I have linked to an unsettling article discussing the above subject; and find much to tremble over.
Note the implicit blame for just desiring sex.
Note no discussion of wifely refusal to copulate.
The ban on masturbation is a nice touch, worthy of Torquemada.
he is a human being.
humans are carnal creatures. they have carnal needs that must be fulfilled.
the SMARTER humans fulfill those needs.
the DUMBASS ones get caught and try to blame it on something else.
jesus tittie fucking christ. its not rocket science.
he isnt sorry he got sucked and fucked..he is sorry he got caught.
At least my darling Bill Clinton had the BALLS to admit he was a fucking slut..and nothing else.
got me cursing and i just woke up. grrrr.
what i tell all women who are in a relationship...
"What you wont do..I am able and willing to do".
Had a friend of mine get married. wouldnt give her husband head.
WTF??? No bitch. So, I taught her how..and scared her with my saying.
Ta da.
Lets get the hell over it. Humans are carnal creatures...and well, do what they have to do.
Now, if Tiger was smart, he would have covered his ass..and picked better women.
TER..15 mins could save you thousands of dollars and a lawsuit.
ta da.
you just want to feel good. you get high off the chemicals coursing thru your veins...or you just like to try new things. I am TIRED of those who keep trying to make sex a procreation act only.
argh.
duh. what is wrong with that???
oh, the story about my married friend who wouldnt give her husband head??
true story!!! I told her point blank..if she wont, he will find someone who will.
i scared the hell outta her.
I have not decided for myself whether or not sex addiction is real. I tend to agree with you though. Maybe because I'm not addicted.
But let me ask you a question. You say sex addiction isn't real because sex is a natural act. Okay -- makes sense to me.
But I have a friend who claims to have a FOOD addiction. Most certainly -- eating is also a natural act. Eventually, if you don't do it ... you die.
So, using your "natural acts are not addictions" criteria; neither food addiction nor sex addiction are real; and those who claim to have either addiction are full of crap.
Do you agree with that assessment?
If not, how is it one natural act resulting in brain chemicals would constitute an addiction but another one wouldn't?
It seems to me that since food and sex stimulate many of the same brain centers; that these two so-called addictions are either both real or both fake.
And -- btw -- I agree with MrFisher -- this is Orwellian as hell. Bad news.
i argue that the act is natural....and its the release of the chemicals that get people hooked. Everyne just wants to feel good..what is soo wrong about that? That is what pisses me off.
it is the chemicals (dopamine, serotonin and the like) that makes the addiction real...
people tend to blame the acts and not the results of the acts...
that is what has my thongs in a dither.
now, in the case of sexual addiction...that is just another excuse used by many in order to be accepted by mainstream society.
Sexual acts other than pro creation are still seen as "dirty" and "taboo"...and society needs..how can i put this...to justify what they view as unnatural...even though it is natural.
"i like sex and how i feel when i get good sex..and i will do whatever sex acts i want in order to feel that natural high" is seen as just..wrong.
if that makes sense....lol. i am typing and running errands today, getting ready for appointments..and trying to think at the same time.
to further my conspiracy theory...lol. its another diagnosis created by drug companies to keep everyone on medication and in therapy.
if society was to accept that people get happy in different ways..then drug companies wouldnt have any reason to throw people on pills, no?
true addicts are not happy about being addicted. you make it sound like they are happy about eating until they vomit or shop until they are bankrupt or gamble until they have spent their entire 401K/retirement fund or snorted coke until their noses are burned through, fucking strangers picked up in seedy bars and risking their health. You make it sound like it is a party. There is a short term high but it is followed by anger, sadness, aloneness, hurt feelings, bitterness, regret, self loathing, fear, etc,etc,etc,etc,etc.
And besides that, the pills only do so much. Talk therapy and intense treatment and 12 step programs and a good, solid support system will do much more in healing the souls of those suffering from addictions than any pill will. Yes, the pills will help but they are not a cure. There is always a chance of relapse.
I think the entire premiss for addictions and the 12 step life style is to completely abstain from whatever the addicts DOC is.....
In the case of sex addiction...how does one (esp Tigers Ho Ass) abstain? How does a sex addict completely refrain from indulging in their drug of choice?
its not the sex they are addicted to, its the chemical high they get when they complete these acts.
its the chemicals they are addicted to...instead of sniffing it or shooting up...they do things (there was a fancy word i was searching for...but i just woke up and havent had enough coffee yet)to naturally create those chemicals that make them feel high.
dialouge will help couples find out what the heck each other wants...and maybe they can figure it out from there.
Sex addiction is, IMHO as fake as it damn gets. its not the sex acts themselves...its the chemicals they are addicted to.
just me.
and will post my findings and comments on this later this week.
ll
(I think it was called.) The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down:
Poor people are crazy; rich people are eccentric.
Thus it is with sex.
If you engage in behavior that leaves you in the poor house and busts up an otherwise fine marriage; then you have a problem, and a therapy that allows you to reconcile those two sides of your life is in order.
If, on the other hand, you have the wallet to carry on, and feel no problems seeing as many gals as you like; I say: Carry on.
