I was dating a non-hobbyist for 5 months...and the relationship went down in flames last month. I He would constantly ask me if I was seeing or talking to other men every other week and would constantly text me if I didn't talk to him for a few days. I have a life outside of the hobby and couldn't always talk to him on the phone or text him everyday. He was very much into trips to the Greek Isles and I told him that I wasn't into that, nor was I interested in being with a woman at all. When we broke up this month, I hadn't seen him since April 16...and he kept on putting our next meeting off due to "being broke"...which I found out was a lie. I tried to be monogamous, I really did...but realized monogamy wasn't for me. I didn't mess around with any other men outside work, and when I told him why I was breaking it off, he went off on me, saying nasty things and I eventually blocked him on Facebook and Twitter. At this point, I'd rather either being single or in a poly relationship (even better).  He was very happy when I didn't work for a few weeks and said he didn't want to share me with anyone else, including clients. My ex fiance tried to get me to stop providing, to rely financially on him...but he was working a minimum wage job and living with his brother and his wife. Eventually he went celibate and wanted me to do the same thing. I left him after he told me that. For now, being a singleton is best. I don't have to answer to a man or get constantly asked if I'm cheating.

Why would I joke about something like this? I have no reason to lie about my experiences. It was a relationship that didn't work out. I understand why some providers are single.

-- Modified on 7/20/2014 7:45:17 PM

Providers sometimes have to deal with stalkers, and I suspect these are with men who have seen relatively few providers. No one can say if it's wise for anyone else to mix involvement in P4P with a traditional love life, but it seems there are many more ways that such a cocktail could go wrong than how it could go right.

you said he is a non hobbyist?
   So he was aboyfriend but felt he had to have money to meet with you?
I was dating a guy i met cuz he came for massage, He isnt expected to have money for me every time i see him but if i am falling behind cuz I am spending too much energy and time with him I coulda spent working and i am falling behind,I UNFORTUNETLY. Have to not hang with him as much, If I could have my same income same apt, Same amount of spending money BUT never do another date again and spend ALL my time with him, I definetly would, BUT thats not the case.  
 I was spending alot time with him when not working, BUT when not working I usually clean the apartment and kinda my whole life revolves around work and getting things prepped for work, I noticed after spending alot time with him i got 2 bad reviews, WELL compared to usual ones they were bad, I kinda felt it was due to the eenergy and time i had been spending with him,  

I refused to go to his apartment because its a mess and he's very disorganized. He said he couldn't come to me because he was saying he had no money. He didn't want to rent a hotel room at the local hotel so we could meet up, and I thought that was suspicious. He admitted to me that he was a very insecure person and asked me if I was ever insecure about our relationship and I told him "Not at all" because that's the truth. I learned that insecurity can really cripple a person and I know this from past experiences. A lot of things he said didn't add up and I didn't read in between the lines (my fault).

Right now, I will focus on bettering my providing career and put relationships to the back burner. I realize that monogamy isn't for me and that it took being in a failed relationship to come to that conclusion. I had to block one guy because he kept on asking me to move in with him....when he knows full well that I just got out of a relationship. I'd rather be single and happy than in a relationship and miserable.

men have a double standard. If I found a guy who made enough to support me and 2 kids i would quit. one of 2 things happens they have the money and then after a while they start to try to control you with the money or they dont have the money to take care of you.  

It takes a very special kind of man to understand a 'providers' situation. I've read and heard many tales over the years of similar difficulties between a 'working girl' and her SO.

You need to learn how to sniff them out quicker, whether here or in civvy life and get away from them fast.  They are the male version of BSC hookers.  The entire world of sex, civvy or not, is full of them for obvious reasons.

-- Modified on 7/20/2014 9:47:24 PM

Dear SexxyLeeza:
Considering that you are an active Adult Companionship Professional that is experiencing certain conundrums with the Psychological Aspect of dating and courtship, what type of man would be ideal and functional for you to have a normal civilian heterosexual relationship with?  What types of life experiences would he need to have to be even keeled but at peace with the fact that the copulatory aspect is Just a job but your heart and mind belongs to him? Or from your experiences is it just easier to concentrate on being the best provider that you can be? Also what are the types of questions that you might ask some of the women who were on American Courtesan with respect to having a relationship while working as an active professional and how do you have balance with that?

but read from the perspective of most of us here, yes it is a joke. a very sad joke perhaps, but a joke nonetheless.

