I am happily (mostly) married. So, why am I here? First, like most of the above posts, I used to think I would NEVER cheat on my wife. Well, guys - there's this thing called life and things change. I'm not judging. Just stating what for me, is fact. I've been married a long time. I love my wife dearly, but, there are medical and other issues that prevent us from having sex. Consequently, in addition to the lack of physical sex, there is also a loss of emotional closeness. This totally sucks!
I would never have an affair because I love my wife. An affair runs the risk of becoming emotionally attached to the other woman. That risk is greatly reduced by seeing a professional. And that is why I "cheat" here. I might be rationalizing but I don't view this as cheating. My wife can no longer provide the physical closeness and release I need. So, I get it every once in awhile with a few TER women. Is that cheating? Yes. But I have needs and therefore, because I ALWAYS return to my wife of 40 years, I don't view my affairs as true affairs. For what it's worth, I've heard from several providers that the majority of hobbyists are married. Have fun and be safe out there. That's for you ladies, too.I'm curious. This isn't supposed to turn into a judgmental post, as everyone here has different circumstances.
For me, P4P has only ever been something I engage in during my single phases.
I've yet to cheat on a woman in any capacity (again, not moral grounds here, just not my style)
Are people like me in the minority?
Are most of you married/have a long-term partner/GF and just seek outside stimulation?
There has to be a large number of guys who are just done with the traditional relationship and have turned to this as a lifestyle, no?
im single and not a cheater either, if I was involved with someone I would not be doing this.
As you describe of yourself, cheating or more importantly betraying someone just isn't my style. I too as you describe, am not judging, far be it for me to judge anyone, it's just my own personal choice and integrity, of which I do not impose on anyone.
We do seem to be the minority, although I'm happy to be so. I've experienced failing in relationships, and I recognize that I am the common denominator and so I must be the problem. I've turned to this wonderful life, and since I'm very good at counting Benjamins and stuffing envelopes I seem to do well in this environment. The real upside of this life for me though, is that I know exactly what her motivation is, there are no hidden agendas and every lady I've had the pleasure of spending time with are women who are wayyy out of my league.
And so, happily, this is my life from here on out. It's a wonderful life, I've never been this happy.
russ.."
~Nice to see the very humbling and genuine comments.
Thank for being so candid. bye for now~
And ... He ruins it. That lasted a full minute didn't it.
Although, I'm not quite sure why telling a woman that she is smoking hot ruins anything.
I am quite sure though that you'll explain it.
I'm sure it would be a waste of time ...
but I believe we are not an unsubstantial minority here, there are a lot of us who are not sneaking around on anybody, nor did I engage in cheating when I was married or in a "committed" relationship, IOW a relationship where I promised not to cheat.
As for turning to this as a lifestyle, I have to admit P4P has become almost, but not quite my entire sex life and I can't say that I am unhappy about that turn of events. I like not having to answer to anyone and the older I get the less likely I am to want to have to do so in the future, but "you never know" I most likely will get into at least a few more "real" relationships before I die.
I get to have sex with beautiful woman without any games. Perfect!
Don't all men, well ... "real men"?
Else, that's a complete waste of your time and energy.
Do you also pick up women outside the P4P spectrum? I'm single at the moment but I don't see this as a lifestyle I see it as a means to getting laid. I also pick up girls in clubs /social gatherings and other means so I'm not desperately seeking companionship. I find this way more entertaining and I like danger and the unknown. I have plans on leaving the hobby in the near future without a problem. Some of these women are beyond awesome. I have never cheated on anyone who I have been with and never will. The difference between me and Russ who posted above is that I believe in my heart I'm in there leagues and anyone of them if I found on the outside world would date me.
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And that's ok, the law of averages says that there must be below average in order for there to be above average. I'm below average in looks, if everyone were beautiful, then no one would be. This isn't to say I'm not confident. I'm very good at what I do for a living, I pay my bills, I have a near perfect driving record, I think I'm a nice, respectable person (a must for someone of below average looks), I do what I say I'm going to do, when I say I'm going to do it. I feel that knowing ones downfalls is an admirable trait, I suck at relationships and I am the common denominator of all the failed relationships that I've ever been in.
Evidently you are above average in looks, or you are accomplished at playing the Rico Suave role. I only know how to be me,
I can't play the flashy, cool guy because I'm not. But I can count, and I can stuff envelopes, so I'm in the right place.
