Early on, having learned the hard way like so many others, I rely heavily on reviews (including trying to vet the reviewers) to avoid as many unpleasant surprises as possible. But we all know that many reviews are not candid or truthful.
We have also had our behavior modified to not include anything of a sensitive or sexual nature in any emails, for fear of having our communique deleted or not responded to.
So how do we, as hobbyists, communicate with providers to validate the reviews, to articulate precisely what we are looking for, and determine if the hobbyist and provider are a "match"?
No one wants to be surprised during "prime time" that someone wanted to do something that someone else didn't want to do when the original someone thought the other person would do it based on reviews.
Or, is this an unsolvable Catch 22?
I think it is indeed the Catch 22. We just had such a debate on our regional board a couple of days ago.
There seems to be 2 "styles" that won't mix well.
The "menu" hobbyist has specific objectives, and rightly deserves to know what's available, especially given the prices lately. If I just gotta have a chalupa, I shouldn't go to McDonalds... As you said, the problem is there's no way for me to come right out and ask what's available.
Now there ARE some "menu" providers... When you see Cindy of Denver, you know exactly what's in store.
Now weigh this against the "chemistry" provider, who rightly deserves to limit some activities to only those people she chooses, based on hygiene, chemistry, repeat history, whatever. A perfect example of this would be any "uncovered" activity.
Some guys get the activity, and write reviews, and the reader assumes that it's part of the deal. For them it's not, and they're disappointed, maybe even writing a bad review.
It seems to me to be the Catch 22.
Omega makes an interesting point about Reviews. While I've no doubt that the reviews are accurate, they only represent the experience of that reviewer.
Recently I've had several encounters with a very well known touring star who has been reviewed on this and other Boards. I've chosen not to post a review of my meetings. Why? Because to recount my experience would certainly give a reader the idea that my experience is what should be expected by anyone contacting her.
For example... on one recent occassion, my friend invited me to stay a couple of nights in her home. She picked me up at the airport and took me back at the end of my stay. She cooked meals for me. We talked, watched movies, shared fantasies ... and had a number of sexual experiences that were NOT covered by any of her reviews. She revealed her true name...and introduced me to her husband! I don't recall reading many reviews like this! Certainly it is not reflective of what the general hobyist should expect!
The bottom line: the reviews are an excellent source of information, but they should not be viewed as legal documents. And, of course, Providers are subject to the same personal problems (illness, fatigue, family problems, emotional problems, etc) that everyone else experiences. These things can make a significant impact on the "experience" a given Hobyist might have with a given Provider.
IMHO, all you can do is be honest and ask.
The fact is you must ALWAYS assume that YMMV based upon the interaction between the client and the lady. With this assumption firmly in place, you are free to read the entire breadth of a lady's reviews, in order to determine just HOW MUCH YMMV, based on past reviewers' experiences.
The ONLY way to actually shop from a menu, is when dealing with a KNOWN provider with whom YOU have already visited, so that she and you can EACH have a frame of reference prior to engaging in any dialogue over future appointments. That's IT. No other option - get used to it! Face the fact that there is no reasonable way to look in the yellow pages and say, I, Mr. Unknown Client, can expect to get ANAL from Ms. New Provider, in exchange for $300 of my money, prior to her having determined that a) I have satisfactory personal hygiene and personal behavior, b) I am not with any law enforcement agency, and c) I'm physically able to insert Tab A into Slot B, without any obvious size mis-match. There ain't any way around this. If you ABSOLUTELY MUST order off the menu, you should only dine where you already know what the menu is, for YOU the customer.
I suggest that anyone who needs some other arrangement needs to just GROW UP.
"I suggest that anyone who needs some other arrangement needs to just GROW UP."
I read your post and agree with most of your points, but then you lost me with this. All three prior posts seemed to be a very mature, level dialog about this issue, so this kind of divisive statement seems out of place.
I know quite a few hobbyists that prefer certain services (Omega's "menu guys") and none of them seem any less (or more) mature than the hobbyists that want more of a free-flowing "chemistry" date. I also know many quality providers who are more "menu" oriented too.
There IS NO SUCH THING AS A MENU prior to ever having met the lady. Because you can't assume that all items will be on YOUR menu once she meets you. That is fact. Any assumptions to the contrary are unfortunate experiences waiting to happen. If you can't accept that EVERY meeting between a NEW client and a provider is a YMMV scenario, then you DO need to grow up.
I have had recent success in asking a few key questions while I read reviews. Does the provider truly love her profession? Does the provider love people? Does the provider give 100%? If those questions are answered correctly (the answers can usually be found by the time one reads 5 or 6 reviews), the client will enjoy himself too much to be concerned about whether a specific act was engaged in.
If all the reviews state the provider offered something that she did not offer you, most likely yours was an isolated incident where something made her uncomfortable and/or the chemistry was bad. I don't think it is the fault of the hobbyist or provider, it happens. Yet seems some guys make the mistake of coming on too strong, especially if you are a new hobbyist. You may have been looking to check off your menu, and providers can feel that/it's not the best way to win her over. The best thing a newbie can do is relax and chill out! Overeagerness can be mistakenly read as forwardness. I would say keep enjoying the hobby not going in with "menu-type" expectations but having a great time with a lady. Guys need to realize, the kind of time they will have with a provider will directly reflect of the attitude they walk in with.
IMHO.
First of all, at least for me, once I have screened you sufficiently I'm a bit more releaxed. Secondly, there are ways to phrase things and to say things that don't come off offensive.