Your problem isn't men in general, just your apparent rather poor taste in men. A non hobbyist who can't see you because he's broke???  He went "celibate"???  You haven't even seen him in two months??? I am sorry, but this sounds like a very, very bad joke to me.

I am sorry for your bad luck with men, but this doesn't sound like a problem due to you being a provider, It sounds more like a problem due to you choosing a deadbeat.

I'm done with civvie dating...for now. From 2001 to 2009, I had a few Friends With Benefits and that worked out fine...until I started dating a civvie man. I know what works for me...and FWB's is what I prefer. I'm 31 years old and it seems as if the joke was on me. I've dated many civvie deadbeats and the last straw was when even my family had reservations about my ex. My ex lives in Portland, Maine and I don't think I want to work out of Portland right now.

-- Modified on 7/20/2014 10:45:10 PM

Lets say i shoot for 5 appts a week gfe and 5 massages. You realize how much that is? that ten hours of being on a bed with guys, Then all the socializing in between the setting it up the scheduling, Then during the course of that week you also will have banter with regulars ones who came week before ones to come week after, Ones whom your paths wont cross anytime soon but it is in the works. You think you seriously have energy or need to be on a bed MORE than 10 hours a week with a man?  
 I tried and i just always end up in the negative with  neglected clients a few bad reviews, and realizing i cant do both, It sure as fuck isnt lonely. I just had anice client here from 2pm or so sat til say 7 pm tonight. Like i d want another guy coming over now . I havent even cleaned up half the mess we made at out overnight, . I still have the yoga mats out, all the stuff i used for his spa facial. Alot the cooking stuff we made a spinach artichoke dip from scratch and also gluten free waffles. It was fun, and had good sex. And didnt snuggle as i am angle the cold escort made out of stone.,........................................

She specifically said he was a "non hobbyist" which if she is to be taken literally means they could not have met through escorting.

From her description of him and how he lives, he sounds like a complete deadbeat, and I don't really see how her job as an escort is really relevant. The guy sounds like a POS, and she sounds like a fool for ever getting serious with the guy in the first place.

sorry you experience this... Take it and learn... No two men are alike!!!!  Unless, your seeking men that are broken?  

I feel like a fool for even opening up to him. I was a very guarded person for many years and I open up to someone I thought I could trust...and now this? I need to focus on my career and a BF totally complicates things and I don't need a man telling me what I can and cannot do! I met my ex off Facebook. He was never my client. I realize my part in this mess and will not get myself involved with any civvie guy or a client wanting to be my boyfriend.

Just move on... Focus on the beautiful things you do have....  Life is to short.  Breath and let go... You needed this to happen to learn.  

A lot of guys here will claim they will never have another Civvie GF, and I've lost track of how many hookers have claimed that they too are "done with love" it doesn't have to be that way for any of us.

NEVER is a long, long time. I doubt seriously that I will ever marry again, but I like having someone in my life from time to time, and I don't let past bad judgments spoil it for the "next one" whoever that woman might be.

I will admit that being a provider does bring a whole new set of challenges to "dating" but trust me, it can be done.

I was loyal to him and he would constantly ask me if I was seeing other people, if I was sleeping with guys outside of work. He said he was very lonely and insecure and he had asked me if I was insecure about out relationship and I said no, I know for a fact that insecurity leads to problems. He would demand that I constantly reassure him of my fidelity and I got tired of being asked if I was cheating. I tried pleasing him, but got accused of not opening up more to him. I opened up to him, but my efforts weren't good enough for him. When I told him I wanted to get the Lap-Band, he said I shouldn't do it because I will have issues with loose skin. WTF? Sometimes he would sext me and when I would answer him back that I was busy preparing to see a client and that I couldn't really talk to him at that moment, he would get upset! He has the worst case of ADHD his doctor has ever seen...not my words, but my ex's.

The idea that going without a SO might be scary (who's there if you get hurt or sick?) and it might seem lonely. But people learn to live with it very quickly.

Or is this your left handed attempt to agree with me?

