Next week, I'm spending a couple of days visiting my former ATF who's now retired, as am I. It's been an interesting process communicating by email and phone, trying to deconstruct and reconstruct our relationship so that we can retain the closeness without being physically intimate.The process of finding things other than money on which to base our relationship has been a bit of work for both of us. So far, so good.

I'm looking forward to a long and mutually rewarding friendship with a special person.  It's also quite nice for me to be back to a relatively uncomplicated life. Hobbying was difficult for me as I dislike being secretive and I took pride in being a faithful spouse for almost 30 years.

it is impossible for a man to be just friends
with a woman he has been intimate with.

Dont waste you time trying...you will get hurt in the end.

Good luck I hope i am wrong.

What works for one person may not work for someone else.

Most of my friends are guys that I've been intimate with.

I made it CLEAR that I'm not interested in having sex with them.

Wormwood isn't hobbying anymore and his former ATF is retired.

I hope this relationship works out.

and it isn't as difficult as one would imagine.

With 3 different former p4p girls. One in particular has been an ongoing thing for many years. It's definetly doable and has worked out fine for me.

I maintain 0 expectations and enjoy it for what it is and the benefits are quite rewarding at times. But that is all I am looking for. If wormwood is traveling down the "I'm looking for a relationship" road, that is a very different thing and one I would never consider for myself. But friendship or even friends with benefits is not an uncommon occurence, despite what Hardy and others maintain...lol.

..and I can't claim to speak for anyone else.. but my experience both participating in this hobby as a provider.. and studying this hobby via books, school (Human Sexuality and Psychology coursework), and extensive participation on boards and dialogue with hobbyists and providers.. I would say that close friendships within and even outside of the hobby aren't uncommon.. but from my understanding of most of these relationships and most providers' perspectives, going from client-provider to friends with benefits is not a reasonable expectation. If both parties enjoy their time together, and this woman earns her living as a working girl, why would she all of a sudden take him off the clock and keep fucking him anyways? Not saying that she doesn't enjoy being with him, but if he's already paying why would a provider demand that he stop? In most cases it's the man who wants this sort of arrangement ie. why pay for what you can get free. I have stayed up to four-five hours over time and spent time in conversation, meals, and entertainment with clients I consider friends after a scheduled visit. But I would never ever initiate sex off the clock or meet for any reason outside of the context of an appointment. I think most gals feel the same. Boundaries are so important in protecting your career as a provider (for the gals) and keeping your emotions in  check (for the guys) and when things cross those lines it gets weird and someone winds up hurt. Plus, like I said, if both parties are happy with the p4p relationship, why all of a sudden say, let's keep doing this but you stop paying? And in the cases where that does happen, the whole dynamic of the relationship changes, and there are all of a sudden commitments and obligations and all sorts of things to be navigated. A gal is no longer the perfect GFE off the clock. Yeah, she might be someone you like a lot, or a good lay. But the reason we are paid so much is because we can put ourselves aside for the time we are together and devote our full energy and emotion into you and making you happy on all levels. Once the envelope stops, it is no longer a hobbying relationship but a completely different relationship, a civvie relationship that had its roots in the hobby, if you will. And while of course it happens on rare occasions, the truth is most people don't enter this hobby for that- they enter the hobby for a reprieve from that. So if that is your ultimate goal, look elsewhere. On the other hand, if something develops and you mutually decide that you want something else- go for it! If you are both in the same boat and you happen to meet the love of your life while hobbying, that's great. But the FWB scenario? Get a sugar baby or civvie FWB or fuck buddy if that's the goal.

Indeed, this does not necessarily apply to wormwood, as it sounds like he has a great friendship with this woman despite the fact that neither of them are involved in the hobby any longer. It sounds like a unique experience and a beneficial relationship- enjoy your time with her! I just wanted to respond to the comment about FWB, and the provider perspectives I've heard expressed on men who expect an ongoing relationship or sexual relations off the clock.

One more thing. I have a couple clients I like a lot and could see myself being friends or friends with benefits with in a different context. But to protect my wonderful hobbying relationship with them, and my ability to do my job, I don't pursue that as those boundaries are there for a reason, and I'd hate to ruin a good thing. There are other places for pursuing these types of encounters and relations if that is what you seek.. but many of my clients are married anyway, and are in the hobby specifically for NSA encounters, despite the ongoing "ATF" relationship that can develop, things are still very much NSA.

XoXo
Marea


-- Modified on 11/5/2007 6:08:39 PM

with  a woamn I've been intimate with, unless it's a woman I've been in love with. I am friends with many providers that I no longer see professionally. Some of these women I've remained friends with for many years.OTOH I would find it very difficult to be just friends with a woman that I was ever in love with.

is that you have shown yourself to be incredibly deep thinking and that you've hammered this out with her in advance.  I have no doubt that you can handle it.

My only worry is if you are trying to restore faithfulness to your spouse and quit the double life,  a close female friend even though platonic, is essentially an emotional affair.

Best of luck to you.

If its just bangin, then yes i could remain friends.

if it is much more, then for me, it is impossible.