I’m 52, my wife of 17 years passed away in 2018 (cancer), I’m a single dad of two teenagers, I tried to meet women online in dating sites and that was a disaster.

Let's deal with the easiest one to answer first which was the last one. Most likely you were just scammed by the last woman you dealt with, she almost certainly had no intentions of showing up and quite likely she isn't even in your city, she just scams as many guys as she can out of fifty bucks at a time. It seems like a lot of work for not very much money, but just imagine if she is running hundreds of ads in dozens of cities how many guys she can scam.

From the new, kindler and gentler GaGa.  Based on my memories from years ago what you described above is not all that uncommon for questionable platforms like Adult Search, Backpage, etc.  That is why I now only see ladies that are either on P411 or TER or 1 other platform, which is a hybrid review/screening platform.  Problem solved.  Regarding blacklisting, you could get blacklisted for anything including something innocuous or even by mistake.  I remember asking my ATF about it one time and she whipped out her phone and showed me how it all works.  She said that most of them are BS.  For example, there was a guy that she had seen several other times that was blacklisted like a dozen times for being a cop.  Apparently one lady got nervous (because he asked about her menu) and blacklisted him and several others just followed suit sort of a herd mentality which makes it look like it is coming from several different ladies.  It very well could be that something like that happened with you.    Did you provide references to any of these ladies?  The answer to that question will be insightful.

-- Modified on 7/18/2020 11:32:09 AM

I think somebody hacked GaG's account. Who is this guy?  LOL

The following is all speculation based on the information given.

Before these three experiences I sent a $175 deposit to another highly-regarded provider and scheduled time with her. She did a background check on me and said I was ok. On the appointment date I texted her and asked for her address and I also stupidly asked if I needed to bring protection. She went ballistic and said she I violated the rules of her website and said she was canceling my appointment and I would t get a refund of the deposit.

In addition to the Newbie board, you could also introduce yourself on the TN board (no Nashville board so whole State). You can also join Preferred 411 and sometimes that might be helpful in getting to the first few actual meets.

but the Tennessee board is a ghost town. There really is no one there for him to introduce himself to. The Atlanta board used to be one of the most active boards on TER, and some of the girls do make the short trip up to Nashville, so he'd be better off introducing himself there, but even the Atlanta board is pretty quiet post FOSTA/SESTA

Very low participation but not really a ghost town -- several threads have been active (meaning at least one response) in the past few months. It is not like some of the boards where the ONLY post are from the TER admin accounts. The point being that he might get location specific advice on that board where as it is more likely he will only get generic advice on NB or GD boards.  

Is the most likely answer. It happens more often than you can believe. Sometimes you can see a provider for years and she will ghost you.  It is par for the course.  

There has been ONE post on that board in the last three months.

It can be difficult in the beginning.  Similar situation happens to me.  Father of two, divorced with shared custody, at 52, that was 9 years ago. I live in an area that is not known as being a great place for singles and really bad if you are over 50.   I stumbled on P411 and TER and a whole new world opened up.....so stick with it.  

First and foremost when they require a deposit, for me it is a No Go.  You more than likely were scammed

Are these legit providers with a decent track record?

If she is really seeing you again I would doubt you've been BLed.

Curious about this blacklist & is it true a legit site for it exists? What is it & can you find out if on it? Pretty good rep with most girls I've sessioned with but always good to know about these things as providers have access to what clients review them on

Probably.  There are more than 1 blacklist sites.  Some ladies don't use them.  What you described a over could very well translate to "Avoid.  5-0.  Bacon." Or something similar.  

I have hobbled in Nashville, and it is not as easy as you would expect. I thought there would be a lot of young starving artist country singers that are struggling and need money. That was the hope, not the reality.

Or at least did. I remember a bitter whore had a whole website dedicated to gossip innuendo slights real or imagined and worst of all doxing mongers  
Mostly out of Atlanta if I recall.  

There are a few different blacklist sites out there such as VerifyHim, What's up app, National BL, Skip the games, yada yada.  Ladies do it several different ways and you could be on one or more and not know it because some ladies don't use them at all or only trust 1 site.

Had an appointment set up, wardrobe request in, drove 30 miles and waited, and waited, and waited.  

Maybe it's because of the current pandemic, but honestly, Tryst is trash. So many fake girls and scammers and they say they have a good verification process but i'm constantly finding profiles with copy and pasted boiler plate "about me's" from bots, or women who don't even reply to you when reach out to them for an appointment.  The ones who post there and aren't like that are already posting on a ton of other sites or have their own twitter/switter anyway.