I only know how to be me also and that's the only person you need to be. I'm not the best looking guy in the world but I live by the quote if your afraid of rejection don't try and score. Love and basketball quote for movie fans. For every one girl who says yes to me 20 say no. Can't let it get me down. I think that I'm in the providers age bracket know how to treat them and relate to them improves my odds. I don't have it all figured out but I'm having fun trying.
Evidently you are above average in looks, or you are accomplished at playing the Rico Suave role. I only know how to be me,
I can't play the flashy, cool guy because I'm not. But I can count, and I can stuff envelopes, so I'm in the right place.
Some guys like the thrill of the hunt, I don't, literally and figuratively. That is too much work, and hassle especially for the kind of woman that I could attract.
When I am approached or shown attention from a good looking woman, I know for sure that there is an ulterior motive involved. Today for instance, and every Monday that I'm not out of town, I'll be having lunch at a place that has at best average food, but has an incredibly beautiful, sexy bartender who waits on me, shows me attention and whom I get to look at and lust over (discretely of course). She gets a well above average tip from me. This dynamic works quite well for both parties, I get to fantasize, she makes a better than average tip. I have no delusion that she wants anything other than that, although if she were a provider, I'd be a regular.
It's good to know ones limitations, this makes navigation within this crazy thing called life much clearer.
Come on, man. What the hell is up with that? You should be killing it with the ladies.
Showing up is half the battle.
I'll be 39 next month, so i don't consider myself out of the game.
But I'm frankly not awesome at relationships.
They are a lot of work and I'm a little too self absorbed.
I'll typically date for a few years, get burnt out, then stay single for a couple years and get back into P4P.
-- Modified on 12/21/2015 11:02:09 AM
No one knows for sure, although there are periodic attempts to find answers. Not long ago, I asked two providers separately about 4-5 weeks apart, what percentage of their customers were married, guessing about 50%. The first one said, "For me, about 70% are married." The second one didn't know the first but she refuted my estimate, saying also "About 70% of my customers are married, and of the remaining 30%, 15% are divorced and 15% are single." This is subjective evidence, of course, but I think it's significant. And the reasons for "cheating" are many and varied.
I'm divorced and single. I wonder which category I fall into?
Is there a difference of being divorced or single? Because I am both, I'd like some clarification on that one. I've noticed it on questionnaires too, hmm, I know I'm single and I know I'm divorced.
Maybe because us divorced guys have more relationship experience.
I will be twice divorced. Will there be a category for multiple offenders?
I'm divorced X2, so I guess I'm very single.
I started this a year ago, after being with the SO for 14 years. The relationship was not working and my willingness to stray was my sign that i was done. It took me time to have the courage to change the situation and I moved out of the house in October.
The P4P has been excellent for me. While I was still living with the SO, I wasn't looking to invest time, money and the emotions (let alone rejections) that having an affair would entail.
And now that I am living by myself, and really enjoying that, I realize that I am not looking for a girlfriend relationship.
I'm not saying forever, but I'm not going to live with anyone else. I like living alone.
The P4P ladies I have gotten to know have been way better at sex than I had ever experienced in civie life. And because of the arrangement, they have been patient with some of my physical challenges I now have. That would be very rare in the civvie world.
Do I get emotionally attached, yes. But I know the rules, everything is spelled out in these P4P arrangements. As one of my regular ladies reminds me, we will be friends with each other as long as we are getting what we need from the relationship. And the break up won't have property or kids or anything else attached to it.
I'm having a ball with these great ladies. I've learned more about me in a year than I learned in the previous 54
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and I try my best to compartmentalise my life.
Many, many hobbiest & providers are in the same boat and if you get off on such things, having this much skin in the game adds exponentially to that element of risk.
It's a much cleaner deal than shagging that girl at the office...
I am happily (mostly) married. So, why am I here? First, like most of the above posts, I used to think I would NEVER cheat on my wife. Well, guys - there's this thing called life and things change. I'm not judging. Just stating what for me, is fact. I've been married a long time. I love my wife dearly, but, there are medical and other issues that prevent us from having sex. Consequently, in addition to the lack of physical sex, there is also a loss of emotional closeness. This totally sucks!
