I have a few questions for both Providers & Hobbyist.
            * Is it possible for a Client & Provider to be friends and still do business?  
            * Where do you draw the line when it comes to doing business with a client?

Why did you send me that vague PM without a link or any introduction or background? Why do you think that I would reply to a cold contact from a BP provider?

Kitty, the answer is it depends on the Client and the Provider.  This is a very very fine line, and both parties would need to make sure that they discuss this.  Hopefully the provider is adult enough to not intrude all the time in the client's life (possible SO/Wife), and the client is adult enough to not waste or take advantage of the provider's time (no phone calls at midnight).  I really enjoy a friendship that I have with a provider, as its always great to get a text from a beautiful woman and person out of the blue.  I can also say it really make our time together very relaxing.  The business side can be a difficult conversation, if both parties do not communicate their way through this.  I fully understand the business aspect and this has never been a problem from my side, and I do my best to be a good client (I believe I am, and welcome any provider that believes that I am not, to correct me if I have done something wrong).

...but I expect that in most cases the hobbyist can begin to feel a certain sense of entitlement for the providers time & attention. It usually won't end well. I see it time and time again with strippers and their regulars. It starts off OK but soon the PL thinks that the friendship is now true love, and the whole thing becomes creepy.

Yes, but both parties have to understand where that line is. Both parties must respect each other in terms of what they do for a living, privacy and boundaries. As I have a similar relationship with a provider, they allow more but I make sure I don't cross the line. I ask if she is comfortable with something normally not allowed by a provider before and don't assume they'll say yes. She would ask me about different things outside of what she does and if I'm comfortable with it, I would fulfill the ask. As Dean_Winters and scoed notes, it comes down to boundaries and respecting it.

I have lost some really good clients because they  assumed because we were friends they no longer had to pay... some friend. I find it's easier to be friends with guys who I have seen but would not see me again, or ones I have not seen at all.

I have been seeing provider for the past 3 years and we have become quite fond of one-another - I consider us to be friends.  That being said, friends respect one-another and their wishes and limitations.

professional fuck buddies at that which is the way it should be. I have a few girls whom I keep in touch with in very short mails just to see how they are doing and do consider them to be like friends but do not and would not want that to cross over the line as both guys and girls can get to be clingy and even jealous sometimes.

I am just as happy, caring, thoughtful and loving with my clients as I am with my friends. BUT, to have a client become a "friend" and still want benefits, well that probably won't be happening! LOL! I'll take it on a case by case basis, but I personally don't see "friends with benefits" right now, so I reserve my energy for my clients. It really wouldn't make sense for me. Friend zone is cool for some clients, but not all, and it depends on what the boundaries are. Lots of trust to put into someone too. Scary!

One is now my BFF, in fact, but we no longer play.  
The other is someone who I do still occasionally see as a client.  I've known both men for over a decade now.  

The problem is that a client did not discuss it with me. He just assumed that we were friends with benefits and when I said my peace. He got upset. I said "Well you should have approached me differently!" And now he suddenly has a girlfriend (This he told me 1-3 weeks later when I went to email him to see if we could chat about the incident).

See.......He said that he never wanted to share me with anyone else. Then said that he wanted to "BE FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS".

being your client sounds awesome!!!!!!

I have such a relationship with 3 providers now. Been having fun all three for over a year. I see them on a rotational basis since I see one a week rotation comes around quickly and I don’t get bored with seeing the same person over and over.

I'm friends with the provider I'm seeing. I still see her for my playtime fun. The playtime is just as awesome as the first time I saw her. Money is never an issue with her and I. I help her OTC when she needs help. Not sure where this is going. But so far it's been great.

What's not to like about life?

Your comment about clients thinking that once a friendship is established that compensation is no longer required is interesting.

Some licensed professionals can lose their ticket for that kind of trade.

WAY back when I used to hobby a lot and due to a career i have had from time to time I used to occasionally be able to help out a provider and due to the very private nature of the situations friendships would form.  I never tried to take advantage of the situation and I never asked to barter services.  Was I ever rewarded for my efforts, absolutely, but it was never a condition.  Just one good person helping another.

and that includes being palsy-walsy friends.

But in truth, how many real friends does a person ever have anyways?  The question I think is assuming something that may not really even exist.

Trying to define a real friend is not so easy if you think about it.

Here's as good a definition as I think you'll ever find:

A friend is someone who will come down and throw your bail if you get arrested.

A true friend, however, will be in the next cell to yours.

