I thought I saw this movie a while back...and you just refreshed my memory.
Extreme caution here for you, my friend (assuming I can call you my friend as we really don't know much about each other...but that seems like it's OK with you).
You may want to consider posting this on TEH and get Love Goddess's take on your infatuation.
Or it could be that a gal you know virtually nothing about (and who knows nothing about you) could be love at first sight and you two will head off to that "end of the rainbow" *cue the music*.
This might be better to end your story here and just let your imagination take you to the "promised land" and that way nothing could be a better fairy tale ending to a great Harlequin romance novel.
I do believe that since sex is as close/intimate a physical touch between two persons as it can get...that you would have to be made of stone not to have feelings for the woman you are with...as a fellow human being.
I am also in a profession that entails meeting many different people every day. I enjoy my professional relationships with these people because of the professional challenges that these interactions entail. In most cases that is as far as it goes. In some cases however i do become more involved and it enriches my life to get to know these people better. I do think some of my clients enjoy getting to know me as well. There are some people that when i see them on my schedule, i get happy and look forward to seeing them and others who i simply cringe to see. Maybe they feel the same way about me...yet the professional relationship continues in both cases. I would imagine that the P4P relationships between escorts and "hobbyists" are similar.
I did have a unique experience recently though. About 6 months ago I was traveling overseas (UK) and I made a date for an overnite with a very low volume lady i didnt know. I had a WONDERFUL time. Of course my head was in the clouds afterwards but i realized the professional relationship is just that. Some thing unsual happened though. She began to email me long emails about her life and hopes, family...really very sweet affectionate emails. Again probably still professionalism however...if these emails were boilerplate....well then this lady should be a professional romance writer.
I recently again traveled again and spent several days with this lady in the UK. During this trip she introduced me socially (ONLY) to her (twin) sister (who is not an escort) and we had a nice time hanging out and just getting to know each other over the course of about a week. Of course I gave her a gift as usual but she acted hurt when i did...again could be great manipulation. The last night she begged me not to use a condom....however i did not comply with this request....not suicidal yet.
She told me her REAL name.
I have since confirmed her story to me (married but separated, etc) about her personal life (facebook, google and other internet tools are amazing) except she lied about her age (she is 4 years older than she told me-that lie is a woman's prerogative in my book). That makes her 7 years younger than me. I am a good judge of people -that is part of my profession- and I know she is a good person.....I feel touched by her in a personal way ....is it love, affection or just caring about someone you LIKE...well i dont know..do i care? I know I care about her more than many people i have met in my life.
Maybe when some time has passed and our professional relationship has OFFICIALLY ENDED than perhaps there could be something more. In the meantime i count her as a friend that I love to spend time with and get to know better. Why not??? Remember....we are all going to die someday and we should make the best of out time here on earth. Why not fill it with happy days with people you enjoy the company of ????? It could all end today for any of us.
Let today be a good day then!
-- Modified on 7/2/2011 9:26:37 AM
A provider can have feelings too... we often read of a client who "falls for a provider", more rarely but not impossible the other way around.
Good move on the condom... too many possibilities from STDs to Pregnancy. If, you decide to pursue this as a civie relationship, there will be time enough for unprotected sex, after you are both tested & approved... and you come to a understanding about her profession.
After you come down from the post sex hormones... we all feel them... YOU need to think long & hard about where your life is going & IF she could play a role in it. THEN you must approach HER to see if there is overlap with HER goals & plans for the future. Go into this with your eyes wide open.
Most provider relatonships do NOT work out... however, as a few members here will attest, just enough DO that we can not say "NEVER".
Best of luck to you!
I thought I saw this movie a while back...and you just refreshed my memory.
Extreme caution here for you, my friend (assuming I can call you my friend as we really don't know much about each other...but that seems like it's OK with you).
You may want to consider posting this on TEH and get Love Goddess's take on your infatuation.
Or it could be that a gal you know virtually nothing about (and who knows nothing about you) could be love at first sight and you two will head off to that "end of the rainbow" *cue the music*.
This might be better to end your story here and just let your imagination take you to the "promised land" and that way nothing could be a better fairy tale ending to a great Harlequin romance novel.
