Isn't it against the code?
-- Modified on 10/22/2008 2:10:08 PM
This question was posted in the thread below but rather than clutter up Gregory12 posts I thought it was interesting and deserved a new thread.
So, ladies please chime in with or without an alias. I know a lot of you prefer to keep your home life separate and confidential but please don't let that keep you from chiming in on this thread.
Why don't escorts look for LTR or Marriage if they are NOT in a LTR or married already?
Sorry, i'm not one of the ladies,but,if and when any of you ladies are ready(for an ltr),i was first in line(lol).I am serious though!
with quite a few ladies in the biz that I've gotten to know well. Reasons I've been given are: She prefers a variety or partners. She is very independent minded and does not want the drama / baggage. She does not want someone controlling her. She has trust issues where men are concerned. She prefers women for intimacy. She does not believe in long term relationships / expectations. She has seen too many bad examples of failed relationships. I'm sure there are many more but I contribute this to get the ball rolling on this topic. Oh, and I certainly do not intend to suggest that any / all of these reasons apply to any particular lady (covering my ass here) '
Sounds like the same reason men give for not wanting a LTR or Marriage!
me, I am in a LTR but it's difficult, I am not being honest with him.
I have no guilt about it, I see what I do as Nicole, seperate from other aspects of my life when I am Not Nicole.
Although I do love what I do and have met some of the sweetest men, and made some dear friends, as far as my SO is concerned, Nicole is my job. She and I are seperate. I had this job, Nicole existed long b4 I even met my SO, and it never seemed like the right time to tell him.
Yes I wanted my cake and eat it too...
I have goals that need to be met, and Nicole is my way of meeting these goals. I have no intentions of ever telling him about Nicole. It would only hurt him he would never see things the way I do and I have no intentions of ever hurting him.
I never thought this biz and relationships work for most people, I believe they don't, so for now I keep it all seperate. I never planned to fall for him in the begining, only date him. Well I did fall for him and by then it was too late to fill him in on my "other life". I wish it was easier, but he is not one to be comfortable with this Ever, and I love him dearly so this is how it will have to stay. It's tricky, and requires a great deal of work to keep him happy and in the dark and Nicole out of that aspect of my life.
Well thats my story....
Nicole
Sounds like one hell of a juggling act to keep that all in line. Best of luck to ya Sweeetie!!!!
its been a yr and a 1/2 so I pretty much have a handle on it and am making it work...
this has nothing to do with the way I feel about him or how committed to him I am. I can't really explain it its compartmentalizing I guess. He knows me, you all know Nicole. Basically we are the same, the difference is, I am in a committed relationship...and Nicole is not.
Hi Nicole - I wish you all the best. One of the most difficult things about life, is that we can't make ourselves love or not love someone. Probably the second hardest thing is that most men (perhaps a lot of women as well? but my ladyfriends are all in the biz...) seem to associate love with possession and exclusivity. I'm not wired this way and don't understand it. It would be so, so nice to be able to be transparent with the one(s) you love.
Simply put, both men and women have their prejudices, doubts, lack of self-awareness, guilt, puritanical beliefs, social pressures, and the list goes on.
While most of us tries hard to be open minded and pretend not to care about what others say, deep down; we do indeed.
We live in an age where no one can carry on an open and honest discussion of any substantial issue.
In order overcome all of the above, one must have the utmost self-awareness of one self. Are we there? Probably not. Would we get there? Probably not. Why? We are bombarded with material crap and 10¢ self-help books to ourselves
Meditate for 15 minutes every day focusing on yourself, nothing but yourself. When you find yourself, you will find others.
By no means I am proposing one needs to forgo material things, not at all but, we need to balance ourselves daily on what is important to me!
you sound a bit pessimistic to me, about authenticity and communication. But a lot of my experience bears you out to a degree. As a long time practitioner of Bakti Yoga, I can state that learning to be transparent to ones self is important and revealing. I discovered that despite what my culture told me I should be, I am commitment averse, polyamorous and a strongly dominant personality. I realize that everyone projects an illusion based in a certain amount of self delusion or societal imprinting, but I'm in the habit of taking people exactly as they project themselves. Not possible for me to "figure" someone out when they can't figure themselves out.... but I do think that communication still has a certain value, even though our self knowledge may be imperfect or undeveloped. I've participated in a few consciousness raising discussions on TER, and many others that were of value....
