A lady friend of mine is having a bit of child custody problem with her ex-husband.  Her 9yo daughter found her website on her computer and is very ashamed of what mommy does for a living and wants to live with her daddy.  This is probably not something a kid is going to forget...or forgive any time soon.  You just know what she's going to call her mom if they get into fights later on.

Do you ladies have any advice I could pass on to this woman?  She's a very good kind-hearted honest woman.  She just happens to have been providing her way through school and is trying to get a decent healthcare job.  She needs to provide for now because of student loan, expenses, and her two little boys from a different deadbeat dad who are too young to know what mommy does.

So how do you moms deal with it?  Do your kids know?

Not something I want to ponder/contemplate.  I've discussed this with numerous girls--- trust me , you'd rather NOT know.

There is no advice other than to leave the biz. If this will help her mend the relationship with the child, then that is the first order. Sure, she can get a "decent" job and struggle to get through school hustling tips at the local diner. Not! The other advice is time and that is never certain that she can come to understand the whys and wherefores.

but her daughter was royally pissed off and hurt that her mom would do this.  I'm sure her dad is manipulating the situation too.  She thinks her girl is going to testify against her during the custody case.

But she and her girl got along fine until she found out about mommy's job.  This is so fucked up.  I wish there was something I could tell her to help the situation.  The poor woman is feeling absolutely miserable.

In my case, my nannys hubby "found" me on TBD.
Yeah, what he was doing there I might ask? LOL
So, she called me in tears questioning me.
I told her to calm down and wait until I got back from my trip.
When I got home, we had a long talk and I explained things about my job and so on.
In the middle of the conversation, when she mentioned that her husband "found" me by accident, I told her it was impossible he was online surfing and got to my site by accident. He was really LOOKING for something on the side. I logged on my computer and showed her how many steps he had to take to get to my site.
At that moment, we had an instant bond, lol. Instead of reproaching me she started to ask me questions of WHY he was looking for other women.
After our talk, actually her sex life improved a whole lot and she was kind of thankful finding about me helped her out with some issues they were having.
Few years later, my daughters found my website. They didn't come to me, but went to their nanny.
My daughters are teens, so it was not a totally shock for them - online sex sites are everywhere and teens do have a very difference opinion about sex compared to us growing up.
They never told me they found out but, in a way, it was beneficial - Now they kind of take my advices seriously, specially if is sex related.
I think adults makes more fuss about discovering what you do then your own kids.
In one way, I feel relieved that I don't have the need to hide anything from them anymore.
And, before someone say something, they didn't get desperated or disappointed and went into a binge of drugs, alcohol or ran away from home.
Nope - nothing! Life is the same as usual, they are still straight A's in school and in lovingly relationships with their boyfriends.
Their closest friends do know about me and so do their boyfriends, but none of them lost the respect they have for me.
When I see something going on in school or in their group, related to sex, drugs and such, they listen to me more than they do with their own parents.
Strange as it seems, knowing that I am in the sex business kind of made me closer to all of them. They know I am always there to listen and help in any issues they have.
Funny isn't? I thought I was going to be marked with the scarlet letter and stoned in public. Instead I am the coolest mom around.





-- Modified on 8/26/2006 9:56:21 PM

-- Modified on 8/26/2006 9:58:31 PM

What 9-yr old is going to get 'royally pissed off' about 'Mommy' hooking?  My kids are fairly sophisticated but no way would have had the capacity at that age to: A) find a provider website, and, 2) if they happened to stumble upon one, wouldn't have had a clue as to what was being advertised.

she does is not bad. You should ask this provider to marry you and she could support you and when the daughter turns 18 maybe she can help support you too.

I know a provider right now who is fighting to keep family services (or whatever the agency is) to keep from losing her kids. Somebody ratted her out and said that she was providing with the kids in the house. But just the fact that she was doing it at all has been enough to possibly cause her to lose them There is no competing spouse in this case.