It happens to me a lot too. The flakiness goes to about 80%. The frustration can drive you away from this altogheter.
So here's some stuff to make it better.  Have your own place and ask them to come. They still flake, but you're comfy and at home, not in a parking lot. If you have daughters, rent a little studio somewhere just for this.

I got ghosted by a provider I saw for over a year and a half, and quite frequently.  I figure I must have done something to piss her off, but the worst is that I'll never know what it was, so as to not repeat the same mistake with any future lady. It was something obscure, because I definitely never crossed boundaries or did anything that would be blatantly obvious as a no no.  
But as has been said already....ghosting seems to be a fairly common practice in this game. It stings much worse when you've had an ongoing arrangement though...

temporary or permanent, all or most of her customers will get ghosted, so you are not alone.  If she's still working, but just not seeing you, from my own discussions with ladies who have "dropped" certain customers, it can run the gamut from repeated tardiness, to staying overtime, to a review she didn't like, to non-tipping, to her merely reducing the size of her regular customer base, to her thinking you are wanting something more than a professional relationship, which often includes extraneous texts, emails and phone calls that have nothing to do with booking a session (in other words, "timewasters".  Most of the time, mongers are clueless when they are habitual on something a provider doesn't like, because they consider it normal behavior on their part.  

I can't believe a repeat customer would be easily considered a "time-waster" unless she has a waiting list and every slot filled.  Every other biz loves repeat biz and usually rewards it in some ways with discounts, etc.

Never late, never canceled, appointments made through email. She did give me (a) number to text her close to the end of our time together. I was told at our last appointment that she was taking 2 months off, and that I'd hear from her when she got back from her trip. Not retired, as I have recently heard, yet I never received any communication from her since...so I either just got axed from her shortlist, or did something to get myself axed. But it wasn't any of the usual suspect things. I wasn't seeking a relationship, but did consider us to be rather friends of a loose nature, as i would hear from her at times about random things going on in her day. I got hung up on an agency girl when I first started doing this, so I learned not to make that mistake early on...

There is a very popular provider who has ghosted a few of us. I think it is related to grandfathered rates and that we are also only one hour dates. One guy does multiple hours and he still hears from her. Just a guess, but that would make sense; more money and less work.

Were both from the same area,  so its very possible you know who im talking about. She went UTR over 2 years ago....very shortly after I started seeing her. I made the cut on that list, but she went silent on me ovef a year ago...
I will obviously survive, but she was a really cool lady, and i hate the thought that I may have done something to piss her off, to get cut from her shortlist. I was never given an option to accept a higher rate....if she went up.

Most providers have a "tipping point" where a customer is more trouble than he's worth.  If a customer is texting her daily with small talk, but booking a session only once or twice a month, he might reach HER threshold for being a time-waster.  (I'm  just speaking in general terms, not about Drumguy).

You're right....and i generally only contacted to book. She wasn't always great about checking her emails though, so there were occasions when more than one email were sent regarding a singular appointment.  As in...email on Monday, " Hi! Wondering if you have availability this coming weekend....Saturday or Sunday? At your convenience. "
If I hadn't heard anything back by Thursday,  I might send one more follow-up email. Any small talk was generally initiated by her, and I really triex to make sure I didn't overstep...
But, let's be blunt...she's still operating,  but im no longer on the reception list. So, its pretty clear that I did reach her " threshold " on some mysterious point of contention.  
And as I originally stated...it would just be nice to know what my mistake(s) were, so as not to repeat in the future.

A few years ago one of my favorites ghosted on me in much the same way. She simply stopped taking my emails/texts and all my requests for appointments simply went unanswered. I knew she was still working, she was a Thai Girl incall provider with a roommate, and I was also a regular of her roommate, so I knew she was still working. I respected her wishes after several unsuccessful attempts to book an appointment with her, but like you it really kind of bothered me as I really liked this girl, and our sessions were great, well in my mind at least. lol

You are obsessing about this, which is never good for your psyche.  You are also expecting a rational answer when the reason she doesn't see you anymore may be totally irrational.  Who knows, maybe she just can't stand having sex with you anymore - doesn't like the smell of your breath, body odor, your dick hurts her, your face irritates her face, you remind her of a bad experience.  If a girlfriend drops you do you really want to know why so you are better prepared for another woman?