" A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing"
There are many cynics (yours truly included) in here who will weigh on the "price" side of your liaison with this lady, as opposed to the "value" of your friendship. I have selected the last part of your own post to tell you that apparently you are not being cynical about it after all:
"... In the meantime i count her as a friend that I love to spend time with and get to know better. Why not??? Remember....we are all going to die someday and we should make the best of out time here on earth. Why not fill it with happy days with people you enjoy the company of ????? It could all end today for any of us.
Let today be a good day then!"
You already value her friendship so I trust in you to make the right choice by making sound decisions. Good luck.
Why do you think she begged you not to use a condom?
it was in the heat of the moment...in bed.....
saying that she "really wanted to feel me"
I really then dont know her reasons otherwise..it seemed to mean something to her
the next morning i told her that i really valued her as a friend and that she should never
have sex without a condom unless she was in a committed ltr. And that that was not our current status.
It was then that she acted a bit hurt...saying that 1) she wasnt drunk the night before
and 2) she wanted it to be "different with me."
Women are amazing and their effect on men is profound, wonderful, dangerous, frightening, etc
i dont think that just because a woman is an escort that she is then so emotionally broken
that she can't ever have a real relationship. Maybe its us men that cannot?
I do think time and space will cure this.
Deep breath....
i do think its good that we are on separate continents for a while
Just be sure to always use a condom.
On your other topic, I think that both men and women are capable of being in good relationships, and of course this is true of providers too
saying that she "really wanted to feel me"
I really then dont know her reasons otherwise..it seemed to mean something to her
the next morning i told her that i really valued her as a friend and that she should never
have sex without a condom unless she was in a committed ltr. And that that was not our current status.
It was then that she acted a bit hurt...saying that 1) she wasnt drunk the night before
and 2) she wanted it to be "different with me."
Women are amazing and their effect on men is profound, wonderful, dangerous, frightening, etc
i dont think that just because a woman is an escort that she is then so emotionally broken
that she can't ever have a real relationship. Maybe its us men that cannot?
I do think time and space will cure this.
Deep breath....
i do think its good that we are on separate continents for a while
First off, don't fall for her shit. I know names of ladies I've seen and some I haven't yet. WTF.
She lied about her age, and that's a no brainer. Does she like you? You'll see.
Sorry dude. You're painting yourself in a corner.
I'm all for two people getting together. And the fact you said 'we're all going to die someday' doesn't take away the fact you're gonna get fucked.
She's gonna poke you, dude. I'd bet money on it.
So far you have painted a rather pretty picture of a provider that seems to be in love with you.
Are you asking for our approval to pursue this, or are you trying to justify a decision you have already made to abandon this "relationship"?
and FWIW knowing a providers REAL name does not automatically signal wedding bells, I probably know the real names of a couple of dozen providers, a couple have revealed this information to me on the very first date. It's not really that big a deal.
I think you have your head screwed on well enough, but I'm not sure about her.
If you see her crossing boundaries that you don't want to cross, then you ought to talk to her about that. I she gets into a "I thought we were different." mode, then it's time to thank her and say have a nice life.
how you want to proceed and how comfortable you are. It is not unusual for two human beings to be attracted to each other, it happens quite often, even restaurants, grocery isles and even in McDonalds which happened to me not long ago.
All the amateur psychologists and smart-asses here will not be able to hlep you bit but they can confuse the hell out of you though. Remember, no two personal situations are the same, ever.
I'm no pollyanna when it comes to this situation.
This is why i said that the relationship will be professional until or unless it officially ends. My definition of an official end to a professional relationship is that she sees me continuously and regularly without any "gift." If there is no commercial exchange then it can move into another realm. Otherwise no way. Of course std testing is mandatory for all singles out there in any case.
I have been with lots of women in my life both civvie and "in the business." Some encounters are mechanical and let downs, some have been more like sporting events, others have been just fun, a VERY few are sweet. This unfortunately or fortunately was one of the sweet ones.
And no...i dont have any illusions that i'm Richard Gere. But thank you!
Also..she's not an eastern european or russian hustler. Those girls are beautiful but hard as a diamond inside. We had a number of things in common and that made the experience more fun.
The fact that she is on another continent makes it alot easier to keep my distance LOL.
Distance and time will keep the situation in perspective.
Your situation is hardly unique. I hobby extensively out of the country. At least once a month to the tune of several hundred providers over the last several years.
I have had similar situations arise on several occasions where a provider was looking for "something more" Several of these offers led to no money involved LTR's that were quite enjoyable, obviously none of them have led to marriage, but that's because I am a pig who has no intention of every marrying again.