That's once you are screened, though... Ask me that ahead of time and I may just delete you. I'm not sure if I can give a good example of offensive vs. inoffensive, but as a supreme court judge said about obscenity... I know it when I see it!
On the other hand I get gentlemen writing me long involved fantasies all the time, and since they are fantasies, I do not delete them but enjoy reading them... and I'm happy to let the gent know if I enjoyed reading it or not.
BTW, I will say in my case if you cannot figure things out to a large degree from my reviews, you're kidding yourself... there's just too darned many! LOL!
Hugs*
Nicole
I have to admit I'm surprised. Don't you guys PM each other for more details? That's what I would have assumed.
-Anya
where are you located?
Never. I don't think guys PM each other on details. We don't know each other, and I'm not comfortable doing it.
Do a little research, make a list of what you want, email her, call her, And ASK her.... if she doesn't give you the answers your looking for then move on to someone else. If your at her place, if she's in your room, ASK questions before turning over any $$$'s and be prepared to walk or say sorry or NO ... there are so many quality providers .... can't we hobbiest think with what's on top of our shoulders instead of thinking with what's growing hard between our legs ... and if you do screw up and don't get what you want .. hey that's part of the learning process .... this "I guess I took one for the team" is crap ... all you did was screw up by not listening to yourself ....... ok venting over .. hobby safe, hobby well, hobby all you can be.......
Wrong advise to be giving, IMHO and if there are ladies out there answering specific questions, she is taking a very dangerous risk.
It is up to the lady to make it clear what it is that she offers. That is what a website is all about. It can be done in a manner that is not to blatantly obvious, but clear enough if one reads between the lines.
It is up to the gentleman to do his homework. When interested in visiting with a lady, one should read the whole of her website to gain a better understanding of her and what she has to offer.
The reviews, yes, YMMV, given circumstance. I think any gent with the least bit of intelligence should be able to gather that a lady will not be able to have an enjoyable time with a gent that reeks from twenty feet away or that rough mannerisms may send red flags up to her. It is just plain common sense. Surprise....we are human beings after all and not robots. Actually reading a site will give one a great insight of the ladies personality, as well as any communications you may have with her.
YMMV, can be ascertained by the reviews also. Reading them in their entirety, one can get a very good idea by the repetative aspects that come through in each subsequent review. Any questions left unanswered should be obtained via backchannel.
To often, gents just see a pic, scan the stats of a review and go with that. Too much work? Maybe, but it is the only sure fire way of bringing the odds up of a liaison that is fulfilling to both parties involved. I would think that any gent that was going to spend an x number of dollars on something, he would at least shop around to ensure that he is getting his monies worth. It is no different in this forum and probably more of a necessity given the higher risks of rip off and the personal aspect of this forum.
Lauren
Excellent point ... but for the masses that do not see quality independents .. and still use the agencies they have no website, no email, no number to call, only a blonde showing up when you asked for a redhead, have been quoted a price for FS only to find out that the price has now doubled, ask for an hour only to get a half ... need I go on .....
Having done a little of both, I would much rather save and book a quality independent (preferrably for a longer period of time) then go with others.
Supporting the best seems to be the best way to get more of the best and eliminate the others.
I have, in the past, PM'ed other TER members for clarification of info covered by their reviews, and have also responded to many PM's and e-mails asking me for the same.
If you look for CONSISTENCY in reviews, that is many reviews that essentially describe similarities in sessions, you'll probably do better. This does not mean to look for a provider that just does exactly the same thing over and over, but rather displays the same temperment, attitude, excitement, humor, etc., etc., etc. or whatever else is important to you.
If you encounter a YMMV situation in reviews, take a step back and look at what each "date" did and try to ascertain why that YMMV experience transpired. If you still want to see that provider, then just make sure you can eliminate that which created the YMMV situation.
I look for consistency in the reviews and go in assuming that is the norm. Going in that way is my baseline and any services that occur above and beyond are icing on the cake.
Speaking of reviews, how many of you have submitted a review where the editors modified or changed the tone of the review to
make it seem more exciting, explicit, or added details beyond
those you had stated in your submission?
I have not yet had one word of any review modified by Staff at TER. I have had reviews rejected for not being explicit enough, and went back myself to edit them. And those subsequently were accepted without any management editing.
I do wish that they would grammar and spell check many of the reviews I've seen.
You can make up your mind based on Reviews and the provider you choose , and by emailing her talking on the phone Privately to her and
disussing everything you have on your agenda..
so you both are clear on your Expectations.
So YOU Both.. are Happy.
Have A Great Day!!
If you see many reviews for a certain provider and they all say that similar activities occur, then you can be pretty sure that you can expect that. Be aware, however, that the ladies have the right to change depending on the comfort level that they feel with you. If you just had garlic, you may not be in for a wild DFK session. Overall, if you depend on a number of reviews, then you should be OK.
Like a lot of things about the hobby, nothing beats being a nice guy. The combination of great references and being polite seems to get me access to info if I want it. Two step process:
Step 1. Be a good guy with every provider you see, so that when the new provider calls for a reference, the previous provider is more likely to say "hey, BTW, he was a really nice guy and I hope to see him again."
Step 2. After she's checked your refs and heard you were a really nice guy, ask if it's OK to ask. What I mean is, don't ask "will you paddle me with a garden rake" first, but instead ask "I have a special request, would it be appropriate for me to ask?"
I know from experience this combo is a winner. Ironically, no matter how kinky you want to get, you can still be a gentleman at the same time. Now where's my rake? ;^)