I'm very glad you posted this reply.
 
You're right.  Society is changing, and some teenagers may well recognize that you are, in fact, the "coolest mom around".

Maybe the original poster of this thread can confront her daughter with the importance of life choices - does she want to be moralistic, or sophisticated?  Judgmental, or understanding? Turning in her mother, or admiring her sacrifices for her?

At the same time, I should write here what I also said recently to a young provider friend (who, by the way, has declined to follow my unsolicited advice) - this story illustrates why providers should seriously consider not having their faces show upon their websites.

There are many extremely erotic poses, such as from behind, or full body shots below the neck. A good provider can get plenty of business while still keeping more privacy from all the prudes in the world.

Yes, things are changing.  But society is still not as far along as it should be (and eventually will be).  

So another lesson here is: everyone in this business or hobby needs to take great care, in more ways than one.


There

Any of the stigmas associated with sex still carry the "stain" with most people. While this mom seems to have gotten past the worst part with her kids and immediate circle, she can't just yet put a billboard on main street proclaiming some sort of victory. If DFACS caught on to her, her family will be pulled apart quicker than a New York second and that you can count on. Save the celebration for when prostitutes can be spoken of in the same circles as the PTA. It's a great good news story but as you may recall, the "coolest" mom threw a graduation party with strippers earlier this year in N'ville I beleive and mommy and daddy had a court date.

-- Modified on 8/27/2006 6:57:30 AM

My kids and their friends accept me and the novelty of me being different from their moms maybe make me the "coolest mom" around.
But, I cannot go to social gatherings with their parents and fully disclose my occupation.
I think some of the dads know...I have a feeling when I talk to few. Maybe they partake of pros too.
I am still very careful with the adults around me. They are the ones who will trow stones for sure.

I certainly can relate to that.  I don't have a "SO" but I would imagine if my family found out what I was doing, then it would be a very bad situation.  I'm sure that they may very well try to take action.  Scary.

Yes, play it safe and even if one of the dads wants to bed you, say no. If their stuck in the mud civie wives caught on, you'd be run out of town with a posse of frustrated wives not far behind. There is nothing wrong with your choices so long as they don't cause the "wrong" people to get upset and then you'll have a shit-storm and almost no one in your position ever wins. Best of luck.

-- Modified on 8/27/2006 7:12:05 AM

You do sound like a cool mom.  I'm glad it worked out with your kids and this is nothing to be ashamed of.  

I'm sure in my friend's case, her ex is manipulating her daughter.  Little girls are sharp enough to know that the naked pics on mommy's computer are of mommy, and her daddy would connect the dots and tell her that mommy's a horrible person and a criminal.

It sounds like you have some great girls.  Hopefully they don't call you certain names when you fight.  I think girls are more curious and clever than boys in that case.  Another provider friend of mine hides this from her teenage boys by telling them she helps with elderly and disabled people at odd hours.  They don't suspect a thing.

There is a long and thick imaginary line separating the men around me.
Never shit where you eat, right?
True by all means. Even if I wanted an affair, I would never consider any of the men I know in my civvy life.
Why create problems in my life? I don't need the sex that bad, I get plenty every day with my clients.

He has an agenda, he is using the girl to get revenge against her.
Is cruel what he is doing and I think the girl didn't find her pictures, but daddy did.
A 9 year old is not that computer savvy. I bet your friend had all nicely hidden like any of us do. We don't leave our stuff in open files, we know better.
I wish her luck, because I think he is going for the kill and she will have to battle in court. Nothing good will come out of it. The girl is the one who will have the emotional scars caused by her daddy, not her mommy.
In my case, I think teen daughters have more acceptance IF they ever discover what their moms do for a living. Women tend to understand WHY we make certain choices.
I do have a teen son too and I think he knows as well. Is impossible for my daughters to know and hes been left in the dark.
But, again, it gave him more freedom to talk to me about girls, sex and so on.
I do not put block on their computers, never did and never will.
Funny thing was when, couple weeks ago, my son came to me and asked if I could buy the "girls go wild" dvd collection lol. The commercial was on TV and he was begging me to get him the set. I said OK only if he completes all his summer chores.
During fights? We don't have fights, I never tolerated them, so we dont call each others names, ever. My kids are well raised, they do not use foul language at all.
Actually, their friends have way more problems with their "normal" family compared to mine.
Divorced parents that hates each other, married parents that fight and abuse each other constantly, parents cheating on each other - and the list goes on and on.
My disfunctional family seems to be the most balanced compared to others.