-- Modified on 10/23/2008 5:57:23 AM
You are viewing my post through your prejudices. I am not pessimistic at all. Really a laid back, happy go lucky guy.
By the way nothing to do with Bakti Yoga. Bakti Yoga is entirely a different concept. Well aware of it though but not ready to go down that route. Will I ever, probably not in this lifetime.
As you indicated, the post is my point of view.
I actually have always been in relationships when in the biz. I was married prior to getting in the biz and after my divorce began escorting. I have met two of the loves of my lives thru the business ...lol..they were clients. Ive been seeing my current sweety off and on two years now..
So some of us do want "forever"
just my thoughts
storm aka chanel diamond
One of my Favs is a mature married woman... also petite & very hot. She's not been in the biz for too long. I'm not privy to her innermost thoughts but I know her husband is working... Sometimes brings her dinner! (I was still in the room when he called to get her choice.) So obiviouly he knows.
I do wonder how he feels about "sharing" her but that would be crossing the line with her.
With these economic times... at one point she said something about bad finicial decision. I wonder if she's working to keep the house.
skb
Sorry for the alias but I really believe in keeping my private life completely private.
Almost none of my clients know that I am married. I truly believe that this is a fantasy and I've constructed their "fantasy girl" to be just that.
In reality I am married. I have been married for 9 years. My anniversary is actually...this week.
I love my husband with my entire heart. He's my best friend, my lover, my other half. He provides very well for our family but....
He's in a job situation that makes him leave our family for years at a time (hard to guess what that is right) and about 3 years ago he came extremely close to losing his life. I can't raise our children alone and I promised myself that no matter what it took I would never let that happen. I would do what ever it took to financially provide for us to make his job situation change. And I have.
My husband knows FULL WELL what I do. I could never lie to someone I loved like I do him. This "fantasy girl" is just that. She is someone I put on when I face a client and someone I hang up in the closet when I go home. Some people have said they are enthralled with me. They are captivated by me. Is my husband? No. He's known me since I was a teenager...as he so recently told me I'm just his girl. Nothing more nothing less.
We have a good marriage because neither of us is afraid of what the other will think. We LOVE each other to the depths of our souls and understand that honesty and communication is what keeps a marriage going.
The reason I keep my marital status to myself is because I don't want any questions. "How could your husband let you do this?"
Well...I am a fully grown adult woman able to make my own choices and decisions. This is a decision that is right for my family and I enjoy the work that I do. No, sex is never as good with anyone else as it is with him, but I LOVE sex. I love having sex. I love having sex all day long. I have a MUCH higher sex drive than my SO. He may only want it two to three times a week where I want it every single day.
This lets me have a sexual outlet that I have always craved and make $ at the same time. This is a win win situation. He never asks what I do but when he makes snide remarks about different things I am able to provide a viewpoint about things that I never would have been able to before.
He thinks that I am incredibly strong to be able to be an escort. He knows that it takes a toll on me physically and emotionally at times. I really really feel bad for some of the clients that I see and their situations. I wish they had the kind of sexual freedom in their marriages that I have.
-- Modified on 10/22/2008 7:50:59 AM
Just my thoughts- Looking for a boyfriend/LTR/husband while being a provider?--Looking for love in all the wrong places!!
Most of established providers that I know are either happily married or in a LTR. It is very rare that a provider is out looking for a relationship while she is working. -work is work-
The relationship of a provider & client could be compared to that of a therapist and patient with some of the same similarities- when you know someones darkest secrets (*which many providers do*) and you are getting compensated to help the individual enjoy his life to the fullest... using that position for further emotional entanglement usually isn't a good idea. It has worked in rare instances and that is usually with an extraordinary man as well as a very wise and experienced provider- but most providers don't choose that path.
You- as a provider- are getting the best of a gentleman..... no laundry, no interpersonal headaches just the fun & games and him at his best. -Why mess with a good thing?
Although, years ago when I was new to the business,I was made aware of men who had regular appointments and then the provider became emotionally involved with him..... all of a sudden the guy wasn't paying anyone for sex any longer because some new girl now called him a boyfriend.
