Met with my first ever provider. Very sweet, very cute, very fun and easy to talk to woman. Not quite my age, but we had kids of about the same ages, and some other things in common. We seemed to connect, had some good, relaxed conversation (not usually an easy thing for me, but it was with her). Being there, holding hands, cuddling, etc., felt natural and easy. So, for me at least, the "connection" seemed to be there. I would certainly like this girl outside of the "hobby" and pursue her as a friend or more given the opportunity.
Had some good sex. Very satisfying. And a lot of talking and cuddling filling the remainder of a very nice and unrushed several hour long night.
So why am I feeling so empty today? Very satisfying experience, but today I wonder if this is for me? A good part of it is a feeling I just "took advantage" of someone's situation. Or maybe it is more just feeling empathy for a sweet woman who it seems is good at what she does, but has concerns many of the providers do I suppose, and fear discovery by family, assault, disrespect, etc, and who would have chosen a different road had her options been better and life a little different.
Part of it may be that she was a sweetheart, and I know the relationship can't progress beyond this new "professional friendship" (for lack of a better description) we're developing and which will be pretty limited in scope.
Is this not for me (I know, only I can answer that), or have others had these same types of feelings? I figured I'd be walking in the clouds today. Instead I'm just mostly down. Sexually drained and satisfied, but down.
maybe you realized at the end of the experience you are still alone, might be you are more lonely than horny. For most guys its strings free good sex, you might have had expectations that were a bit off
personally i feel like a king for days after
i could be wrong, but you seem to be making it about her and not you
its out there what you want just gotta get you expectations sorted
You might have entered the hobby without giving much thought or may be with one sided opinion.
Definition of taking advantage is forcing or coercing someone to do something they are reluctant to do. When two people have a mutual agreement, generally it is not considered forcing or taking advantage of a situation. Of course, I am not professional head doctor.
Danrs, I think you feel down because you did make a connection. Being you first encounter you probably didn't expect to make such a connection and to actually have feeling for her as a person. When our mind go past the encounter and into their pasts, the forks in their road, and concerns for their safety it is because we like them as a person. And, you said it yourself - there are limits here. There is no future personally past future sessions with her.
I envy you. I have had several experiences. Most of them were rip offs. A different girl showed up, or the right girl showed up but wasn't much like her picture (older, bigger, unattractive), or, in one case - the gal got a phone call, took the envelope out of her purse and put it on the dresser, told me she'd be right back but never did. Later I discovered the money in the envelope was all counterfeit.
Last week i made arrangements to see a nice asian girl. we spoke several times and emailed each other several times. I was really looking forward to it. Well, another gal showed up who wasn't even asian. I sent her away. I called another ad for an asian gal. I made sure she was who would show up and that the donation was all inclusive. Well, another gal showed up and again no asian. She picked up the envelope and told me this money was simply to get her to my room and I'd need to pay additional (up to $1000 more) for the hour. Honestly I was pissed and refused to pay another dime, plus I was no longer in the mood. She simply left with my money. I wasn't going to man handle her.
So, I've come to the realization that in many cases, there are girls who answer the phone who say the are "_______" but aren't. And, the girls who answer the phone have a stable full of "providers" who are not who you ordered and may not be at all like the the girl in the ad. How frustrating.
I finally called a gal I had seen two times before for the next night. Well, a very lovely asian gal comes to my room but was not the girl I'd been with 2 other times. I girl who I felt as you do about the gal you met. Then I realized that all the times she and I talked and emailed each other was bogus. I was really communicating with someone else.
All very frustrating. So, I envy you! Your first experience was terrific and you've learned you cannot simply detach yourself. You have a heart - I think that's great. Maybe you can look forward to seeing her again. And if you do make arrangements to see her again, I hope it is really her that shows up!
Maybe this isn't for you, and maybe you traveled down the road of being a Hobbyist because your lacking something in your personal life, there could be alot of reasons why you sought out a Provider, but lets make one thing perfectly clear, this IS a fantasy world for us as Providers and for the Hobbyist as well, you pay for companionship and sex and conversation, and time away from your "real" life with all it's problems and stresses and sometime if your really fortunate you connect with a Provider on a certain level. You must realize your NOT here to save us or rescue us or take us away from this terrible terrible (LOL LOL) life. All we as Providers want from you wonderful wonderful gentlemen is respect, fun, to feel safe, to leave the envelope with the amount agreed and not to take advantage of your time agreed with us. This isn't PRETTY WOMEN, this is real life,
and if you decide to see this woman again, and your feeling the same way once you leave then maybe this isn't the direction you should proceed in.
Jay
An emptiness in my wallet.
Only you know yourself well enough to know what it is you are looking for, and what is lacking in your life.
If you are single, you may be projecting your own feelings about paying for companionship onto your perceptions of "taking advantage" of a "sweet woman" (someone that you state you would like outside of a professional relationship, and that you would pursue more given the opportunity).
