Are you sure this didn't get inspired by the Warren Commission report on the JFK assassination?

Or for that matter, Seinfeld?  (See link below.)

But I have had no end of cum misadventures.

I suppose the most interesting is one of the first times I did COF with a gal.  She was lying (laying?) on a massage table and I was standing aside of her face rubbing my dick on her chin and cheeks when out sprung a gusher.  I went like a gentleman to clean it up and found that most of it landed on my new suede loafers that were a good six feet from us.

These are my lucky hobbying shoes, and I wear them to most dates.  If you look hard, you'll still see the cum stains on them even after I brushed them with a suede brush.

my atf swallows, and i had wanted to try a "snowball', so during the exchange, we both became so excited at the newness of the adventure, she grabbed my still hard cock and sucessfully jerked me off. I came so hard i shot a load that landed on the wall of the hotel room. Quite an accomplishment for me at my age.