I would never have an affair because I love my wife. An affair runs the risk of becoming emotionally attached to the other woman. That risk is greatly reduced by seeing a professional. And that is why I "cheat" here. I might be rationalizing but I don't view this as cheating. My wife can no longer provide the physical closeness and release I need. So, I get it every once in awhile with a few TER women. Is that cheating? Yes. But I have needs and therefore, because I ALWAYS return to my wife of 40 years, I don't view my affairs as true affairs.
For what it's worth, I've heard from several providers that the majority of hobbyists are married.
Have fun and be safe out there. That's for you ladies, too.
so I empathize with you.
I wonder if those who judge married people who do p4p ever consider what they would do if they loved their spouse, their spouse loved them, and it was a good marriage with one big exception: lack of intimacy, e.g. no kissing, no cuddling, any sex is very infrequent (every few months at best) and the spouse isn't an active participant in lovemaking. And that went on for 20-25 years or more. Maybe some would be able to suck it up and bear it, and I have great admiration for those who can do that without it adversely affecting their marriage or their lives in general (because they're miserable).
Like you, I'd never have an affair. I found p4p an imperfect solution but one that makes my situation tolerable. And it's led to some breakthroughs with my wife that have greatly improved our relationship. For one thing, I found out recently to my amazement that this extremely conservative woman thinks it's ok for a married guy to have p4p sex as long as it's just sex and not an affair, in a situation like ours where the wife can't give her husband the intimacy he needs.
Just another reminder about the hazards of assuming anything about what another person thinks or feels.
Just because the roller coaster is broken, they don't close down the entire amusement park.
Forgive me for being so shallow, but I feel if a wife is refusing sex and intimacy of every kind, then she doesn't love and respect her husband. Or, it could also be that she is giving it out in small controlled doses in order to manipulate him, I know all about this process.
I am absolutely no one to counsel anyone else about love (romantic love) as I don't believe in it. So, my comments are my own personal observations based upon my own personal experiences. But I can assure you of this, I don't respect anyone who attempts to manipulate me, and when I still believed in romantic love, I knew that I couldn't love someone that I didn't respect.
There is no high ground here...
Everyone is here by choice - just being here eliminates high ground.
You are wrong about romantic love but your chances of discovering that for yourself here are slim as objectifying women is most times the result.
It's a well defined relationship though - You give a woman money and she has sex with you - Carry on son!!
I've read, and re read the post by me which you replied to in search of some indication that I was taking the high road or attempting to project that I was taking the high road. Can't find it.
As for romantic love, I am not wrong (for me), I don't believe in it, the operative word being "I". Nowhere, in no way, did I try to impose that on you or anyone else. And being that I don't believe in it, I'm sure as hell not looking for it in here.
You last sentence is the only one which makes sense to my post. It is a well defined relationship, and that's the only relationship I am interested in. Carry on, skippy.
Try to consider possibilities that lie outside your own personal experiences. Other people may have much different circumstances.
And here's some ideas on how to expand your horizons, if you're interested in doing so...
Forgive me for being so shallow, but I feel if a wife is refusing sex and intimacy of every kind, then she doesn't love and respect her husband. Or, it could also be that she is giving it out in small controlled doses in order to manipulate him, I know all about this process.
I am absolutely no one to counsel anyone else about love (romantic love) as I don't believe in it. So, my comments are my own personal observations based upon my own personal experiences. But I can assure you of this, I don't respect anyone who attempts to manipulate me, and when I still believed in romantic love, I knew that I couldn't love someone that I didn't respect.
is always constrained by his experiences until he's willing to open his mind to other possibilities.
There are many, many reasons women may deny sex to their husbands. I just last Thursday learned about a friend who is suddenly having too much pain during intercourse to engage with her partner. It has to do with menopause- apparently some women experience this change, and the drugs they currently have to treat the condition have terrible side effects. They are working around it with other forms of sex, but she's quite openminded. She's even willing to "outsource" if it comes to that. But imagine someone who is not openminded, or was raised extremely religiously, or whatever else. She may well truly love her husband, but just not be able to physically do anything about it.
The other way around happens, too by the way. I know several male escorts who see women, and they have all the same complaints as men do- the hubby's cutting them off, has a physical disability which precludes sexual activity, has no energy or has a diminished libido- whatever.
