being in love makes you feel non-stop natural high, but you also run risk of terrible come down....you become vulnerable...is it risk worth taking?do we even have any control over it?

If you've found the right one, one does have to let themselves become vulnerable. The only control we have is to put our faith that the other person doesn't seek to exploit it. Trust is, IMHO a cornerstone is any committed relationship. Erode that trust and it's like a house of cards that will simply crumble.

.....just easier that way

Even if things don't work out (And let's face it, more times than not they don't.)  there is the loving memory of the good times.  Face the end of it with the attitude of:  If could have been, but I would have never known if I hadn't given it a chance.

...and you are working throught it on this board.

And when he was in P4P love he'd lift the gal up in the air. I guess at the time he was on an endorphin high.

If you can deal with love without allowing it to make you go crazy or bring out your worst characteristics, then no doubt it can make you stronger.  

to determine the difference

The risk of love not lasting forever is not the important risk to concern yourself with. The point is that love (as an emotion) is such a strong feeling because of the promise/illusion of its immutability. So, there's 100% positivity that you'll get that feeling as long as it lasts, and should one party decide to end the relationship, THAT party shouldn't experience the sense of loss...so there's only a 50% probability that the jilted one will be you. Less if factor in the possibility that the breakup will mutually agreed on and that both parties will be glad and gleeful with the prospect of getting away from each other.

it beats lots of other threads I have seen lately.  

--  eom  --

That can be a tricky one, indeed.

It is a great high but all highs are hard to maintain forever. It's like a drug. And yes, it's hard to control the high ...  

The funny thing about the Prime Directive (as defined in Star Trek) is that it was created after realizing that negative consequences will result no matter the intentions, but Picard (a stalwart defender of the PD) broke the PD on several occasions because of his human nature to sympathize.  

Than not loved at all is utter rubbish.
It hurts losing someone.  
Id rather not go through it again.  

Its not uncommon to confuse lust with love. Love should not make you feel high or sad, that is obsession & lust. Love should make you feel more secure and at peace. Its unreasonable to be so agitated over just one person and call that love. True love to me is finding someone who tolerates you and you tolerate them with minimal arguing and unhappiness for a long period of time.

Well, I should be specific, romantic love.

It's a given that all love is going to end, and you're going to have periods of loneliness. Some longer than others. It's the same thing with sex to a lesser degree. If we keep coming back for more, our experiences have made us stronger. If we shy away from love because of the potential loneliness, we are weaker.

There is a small, very, very, very small percentage that, for them, they do experience the romantic love and can keep it going decade after decade. How in the hell they do, I have no idea.  

everything you said, made sense to me

I have felt more alone and lonely while in a relationship than I ever have being on my own. I find I have more strength alone than in a relationship.  

by a 48 years old civie, who dumped me because his ex of 2 years  wanted him back ...

3 fucking times now!

As does being a hobbyist

Good job of making sense of my senseless babbling.

You're on a roll.  

I hope you get over the rejection sometime.

53 years. I can remember only 1 time that we had a disagreement but I can't remember what it was about. It lasted for a couple of hours and we made up. We enjoyed a healthy sex life until she fell ill and died after 2 years. It took me 4 years to decide that I needed feminine companionship and started to date providers. I have been lucky in my choices and even though I see only one I remain friends with 2 others who have retired.
Love has  made me stronger and weaker but I'm not complaining.

Unwanted or inferior, this guy made a choice, you are ultimately powerless to over his choice and you should not allow his choice to reflect on you. I see compassion and a good heart in the words of your posts, not everyone has that. You should be proud of that.

There are no absolutes, you are truly evidence of a very small minority and even my calloused heart envies you for what you had.  

Just romance. That's just a small part of what a real relationship is.  
The ones who manage to partners for life, and it's more than just a small percentage, did so because they didn't quit on each other when things got hard. They took their vows to actually mean something.

Great post sir

But everyone's on this romantic love trip. It's a hype, a big fucking racket.  

Nice post

Times change, expectations change, so many social things change it is small wonder that marriages don't last as long as they did in the time when "Till death do us part" was more likely. Of the 4 couples  who were our college friends, every one stayed together until death of one. In my case it had nothing to do with religion.  In fact, we were married in the chapel of a church and I haven't set foot in a church since.

