I too prefer to search by "performance" rather than by the "looks" category.

But ...

But there's a bare minimum in "looks" that I require. Below that standard, and just about NOTHING she does in "performance" -- neither specific acts, nor attitude, nor overall professionalism, nor any other intangible -- will make it up. So, as you say, "As long as she is my body type and attractive enough for me to get the wood going" THEN her performance is all that matters.

Unfortunately, for me, that level of "as long as she is ... attractive enough" is quite high. Like, in the 9s 10s range. I find that most of the women rated as 7s or lower by most men are NOT "attractive enough" and, consequently, my neat theory about preferring performance over looks never plays out in practice.

So, in theory, I prefer performance over looks. But in practice, there are so FEW women "attractive enough" that the search for performance is almost moot. I won't go with someone who's below a 7 in EITHER category ... but I am disappointed that I don't get to pick and choose based on differences in the PERFORMANCE category, and that's simply because in my home town the LOOKS category is such a significant factor IN THE FIRST PLACE.

I'm like this with girlfriends as well as with providers. If she's a 7 or lower, in my assessment, then I only want a one-night-stand. If she's an 8, I want to date her but not exclusively. If she's a 9 or 10 (again, in my own opinion) then AND ONLY THEN do I want to try to make her a longer-term girlfriend. I can't defend these choices -- they're, quite simply, "hard wired" into my head. It's the way my preferences came out, when I was born (or, more accurately, when I discovered them as an adolescent) and there's frankly no changing them. In fact, I went through quite a soul-searching crisis in my young adulthood for feeling "guilty" about preferring a certain body-type, a certain level of attractiveness, as though it were somehow "unfair" or politically incorrect to judge on the basis of a woman's appearance.

But in my near-middle-age I've ended up cutting myself more slack. Now, I allow myself to feel free to be me, and to therefore reject suitors -- whether civilian, or potential hobby providers -- if they aren't "attractive enough," and *I* get to define what "enough" means. That isn't EXACTLY "judging by looks alone," since in theory I'd reject people whose "performance" or character were below-par, wonky, or simply out-of-whack with my own, regardless of their looks; but, since in practice I've NEVER MET A 10, certainly not a civilian, I don't end up living by my theory very often.

It disappoints me. If only the women I could "date" were physically more appealing -- if only they didn't let their bodies go to shit -- if only they were all born perfect 10s ... heck, my choices would be SO much easier.



Or would they ... imagine, all those tempting women all over the place. Geez, too much to contemplate!


-- Modified on 4/15/2003 3:57:30 PM

Thank you.  You stole the words out of my mouth.

Fortitude wrote that he doesn't _look_ for Barbie dolls--not that he doesn't go for them...

My impression of what he wrote is that he _searches_ for ladies based upon their personalities, rather than their looks.  Not that he thinks all beautiful women are cold and boring.  

I think it's the old question of which would one choose, given the choice between the two:  A "10, 7" or a "7, 10"?  There is no right answer--it's just a matter of priority.

BTW, I also think that Ali is a winning combination of beauty, brains, and down-to-earth warmth and charm.  


-- Modified on 4/15/2003 6:01:34 PM

I didn't say "I don't go for Barbie Dolls".  I said that I don't  look for them specifically.  I have been on dates with women that would be considered of that type, and have thoroughly enjoyed myself.  I don't know Ali, But her reputation precedes her and I have no doubt she's wonderful to be with.

All I meant is that looks, in my opinion, although important (a lady DOES have to turn me on), can be secondary to performance, attitude, and other things that are as much vertical as they are horizontal.