It does happen, just very infrequently.  That said, I've pointed out many times that, for me, this game works backwards from real life.  In real life we begin a relationship and it may end up with sex.  Here we have sex and, if there's real chemistry, a relationship can develop.
It's happened plenty of times for me and some nice friendships have developed.  But I have not let any of them get to the point where a conversation about the future was required.  I do understand that could become necessary.
PS: No, Rod, this does not mean we're friends now.

Hitting the proverbial nail on the proverbial head! Outstanding!

I happen to agree with GaGambler's post.

... with a heavy dose of misspellings and poor grammar.

Case in point, his post was based on his "assumption" that they met through P4P, she clearly says in her OP that they did NOT meet that way.

Care to reconsider agreeing with the Turdmonster?

It brings up every insecurity a man could have. You also have to redefine what that means in q traditional sense. I know I am married to q wonderful woman that is a sex worker. Most men can't and/or won't do it. But. Please know some can and will do so.

I'll take your word for it.  Agreement is hereby rescinded.  And this is one of the many problems with Tidwit: he writes at a 4th Grade level.  
However, his idea -- even if it came from a misinterpretation, is still correct.
PS: Just to clarify, I was not drunk when I read it.

and deal with the husband, kids, boyfriend, when your ready to stop escorting,  
 I realized any guy i am going to meet doing this work isnt going to be a nice guy, You dont meet a "nice guy" escorting, And no "nice guys" want to date or have anything to do with escorts.
                       I d suggest staying single, spend your energy on the clients and the work and whatevr you can do with in your energy, budget, time to be BETTER at what you do and then if you want the normal life, the boyfriend, wait til your ready to have a normal job. I dont think any guy is gonna be ok with it, THEY ALWAYS say they are but they arent after a while and then it becomes tiresome,  
 I met one recently at 250 massage appt, Then once i began "dating him". He has never given me 250 for a massage since. Maybe help with very small things, But never any gifts or paying a bill.  
 I was better off staying his massuse and getting the 250 than now, I soent energy and time and get jack shit,
 Guys treat escorts better than thier own wives and or girlfriends, Why would i want to be a girlfriend to a guy that is LESS generous to me once i become more than just an escort to him.
                              Would i rather have  300 after each time i fuck? or would i rather fuck and then have nothing, I rather NOT have a bf and get an envelope with 300 after everytime i fuckl. Nothing like having bills and rent paid, I d rather be financially secure than be having sex for free, I am 33 and at this point the clients are in my dating age cracket anyways, whats the difference?
 may as well waste my precious energy on them than be exhausted and broke and fucking a bf for free all week. Thats how i see it.  
   I made 1,550 this weekend from 3 guys, Weekend before I spent entire weekend with a supposed boyfriend then realized on monday i am outta money, tired, not in mood to fuck since thats all i did all weekend, And have bills and rent i owe and felt guilty I even spent the weekend not working and dating a guy I enjoy beingn with, yes. But I d rather spent time with customers on the weekend and get 1,550 like this past weekend, On my way to give a small check to landlord now actually, .
 I dont know. Do you have extra time and energy to expend on men AFTER all the energy you have spent on the clients all week?
                  i just feel like they deserve my attention more than a bf cuz with out them i wont have an apartment or the well kinda easy life you have if all you do is escort, You dont have to work many hours to survive bein an escort, If your only doin it to get by, Like most Americans work to make a living, Some work to own property and are hard workers, I am kinda not like that i do this to simply maske a living have an apt, I dont save for nice furniture or shop alot.
                                    I mean maybe you can focis on work and find some clients you like as boyfriends and spend more energy on them since they are the ones taking care of you.
                        I do an overnight for 1000 with a regular and considering doing entire weekend for 1000 next time cuz we just cant do all the stuff we wanna do in one day/night.
 I think it makes more sense to be extra nice to a guy who is takin good care a me then a guy That cant.  
 I dont know you may not be as deoendant as me i havent been able to work for 10 years so i am super dependant on my clients. I cant afford to keep a bf that isnt in a position to help, i just dont got it like that i have to survive.  
      Id say nix the bf and latch on to a few good guys that do appts AND are decent people. Then you get that void filled the need to date and bond and allt hat and your secure and everything you need is taken care of.  
 Who deserves your time and energy a guy that cant even clean his place or pull it together to get cash to come visit? Or a guy that is coming and showering you with everything you ask of them and money to help you get by .  
 Fuck that lazy low life and find a few good lookin customers to give better deals too, Like soending longer time with especially if they are loyal customers and enjoyable positive fun people,  
 Thats what i am doing right now.