Sounds to me like you really are looking for more then a professional relationship, and perhaps you should spend more energy in facilitating that in your life??
Escorts can be a good filler in between relationships, but you must keep your long term goals and needs in mind also. We cannot fill ALL needs, ya know??
xoM
Some ladies reveal, as this one did, their personal situation. I think this is to keep the hobbiest from becoming too attached beyond your time together. Not all do.
You may decide to seek out a different skill set (this is where bios & reviews come in, though you need VIP to get the real picture. Even then, chemistry can not be assertained from reading.
Indeed, this hobby is not for everyone. It is good that you are able to reflect if this is what you want.
skb
for you.
Some thoughts: I much prefer seeing a provider who is more mature. I don't really enjoy having sex with women who are so young. I also wouldn't enjoy feeling I was taking advantage of the plight of a lady who is "forced" by circumstances to "submit" to my advances. You might enjoy it more with an older provider and with one who is in control of her life and enjoys what she does, but
In general, something that makes you feel empty may not be for you. I always feel very good afterward. I actively enjoy the experience and then feel good after ward. If you see a different more mature and in control provider and continue to feel lonely or guilty or empty after ward, that may be a good clue that you shouldn't bother.
do you feel sad and dejected the next day that it was all just a fantasy?
Maybe you do, and if so, you need to talk to a therapist. But if you are like most people, you just readjust your expectations knowing that the reason we see movies, plays, etc. is that we enjoy the asthetic enjoyment of them and realize them for what they are.
Thus is it with this hobby. Do not ever expect that a date with a provider, albeit wonderful and fulfilling, is going to address your existential needs for intimacy and companionship.
Many hobbyist fulfill this with their wives and SO's, even though they have to be covert in their relationships. (I'm not going to go into all the ins and outs of that in this post.)
Eventually we all find our own path and live with it, warts and all.
I sincerely hope you find yours. Best of luck.
Yeah, I have had those.
The truth is, we are looking for something that no provider can give: real intimacy, caring and love.
Now, combine this with a pornstar attitude in bed and you found the perfect woman.
but logic won out in the end. You are not taking advantage of anyone....quite the opposite. She probably enjoys seeing someone as sensitive as you. You are still a customer, but everyone enjoys spending time with a customer that they like.
Most of us work a job that is not perfect. A lot of times I feel like I am "forced by my circumstances" to continue my line of work.
Try to see her (or someone else) again before you make your determination. If you go in with the attitude that you will make a new business friend, you will probably avoid the post-session blues.
Sex may not be the most important thing for every man..
I had a gentleman ask me to visit him in his area. He said he would be happy to just spend the time dinning out and talking..Yes he did plan to give me my rate as always.I think at some point gentlemen find the company of their lady just as fulfilling as the sensual play they provide.
Please be careful not to confuse your emotions or life anymore than it already is...I feel very strongly about keeping things real and not letting myself use emotions in any way to distract from reality.
It is important for you to understand we do not need saving as the media seems to portray us. If you see a lady who does use those feelings to make you feel sorry for her do move on.Find ladies who are confident and very comfortable in their skin..As you walk out the door the postive aspects of such meetings will be the things you remember. A mature lady might be a better choice for you !
Kisses Haley
of the kind of mature intelligent self confident assured lady who enjoys what she does and will not make you feel guilty. If you feel sad after seeing someone like her, you know the hobby is not for you.
should have a smile on his face for days or weeks. Sometimes there are exceptions but only experienced hobbyists should venture away from the proven game plan.
Danrs, you sound a lot like me with my first couple of times. I think maybe you and I are a little more sensitive than some that takes up the hobby. I think the more real the GFE seems the more empty I feel. I do know this is MY problem and not the providers. Its really funny that the ladies I connect the best with email me a few times after that makes the emptyness a little more but it does go away. Remember, you are not taking advantage of thier situation any more than the lady is taken advantage of you. It is a business deal between two concenting adults end of story. I have actually been enjoying this emptyness to make me feel like I am alive and do have emotions.
Glad you brought this to the board and you might contact the LG moderator on the Exotic board. She rocks and gives good advice if you listen to her.
Good luck!!
"Part of it may be that she was a sweetheart, and I know the relationship can't progress beyond this new "professional friendship" (for lack of a better description) we're developing and which will be pretty limited in scope."
Sorry. It's not easy.
-- Modified on 11/22/2008 8:32:01 AM
So maybe it isn't for you after all.
You wrote:
"A good part of it is a feeling I just "took advantage" of someone's situation. Or maybe it is more just feeling empathy for a sweet woman who it seems is good at what she does, but has concerns many of the providers do I suppose, and fear discovery by family, assault, disrespect, etc, and who would have chosen a different road had her options been better and life a little different."
