I've got a frustrating problem and I'm wondering if it occurs for anyone else out there; if so, I'd like to hear how you've dealt with it. I've got an ATF that I've seen 4 times in the past couple months - she's gorgeous, perfect body for my tastes, great to talk with, and the best in the bedroom. You'd think that my only problem would be making it last, so it surprises me that I have the most difficulty performing w/ her.
It's obviously a mental hang-up, and I've researched performance anxiety with no positive results so far. I also tried changing the visit; I typically like to talk awhile first, but last week I asked her to dress skimpy and be ready to go from the start - still no better. The job is still getting done in the end b/c she's so excellent, but it's frustrating and painful for the ego when a guy is ready to get busy w/ the hottest woman he's ever been with and the equipment fails. Any thoughts?
You are being a little vague about exactly what the problem is but I wouldn't automatically assume that it is psychological. If you are having ED issues you should see a doctor and get yourself checked out.
I had this problem starting in my mid-40s and, yes, oddly, it was with providers. At home, I was okay so I thought it was psychological. I once did a session with two providers, both VERY hot, and still no wood.
When the problem started occuring at home, I went to the doctor.
Blue pill has solved everything. Get yourself checked out.
Hi tg,
I want to second BG's suggestion to get a checkup. Don't be embarased... it could be important.
I have a neurological condition and it's important for me to hold my focus... or ole Henry can go soft. No distractions like bill paying, too hot or cold, outside noises, background music (not something you follow the lyrics).
It is possible that you are correct about performance... Do you have other opportunities for partner sex & does it also occur then?
jtp
well described in all manner of literature from the time of Aristophanes of ancient Greece -
performance failure due to being overawed by the object of your affections. This even happens to the gods and goddesses!
it's hard to worship a lady and also give her a right and proper seeing to....
Is she the only provider you see?
If so, I suggest mixing things up a bit with some new blood. That way when you do see her it will be a special treat rather than same old, same old.
A mix of old and new keeps me at the top of my game.
A lot of good advice here. But I have to chime in about seeing a doctor.
One of my day jobs was a customer service position for a diabetic supply house. You guys dont realize just how many of the prescriptions were for erectile dysfunction pumps. But the part that is sadder is how many doctors wouldnt or didnt originally want to approve them.
So although a good number of calls were for other diabetic supplies there a whole lot of guys that cant get it going because of diabetes and that, is only one of the possible problems.
I hope that you do get a clean bill of health. But I'd love to hear that you have a piece of mind and that it's not physical. Then you can take everyone else up on their other suggestions;
Caribkid: You sound like my type of guy. LOL... candles, champagne
and the others as well. First definitely make sure it's not a medical condition. After watching too much of Dr. Oz, my first inclination is to tell you to get a check up, because it could be indicative of a heart problem (not saying your old, it can happen to anyone).
In reference to what Mrfisher said, see if it happens with another provider? Then you know it isn't medical, you're just really awed with your AFT that you have a mental shutdown.
This happened with me and a couple of my regular friends. They had difficulty a few times, so I took some time to talk to them and go over what the possible issues could be, once we both agreed that it wasn't the music, or the temperature in the room for example, I decided that we should start to try new things that we didn't try before, such as a porno,toys,a duo and creative positions. It paid off, they just needed to try something different.
Good luck!
Mackenzi
It is never wrong to suggest you see a physician, but there are some clues that your diagnosis is correct: If you have no trouble performing with others or in other situations, it is surely situationally psychological.
If this is so, I would do the following: Be sure you are really horny before you see her next time so no masturbation or other climaxes for a day or a few days or a week, whatever it takes to get you really horny. Then you should try to remember that the activity is fun not a test. Then you should schedule a long appointment. Take a Viagra (see later). Agree with yourself that you will not make love, get a BJ, DATY, or get a hand job or anything else that will make you climax for the first hour. Let her play with you, kiss and cuddle for the first hour. Finally, when you are sufficiently crazy, but not under any circumstances during the first hour, do what satisfies you the most. If all this did not work, I would then move on since it sounds like it is not fun for you.
You should be aware of the fact that Viagra DOES work even if there is a heavy psychological overlay. Viagra makes your vessels sensitive to stimulation and can increase performance even when there is only the slightest physical overlay which there always is unless you are a teen aged boy. You will need to be checked out by an MD to be sure it would be safe for you and to prescribe it.
If there is an underlying and predominantly physical problem, that is another story. Good luck and feel free to PM me if I can be of any help.
That's a lot of great advice guys - thanks! Just to clarify, it's rare that struggle w/ other gals (I see about 1 per week). It does seem that the hotter the provider, the more trouble I have. It's like the days back in high school - I could barely form a coherent sentence when talking to a hot cheerleader, but was relaxed when talking to a gal who I perceived to be on par with me. Maybe it's that same anxiety decades later - maybe I feel inadequate or more self conscious with someone who is ridiculously hot. It's a journey, and I'm enjoying figuring things out.
Dr. Joe brought up an issue I'm thinking through - identifying the optimum number of days between climaxes. For the last visit, my SO surprised me by actually wanting to have sex 36 hours b4 seeing my ATF. 36 hours should be plenty of time, but I wasn't overly horny for my visit. I'm gonna try different waiting periods to see if that makes a difference. That said, I'm starting to feel like I'm over-analyzing something that should be relaxing and totally fun. One more thing to ponder 
The Love Godess on the Erotic Highway. She always has sound advice.
As others have said, it's never a bad idea to check with a Doctor, although you seem to have diagnosed the problem correctly.
Apart from the abstinence period in order to get horny you may try creating a seductive ambiance. Set up a scenario which makes you horny.
For me it's candles, champagne, soft music and a dim room. A few drinks before may also help to lower your anxiety along with extended foreplay.
Hope you succeed and here's to good humping.
ED or you are not in control of your mind. Mind is playing games with you. Typical problem with those who are very emotional in life.