-- Modified on 8/27/2006 8:14:01 AM

You may be surprised.  Just as parents close their eyes to what their kids are doing, the kids don't want to know what their parents are doing.

I do know of another provider whose daughter found out by finding her website, but that daughter forgave her mom immediately, knowing that she was raised with the money her mom made. I think it depends a lot on the values the daughter was raised with, and their relationship beforehand.  Ultimately, I think that tryster's daughter will forgive her mom-- someday.  I know that's painful.  

I think it's got to be worse when it's a friend of the child who finds out and tells her.  Then it gets around school.  It also must be worse when teenage boys find out.

When I was nine years old, I don't think I would have had the capacity to understand this enough to be mad about it. I would be fearful that she and my father might separate if they were fighting but I wouldn't understand anything about paying for sex or that it was a societal taboo.

Of course, that would have been 1966. Today we sexualize our kids at such a young age. The SEICUS guidelines pushed through during the Clinton years called for teaching third graders about masturbation and how wonderful it is to be gay. I doubt I'd be ALLOWED to be as innocent now as I was then.

I don't think providing and child-rearing are a good combination - not because the child might find out but because it would be really difficult to keep the two separate for a long period of time. Each has their demands and I'd suggest that the needs of the child would come first.

If you are a decent woman than nobody will ever know. A young woman with  a good upbringing & education and is known to be a lady is pretty safe. Nobody would ever think she would do something like sleep with men for $. The problem is too many providers do not fall into this category. Most are from broken homes or on drugs, ex-strippers or just known to be trasy party girls.

also, if she has nice things (cars, clothes, etc) and doesn't have a "real" job people will catch on. Esp if she doesn't live or come from a nice neighborhood (esp ghetto chicks).

We've got a 9-yr old at home, and certainly he doesn't get it on his own, but if an all out assault was put in play, he could certainly be convinced.  How tough is it to tell him that mommy is out with lots of different guys doing nasty things, when she should be home taking care of you?

I'm not judging, but kids minds are easy to manipulate.  That's why there are so many laws attempting to protect them from adults.

Yup, even single hobbyists can relate to that.  I have no SO, and am not ashamed of this wonderful hobby, but if my family or friends found out they would be ashamed and therefore I would feel ashamed too.  Society places a negative stigma on everyone involved in sex work, hobbyists and providers.

Paying for it or getting paid for it still has the potential to make us all feel really bad if the wrong people find out.  Things can go bad with just a few choice words.

Very carefully
but when you start buying your kids mustangs, and neat little trinkets. they generally dont question it..

The first mistake providers make on the computer is not being knowledgable about the internet..

1- never use the main family computer.

2-My kids are older... One is away in college.. the other goes to school and works...


3-I have my domain blocked thru 'deny ips' from their computers..

4- if one of their friend were to say  " isnt this your mom " ... I can just say it was my deranged ex that got a hold of my modeling pics and this is what he did "
( they know I used to model )

5- I already had to change my domain from sinfullyciara.com to buffalocharm.com being that every kid across the world was accessing it by the search term " ciara "
( the rap star)

-- Modified on 8/28/2006 4:33:57 AM

Let the opposing side HAVE the friggen rug rats.
All they're gong to do is cost you a fortune in business because of lost appointments due to flakey babysitters etc etc.
If daddy is so bent on taking them from you; LET HIM HAVE EM!!! guarantee you'll be laughing your head off while your counting the money you otherwise would have lost through babysitters, lost business and your stupid self inflicted guilt that relentlessly manifests in spending a fortune on shit to spoil them and delude yourself that you are as good of parent as June Cleaver ever was.

