Are you as surprised as I am about the low percentage of men who answered the survey who have had multiple marriages?  It would seem to be much lower than the national norm.  Could the Hobby keep men from leaving their wives in search of someone better sexually because they are having that need met through providers?

Any male opinions?

I think it's a no brainer.

I love my wife. She is everything I ever wanted in a companion, except that she is lousy in bed, and not interested in improving. So I get that need filled elsewhere, and everything else in my marriage is great. After years of looking, I learned that no one woman is going to be everything I need her to be. So the wife/provider combo is the best thing for marriage.

I would have divorced her years ago if it weren't for the quick release I can get when I need it from an MP or provider.

I would guess that a fairly significant portion of this group is divorced, separated, etc., which is what you would expect in any survey of men.  Some of us are still looking for wife #2, but as Z says, hobbying will hopefully always provide that extra little bit that may be missing, even in a successful marriage.

A previous TER poll shows that 50% of TER members are currently married. Although it's not scientific, because there are no controls on the group beign polled, this latest poll shows 38% that have never been married.
So somewhere between 32% and 43% have been married once and are still married. That's extremely high compared to the general national average.
I don't know if I would say that the hobby is good for marriage. My opinion is that it's safer to say that marriage is a primary cause of prostitution, as well as the chief cause of divorce.

No offense guys, maybe you're just traditionalists and believe in being married, or maybe you just recently discovered the "hobby" and previously thought you had to get married to have sex (faulty logic at best, based on the avialable data).  But in either case, I stand in awe of your spirit, which is apparently difficult to crush.

I also can't help but admire the optimism you must possess to think that "this time will be different," even when confronted by evidence to the contrary.  But try as I might to spare you the indignity of the too oft quoted phrase that it's a sign of insanity to repeat the same action and expect a different outcome, someone's got to say it.  

To the brave 70 or so respondents in the 4+ category, I salute you!  You keep the dream alive and give hope and inspiration to the rest of us.  Your cup is always half full, even if your bank account is always half empty.  But at least your divorce lawyer loves you, even if your ex-wives don't.



-- Modified on 6/30/2002 1:32:29 PM

-- Modified on 6/30/2002 1:38:06 PM

The divorce rates in the US is the highest in the world!  One out of every two marraiges ends up in a seperation.

And the primary reason for this is Infidelity!  So, this hobby of ours does have casualties ...

My wife and I have been married for 29 years - first and only marriage for both of us.  I am deeply in love with this wonderful person, as she is with me.  We've had our ups and downs, but going though them together has only made the marriage stronger.  The keys to a successful marriage, in my view, are mutual respect and good communication.  Two great kids (actually, adults now) who are well-adjusted and very successful.

Why do I see providers?  I made a decision that I will never, ever coerce my wife into having sex that she does not want 100% to have.  For a time lasting several years, I was doing that, and it was a big cause of the biggest "down" we have had among our "ups and downs".   This way, when we have sex, it is incredibly good.  But it only happens once every 3-6 months.  That just isn't often enough for me.  

I would never consider having an affair, or being in any way emotionally unfaithful to my wife. When I see a provider, I like it to be a friendly encounter, with mutual respect.  But there is nothing remotely "romantic" happening.  

Based on cues she has given me, I believe my wife knows that I see providers, but we never talk about it.  She is happy with our relationship, as am I, and I believe she does not believe my seeing providers to be real infidelity in any meaningful sense (nor do I).  She prefers to not be put in the situation of "officially knowing",so we don't discuss it.  

I would say that both spouses would have to be at least middle-aged (as we are) for our situation to work for them - younger people are much more inclined (or at least I was when I was young) to equate physical infidelity with emotional infidelity.  It takes a fair amount of life experience and maturity to have the perspective needed.

The only difference for me is that I'm still at the resentment stage, for getting sex from my SO only once every 3 -6 months.

Reoes TER Marriage Survey suggest the Hobby is good for marriage?

The survey is not surprising. Until the 20th Century in the USA, most men who could afford it used providers. The bordello was common and used frequently.  It was one of the earliest methods of family planning.  It reduced unwanted pregnancies of the wives and the providers had unique knowledge on how to reduce the risk of pregnancy and how to perform abortions.  Though some wives were jealous of the providers, as most were more attractive than they, but accepted for the most part their husband’s use of the provider.  In fact as early as 8th Century there are records regarding the use of courtesans, courtesan is a woman of the court (not in the legal court) who is recognized by the crown as a professional provider for the upper and middle class.  Concubines are providers supported by an affluent gentleman.  In the USA there were special apartment building that housed the concubines, New York, Washington D.C., New Orleans, etc. Even in the 20th Century in a small mining town, Kellogg, in northern Idaho had a functioning bordello up until the mid 1970’s when the state prosecutor closed it down. The wives of the miners protested and marched on the state capital to have the bordello reopened.  They were upset because it was having a negative impact on their marriages by forcing the wives to “service” their husbands and risk having unwanted children.  The state of course ignored them and kept the home closed, and coincidentally the mine closed a few years later. Butte, Montana also had a functioning bordello until the copper mine closed in the mid 1980’s.  Today the bordello is a museum in honor of the profession and how many of the old-timer wives appreciated the service the girls provided their husbands, as well as the humanitarian support of the charitable needs of the community.

There have been some studies, mainly in Europe, that have validated that the human species are not monogamous and the attempt at such is a core element of divorce. Since many European countries have legal or non-criminalized prostitution and sexuality is an acceptable human behavior, their divorce rate is lower. However, in Ireland, were religion is a major factor in politics and social behavior; the divorce rate is near that of the USA.  I must conclude that legal accessibility to professional providers is in fact beneficial to a marriage, especially those in their late 40’s and older.  Menopause does eliminate the libido of most women as they reach their late 40’s and into their 50’s.  But men continue with a higher libido and only hope the equipment will continue to work.

My thoughts...