarried. The first one I went out on a normal date. It was a nice date, nice time, but I didn't want to spend time with him the bedroom aferwards. Somehow the chemistry fizzled for me. I felt awkward. I can't figure that one out. Very attractive guy.

The second is a client that really couldn't afford me, and I enjoyed his company, especially the kissing. We've been on one date, and he has been sick and tied up with work, but we plan on getting together soon. Totally my type, older, dark hair, darker velvet skin (hispanic) and short, and funny as hell. Oh yeah, get this, I used to work in the same place as he does now.

I can't date people who don't know and understand what I do. Its not safe, and its dishonest, and unfair to ever expect a civilian to know what we go through.  I don't want to get  married, or have kids. Adopt, yes, maybe when my other career gets stable and I can financially handle them, but I would probably retire from the hobby first.

Frankly I haven't been doing this for long, roughly 8 mo., so I can't say a whole lot other than only recently have I been wanting a person who I can share more than an hour with. LOL.

I love reading your post and answers. You seem to hit it right on the head. That is what sounds like to me also. Deep down she wants to find, that just right guy. When she does then she opens up. I do wish you luck. Been there done that.

... enjoy life to its fullest with freedom to love (and I use that term loosely, as there are many forms of love, I believe -- I currently love hundreds of people in various regards, and sometimes it's purely a temporary, ie just while together, form of love, or a friendship-love, family-love, spiritual love, love for those whom one respects/admires) without any restrictions or complications, including, a committed relationship, which, again, I do not want for 3-5 more years, or much more....  Perhaps then I eventually might follow the trend and settle down, be tame, be monogamous, (or worse, have to act like I'm monogamous!) and live a less than exciting life.

That is probably why I usually enjoy the company of slightly older men, and those who more often than not, tend to be married -- no pressure to settle down, just pure enjoyment!  The younger ones so often want to get serious, meet their parents, and plan our future together so soon!!!

It's just fabulous enjoying amazing times together with a part-time paramour, and the time apart also has its merits, as we're both free to live our lives, while exchanging occasional tantalizing emails planning the next secret rendez-vous somewhere new.  I never disturb them with an initial email and, of course, never a phone call, and they, of course, return the favor.

It works out well, and am incredibly happy, deliriously so sometimes!!

Just seems weird that I gravitate towards this type of relationship, while all my friends and society-at-large seek out the traditional path....  Am conservative in so many ways, and wondered if there was anything striking I had been missing in choosing my ways...

Thank you, again!!

This is a slippery slope.

I don't think there would be any problem with using escorting as a "dating service," with the fact that the person is available to date.  A married man is not available.

I thought the comment about going out on a regular date and not really enjoying it all that much was telling.  

By being with a lady, the experience is about the fantasy.  On an ideal date, the women is interested in pleasing you.  Hopefully, the man is just as concerned about her.  Just be careful about crossing that fantasy line.

You're always there with great advice, PG!!

Thank you for your kind advice....  I have already done that, in fact..... basically I just want happiness, joy, excitement, freedom, independence, and peace.

She contacted me to find out if her boyfriend who she'd met as an escort was cheating on her.  He'd mentioned me during one of their weekend trists.

They spent days together making lust (off the clock).  Looking back, I think she realizes he recognized her needs and took advantage of her (broke her heart in the process).  I kept getting emails and calls from her for several months.  

This just feels so unhealthy.  I know the feeling of love is very powerful, we all want to give and receive love, but I hope you can find better avenues in your search.  I'm not saying we can't have fun with your dates, just keep things in perspective.  
 
Generally speaking, we're NOT a long term relationship service.  He didn't call you to find a new girlfriend.  We're contracted to spend an hour or two of pure lust... then LEAVE.  

To confuse the fantasy of being a perfect cortisan for an hour or two with dating for love is dangerous to you, your lover and his family.  

You're young, intelligent and attactive.  Do yourself a favor and look for love elsewhere.  

Misty,
Dont be too quick to put all the clients in the "Im in it for the lust" category. This is probably true in general but is certainly not in my case and Im sure others as well.
Hot sex isnt very hard to find these days if thats all your looking for, to put it mildly. A relationship with a woman who shares your interests and where there is mutual respect and caring is one I can only hope God graces me with, family obligations not withstanding. I have a theory that the 2004 woman has created a large percentage of men who are truly at a loss as to where to find such women. This is because there arent very many of them around any more. This is why your business is so good. LOL (Just a guess there) but I think this need has and will continue to be one you and your peers will be approached for an alternative. You can provide a wonderful respite for us who have not found what has always been the key ingredient in the relationshiop between man and woman.
I wish Provider1 the absolute best and hope she and her friend bring much joy and sustenance to each other.

-- Modified on 2/23/2004 1:42:05 PM

Do I recommend this as a way to find your potential mate?  No.  Too many complications can arise.  But if the two are single, who's to say it won't work.
I met my sweetie through this line of work and we hit it off.  As we developed feeling for one another, he started seeing me all the time and with time i was spending more hours with him for less $$$, until we figured it was silly to keep seeing each other in the work atmosphere and started dating.  (People sometimes date their co-workers, no different in the concept, just a bit more involved as this job requires you to give a bit more of your intimate self to another person).  Fortunately for myself, I found someone who is understanding of my business and knows that when it come down to it, I take care of him first and he is always my top priority.  He quit the hobby, but after awhile with my encouragement, I recommended he have a little fun from time to time when he has to travel for business and I can't go with him.  Not the ideal lifestyle for everyone, but for some, it can work.  We have also gone swinging together and I think the key for us is knowing that we take good care of each other and listen to each others needs and have an honest open communication and feel that we can share parts of ourselves and feel accepted for who we are.  We are now going on 8 years of being together and hopefully someday when we are old and gray, we will be looking back on our lives with fond memories

Michelle,

Right on.  You've got the absolute right attitude.

Hope it works out for you!

Yoda

Sharing a bag of popcorn at the movies. I always get depressed because there is no way I could eat the whole bag.