This lead to a man who is having sex, dominating a providers free time and just being an annoyance in general being called a 'boyfriend'.... and the familiar conversation being overheard: "oh yeah, he is her boyfriend now so she doesn't get paid LOL"
Looking for a relationship while in the business hasn't ever seemed like a good path to happiness, but it has worked for a few- Good friends with exquisite benefits that financially support a provider is a much better course for the provider to take- it also is much easier for the guy. Sex with no strings attached is the basis for the business, to be looking for LTR while you are focused on protecting anonymity and no strings attached is just not an easy task to pull off.
I'm on-board with the previous post from the married provider, as I have been married for a number of years and can still enjoy close friends in the biz who understand what he is participating in and where the boundaries are- My personal life has always been something that is as well protected as clients identity and information.
Relationships are another field of this business that requires more effort than the norm to make it successful- no one said being a provider is easy.... but it has it's rewards for those who decide to make it their livelihood. For others it eats them alive and spits them out- wise women take one step at a time.
Work is work and your personal life is another world you learn to balance carefully. Just my thoughts...... best wishes in what you seek. ~T
This is a very interesting post. It sounds like you and your husband have true love. Cheers to both of you.
Two people completely aware of themselves and comfortable in their skins.
Admirable.
Seriously, I love your attitude here on TER. I have been a fan of your for some time but my travel schedule rarely takes me to your neck of the woods. Ever think of a Seattle visit?
well i am happily married, and have been so for nearly 6 years, and with my Husband for 8 altogether...all of my adult life basically. we have a wonderful relationship, the likes of which many people could never believe truly exists, so i understand how fortunate i am.
but if i were single, i would not be "looking" for a serious relationship, just as before i became involved with my Husband i was not "looking" for a serious relationship. i do not believe in looking/dating/waiting. i believe in just living life and letting things take their natural course, without expectations and blueprints. that is how i found the love of my life, and that is the best way imo.
in my case, my providing is not some separate life...my Husband not only is aware and approving of what i do, but it was a decision we came up with together. that is the only way it could ever work for me, if i knew it was something he not only accepted but truly WANTED, for his own sake. we do not have a conventional relationship (we live a Master/slave lifestyle and also do not believe in sexual monogamy), so for us escorting is simply not that big of a deal, and in no way threatening to what we have together. also, all of my clients know before they ever lay eyes on me that i am married and very happily so...they know that my Husband is involved to the point of reading my emails and giving final approval on whether or not i actually see a particular individual...if someone is not comfortable with these things (a few haven't been), then that is fine, they can move on to someone better suited for them.
personally i would never escort as a single woman, i would feel far too vulnerable and just unsafe. as a very submissive woman, this profession would be much too dangerous to be involved in without the guidance, love and protection of a Husband.
-- Modified on 10/22/2008 8:19:24 AM
In fact, I'm one of those SO's.
A few others bemoan the fact that they would really like a LTR, but don't feel right doing so as long as they escort.
We all make trade-offs.
I guess the topic should be:
Why don't providers leave the Biz and look for LTR/marriage/family and live a regular life with a good Husband.
Why do they waste time in this biz even though it might pay well. Money is not everything.
Are they prone to depression, failure, unstable mind and self-destructive habits.
Besides how do they live when they are in their 50s and beyond. Do they meet a lonely end with no kids/family and no special achievement in life other than carnal sex.
For many, probably for the first time in their lives they are totally financially independent and they realize what it feels like to be alone, that it is something to be enjoyed, not dreaded, that they now have the time, money, and freedom to be THEMSELVES, not having to answer to anyone for anything, not having to deal with another on a daily basis.
A gentleman below. Which I thought was a good question. I know there are a lot of women who DO NOT look for LTR or Marriage because they are financially independent and would stop escorting etc if they got into a LTR.
I think there are a lot of women who aren't really looking because finally women are able to behave MORE like men. We really DON'T need someone to coddle and take care of us.
I would say the average Escort can take care of herself and gets plenty of cuddle time.
I have tons of reasons why I love being in a relationship.
I wouldn't want to be in a relationship..... looking to be "Taken Care Of"
I can take care of myself
Take Care
Sexy Carolina
I don't have to lie to him
He knew of my profession before we met.
I have never hid anything from anyone. Not even my family. I am who I am and most like me regardless of my SEXYiness!!
I am sure that the dynamics of my career are unlike many others. My being 52 and starting in the biz at 48 and never having any history with the adult entertainment business before. Also the fact that I have lived quite a full life beforehand... careers, schools, kids, Military, travel. I went back to college when I was 46.
