that it is just fine for their hubby to canoodle with you or other providers.

Of course the situation is the same I'm sure with husbands and their wives.

People can be so clingy when it comes to sex.

It took me until the age of 30 to finally accept that monogamy is bullshit. In fact, the very idea makes absolutely no sense at all to me and the idea is terrifying.  
Now being in the hobby world and seeing a number of lovely married men, I realized just how much monogamy does not work and that many women (and men) are in complete denile that this is something even humanly possible.
From what I have analyzed in my experiences both in and out of the hobby world, majority of people cheat and if they are not already cheating, then they are in one hell of a torturous relationship where they are either in denile about sexuality or have lost interest in sex altogether... or maybe they just play the skin flute to keep their sanity, (my guess is that this is probably VERY true).
Hobbying in my opinion is not cheating, but is simply a release for those stuck in such mongamous relationships. I can honestly say that if my man went and paid for a service, I would find that a hell of a lot less threatening than if he were to be screwing someone from work.I have come to understand that most married gents who hobby probably feel the same way.
I often wish the wives of these gents would see the value in having more sexually open relationships. But I often wonder, if their wives and girlfriends were more open, could these men handle it?  

To color it any other way is self-serving nonsense.

But maybe that is what you are saying?

I just think why not cheat together? Which then it isn't cheating.. but I am sure there are many wives who want to play with other people.

But sometimes that creates a whole different set of problems.

Let's not sugar coat it. But it's worth the risk, I've met amazing women and have had amazing sex and in the end I'd rather die with guilt than regret. And yes, I agree monogamy rarely works in the true sense, though I have seen a handful of what at least appear to be good marriages. Mine isn't, but at least I can say I'm not having sex with both providers and my wife.

They want to take ____ and keep ____ all for themselves. I think it's mostly insecurity and being scared that their SO will find someone "better." A lot of failed LTRs/marriages would endure if the partners could give each other some room for sexual exploration.

Also, congrats on realizing monogamy's not for you.  I wish I'd figured out that same thing quicker, it would have been much less expensive.
As for your question, there is no one answer because everyone's different.  Also, I don't buy that seeing hookers isn't cheating.  I didn't do it when I was married, though I do understand there are legitimate reasons and I don't judge.  But you're probably right that it's not as bad as having affairs.
Last, it's naive to think most women (or even most men) can handle and open relationship.

It's just not possible.
That said, some of what you say is right as far as it goes.  What you don't realize is, it doesn't matter how compatible a couple is at the beginning because they will both continue to evolve as people.  Sometimes that means growing apart if constant attention isn't given to the relationship.
Also, the longer you live with someone  the more certain things they do will grate on you.  If you can't forgive and overlook that, it can be very destructive over time.
At this point I know for sure I have no interest in a LTR again.

No different than seeing the kids coming out of school who all have the answers as well  LOL

Just as you refuse to change, so do I.  If you find me "grating," I really don't care.  You are free to not open my posts.  And I am free to keep on posting exactly as I wish.
There is one bright spot for you, however.  As big a dope as you are, there's a new clownguy in town who's much dopier.  I leave you to guess who that is.  The clues are there.
-30-

.....but it is less likely in this day and age for so many reasons that if I listed my thoughts you and many others of your age would be terribly insulted and I don't want to do that.  
My wife and I were married for 52 years w/o cheating. In our circle of friends non were divorced. I don't know if any cheated but I know I didn't and if my wife cheated she kept me satisfied up until about just before she died. One couple we knew just celebrated their 60th anniversary. Two other couples are still married. Neither me or my wife were religious. In fact I am an atheist. Nor were we prudes. I'd venture to say, there is nothing you will do as a provider that my wife wouldn't have done if it was fun and not degrading. I was experienced in the carnal pursuits after spending 4 years in the Navy before I met my wife. So what are my thoughts? I think what you propose is Horseshit. lol

I think most would have a huge amount of respect to someone who could pull off a true life-long commitment to one other person on all the dimensions that go into a relationship or marriage - emotional, financial, family, parenting, sexual, etc.