Interesting perspective. Care to elaborate

In this hobby, the rules are very different and very high risk. Then again this is an adventure, so it goes with the territory.
Love Star Trek! lol!

is vast. Guys can hobby and conceal it much easier from the "love of their life" but providers don't enjoy the same freedom. How could they maintain their business, the in and out, the calls, the texts, the emails, marketing themselves on the boards, etc. with their hubby in the other room/in the same house? Or they can share their career with their SO. That's a tough one even for guys to say they can look beyond it. Their career requires time and privacy, two commodities providers in relationships have considerably less than we guys.  

Honestly, the qualities you describe; being happy on your own, not needing a relationship to define you, valuing friendships.

The mental and physical relationships here have kept me some what sane for the past three years. I tend to agree some with you but disagree also. Romantic and love are neither inclusive or exclusive, you can have or be one without the other.  

How do you define love? There is this lady that I will say that I love. I will defend her. I will help her. there is almost nothing that I would not do for her. Sex is absolutely out of the question. She is in a committed relationship with another woman. That relationship is one of the best things to ever happen to her. So what is love?

well-said, i agree with what you said...

today i feel the same way...

i wish i could be like that...
i also learnt that friendships are important and take nourishing and time just like real sexual relationships....

very nice response...kudos  

Posted By: some-guy

 
 Honestly, the qualities you describe; being happy on your own, not needing a relationship to define you, valuing friendships.  
   
 ... These are all qualities that I think a person needs to have, at least to a degree, before they can ever truly be happy with another person. And it's something I think women, in particular, need to experience at some point in their lives.  
   
 Feeling more alone in a relationship suggests to me a person who still defines too much of their fulfillment within the context of another person. If you're truly content with yourself, then the other person should have no bearing on how lonely or non-lonely you feel. They're just sort of like a good friend who's around a lot. -- something you mentioned that you value.  
   
 I think if you found the right person, i.e. someone non-traditional who sees the world in a similar way ... you'd probably be ridiculously happy together!

Self - love : discovering your worth and what makes you as a person happy instead of following what society deems necessary for happiness (money, romantic relationships, etc). Your own purpose or lack thereof  

love is when you think about that person before you go to bed and when you wake...thought about that person get you through day and tough times...love is when you dream about future plans that include the person you love...love is when you crave to spend every minute of your day cuddling with the person or doing stuff together...and when it is over, every time thoughts about that person crosses your mind you feel sting in your chest and your eyes water...

Damn. I'm sorry Cooper.
Your post made me incredibly sad. I can't even begin to understand what that was like for you...

That's love.  
You don't have to have sex to have love.  

Try not to let it get u too down. You seem to be a compassionate person who has a lot going for her.  Better days are ahead !

I would tend to agree with your definitions of self love and true love.

Thank you

Thank you for compassion. It was hard to take but now I look back and remember all the fun things we did together. I'm a photographer and have thousands of our travels and fun things we did. My sexual needs are met with a lovely lady who is more than just my ATF.

What makes you think humans have no control over their emotions?

I didn't say that.  Just Love. Tell me that people can control that emotion and I'll call Bullshit.

…so in a lot of ways it’s a learned phenomenon.

And it's the kind of love I experienced when I was in my 20's.

Have you ever chose to stop loving someone?

..in the attached link.

My fiance gives meaning to my life, there is no man I will ever love more than him. Being in love complicates your life in this hobby as you are hurting your SO everytime you do this. I'm always high (In love) I'm always told I'm beautiful and I have everything every woman could possibly dream of.

..."It is my preference to be introduced just with just a name, without having you (figuratively you) explain or justify the relationship.  "....

Sia - Aliv

but I think you were played. Anything more would be discussed empatheticaly between two people. Not that you'd care to

nice insightthank you

i love this artist
if you like Blues, check her out

who was used to get an old girlfriend back. Women do this too. BTW, how did she even find out?  
You'll be fine but be careful of a wolf in sheep's clothing. I bet he got plenty of nonP4P sex after you both became friends. Do the math?