tables are turned your saying you would still have energy or time or need to have an 11th over for free just because?
 You wouldnt, Guy that hobby have wives and girlfriend sometime then maybe hobby a little, They dont do ten appointments a week i bet no hobbyist does, Or do they????
                You dont think doing ten appointments a week would be tiring?
You never been to one my massages or you would understand i do thai shaiatsu and am lifting the guys legs and bending them to stretch him it isnt a fake girly scratching the guy lightly with a light back rub . Ask any onethat reviewed me for massage my massages are very hard work, It is fun but i couldnt do a truck load of them.
 I have fibro though and tons of meds for other mental crap too so I guess my stamina may be half of a "normal" person, I even just had my already super HIGH DOSE OF MOOD STABILIZERS raised.
 EVERY med i take says "dont operate heavy machinery, may cause dizziness, ect ect.
 I got more on my plate than average guy or girl so yes I PEETER OUT ALOT FASTER. sO NO NEED TO CALL ME LAZY I MOST CERTAINLY AM NOT LAZY AT ALL .
               I have said my reasons why I get chronic fatigue plus the low, lows when I come down from manic  episodes. I am not dealing with same brain or level of functioning as you or many others for that matter so have some sympathy for the devil. xo

If I say that Fungy is a moron, but the conversation is about the price of tea in China, technically I am correct, but it still holds no relevance to the conversation at hand.

but if you are using sobriety as an excuse, yes I will accept that as a valid reason to have missed it

The girl I see weekly and spend a lot of time with, told me that she is simply not able to have a boyfriend or SO while she escorts.  Doesn't want the drama or to have to lie to him.  She doesn't see herself providing for long, it's a temporary bridge between RL jobs, but she won't consider the idea of a BF while she's hooking.

in my alcohol system.

I truly cared for him, I really did. I loved him, yes. I wanted to move closer to him, but I'm glad that I didn't. I didn't know that things would turn out like this because he seemed completely normal. It was only after my business started to pick up that the problems started. I broke it off with him being as nice as I possible could and he said I was being insensitive and not caring to his needs. BS! I was being honest about why we were breaking up and he chose not to acknowledge his role in the demise of our relationship. I just didn't dump him, leaving him was a gradual process.

It's too bad so many people go nuts when a relationship flops.

I wonder if he'll at least learn something from this, but probably not.

Ten in a week is nothing. That's only one a day four days a week, and two on the other three.

Now once I did see forty different women over a ten day period and I have to confess, that was a bit tiring and something I am sure I will never do again, but even at my "advanced age" ten women in the course of a week really isn't such a rarity, I fully expect to do so this coming week in Costa Rica, and I am OLD. lol

Women are sources of power, and men drain that energy from the women and devour it.

That's why women like Angel get drained and men get charged up.

It's not a physical phenomenon entirely, it is more spiritual energy.

-- Modified on 7/21/2014 3:08:24 PM

I'd go for the older men if you're gonna go at all.

She said they didn't meet this way but it sure has signs that could be. Talking about hotel rooms and other things. IMO there were some contradictory things in the body of her post.

Steph xoxo

The sad thing is...my ex is 56 years old! I only date older men because I've only dated 2 guys that were close to my age. The rest of my exes are in their 40's and 50's.

IMO
After spending time or "fucking" so to speak I am more charged up than ever before. Gives new material to think about while "working" to say the least. And sets off a sense of fulfillment and passion until the next time we see each other again...  

I said I wanted to meet him in a hotel because his house was a disaster! I did more tripping over things than actually doing things with him there. He had the classic signs of hoarding and that is why I refused to go back to his apartment. I suggested we meet up at a local hotel because that way, I'd be in a safer and cleaner environment. He refused. No one wants to live with a hoarder and I only went to his apartment TWICE before refusing to go back in.

... it's all about CHOICE!

Fucking and drinking, drinking and fucking. Holy crap man! Sign me up.