P.S. MrSelfDestruct , mrfisher, Turkana, and Bengal Tiger PLEASE! You have an absolute right to respond. All I ask is that you temper it so that I don’t hurl chunks on my keyboard.
   Thank you.




-- Modified on 8/27/2006 10:50:57 PM

So, your implication is that she's a good person inSPITE of being an escort and that soon she will get a DECENT job, because escorting is indecent.

Gee, too bad only tricks and hos here, instead of good people with decent appetites.  Their advice is probably tainted by their sinful lifestyle...

I've only met a couple escorts who weren't decent people (more mean cops than mean escorts, surely!!) and the kid might be too young for that much reality, so why didn't mom have a password protection on the computer?  Tell the kid the truth.

...maybe we'll believe you.  Waiting until your 3rd post to emphasize the "key words"?  A little suspect...
The others have a right read on the 9yr old finding out.  So, if this story is based on fact it would've had to been pointed out by someone like the dad.  Which is sad.  If that's the case, then you should've led with that.

I have two boys, ages 9 and 3.  If I found out that my wife (their mom) was hooking, I would seek a divorce asking for sole custody, but I'd do everything possible to make SURE my boys DID NOT know what their mom was doing.  Likewise, I don't think a court is going to look favorably on a dad who turns his 9 yr. old girl against her mom by showing her this info.  So, this furthers my skepticism...

...they're trying to figure out how to get you involved in a little mommy-daughter-threesome without it blowing up in their faces.

-- Modified on 8/28/2006 5:46:05 AM

...humor but thought you might need a wakeup call on the whole "coolest mom" thing (If in fact you are even a mom/provider.  For all I know, you could be a hobbyist farting around on the boards.  Don't hide behind an alias and tell me that I'm "out of line"!  That's bullshit.  I call it like I see it and stand beside what I say).  Trust me, there were a few high school gf's whose moms were quite hot.  Merely thinking about the 3-way isn't perverted, it's normal.  If I'd found out any of these hot moms were pros (especially if it was told to me by the daughter) it would've had my mind in overdrive!

But if you've still got doubts, ask one of your daughters' BF's privately if he'd like to have a threesome at no charge with you and your daughter.  See what his reaction is.  Read him.  Did he have some hesitation?  Was he "truly" caught off guard?  Were the wheels spinning?  Did he say "yes!"?  If he says "no" and you're satisfied that he was being honest, then you can tell him that he passed your little test and that you're proud to have your daughter date him.

-- Modified on 8/28/2006 7:21:58 AM

-- Modified on 8/28/2006 7:42:10 AM

Hi, How do you "deny ips"?

http://www.theeroticreview.com/discussion_boards/viewmsg.asp?BoardID=22&SortBy=DateCreated%20desc&Search=protestant&SearchType=1&DayFrom=330&DayTo=0&MessageID=5395&frmSearch=1

http://www.theeroticreview.com/discussion_boards/viewmsg.asp?BoardID=22&SortBy=DateCreated%20desc&Search=protestant&SearchType=1&DayFrom=330&DayTo=0&MessageID=5395&frmSearch=1

-- Modified on 8/29/2006 3:17:00 AM

Hey TA, nice move to blame Clinton for 9-yr olds understanding what Mommy, the Provider, is doing to put food on the table.  And thanks for the pious statement that the kids needs come first.
Maybe you could do something to protect the kids.  Like not hobby so that you don't take the chance that the provider you've chosen doesn't have children who might be corrupted by what you and Mommy are up to.