Little Phil's thread below on what folks get out of this board prompted this OP. In that thread several folks said they like to "fuck with people here" . Since I do the same sorta thing, consider it harmless, just a buncha cynical smartasses writing humorous retorts to "inane questions" that frequently pop up here.

Other more sensitive souls see it differently ,however. They view it as a form of harassment or "bullying" ( a term that has been used against me & my fellow board "smartasses" ) To me, that's ludicrous politically correct, "nanny state thinking". A discussion board "bully" is an oxymoron. Unlike bullies in the real world ( particularly the ones some of us encountered in High School ) you have the option to either fire back at them or ignore them
altogether. My feeling is that SOME people exaggerate the crap on this board & are just overly sensitive.

Of course, there are limits; a schmuck CAN'T threaten someone here or divulge personal info on someone. But LP & GaG do an expert job of deleting that sorta thing.

Thoughts on all of this ?

I can't see where anyone, on a discussion board, can be considered a bully. And, I really don't hear anyone here explicitly claiming there are any (I could be wrong), other than upncummin52, who explicitly says he is. But, there are suppose to be rules to be followed, and there are times when it's not clear to some whether they are being followed or not, or if the mods. are just letting it ride. That doesn't seem to be happening so much lately. The real reason for some of us wanting to know if the rules are really to be followed is to know what the real purpose of the board is, hence, LP's question below, asking "what people are looking for to get out of this board," not because, at least for me, that I feel like I'm being bullied.

I agree that using the phrase "bully" in its literal sense is out of place in this conversation.  Obviously there isn't any physical violence here, just verbal jousting.  At the end of the day it's a damn bulletin board on a hobby site for crying out loud, nobody is stealing lunch money!

BUT...as a relative new comer, only being active on the boards since late 2009, it can be intimidating to voice an honest opinion and then receive 10 posts about having a man-gina, or posting something only to have the post taken over by an unrelated tangent conversation.  So, in that sense, there are "bullies" who jump at the chance to be contrarian or to be outrageous "just because" they can post faster than everyone else.

With that said, many OP's are plain bull-shit and/or grossly exaggerated.  When I see one of those I generally ignore the entire thread, provided the BS makes the topic irrelevant.  I have seen a number of instances where a bullshit thread actually turned into a useful conversation only to be commandeered by someone pointing out the obvious.

I think that with the ability to post under aliases certain posters (providers and hobbiers alike) on here can be rude, abrasive, and nasty with relative impunity.  I can verbally spar with anyone but I post to talk about common issues and sometimes mundane points...not to spar with someone who I really don't know and whose only agenda seems to be to get me into that sparring contest.

I've seen some of your posts, you are sometimes funny other times not (not a knock - everyone strikes out sometime), I haven't seen you specifically "act the ass" just for the sake of doing it....but you can be a "smartass" as well.  I will say, in all honesty, that you don't necessarily cross the line into being a disruption of otherwise useful threads but there are lots others, usually posting under aliases, that do disrupt the general purpose of the boards.

While I do think there are some people who are a tad malicious, we all have to realize where we are. We are all sitting behind a computer screen and keyboard and we, for the most part, have no actual connection physically with anyone...at least that we know of due to aliases.

Having said that, we have the choice to simply ignore those people or posts that can and do have an effect.

If these people have fun doing what they do, then so be it. Let them(not as if we can do anything about it anyway). We can make a choice whether to reply or ignore. Essentially bullies (smart asses) love the attention and when deprived of that attention, tend to escalate and then fizzle out.

I don't take too much on here too seriously and in real life am not politically correct at all. But I do draw the line at purposely hurting anyone with my comments. I employ a filter of sorts but make no mistake, will call it as I see it.

Sometimes I can see through the crap and these people have valid points, it's just the delivery can sting a little. You do have to have a thicker skin on here, but that's the beauty of a board like this...you don't have to be all PC to the point of nausea.

Slamming people or types is and has been allowed.  I don't think that is right at all.

Joking is okay but calling certain people or grouping people all into one group and name calling is TOTALLY WRONG.  

This is especially wrong when NONE OF IT IS NOT SEXUALLY RELATED.

form of bullying.  I have to agree that there are a lot of very "thin skinned" people on this board, that take things, and themselves much too seriously.  It must be hard typing and using a box of kleenex up at the same time!