Anyway....as in everything in life. You get what you put into it. One of the main reasons I want a LTR/Marriage. For sharing all that I am and all that the world holds.
xoxo
Sexy carolina
...because i DO need a loving, strong Mate to take care of me, and i find no shame in that whatsoever. my Husband is the head of our household, i am dependent on him for all the basics/necessities of life, and for us that is what feels right and natural.
i have never agreed with the current popular political and social ideal of the "strong independent woman," i think it robs women of the beauty and value in being who we are and how we were intended to be...feminine, nurturing, submissive, and the yang to a Man's yin. the sexes are not the same, we were made to complement one another not compete with one another, imo.
I personally happen to agree with you. I personally feel that there SHOULD be a strong male to every house BUT that is not always the case. A lot of women have different ideas about what they need or want based on prior experiences...etc...
I don't think there is anything wrong with a strong woman taking care of her destiny and I don't think there is anything wrong with a strong woman being with a man in a traditional Dom/Sub relationship as well.
I have found, however, that not ALL men are dominant and not all of them even WANT to be dominant. Some of them really desire a dominant female. There are Alpha Males and there are Alpha females and I am happy you have found Your Alpha Male to take care of you.
~Rae
Hi Zayzha - I have heard exactly this point of view from several providers with whom I communicate very openly. It's a small sample, but it seems that it is the younger ladies that take this point of view. The slightly more mature ladies that I know either have SOs or are in one or more LTRs that satisfy a lot of their desire for closeness. Over the years I've known quite few ladies who (like me) are polyamorous. Cheers - Gregory
The other night I was with a couple of young lasses who are strippers - both attractive and both talking to me (can ya imagine it!)
the subject of would I get serious came up... I commented that for the most part, I've come to realize that my life is tied up in 2 things... my kids and my work. I like both but they consume about 85-90% of my available time....
What there is left - would be all I could offer a new marriage, and in my opinion - it is NOT enough (timewise).
One of the ladies threw a fit, and was indignant that I could be so uncareing, and so detached... and what was wrong with me. She is single, never been married, and has no kids. The other woman agred with me 100%... she has kids, and an ex-hubby who on occasion makes a bit of trouble for her... Her comment to me was it was all she could do to find time to sleep - when not working or being with her kids...
Pretty much is as simple as that... I know, everyone is busy, but I then look at my ex's lifestyle- she remarried, they have a total of 6 kids running around on a bad day... with two careers... and they complain about no time to themselves.... well.... that says a lot - and is very instructive to me....
Now If I could just get the stripper with the kids to escort... I would be in hog heaven... she was hot.
Isn't it against the code?
-- Modified on 10/22/2008 2:10:08 PM
Meet my good friends - the INCREDIBLES!
why bother. When I do become available again, I'll let you know. 
Dear Rae:
I was wondering since you have been doing this a long time you are very good at the art of compartmentalization. You have to be in order to protect yourself emotionally and mentally. With that said what would be the ideal psychological makeup of a person that you would date? Also what certain personality traits do you look for considering your occupation and what types of tell tale signs do you see that indicate to you that a person would be a good mate and one that is tolerant of the profession? Also would you get the captain save a hoe complex from some of the men also that you would meet? These questions are critical considering the occupation that you are in. This is critical because it takes an understanding person to become a partner of someone who is in this world.
I was in a LTR, but because I escort the relationship fell apart. Jealousy really got the best of him. He wanted me to quit and that was out of the question.
Until I finish my degree and get a civie job a LTR is just out of the question. Too much drama for me!
escorts in LTR or Marriage is cool by me. Everyone has the right to be happy. I have escort friends, some I'd like to have as friends, even some relatives I suspect may be providers on some level, and some I'd take on as LTR lovers in a split second.
there's at least one escort with whom I often imagine having a committed LTR. Committed doesn't mean sexual exclusivity because I like variety and playing too. But there is one thing I can't seem to overcome despite my desire to be open-minded.
I love to daty. I mean really go to town and leave it and my face dripping with her juices. Especially if she has a nice clean pretty p****.
Everytime I do this with an escort, no matter how clean she be, I can't help but wonder how long ago some other guy's c*** had been there. I'd hate to have to wonder what flavor I'm tasting down there everytime I lose myself in the moment and chow down with gusto. Some other guy's c***, some other guy's c*** wrapper, or her.
sometimes I even wonder if she's thinking you're slurping away down there like a crazed fool and I'm loving it and you just don't know my last appointment just finished blazing it with his huge c*** 15 minutes before you got here.
would like to feel different but I'm being honest here.