You're defining a problem via the consequences alone rather than by the behavior itself. Bad behavior can cause dire consequences. Good behavior can also cause dire consequences depending on whom you effect by it and how they wish to respond. Either way, the behavior here is the same (ie: seeing providers) regardless of the consequences.
So, is having sex with providers a behavior pattern warranting therapy or not?
It strikes me that outcomes are a pretty good predictor of whether or not a certain behavior is acceptable or not.
I know that some philosphers and theorist get mad to hear things like this, but on this point, I'm a (Henry) Jamesian.
that is my whole point and why i say sex addiction is a fake diagnosis.
sniffing coke is not a natural act...therefore, you can stop that act and cure the addiction.
using needles to shoot up is not natural. you can stop the act to help cure the addiction.
how do you tell someone to not jack off??
its like telling me to stop enjoying sex. sheesh. its natural. i cant stop it...nor do i want to. lol
Fuckin' is good for ya...
Monogamy is a modern social construct.
Khym,
Read what you just said!
How can you tell someone to stop doing something natural?
So, in other words, having an uncontrollable urge to have sex with other people.....lots and lots of people....having that urge so much so that it interferes with your normal daily activities...your job, your family, your social life...it's all you can think about...You become obsessed in sex. You live, sleep, dream, think about sex 24/7. It invades your thoughts. It dominates your thinking.
that is normal???
That is Sex Addiction!!!
that is where i am a little confused and why i asked how can you stop someone from doing something natural??
but i ask you this..is it the act itself that is causing the addiction..
or the chemicals produced by the body that causes the addiction?
or is it the poor choices made from this chemical craving (not the act itself)what make this....an unacceptable addiction? if it is an addiction?
moderation of the acts..yes.
but to stop one from pleasuring themselves? that is what i have the problem with.
its like this. A coke addict can do 3 eightballs a week..but still hold down a job, take care of responsibilities...and still live a normal life.
to some degree (and this is really splitting hairs here) this person does what makes THEM happy. they are not causing anyone any harm. Same with those who smoke weed...they are still functioning, capable of living life.
yes, they are still addicted, but not causing destruction.
in the case of sexual addiction..what causes the destruction? In the tiger woods case, his EGO got him in trouble. He did not cover his tracks, cover his ass, however you want to put it.
Sex itself is a natural human function. The variations is what sets humans apart from animals. It is more than just procreation.
In a post further down than this...I am the exact same way. Why? because i am adventerous, in sexual and sensual matters. I like the exploration, the thrill, the exoitement...and the feel good feeling i get when "i get mine".
does this make me abnormal...or a woman who realizes she has a very carnal nature..and accepts that?? And I act upon it.
do i need a twelve step program to overcome my "addiction"?
I enjoy sex. immensely. i think about it, i act upon my desires...but does this make me an addict?
or, does the fact that i am a hooker make it acceptable because, hell. isnt that all hookers? sex crazed floozies?
or, does the fact that i am woman who controls these...chemical urges without destroying my life and others make this acceptable? therefore, its not an addiction?
just my standpoint. sex is natural. one can not blame anyone or anything for poor choices. its a crutch, an excuse. (when talking about sex addiction).
lots of fine lines here....
If a person wants his/her family, his/her friends and his/her job/career, but the need for sex, or anything else for that matter, over-rides his/her ability to perform the roles and tasks required for both, and thus leads to him/her losing his/her family, friends, job, s/he needs treatment, whether you call it an addiction, or not. There are those who have lost all of the above because of their compulsion for sex.
The abuse by the medical and psychological community to over diagnose comes from the person and his/her family and friends denial of their condition and behaviors.
Your darling Bill Clinton didn't admit much until faced with undeniable evidence of his actions. But, so what? He did what almost anyone would likely do in that situation.
He shoulda came out and said, "fuck you all and it's none of your business."
Vultures.
According to the article, Michael Douglas agreed to a $5 million "straying fee".
I have always felt that any of these pre-nups that include any sort of cheating clause should also include a clause requiring the wife to make herself available for sex a minimum of once a week, and take classes if necessary in the art of fellatio, and any other instruction necessary to make sure her man is happy in the sack.
Hey, if the lady intends to hold his dick hostage, she better be prepared to shoulder the responsibility for keeping him taken care of herself.
I whole heartedly agree. Well said.
I find it astonishing that educated 'experts' would promote a moratorium on masturbation. Anyone with medical training should understand the physiological importance, particularly to prostate health.
If you are rubbing yourself raw five times a day, yes you need to back off. But how could a total ban on masturbation possibly be healthy?
I think the whole idea of being addicted to sex is understandable.
It is the therapy and the DSM diagnosis that I do not agree with. Sex is a natural act. It is one of the most powerful drive we have. It cannot be counseled, 12 stepped, or worked out of someone.
Tiger Woods is a whoremonger of epic proportions, I did not like him at any time of his career, and I still don't like him. I do not feel sorry for him at all. However, he is not going to stop FUCKING!
Any natural drive can be abused. Eating, for example. We all have to do it, but some do it excessively and need therapy to address it. The fact that someone needs sex is normal, natural and healthy. But, if someone requires it to excess it can warrant therapy. Now...what constitutes excess?