Like you said, you can't "hurt" anyone here.  No one actually ever threatens anyone.  However if someone makes an outrageous statement that others disagree with, then they get 5 replies telling them it was an idiotic statement to make...they feel they are being bullied!

Therefore....I call "bullshit" on that!  LMAO

when the volume of "fucking with people" drowns out the conversation it drives away thoughtful exchanges.

Some people feel intimidated and stop posting/reading, and that weakens the exchange of info.

Obviously I don't tend to react that way, but look at the past month and you'll find several who have left for that reason.  A number more have said so in PMs and e-mails.

It occurs when a poster feels they must follow all post of another individual and continue to make smart ass comments every time they see their handle.  They basically single out an individual out to "mess with". IMHO
Doc

Bully's but.. If you can't take the heat, discussion and different ideas,  opionions and general BS and drama then you should not post..

You can't cure stupid,. There are bully's everywhere and everyone thinks they are right...

Some post for real and actual information, Others post to be jerks. There are a few that post to support others..

Just be you and ignore idiots.....

There are those who pick out certain other individual people and/or groups of people and attack them on a continuous basis, follow them from board to board, and go out of there way to make their TER life miserable.  Does this make them "bullies"?   Yes.  More than that it just makes them pathetic.  Turning what could be a civil and rational disagreement into personal attacks is simply uncalled.  Unfortunately, it is much easier to call someone names when they are just a handle on a sex board than when they are real life flesh and blood and feelings standing in front of us.  I am not sure why it makes that much of a difference.  Either way, people have a heart and have feelings..whether you are the attacker or the attackee.

What I find even more appalling....when certain mods choose NOT to see what is happening and turn a blind eye to those not following the rules TER set forth.   I think, in most cases, they do a fine job and we only see a small small number of train wrecks and attacks but what I don't like is when they occassionally join in.  I can appreciate that they are human but, to be a mod, means they are to remain neutral when times call for it.  I do not like to see the mods attack another member of TER.  It sets a bad example for the rest.    

This is just my opinion.  And, I would like to reiterate for our mods here...I do believe you, for the most part, do a fine job and I realize it is a difficult one at that.

Belinda

Bullying? I don't think that is the right word for it.

I think there is a basic lack of civility, that has gone beyond the pale.

Its one thing to give someone a good ribbing once in a while. Generally, you do this with people you like. Its harmless and fun. But that isn't what we see here.

You can't call it just "messing with people" when someone's name gets dragged into a thread they aren't even participating in. You can't call it "just messing with people" when a poster can't even get one decent response on a message, because the first person to jump is a troll that turns what coulda, woulda, shoulda been a decent discussion into a train wreck. Its just plain rude, and childish. Actually, to say its childish is an insult to children. At least when children act childish, they have the excuse of doing what they are supposed to be doing. When a grown man, many of whom are old enough to be my father act that way, its plain sad. Sad, and more than a little bit pathetic.

What we see here, more often than not, are posters who have a genuine dislike for someone, and then take it upon themselves to insult, belittle, stalk, and harass that person. We have folks who go out of their way to be as rude as they can be for absolutely no reason at all. Their only mission is to create bad feelings, shut down any discussion that might actually be interesting, and steer threads in the direction they want them to go - which of course, is to turn it into a total train wreck. Does that make them bullies? Well they aren't getting anyone's lunch money. But it sure does suck alot of the fun out of this board.

I've been on this board for over 4 years now. There was a time when it was a roughly even mixture of men and women posting here. There was alot of banter back and forth, even some flirting once in a while, good humor, and of course, the ocassional train wreck. The back and forth banter is largely gone, and the number of women who continue to post frequently here has plumetted over the past few years. Somehow, I don't credit "thin skins" to the significant drop off in participation.

I've said this in other posts before, but I suppose I'll waste my time by saying it again. How about we just try for a small modicum of civility? Is that really so difficult? I'm not talking PC nanny state censorship. I get sick and tired of PC crap too. I just shook my head when here in America, the scoreboard had to be blacked out in order to show highlights from the Nigeria/Germany game (think about what the abbreviations for those two countries spell out). If that isn't dumb, I don't know what is.

(Note to the mods, I'm not a soccer nut, so don't interpret this is a sports reference, nor is it a disussion of politics. The reference is simply to provide a real world example of REAL political correctness gone overboard. Thank you.)