I just wanted to know if I did something wrong...in terms of etiquette. But I have long since put it to rest, until I saw the OP's post, and had a similar experience to share. It is what it is....and rational or irrational, I will never know what brought things to a close. She was cool, we had a lot of fun, and then we had none. The End.

It is something that I find somewhat annoying. There is almost never any discussion, just dead air. That is another aspect that I think we get a bit distracted about with very good providers -- we do start to think there might be a connection, and even when there really is it is not the same type of connection that exists IRL (in almost all cases).

I appreciate that. Its been over a year since I last spoke with her. I did try several times in the first couple of months to get in touch,...simply thinking she may have extended her vacation. But after that point it was clear to me that I wouldn't be hearing from her again. The last email I sent to her was simply to apologize for whatever " I may" have done.  
I guess the reason i still think about it at times, is simply because I havent found another provider to even come close to her.

Drumguy based on what you've written you didn't do anything wrong.  It's her.  I had a somewhat similar experience a few years ago.  I met a local provider, a graduate student, and we clicked immediately.  Within about a month of our first date I was seeing her twice a week for multi-hour sessions.  We'd hang out, talk, laugh, make out, have great sex.  I often brought champagne.  She had a cute little body with brand new man-mades.  She hosted at her own apartment in a 4-story brick walkup.  A couple of times when I was leaving I literally had the door open and one foot out and we started making out for several minutes and I would have to tear myself away because I really did have to leave.  Anyway one day only about four months after we met I emailed her about getting together and got the following reply.  "I'm sorry I can't see you any more.  I don't want to get too attached."  WHAT????  I couldn't believe it and didn't understand.  I had no clue it was coming.  I emailed her several times but heard nothing back, crickets.  I wracked my brain, like you have done, trying to figure out what I did wrong.  Eventually I accepted that she gave me the answer, that she didn't want to get too attached, even though that didn't make any sense to me.  And it completely sucked that she ghosted me.  That was the hardest part actually.  I finally got over her but it took months, longer than the time that I saw her.  Eventually she graduated and moved out of town.  In your case there's no doubt that she legitimately liked you.  But maybe it was detracting from her time with other clients because she just wasn't into it with them and it became a problem for her.  Or maybe she just didn't want to get too attached.  Who knows, I'm just speculating.  But she undoubtedly has a reason even if it doesn't make sense to you.  

Agreed...
I do miss hanging out with her, but it was a decision she made, and I have to be ok with that. Nothing lasts forever. I guess I just got my feelings hurt by getting ghosted. Hell, I would have been complacent to just have remained friends....well, maybe not. Lol!
She was just really cool to me, someone I really enjoyed hanging with, talking to, and other things. I just hate to think that I may possibly have upset her in some way, after all the kindness she showed me. Thats what keeps eating at me about the whole thing...

Sorry to hear that. I wouldn’t necessarily look at this as 3 connected events. The first one has already been widely discussed but you got scammed. Multiple threads across multiple boards have been posted on this topic but be wary of any provider requesting deposit upfront unless it’s either a longer visit (think 3 hours or more) or a visit involving lengthy travel to you. For the other two, it does happen but it also depends on the specifics. If you are trying to book same day or with little notice and your a newbie, going to have some problems. A little advance planning goes a long way. Second, was there any screening involved. If your a newbie, your most likely going to have to go through some light screening before booking with a provider (which is why you want a little advance planning). Lastly, how you communicate goes a long way. If your asking lots of questions, especially around menu, you are freaking the provider out and you stand a very good chance of getting ghosted. You have a couple of different options. P411 is definitely an option but also depends on if you plan to make hobbying a regular part of your routine. Second option, contact a well reviewed, reputable provider on this very board, explain you are a newbie, and away you go. I did a quick search and there are multiple providers that are well reviewed and have very recent ones. Good luck and welcome to the hobby. To borrow a well used line from my favorite show.. “May you get what you want...but not what you deserve....”

Again, based on what you've written I don't think you did anything wrong etiquette-wise.  Maybe what you did wrong was that the boundary started to slip between pay-for-play and a real life GF.  It can happen when you really hit it off with someone.