* Yes -been there done that!
* The line is drawn where both your comfort zones are met. That is to say it is really up to the two parties to set the boundaries. Different partnerships/friendships can have different and unique arrangements. Or another word, negotiable

Having a friend is awesome and special.  Having a business relationship kind of sucks sometimes, but it's often necessary.

OTH I WOULD respond to cold contact from a BP provider so all you BP providers feel free to cold call me or for that matter sending me un-solicited offer with good "special" or "discount" (LOL

But you can't lose fact of the "fantasy" and the "NSA". Also never lose fact that this is a business, and it's all about the money. That being said, you can still build up a very strong bond with one another. But never cross the line trying to get all "hugged up" and go falling in love.  

From a client's POV I believe you're mistaken when you think you lost some good clients because you became friends.

In one case, I am "friends" with a gal...  & certainly enjoy relaxed time limits...  knowing if she gets a call, I have to bolt.  about 6 years.  There is always a donationon her dresser when I leave.

-- Modified on 5/19/2015 9:40:20 PM

I have a select few ladies I see and we have something more than the "wham bam thank you mam" relationship. They are  my friends.a couple I no longer see in their profession are still friends and we meet or communicate frequently. One lady who has retired and we correspond frequently. She needed some help with transportation which I gave her and we spontaneously ended up in the sack for some fun and games.

I am friends with a few providers.  However, I am careful to respect boundaries.

Commonsense would say no. Sure a client and provider can be surrogate friends for when there aren't an real friends around.  I'm only being realistic.  

Want to be friends?

There are very few clients I don't like. With very few exceptions, I enjoy spending time with all of them during dates, and I'd probably enjoy spending time with them outside the hobby as well. There are even a few clients with whom I feel a very cool and unusual connection (some of these men, I have gotten to know very well. Some I only see occasionally). In a way, I can be more honest with clients than I'd be with someone in my personal life. There are fewer pretenses, fewer lies.  

Those boundaries are going to be crossed.

Dear Ms. Rayne:
As a seasoned adult companionship provider, who has a concentration in male behaviorial dynamics,it is obvious that you are intuitive when picking up certain nuances that men have during a time when they believe their could be a change in the nature of a relationship.  With this said, what are five traits that you tend to look for with those who would be regulars?  Also what are certain trends that tend to set your antenae with respect to neediness?  Also when would you know when to terminate or to take a reprieve from a relationship and what is the nature that you would do it in?.

Kind of reminds me of a dynamic I have with a client I've been seeing for 6+ years. He drove me crazy in the beginning, and I was a BRAT/PRINCESS. I have no clue why he stayed with me, but I'm sure glad that he did...and I hope that, these days, I make him equally glad he put up with me

My atf is also a very close friend. But I insist on paying her full rate when I'm seeing her as a provider and I use her hobby name. When we do something as friends (never of a sexual nature), I use her real name.  I think it helps that we both have committed relationships.

And so he flew by that line, boundary and point of reasonable reason about fifty exits back....

Stop paying her and see what happens.  

I've heard that if you're rich and powerful, you can buy your friends.  So if the provider's friendship is up for sale, client can certainly purchase them.  

I've met several wonderful ladies that I would be lucky to be friends with.  For me, the real question is about paying for time not paying for sex.  Time is money for these ladies.  After becoming friends, it is often difficult to determine when they are on the clock or off.  

YES !!!  
 
Of COURSE !!!  

Yes to your first question.  I have multiple provider friends where the so called boundaries far exceed what's considered normal in the hobby.

...refresh your memory:

She has kids that you never met.

She has a baby daddy who doesn't know what she "does for Money."  It "would be a Bad Scene if he ever found out what she really does for Money."

Take a wild guess "where this is going."

With that and She still gives him BBFS for 100 bucks, sometimes 50, but He Buys her Diapers and Milk and Cereal and takes Her on Cross Country road Trips.

To the market:  

Add STD check up $200  

...is he bringing home to her that ROGM is going to catch from His Provider?

It might not be difficult for 'you' but it is for many others, as the story I told plays out the same way over and over again. Whether it's the provider wanting more or the client, things rarely work out the way they should. I don't know what your definition of 'friends' is in this situation, but I have very few local suitors so for me it's not a big deal to keep in touch with peeps who are miles away. It's not like we are talking on the phone for hours or going to the movies every weekend.  

Trust me... I am no actress when it comes to stuff like that. It was not about just not paying for it for free sex either, but becoming possessive on top of it. Married men falling for a hooker syndrome, if you get my meaning. They did not want to pay by the date any longer, is what I should have said. Most of the situations that played out this way involved client turning into sugar daddy aka friend, not client simply wanting free sex.