Epic proportions? Perhaps not as big as that might be but the world's first billionaire athlete has access to things that most of us mere mortals could ever desire (let alone pay for). He was, as in his words, playing by different rules; rules that any billionaire probably feels bound and determined to break. He's been neutered for a long time, especially as long as he stays married and even then his behavior with women will be scrutinized more than I care to know and hear about. I think he hated more than anything that he got caught. The indomitable TW broken down for the slut that he is. That would be embarrassing to most men and people that are held up to impossible standards. WTF was he thinking? Don't fake the funk and don't do the crime when you can't pay the price. Now, let's go fuck, thinking about your phat ass makes me horny. Does that make me addicted?
-- Modified on 2/19/2010 11:25:19 AM
Hell no. Just one of the world's most eligible bachelor's with a reputation as a ladies man.
Perfectly acceptable to most society.
The reality is that it's bullshit to say sex was the problem.
Duplicity is what put him on the cross.
Then again maybe Elin sucked in the sheets?
...nobody would have noticed or cared much and he never would have been categorized, because no S.O. or spouse would have been quantifying things or tracking the manbeast's activities, such as checking his text messages & emails and making a big boohoo in the media over it.
IMHO this new 'addiction' is just a diversionary smokescreen tactic for the rich-n-famous, or rich-n-horny, to pass off the 'home-wrecking' results of their sexuality as 'out of my hands...I'm an ADDICT' when their 'secret' is made public AND when such behaviour is percieved as problematic by their life partners, and a way for addiction treatment centers to expand their customer base..."it's an addiction, we can treat it! $$$"
Get real...it's just sex! Some people want more, some don't.
If Tiger hadn't been married, he would have proceeded unhindered into the foreseeable future, continuing to spend time with his hot GF's and having a great time NOT being 'addicted to sex', just enjoying it, WITHOUT the labels!
Tiger: Now there's A Man who really Knows how to SWING! LOL
I was talking to a pal of mine the other day as to what constitutes a "sex addict" since he is a registered clinical psychologist.
He asked me what do I think when I see a young attractive lady bend over to pick up her purse. I replied that I think I want to nail her ass when she is bent over!
He replied, "Well, then you are a sex addict." If that is the case, then I guess we are all sex addicts!! 
They're usually way more fucked up than the rest of us.
I can't imagine any mental health professional, male or female, that would say that.
Probably got his degree from Oral Roberts or Liberty University. 
i enjoy sex. from humans..male, female, TS, whatever!!
i like trying new positions in the quest to find out what the heck i like. hell, i have pulled muscles flying into positions so damn fast.
i use toys, fingers, tongues, stainless steel, power tools, glass dildos...whatever it takes to get me off.
i enjoy having sex in unconventional places...i wont even list where i have had sex...lol
i see a man and my eyes go straight to his crotch..and i wonder how sex is with him.
i see a woman and i am staring at her ass and legs. Chest isnt that important to me...if i can fit her breasts in my mouth, i am a happy bitch.
I see a TS lady..and you dont want to know what goes thru my head. (just think satin sheets, lube and lots of toys)
i fantasize plenty. i have a very active imagination. hell, i love porn. never know what you may learn from one.
My to do list includes members from TER (except Lil Phil..i am mad at him for blowing my Vegas cover story) and Bill Clinton. (and Clint Eastwood...its the silver hair. i love silver hair)
When i am done being a provider, i want to stay in the hobby!! I want to be the one buying!! Trying new things....new people, new places...
I want to travel the world doing whatever, whoever, whenever whereever.
I WANT A TABLE SHOWER!
so....what is my diagnosis? (besides plain crazy)
oh, and let's not talk about masturbation.
this is also another reason why i shall remain single. lol. no one can keep up with my sexual appetite.
humpf. a sex addict? i think not. i just am in tune with my carnal nature..and dont deny it.
It would have to be physically and/or psychologically harmful to yourself. Self destructive.
I'd say negative impact on those around you as well, but it gets murkier their simply because others you're are intimately familiar with may be contributers to the overall dysfunction.
Tiger got caught gettin' and that is it. He was brazenly irresponsible by not practicing discretion with which to protect those he supposedly cares for....especially the kids. So I'd say he was just a selfish egomaniacal shithead. Same with Eliot Spitzer...How the FUCK can you be the AG and get caught doing that? Fuckin' AG should no all the tricks. Dumbass.
If you have a tremendous appetite and you have the resources to sate it while taking precautions not to incur any negative implications for others, go for it.
to our species inability to express spiritual, intellectual and physical love... if only.
with labeling primary needs as elements of addiction. I hope the revision of the psychiatric "bible" DSM continues to leave food, sex and the like outside of the addictions group. Otherwise 90% of the population are going to be addicts, then addiction will no longer have a real meaning (as it still does).
Sexual behavior fills a primary need, is a basic instinct . Dysregulated and compulsive behaviors associated to the practice of fulfilling these needs may warrant treatment but do not warrant labeling the whole context as an addiction.