But reaching for an ounce of common courtesy, and maybe showing a touch of class while doing it, is far from PC, its just treating others as you'd like to be treated. How about that? Is that asking too much?

"Bullying is an act of repeated aggressive behavior in order to intentionally hurt another person, physically or mentally. Bullying is characterized by an individual behaving in a certain way to gain power over another person.

Bullying is when a person is "exposed, repeatedly and over time, to negative actions on the part of one or more other persons." Such as negative action when a person intentionally inflicts injury or discomfort upon another person, through physical contact, through words or in other ways."

There are absolutely individuals who hide behind the anonymity of their computer screen on TER to harass and to emotionally hurt others, to force them to conform to the way they feel others should think, to try to shame them into behaving and posting as they would prefer, and in other cases to harm an individuals reputation and/or business.  In the more extreme cases this continues off the boards and into outright stalking episodes.

It is real.  It happens.  It occurs here.

What happened to that rule about not posting comments meant only to be mean?  Isn't there a P&R board for taking the gloves off and being downright nasty?  Especially when there is already a sandbox provided to piss in, sheer malice should not be tolerated on the other boards.

.02

This should be practically self-evident to anybody watching.

I don't agree 100%, but certainly more than half.  For the most part, I hold to be true that the "mean" people here aren't as mean as they get labeled, and the "nice" people are likewise not as nice.  If we joined hands every morning for our daily rendition of kumbaya, this board would be barren in under a week.

I'm proud of the fact that most everybody gets to speak their peace, and at the same time wish that there was less drama involved in the process.  For those that are convinced that GaGambler & I just blindly allow every post, just yesterday I moderated at least one person, asked (and got) an alias flipped (not this board) and had the following comment made about me: (post not allowed)
"Some will ask why post it here. Two reasons; 1) because I can, and 2) the only reason the kiss ass mod didn't allow it was board politics. So what better place. Gotta love a loophole."

So, if the group wants a calmer, nicer and more polite board, behave that way.  Don't take the bait, don't be an ass, and turn the other cheek.  If those don't sound like the right approach, be prepared to be offended.

harassment based on race/religion the GD Board .( as for the P&R board-----well-----that's an unmoderated zoo---take my word for it-----LOL !)That goes WAY beyond the bounds here & not to be tolerated,tho I'm sure GaG & LP delete such messages & moderate/ban the offending parties. If memory serves me correctly, little less than a year ago, a particular wackjob was banned from the boards for such egregious offenses. That goes WAY beyond the pale of "smartass" & into psycho/moron territory.

-- Modified on 6/14/2010 2:21:37 PM

Bullies/assholes are like real estate...with real estate it's location, location, location and for bullies/assholes it's ignore, ignore, ignore.

It takes some intestinal fortitude to ignore some of the shit posted about someone let alone "you" personally. At times I have had to get up from the computer and take a walk so as I would not "go there".

Bullies/assholes thrive on attention. If you give them what they want they will stay. It would be nice to think that a board full of adults would not degenerate into that but obviously not. Name calling, and outright personal attacks are pathetic and it says more about the poster than the intended target.

Having a little fun, being a tad sarcastic...fine with me but I don't make the rules.

What if everyone, for just one day, completely ignored the real asshole posts/posters. Pretend they don't exist...I wonder how that would pan out?

... well written ... nicely said!
Let us all maintain an ounce of common courtesy, showing a touch of class, while doing it!

BTW ... me luvs your gorgeous t-ring
(surely wishin' we were closer)  aye'

There are some posters who respond to other post by criticizing the post and or poster, but do not add anything constructive to the discussion.  

This discourages some posters from posting anything.
This is a loss for everyone that uses this board.

I think often the moderators are at least complacent in allowing this.

They are the main reason I do not post more
I seen people pretend to be other posters in order to unsalted the poster they are impersonating. If that is not acting like a school yard bully on the web I do not know what a bully is.

bullies, drama queens, circle-jerkers, thread-shitters, whatever. There is small number of persons who have taken it upon themselves to try to dominate the boards and chase off others they don't personally like. Some have apparently left, for which they no doubt feel triumphant or at least amused.

But the "ignore them and they'll go away / don't take the bait" argument misses a key thing. They play to each other. And as the evidence has shown, when the person being harrassed doesn't respond, they reply to each other in a series of high-fives posts, congratulations themselves on a job well done. If the main point is to impress their own group, then it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or how they do or do not respond. They have a built-in enabling system. Each other.