That tells me that you believe that Providers are in this hobby because of desperation or lack of options rather than choice. If that is the case, then you must feel that a provider shouldn't be doing this if she has any other choice, and that you are adding to her burden of not being able to have a "real" life by seeing her.
Most of these ladies don't have a "situation" to take advantage of, and they are not poor, downtrodden, desperate souls forced into a life of selling their bodies because of some deep traumatic series of events in their lives. By looking at them as such, you are really devaluing their choices in life, and, further, devaluing them as women and human beings.
Your whole post could be rewritten as you being surprised and saddened that you actually encountered such a sweet and nice young lady in such a vile context. That's not right, and this is not for you if you thank so little of the participants in this hobby.
Good luck
it's about being all gooey *on* each other
Find someone to party with who keeps their business to themselves, does not want to "relate" to you but just wants to f**k you and you'll do fine
Your comments convinced me that this is definitely not for you. As someone else said, despite your belief that you "clicked", this is fantasy land. She is not your girlfriend and you are not her boyfriend. You'll do much better visiting your local bar or other hangout and try to meet someone outside the hobby.
I can just see the flames coming at this subject line, but hear me out, flamers.
First off, you might not be single (you mention your kids), but you mention the concept of pursuing her for "more", so I will assume you aren't married or committed. As a single guy who hobbies, I understand what you are feeling. Human beings are for the most part social animals, and sharing your intimacy with someone and then saying goodbye, no matter how fulfilling it may be for a broad swath of people on here for various reasons, is not our natural modus operandi.
Most people on here who are "satisfied" with the necessary distance in this line of work have their reasons for feeling that way: married/in relationship and just need additional sexual outlet, fantasy fulfillment, not wanting/having time for a relationship, jaded about relationships, need the money, need the combination of income and workplace autonomy, whatever. For those who feel otherwise and the hobby is just a "bandage" for, it is not so easy to not feel that "emptiness" if you really connect with someone when you are intimate. Unless you are already "filled up" emotionally by the reasons above (or whatever else in your life), if you are any type of a sensitive person, you can easily feel empty, because you are sensitive to what your higher human instincts are...which are that sex is not just having someone to get off with and then walk away from.
From a conceptual standpoint, you could look at any activity being empty, if you don't have the things in your spirit to balance them out. As many experienced people on here have said, this activity is about providing a service for both people...not about being fulfilling in any further way. Sometimes it is, but that is something that is ONLY an added bonus. Keep the main thought in mind each and every time you get together with someone, and find a way to still be yourself and be open to the experience, too. When you can do this, you will know bliss...and, sometimes, if you are lucky (but never expect it), you will make an additional friend along the way.
Peace.
and I don't want "anything more". I want to enjoy fine feminine companionship for a while, even play the romance game a bit as long as we both understand that it is nothing more than a fun game; to have a few regulars - genuinely like each other as people and as lovers but not as prospective mates. I *thought* I could play this game without leaving any emotional damage behind but this has not proven to be the case.
In the traditional politically correct sense of relationships and family, *I* am empty. This lifestyle fills the needs I want filled. I just wish it did not have to get complicated sometimes.
For 19 years I worked behind a desk, 8-5, in a closed environment, like a robot 5 days a week. Always working for someone else and never felt "appreciated" at the end of the say for helping them make their salary while I was trying to make mine at the same time.
The Hobby? Lets just say in the 6 years Ive been in this secret little life we call the hobby...Ive made more $$ working with rules I set, working as often or as little as I want and overall made more $$ in less time than I did 19 years in corporate America.
I cant think of a single time Ive met a client that I didnt feel "appreciated" when we said our goodbyes and I closed my door.
Some people will say I'm looking at it in the aspect of $$. Not the case. The gratification I have at the end of the day has everything to do with it.
There's something to say about that...I think anyway. lol
You are paying her for an hour or more of her time. During the length of the appointment a good escort will be engaging, funny and fun to be with in addition to being sexually available to you. When the appointment is over it's over. How you feel about what happened the next day is, I guess, going to be tied in partially to what your expectations were. If you expect more than a few hours of a lovely lady's company then you are always going to be disappointed.
If this was your first time I would recommend that you give it another try or two before you decide if hobbying is right for you. It's about NSA sex and a few hours of fun. If you are looking for more than that you may in fact be wasting your time and money.
if u meet a very nice gentleman, have u ever felt connected to him or even wish u would see him again? When this guy leaves have u ever had an empty feeling similar to the original post?
I feel connected with all the gentlemen i've seen, because theres a repore even before we meet, but on one occasion i was awed by this one man, and i wanted to see him again, and was lucky enough that i did, but he left the country for business and i felt a twinge inside, but i nipped those feelings very very quickly in the bud!