What you have described is certainly possible.
I have to let you know that for me cleanliness is next to Godliness.
I take care of my body. I like to be fresh and clean and I am clean whether I am entertaining or not. Not every provider operates a revolving door business.
I think you should try and get that vision of yours out of your head. While it can be the case for some providers...not all providers are giving clients or bf's sloppy seconds.
Not all, but most are. Most seem to go from city to city, appointmants jammed as much as possible. If just a local provider, I suppose that's better as the revolving door is in one place. Lovely women, outstanding women--but you can't deny that I pay for "sloppy seconds" most of the time.
If you are concerned about this issue, and want to enjoy the best possible experience, seek out the many providers who limit their practice to no more than two clients per day, and often far less. These ladies invest a great deal of time and energy in entertaining, and allow themselves to enjoy the experience fully, which can be quite draining. Yes, you will pay more for this quality of service, but it is worth it. If you are seeing a lady who has appointments booked up all day, you will be getting seconds (or thirds etc). But a professional will not be "sloppy". Hmmm - I remember the good old days - swing parties without condoms!
Right on! It all comes down to providers personal decision and private life situation. I personally hate to schedule more than 2 - 3 dates per week.
I used to have that image in my head too. Was kind of bothersome, really; no guy WANTS to think he's one of the many through the door, even though unless she's a virgin, it's absolutely true.
So at that point, it merely becomes a question of degree. How many minutes, or how many showers, would have to pass so that that image would no longer hold you? If 15 minutes isn't enough, how much is - 60 minutes, 5 hours, a day? What doesn't happen in 15 minutes and a shower that that magically happens in 24 hours?
And it's at that point that you realize the whole issue is silly; as long as she cleans between clients, and takes care to clean well, you're in essentially the same spot as where she'd be if she last had sex last week or last year (I know, I know!).
And then there are providers who go out of their way to only see a couple of gentlemen per week; and these are generally easy to pick out by their websites, reviews and rates. Particularly the ones who go out of their way to specify that they prefer multi-hour dates. With these providers, you can be even more comfortable that it's been "awhile" since their last encounter, more than long enough for you to consider it a "reset" so to speak.
I suppose most guys don't care, but I do, as it seems you do to at least a little. When I'm dining, I prefer to know that what I'm tasting is 100% fine wine.
How do you feel when you take a bath in a nice clean hotel room knowing that there have been hundreds if not thousands of people who have bathed there previously? And, by the way, where has your tongue been recently? I don't mean to put down your genuine and quite common feelings which you were courageous and generous enough to share, they just must interfere with your enjoyment.
Well, Doc, tubs don't have warm mucous membranes which can support disease causing organisms, as you must know. I'd wish that that my provider would take the extra 5 minutes to soak her pretty bottom et.al. in a tub before she greets me. At least it would soak away the previous guy's junk more than a shower.
Rae,
You were correct in regards to another comment you made with this thread.
Yes women in our position do hold the cards but me personally, I do miss being in a position with someone who's the "breadwinner."
I am not soured or tainted by the idea of calling my own shots but I've already been married and I relish in the fact that I'm single now.
I guess one could assume I love having my cake and eating it too.
I enjoy men to the fullest and that radiates throughout any time that I have the opportunity of exploring the opposite sex but being told what and when to do it so 19th century.
- A.L.
How do you go about it? I have been married a couple of times and I can't say that I was looking for some one to marry.
With a modicum of focus and drive a provider can easily earn 3K/week; CASH!!
That puts them in the top 5% U.S. income statistics.
Instinct (pro-creation) and security are the two main reasons for LTR/marriage. Modern career women are commonly postponing marriage and childbearing for their corporate ladder climb.
Although the hobby is replete with loser providers with zero foresight, ambition, or money management skills there are some who understand that being a provider is a business with a limited shelf life, and to make the most success of it they need to focus on the business of pleasure, and not on something as risky and temporal as love.
Are you serious???????? Most clients are already married.
Also, it is not so easy to find a guy who can deal with it until we get to the marriage part, lol.
For me anyways. This job gets blamed for everything that goes wrong in the relationship alot of times.
This is only my personal experience, I know others may have different situations. sara
-- Modified on 10/23/2008 8:23:25 PM