Who is more than capable of reigning in my dick and thinking with my head. I have several sex worker and stripper friends and not once had I asked for freebies. When not paying it is totally platonic. Besides I am loyal to my wife. We have an open marriage and I do lay with sex workers but I would not betray my wife by having a real affair. My heart and my head will not allow it. Does that mean I lack desire? No, it just means I have control of my sexual lusts like many other grown ass men.

that are supposed to be doing this to get away from a bad relationship/marriage end up wanting another relationship with a provider.  

originate from the loins?

is frequency of appointments i.e., this problem would not have occurred  if you only saw each other 3-4 times in 2 years. I just read a post where the guy saw her 7 times in ONE month!  

I

Once every few weeks. Longer dates, with some OTC as we got to know each other better.  

Myself included, but that wasn't what I was talking about. There are always sexual desires.

Run. Friends with benefits implies there is no money exchanging hands and that he want s no-one else to touch you..the "all to myself" thing scares the crap out of me.

-- Modified on 5/20/2015 10:18:18 AM

After every session I ask myself if it's worth it. I do enjoy OTC time and treat it like I would in any other profession. Where you'd meet up for lunch or dinner to catch up outside of the normal setting, it's refreshing. It's not typical and some seem to think that trying to stay way over their allotted time will end in more OTC time. That's not the way it works and sadly I do have a life that gets in the way of a client's intended goals of sucking up entirely too much time they didn't schedule in advance for. If I go out to eat with you after session it's because I'm for one hungry, and two I enjoy your company and just so happen to not have anything else going on right after. It's rare but it does happen. Trying to manipulate my schedule to fit your needs only pisses me off if I see it.

So my posts will be from my point of view more often than not. But given most adults can control their sexual impulses, if they value and respect the sex worker they are friends with they will do so. Friends at least real friends don't push for free professional services and are respectful of their friends job. Friends don't push boundaries. We are speaking of friendship here not a SO type relationship. SO relationships are a different animal and I was not addressing that.

Run. This guy is not respecting your profession nor boundaries needed to maintain balance.

You've taken this conversation miles away from my original comment.

Say I go to a friend's restaurant. If I get a free drink, I'll simply thank him. I won't assume that food should also be free, or that I'll get a free drink (or ten) EVERY time I go. If I disrespected his business that way, I'd assume a few things: 1) The owner would no longer consider me a friend, and 2) That I would not be welcome back in his establishment

the caveat is that the friendship is for 2-3 hours at a time. I have never asked for and would never expect OTC time. I have had a half hour or a little more of OTC time on the end of a session, but it was hang out time, no action.

and you click with some more than others. But actual friends? The kind who you hang out with, go to movies with, have dinner with, who stay up late talking, and help each other move? And then pay for sex? No, I don't think most providers want that type of relationship with their gentlemen callers. It can, and has happened, but it never lasts. One could argue that my explanation is the definition of marriage.

Now that I'm back on track.

I would no longer conciser them a friend nor would I likely continue doing business with them if it continues after I remind them of the boundaries. It is that simple. Sometimes boundaries change when both parties want them to but if one side pushes the other side has every right to walk away. Real friends do not push boundaries that make the other uncomfortable. Their is exceptions to every rule but exceptions are rare indeed.

I have a particular friend right now that I am working that out with.  Here are the rules we have set.

I know true friendships with a provider are possible and not always will someone show a basic disrespect by ignoring boundaries or ignoring the needs of other. Yes some people it is not possible to be friends with in this world. Is that any different than any other part of life? Those boundaries aren't always going to be crossed. In the end that is all I am saying. My family is very close friends with two ladies I met this way. One is now retired. She needed to get out and I hired her on. Our relationship is now completely platonic now. The other I see every two months professionally but her and her husband get together and go do things like bowl, shoot pool, and or catch dinner with my wife and I every few weeks. When not in session it is totally platonic. No one has crossed the line and both friendships have lasted years. Yes sadly I did have to cut off one relationship with a lady. She kept asking for loans and got angry I said no. She didn't respect that it wasn't my job to save her from herself. She also kept hitting on my wife. Had to walk away. So yes boundaries do get crossed. That doesn't mean it will happen just that it does. That isn't different than any other relationship.

It has never worked out for me....it gets weird ... And then that horrible question when you have a date and go out and he asks how much should he pay you....there is no way to go from provider to girlfriend or friends w benefits ... The roles are already to defined and it's not easy to start over

His benefit............not YOURS.

I believe it depends entirely upon the openness of each...........and both clearly articulating their expectations.