Others it doesn't, just because it doesn't work for you doesn't mean it suits other people well. My grandparents are still in love and 50 years strong in their marriage. it takes work to make monogamy work.  For the younger generation, we don't fix things the way our grandparents did. Just saying.

And don't worry, I am so far from pissed at you that you have no clue.  You aren't consequential enough to be pissed at.  As for "grating" you are once again reading-comprehension challenged.  I was not referring to myself in that statement, just people at large.
Geezk!
Actually, I was (for me) kind of nice to you, pointing out there's someone here even dopier than you.

I would have loved to see him do a stand-up live.  Never had the chance however  

If women went out and cheated on their significant other, they would have a stroke!  If they paid to get a release from another man, the husband/boyfriend would be angry about the deceit and the money spent.

It's the human condition.  There's a reason prostitution is known as the world's oldest profession.

If I encounter someone with whom I want a defined couple "relationship" with, the WAY that I define that in my mind involves monogamy. Otherwise, I remain single. As a single person I can still have women in my life with whom I enjoy sex, and I can have women, maybe the same ones maybe not, with whom I can "do things," "go places with."

I've had quite a bit of sport with you, really jusr having a bit of fun and you make it so easy, but this is something you should pay attention to: marriage is one of those things you will know nothing about until you are in one. You can observe all you want, ask questions, listen to complaining or bragging, hell you can even move in with a married couple for awhile and you will still know precisely dick about marriage. And I'd venture to say that given your cartoonish chivalry and overdeveloped empathy you're at risk of having a bad one yourself, but maybe like your sappy friend you'll find a girl that isn't sickened by that stuff after a little while. Most girls, despite their complaints about us, still want their men to be men.

I never thought or said "EVERYONE else is grating," and do not "nitpick the shit out of everyone."  I do find you and a small handful of idiots grating and you just can't handle it.  But keep it up.  The only reason it won't damage your credibility is you had none to begin with.
It's a shame you have fallen back on your old ways, but mainly for you.  Because you are certain to become the Board Piñata again.  And even a piñata has its uses.
PS: If I really wanted to waste my time I'd put up a list of all the people on this board whose posts I have never attacked.  But it would take too long.  And you are simply not worth the effort.

If you would try reading for a change, you would see that he said nothing about marriage. He said,  and quite clearly I might add,

"Fucking strange while committed is cheating..."

and no one with even half a brain (which of course leaves you out) can argue with that statement. The "key" if you will, is to "Not commit" Once you commit, fucking strange is by definition "cheating" whether you swore to God, Allah, or the Great Fucking Pumkin, a commitment is still a commitment.

-- Modified on 11/24/2014 4:55:37 PM

He is very free with opinions about things he knows nothing about.  Not sure if you were around for his "I'm 100% certain it's pee" statement, but it's one of many.  So his opinions about marriage, never having been in one are hardly a shock.  He is nothing if not predictable.

But until he experiences the day to day it's just nonsense.

Monogamy was imposed on the world by Puritanical ass holes in the west. In the east, every does it, every one knows it but no one cares enough to talk about it. Most of the west is over the puritanical judgmental crap but US is not there yet

in America and in some highly religious countries in Africa and muslim world then you are correct. Otherwise, you are full of crap.

the restaurant , Courtney politely declined and shot rod down . he offered up his empty shell and made a friend ! but as far as an aphrodisiac the THEY SUCK WORSE than rods oral abilities ...lmao  

Some gal may like how you are today...but after years of dealing with you, kids, in-laws and life....people morph.

I'm sorry but if you are married and go out and fuck someone else its cheating, weather's you pay for it or not.......my take is if you want to fuck other people then don't get married or get out if you are, being cheated on can destroy a person, I know this from personal experience, yes I could have left my husband when he cheated ,but 23 years for a one time mistake is a lot to give up.......and even though he paid someone it was STILL cheating.......lucky for us we now hobby together and together only, neither of us could ever stand to go through what we did ever again.  

Clearly, you are not cut out for this place.  But something keeps drawing you back.  Is it masochism?  Who knows.
Just remember what Harry "Giive 'em Hell" Truman said when a reporter asked him, "Why do you give 'em hell, Mr. President?"
He replied, "I don't give 'em hell.  I just tell the truth and they think it's hell."
See the connection?  Probably not.