As to the BB part of the equation, you are obviously an adult and don't need any advice that you don't already know.
My question to you, is why are you making so much of this? If you like her, see where it goes. I wouldn't get too hung up on how you met, treat her like any other woman, but just use a bit of common sense and you'll be fine.
I don't know why so many guys forget that hookers (sexual providers if you want to be PC about it) are just women like any other woman and not some special breed of cat that can't have a real relationship.
Can you honestly promise to put "How we met" & What she did for money totally behind you? You can NEVER throw that she was a Provider, Hooker, Prostitute in her face, in anger. Can you get beyond this?
Truly a lot of people do things for a period in their lives... there can be life after providing. A lot of girls work their way through school & retire to a career with no debt.
There is nothing wrong with exploring this... Keep using condoms.
well
the way i see it
we as "johns" are in an equally morally questionable position.
so i would think that this equalizes out any later conversations on "how we met"
Q: How did we meet?
A: WE were both broken in certain ways that society cannot accept
... are fantasy. Do not mistake her emails for genuine. I am not saying they are false, I am saying they are fantasy. You want and are paying for a fantasy with her. Seems she desires a fantasy with you as well. Nothing wrong with that as long you understand it is all fantasy. That is what this hobby is all about. And yeah, keep using condoms.
If this is an emotional thing you will still feel the passion and sparks just the same as without a condom. This is a strange request and should be a red flag to you. No one moves that quickly in a civie relationship these days so that condom would not have been an issue at all. Lust, passion and ready to put it in she requests no condom doesn't fly with me and a real conversation about this before sex makes me wonder even more.
This is a time when your big head kept that little head in control . This was a smart move on your part
Kisses Haley
FTS!! I'm frickin old. LOL They have to be at least 20 years younger than me. We can't be your personal compass dude. Flip a coin.
OK, you said she's in the UK... any possibility that she's looking to come to the US & needs a green card? If she marries you, 3 years into the marriage, she is officially a US citizen. Also, w/the no condom thing.. if she were to become pregnant, again, you might feel obligated to marry her, & again, green card. She could honestly like you, I don't know, but put things into reality first... I've known a handful of gentlemen that did just this, and the end result was always divorce 3-4 years later, as she no longer "needed" him to stay in the country....
I have to agree with much of the advice you have gotten here and believe you should definitely move on and take this as the lesson and priceless experience that it has been. I have no doubt that this lady really "liked" and obviously trusted you but you must remember that this was Primarily Business for her with some side benefits. If it felt too good to be true then "it definitely was" I believe she is only a train wreak waiting to happen and I know you can see it coming but you are just not following you instinct and gut.
I'm speaking from personal experience, the best remedy is to find three or four ATF and rotate among them and drop this one (as hard as it might be for you) from your radar. You should also be extremely happy that this lady is on another continent.... You really need to consider the fact that throughout your relationship with her she has obviously maintained ALL of the control and set the agenda and expectation for you using her skills as a great provider and the emotional control she has over you to basically shake you down. She is financially and emotionally dangerous for you. You also better believe she probably has three or four others "JUST LIKE YOU"... don't be stupid... just walk away!!!! As far as the sex is concerned (which no doubt must have been fantastic) there are other providers out there who are just as skilled or even better, believe me! If you don't walk away you have no one to blame but yourself and she will continue to use up especially if it come to rationalizing her survival because she is looking for security not love.
true.....
i didnt mean to offend anyone.....
she's a british citizen
Well cautious-one you have a bunch of posts her responding to your "comments..or questions" and as expected, you have those who tell you "get over this NOW and move on" as well as the other end of the spectrum "it could and has worked for others".
But as you have commented several times "glad she's on another continent" it sure sounds like this is the old "I've fallen for a provider" story. And since you put it out there you have the typical conflicting issues of "I know it can't really be true...can it?" as well as the "Hey, this could work out..can't it?"
As far as how you both met...sure you are both playing in this P4P world...but her's is to make a living...and yours is to get your nut off on occasion. Slight differences in the vernacular. But we can all manufacture reasons and rationale to our hearts content.
And now that you are suggesting that you are a late 30's guy, I also have to assume that you have an issue with trying a dating service to meet a lady and have her be a completion to your life. But this goes back to the illusion the ladies here (P4P) can do so well. And I strongly emphasize the "illusion" part of that statement!
Seriously I wish you the best luck in whatever route you decide to go.