Possibly....it did seem like a slippery slope at times, but i honestly always chalked that up to my own wishful thinking.
Not that I ever thought there was anything real there....just that sometimes it seemed a little hard to tell if it was business...or pleasure. Just several little things, but I  really dont...and never did think she saw me as anything more than a client. It shook out as it did, and i have nothing but fond memories and respect for her....then and now. I just hope that I didnt do something wrong....she deserved better than that. Thats all...

you sound like a guy in love with a hooker.  thats why she ghosted you.  

Thanks for clearing that up for me...

lol... you are welcome.

no  "real" there, there is no "there" there.  Its not even a slippery slope.  I have learned from experience that it is foolhardy to pursue something more than a friendly but professional relationship with a provider.  In the rare instances they are attracted to you more than your wallet, they will pursue you.  Just be cautious in the beginning because it could be the set-up for a scam or a hustle.  Do I sound a bit cynical?  I am.  

-- Modified on 8/6/2020 1:59:15 AM

I didnt want to write a book about it, but its coming off wrong.  
I never at any time thought" this lady is into me" Yes, I thought we were friends, but not anymore than so, and not any more than of a loose nature. I get it, that it can seem like maybe I wanted, expected, thought it, imagined it.....etc, etc, etc.
But I at no time thought it was or could be more than it was.  
Slippery slope, mixed signals....that just means that she would go beyond anything I was expecting at times, and I would catch myself thinking....wtf was that all about?
Do I miss seeing her...?? Fuck yeah, but thats just because she was more fun than other ladies ive seen.
Im not a big poster on these boards, but I really dont think ive given off an impression of some delusional fucking idiot that thinks an escort nearly half my age is
gonna wanna play house with me. Not directed at you CDL....but more as a general statement towards any who may think there's some " underlying agenda", but can't you just miss a girl cuz she was pretty cool to hang with, and fun to fuck....without having to be in love with them or whatever?
I never thought or acted towards her like it was more than it was....I hung out with her for a year and a half, and she knew my backstory, and that I had no desire to play house or be in any type of relationship....I just liked hanging out and fucking. The best part of all this, is the fact that I get to go home to my own life without having any entanglements. I have plenty to fill my life....but im not so old that I dont crave a piece of pussy once in awhile....but not all the other bullshit that tends to come tied to the pussy.
She was just a better fuck than the little agency robots, and we got along pretty well during conversation. And now its become a book....lol

don't sweat how you are coming off here.  I was just sweating you.  I get it.  great pussy is intoxicating.  

As far as I can tell, there is no such age.  At least I see no signs of the craving abating.  
How to deal with that craving may need to change, but not the fact of it.

Yes, you can must miss them, but there is a scale of "missing someone" that goes from, "Yeah, she was nice, but she's gone now . . . Next?", to "I miss her AND the $15,000 she took me for, so I never should have gotten so emotionally invested".  I've known mongers at both ends of the scale and many points in between.  I miss a lot of the girls that were my regulars who have retired, and never thought they could be replaced, but guess what, there  is a constant flow of new talent.  You just have to get to know them and many will prove themselves worthy of a close friendship like the one you lost.  

No...its not like that. Without going into great detail....she was overly fair with me, as far as the wallet goes....
I made that mistake when I first stepped in this ring with a drop dead gorgeous Latina....to the tune of about 30k.....but that was over the course of a year, and tbh, I fucked her more in that year, than I fucked my ex wife in 20 years of marriage. In hindsight, I could have done more productive things with that money, but i can't really say I regret spending it on her. She was just " all that " to me.
She was only 9 years younger than me, but looked not a day over 30. And on that one....yes. I had the puppy dog eyes for her, she knew it, and she rode me dry....physically and almost financially. Thats why i have stated previously that I learned that lesson very early on, and in fact....I probably try harder than the providers do to keep that line in the sand clearly visible.  
No matter how nice a provider is to me, I dont ever let myself think that I'm anything more than a business transaction. And even with the lady that ghosted me, I never assumed or tried to be anymore than a friend to her...besides the benefits. I just thought we were friendly because I would get unsolicited emails from her asking how I was doing, and telling me what she was doing, or had done. And she shared some pretty intimate RL stuff with me as well. Once again....i never assumed to be anymore than a friend, but some of the stuff she told me....well, if I were in a providers shoes, I sure as hell wouldn't share that info with someone who was " just " a client.
But who knows....in hindsight, I would have to say that given the current situation,  I clearly overestimated my status in her life. I wish her well, can only hope that her reasons for ditching me weren't that I did something wrong, and have moved on....aside from the occasional remembrance of our times together.