It therefore takes someone who has the authority to put an end to it. If the mods don't want this to continue (a big if) they can stop it. Simply telling others not to 'take the bait' is abdicating their responsibility.

The GD board didn't use to be this way. And given that in the past week alone there have been multiple new threads started just on this issue, its apparantly becoming a dominant issue. We should be posting on the hobby, not posting about how to post.

Pulled some of his posts. And let him loose again the next day when you thought he was in a better frame of mind.

Thanks LP. You did the right thing by muzzling my ass. I appreciate it, and I'm sure others would too, considering.

Now, on with the Mod-bashing....!

Thank you Zisk you captured to the "T" exactly what I've been thinking about the "The Boards" behavior the last couple of months.

Something I've noticed about these recent threads the last couple of days, appearing on many Boards, is the number of people who have come out of the wood work to speak up on this issue.  There are people, not using an alias, who have many many reviews and I never see them here posting.  They probably would post more if there was something worth commenting on that wasn't 7th grade level juvenile behavior.  

I'm glad we're seeing these "veterans" expressing their opinions.

During the last year the number of quality posts by men and woman alike has diminished each month.   Maybe the juveniles want to run the woman off,  perhaps that is their goal.  They often use the false claim that this is a man's board.   But I for one appreciate the input of the woman as well as many of the varied opinions of the hobbists here.

Zisk you are right, unless someone with authority takes control and puts an unambiguous end to the childishness it will continue and you can expect it to get worse.   Now that they're been called out, if they aren't controlled they'll view the inaction by Mods and powers to be, as another victory for the Bully's and they'll only ratchet it up some more.

They are a self enabling lot and as long as they can continue the quality of communication here will continue to slide also.


-- Modified on 6/14/2010 7:10:59 PM

But wish I had a review for each one!

I'd be in VIP for a LOOONG fucking time! lol!!!

house and kick your ass!  In fact I'm going to kick all your asses!  Twice.   What the hell do you mean bullying?!  Get off my site!  I'll send MP67 to your house and he'll eat your children and spank your food, or spank your dick and fuck your food, or something like that!

Bullying, my ass.

go there first.

x

Well, is there about of whiskey involved? How about a bottle of Dom? That way when I get thru with it I can shove it straight up OSP's tight ass!

No lube. No crunchy peanut butter. Not even a kiss on the back of the neck. Just straight up dry!

Oh, and BTW CG. You bitch one more fucking time about your fucking fries, I'll PERSONALLY filet you, grill your ass to Tasha's liking, and serve you with said fries.

Got that?! Good!

about who the assholes are.  I know I'm on someones list, but I don't care because 1) When I turn off my computer the board goes away.  I don't carry this crap around with me! 2)  I have my own list (s). 3)  I am devoid of all feelings (that was a present from my wife)

Now we could start a ten page trainwreck on who the assholes are on the board, carry it on 24/7 for a week.  In the end everyone will still have the same list they started with.

So you're gonna have to be more specific with which assholes you don't want to post on what day, as I'm sure everybody here has one or more picked out, and they in turn are on someone elses list!

we could make nominations .

neither do other bullies, nor folks with diminished empathy.

"ignore them and they'll go away / don't take the bait"
is  common  answer  from  those  that  don't  want  to 'get  in the  middle' of something or who don't want to put forth the effort to evaluate and make a judgment  call , or maybe don't  want to deal with the aftermath of their call.
I mean this with all due  respect  to the mods.

There is no list...most use an alias and that can change every hour. It matters not who they are, just that the posts are ignored...not fed into.

And really we all know an outright asshole when we read one. Yeah I know, probably wouldn't work etc. etc. Put it this way, I do my own filtering and choose not to give whom ever I deem an asshole at any given moment, the glee of a reply.

You have a great point!

Notice the same loudmouths over and over again with very little interesting, substantial or fresh input?

That's an effect of the self-centered bullies who think its their way or the highway and have no concept of self-policing themselves.  They just let garbage constantly spew out of their mouths (fingers) and have effectively made the discussion boards boring and worthless.
Like roaches, they'll continue in perpetuity though, talking to only themselves with multiple responses in single threads seemingly without realizing that they're they only ones left around here.