I love my wife dearly, but I'm lucky if we have sex any more than 5 times any given year, and after 25 years of continuous sheer will fidelity, I was getting desperate. I was considered the option of getting an affair, but that involves emotional attachment outside of marriage, so it was not acceptable to me. Getting a sugar baby was also considered, but that requires a steady outflow of cash, which becomes expensive, and also involves the risk of personal attachment. In a moment of weakness I found myself in this hobby, and it had brought back the possibility of sex, without the emotional baggage. I continue to love my wife, but no longer have the corrosive feeling that I was missing out on my asexual active years because of her.
I think this is the type of situation is that drives any loving husband to seek professional help in matters of sex. For me, P4P after 25 years of restrain and self control was the last resort.
Now I just have to mustard the courage to lay down the truth and come clean. She may be understanding and life goes on, or she can kick me out of the house. Either way, the truth will set me free
I'm in the same situation except when we had sex it was horrible.
I think this is the type of situation is that drives any loving husband to seek professional help in matters of sex. For me, P4P after 25 years of restrain and self control was the last resort.
Now I just have to mustard the courage to lay down the truth and come clean. She may be understanding and life goes on, or she can kick me out of the house. Either way, the truth will set me free.
you're considering coming clean. I think more men should broach the subject of P4P or "Outsourcing" as I like to call it. It's just not fair if one person is no longer able or willing to engage sexually while the other person still hungers for that. I can't imagine all people being so selfish that they would deny someone they truly love the pleasure of sex. If they can't/won't do it themselves, they should allow the other to seek it elsewhere, in a way that will not threaten home and hearth. This is the perfect place to find that.
And true love is when your greatest joy and desire is for the other person's happiness. Anything else is conditional, territorial, and not really love, but rather ownership. And I don't wanna be owned. lol!!
I have many friends who are still very much in love with their partners, but for whatever reason desire variety or a different kind of engagement. They would no more think of leaving their spouse than they would think of jumping off a bridge. And in many cases, they play with their wife's blessing. That's a perfect situation.
and she is an ex provider, in fact, that's how I met her.
She is cool with me seeing other providers in any case. Some of them are mutual friends, in fact
You married a provider?
Did this involve divorcing your SO?
I was in a long distance relationship once. Didn't last.
We ended up drifting apart and mutually parted ways.
We are still friends though. We email a few times a year.
I wasn't about to move to Dubai to be closer to her, and i couldn't ask her to give up a job paying 19K a month 
She is cool with me seeing other providers in any case. Some of them are mutual friends, in fact.
Divorced and currently in a long term relationship. My relationship with my GF is quite good and it's the best relationship I have ever had. We are emotionally, physically, and intellectually in tune and she is overall a great person. I'm 100% sure that if she knew about this part of my life she would definitely leave me and I'm completely aware of this risk, but I'm banking on the adherence of discretion. I've had side chicks in the past, but the emotional drain and drama and no professional consideration of discretion redirected me towards seeing escorts. For me this isn't a replacement lifestyle for traditional relationships or a desire to fill a void. I'm just here because I enjoy meeting amazing people, exploring my physical chemistry, and taking part in some exciting fun.
Pretty solid post mate!
I was in a situation that was similar. I was here for the sex and at home it was sex and everything else.
Unfortunately, there are women out there that provide the "everything else" and don't tell you and you walk away feeling loved (WTF is that). Next thing you know you are headed for a situation that has all of the downside of an affair. I don't know of too many instances where a married man falls in love with a prostitute and it works out well for anyone (unless he buys her a Condo - which would make it work out well for her).
It's a funny old thing this hobby - particularly when it becomes more than a hobby...
Hey I don't judge anyone as a matter of fact I am in a commit relationship and he hates that I do this and I hate that I hurt him but alas, there's a reason for everything in life I suppose.
I remain single by choice in my 30s. I pursue this hobby as a more cost-effective means of fulfilling my sexual needs, in terms of both the money, time, energy that I expend and the quality of the resulting experiences. It thereby leaves me free to devote more of my resources to several other hobbies and pursuits that I enjoy and lead a more balanced and fulfilling life.
I gather from the feedback that I have received from providers that single or divorced clients are probably in the minority, and that the majority of their clients are married and see providers because they get something that they are not getting at home. I also gather that I am younger than most of the single or divorced clients who share my motivation for pursuing this hobby. Providers often express surprise when they learn that I am both single and younger than most of their client base.
Only when I thought I was in love.
When I am not in Love ...I do this
When I am in love... i will not
I'm single. If/when I get a girlfriend, I don't see myself hanging around with escorts unless I could convince my girlfriend to go for a couples session.