Jay
Thanks for the repsonses. To clarify some things:
When I mention that this person I could see myself pursing outside of a professional context, is not at all to say I wish that opportunity was there with this person. I'm realistic if nothing else. It "is what it is", and to think there could possibly be anything there beyond our "professional friendship" as I called it would be sheer fantasy, and I don't often indulge in chasing fantasies. It is to say though that I think I definately did my research via reviews, and think I made a very good choice in my selection. I need to "like" and be able to connect to someone on some level in order to have sex with them. I have no illusions or desires that something else could be there given different circumstances. None at all.
What was I looking for? I was honest with myself and thought about it quite a bit before hand.
1. Good sex. It's been a while, and I got that. Maybe not so much for her, LOL, thanks to first time jitters, and an out of this world bj that left me essentially drained and satisfied, and unable to do much else for the evening other than try to return the favor, and then enjoy her company for the rest of the evening. No real complaints there.
2. To see if maybe this might rekindle my interest in women on a non-sexual level. A nasty divorce that virtually destroyed me left me pretty much swearing off women years ago. This encounter leads me to believe that I should probably look at pursuing a relationship again. So, success in that "goal".
3. Confidence. Definately got some of that. The evening was so pleasant and easy going, and while there were obviously still some awkward pauses and first time jitters, I did that. I can still relate and talk to women in a pressure situation when I want to.
4. A pleasant evening that will leave me with some good memories. Again, success.
Now, while a little younger than me, I believe she was a perfectly mature woman, with comparable life experience to me. She is about the same age now as I was when I "swore off women". Not by accident I chose someone in that age group.
There was no crying on the shoulder or guilt trip laid on me, but rather a little opening up on her part, which was especially nice to see that she was comfortable enough in my company to do so, and frankly, unexpected. Perhaps that is where I'm finding some emotional conflict at this point. You'd have to be a cold hard bastard to not feel for a nice person who faces some of the things providers do. The day I can't feel a little empathy for someone's plight in life, is the day I need to become a hermit. Many providers may actually like their work, and feel they made a great choice. I don't think there are many who would say it is not without dangers, fears, or some regrets though, just as many of us would about our own jobs or choices in life.
So, I guess I've got some things to work through. I definately intend to see her again before I make up my mind completely. Some time and distance from the night will give me time to fully evaluate my feelings over it, be as honest as I can with myself, and sort out any conflicting emotions. If it feels right, in a month or so, I'll set up another meeting. If not, I had a perfectly wonderful night, and hopefully no regrets after I've had time to reflect on it a while.
Are you sure it's really emptiness that you're feeling? As opposed to something more akin to melancholy? If the latter, you can tell you're not alone by the amount of literature, music, and film works that are generated by the concept of two people connecting ever so briefly, then moving on with their separate lives (the cliche version is "two ships passing in the night").
I think that a lot of us have a similar experience (provided that we've done our research and selected well) very early on in our hobbying careers, because many of the women we meet are truly memorable (any combination of beautiful, smart, emotionally intelligent, effervescent, savvy, considerate, future-oriented, magnetic). Haven't you ever in your civvie life had a brief encounter (not necessarily sexual) with a memorable someone you connected to, afterwards wondering what will happen to her in the future, what her life will be like (but sad in that you'll never really know)? In the hobby it can be even more intense, because sex is truly an intimate thing even if it's a business arrangement.
My opinion is that what you're sensing is well within the range of normal (perhaps on the more sensitive side) and by no means indicates that this hobby isn't for you. Personally, I think that the kinds of feelings that get stirred up are great for the creative juices (again a cliche: 'sweet sorrow').
After a great dinner, do you feel like you 'took advantage' of the waiter or the chef?
Don't you still get hungry the next day?
Just like the fantasy of being James Bond when you are watching a James Bond movie, you can enjoy the experience without corrupting reality.
If everybody was voluntary and respectful, then no problem.
Enjoy the fantasy or illusion of the hour.
And remember, you ARE helping the economy.
Actually... I can relate to this emptiness feeling.
It has absolutely nothing to do with the provider. Here is a range of emotions, I felt when first entering the hobby.
1. Catholic Guilt... Wow, they really did a number on my head as I was growing up.
2. Married Guilt... I love my wife and even though we no longer have sex, I am an adulterer. (combination Married Guilt and Catholict Guilt)
3. I have to pay someone to be attracted to me? How did I get here? At an earlier age, women were attracted to me, not necessarily for my looks but my personality, humor and the way I would treat a woman. Now, they are attracted to my wallet.
4. I was looking for human touch just as much as sex. Again, a feeling of someone wanting to be with ME.
So, based on ME... I felt empty after an encounter. Now, I take it for what it is.. Spending time with a beautiful woman and enjoying the journey as much as the result. I've rationalized all the stupid guilt emotions.
Because you had to pay someone to pay attention to you.
It's natural to feel depressed and empty about that.