Our Puritanical society makes us a laughingstock in Europe (not that I care). When Clinton was nearly thrown out of office over a blow job they were laughing up their sleeves.  It's standard procedure for politicians to there to play around.
But you're not completely correct because in extreme Muslim sharia systems women are executed for having affairs.  At least we don't do that.

Can't you and the others keep him over on the P&R board?

Others just wallow in pity.

One thing I'd like to ask you to rethink is the comparison of giving up "23 years" for "a one-time mistake." Not just the obvious, that you HAD the 23 years and therefore you aren't giving them up if you dissolve the marriage, but more that you know the one-time mistake was a change in direction for your husband. The relationship changed with his decision. Now you are hobbling together, so another way of looking at it is that you found an arrangement to continue on for--what--? the next 23 years?

beautiful, stunning, sexy wife I'd share and brag about it.  
     It's cheating but better than breaking up an otherwise happy home. If you're not happy 80% of the time in your relationship time to move on, at least I would.  
         

Wrong. It is not cheating if you're not caught.

Well stated. Left unsaid by many poster is this HUGE fact: changes! Everything changes with time. So when two people first got married there was no way that they could have anticipated how they were going to change, physically, emotionally, spritually etc... over the course of time.

Most who have met me tell me that my online persona is pretty much what you get IRL.

might be true for those in the under 35 age range.  Not the case for those above the 35 age bracket; more likely "some wives" and as the age increases to say 50, "one in a 100 wives" or less.

As for my marriage not working very well, I guess it's mostly because I expected she wouldn't change, and she expected I would. A gross oversimplification, but more true than not.

-- Modified on 11/24/2014 9:02:48 PM

I am not qualified to comment on a monogamous relationship / marriage (I am single and never married), instead of giving reasons why I think monogamy works / doesn't work, I can give you my perspective on how a non-monogamous relationship can be difficult to work out.

ask any provider I've seen if they find me "extreme" or in any way abrasive, pretty sure I know the answer you'll get. But I find it funny as hell to jump on ridiculous posts, and if any of mine are ever stupid or sappy I'll take the stomping as well as I dish it out. What exactly to you want this to be, a touchy feely support group complete with digital group hugs? I love it just as it is, a Darwinian jousting arena: sarcastic, salty, at times abrasive and even brutal, occasionally hilarious and always interesting. Kids' table is two flights down on the newbie board, hang out there if your sensibilities are easily wounded. I wouldn't have this board any other way.

She and I are opposites yet married, as best friends often have been 30 years. I am open minded she isn't, I love sex she never appreciated it, I'd want to snuggle she wanted to stay on her side of the bed, etc etc. So, who is cheating whom? Thank G-d for providers. I'd have been miserable and probably out of there the past 3 years. Long ago I kept a sweet young lady and that helped the marriage better than therapy. The kids never knew or the wife. The experiences have been amazing and very satisfying. Honesty is the best policy except in a relationship.

Pretty easy claim to rally the troops here.
Everyone makes choices in life.
For whatever reasons we are all in this little game.
But I know PLENTY of very well-adjusted happily married monogamous folks.
Does this mean their lives are all rainbows, lollipops, and unicorns?  Hardly.
But to say that those in monogamous relationships who are NOT cheating are "in one hell of a torturous relationship where they are either in denile about sexuality or have lost interest in sex altogether," well, that is a complete load of bunk.

grown to be even more clueless and annoying than ever. lol

Sorry, but that one was waaayyyyy too easy to let pass.

his movies by and large were "dumbed down" his stand up OTOH was brilliant. I had the pleasure of seeing him live several times as I lived in Vegas during the late 70s early 80s during the heyday of his career.

Face it, if you are a guy, you see attractive women and one of the many things you think about is fucking them.  You can suppress those feelings and go rub one out now and then or you can go for the fuller experience.   I prefer the fuller experience of cheating with a woman rather than with my hand and imagination.  It is cheating and I am a selfish prick for it but I don't want to cheat myself out of those experiences.

Bingo!