The rule of thumb for BOTH parties should be 'shut up and keep walking', at least in my opinion.
We don't know who the other party is with - they might seem to be alone, but for all we know, Mom or an SO is just steps away.
Three times I've been (I think the word here should be 'accosted') by someone who recognized me, each time in public places. In each case, I felt vulnerable and violated. Wait, let me re-phrase that - I felt pissed off.
None of them would let it drop, insisting "Oh, you're Morgan, yeah I recognize you..", even after I'd told them I had no idea what they were talking about. In the one instance, I was on a civvie date with someone I'd just met - someone I hadn't yet 'come out to'. Another moron sent over a round drinks, to my work name, when I was at a table having dinner with girlfriends.
Imagine if a provider came up to a client in public, and started rambling on about "Oh, we saw each other last week". She'd get crucified on the boards - and rightly so.
In fact, it's played a large part in my taking down face photos, so next time guys complain about girls who don't have them, blame the morons out there who don't understand what boundaries are.
It's rarely someone you've seen who does this, in my experience - they know better.
Discretion is a two way street, or, better still, "What happens in fight club, stays in fight club". A discreet half smile and raised eyebrow is as close to acknowledgment as it should ever get.
her response surprised me... "no way" was the answer. She went on to explain that she was born and raised in the town we were in and she did not wish to take the chance of someone of her relatives putting 2 and 2 together. It would affect her life way too much.
I always use the rule of thumb, if and only if you and the other person 1) have made an airtight cover 2) agree to the acknowledgement ahead of time specifiying the conditions under which it would be ok 3) those exact conditions are met 4) The greeting is only to say "hi" unless a code word is spoken - indicating that use of names is ok... discussion beyond HI is ok etc.
imagine you know a ladies real name (Hermiamy) and she goes by the name Rapunzel in the biz... and she is with a client... and you say "hi there Hermiamy..." you have now revealed a part of her real identity to a real dangerous stalker... who later on during the date, she discovers is not only dangerous but obsessed with her.... yea.. I know far fetched...
.. this is yet another one of those things that smart guys (ie; you) will get, and the dumb guys never will.
I think there are times when the guy has actually *gotten off* on making the girl feel uncomfortable. I have a friend who was once followed around a mall by a guy who was walking two paces behind her, hissing her work name and making soft comments about "I know it's you, so how much are you gonna charge me...".
She finally turned around and yelled right into his face for him to BACK OFF before she got security.
She said it went beyond intrusive, and into frightening. As I said, and then people wonder why girls don't post more face photos...
I could'nt agree more with you.Its funny that this comes up now.I was waiting for my limo at the airport,when a lady that a met at a party was waiting for hers,she was with someone,I've been in the hobby for a while now and know to just walk by.We smiled and knotted heads.Nothing was said. Just keep walking guys
I was working out w/ my partner at the gym and heard, "HEY! Ronnie! Gettin them nice thighs even bigger huh?!?"
Needless to say it was loud as hell. I continued to lift and my spotter looked at me as I sat up. I sat dumbfounded wiping my brow. Everyone looked at everyone else in the weight room. I was the only one who had thick thighs by the way.
After awhile my partner went to the locker room to change and the client came up to me and say "hey, why'd you blow me off? Why didn't you speak?"
I looked up and said in the most calm voice I could muster, "don't ever approach 'a Lady' in public. It's rude and inappropriate. Please step back and walk away. Remember that the next time you and your wife are at ____________ picking out ___________..."
"He says how would you know that...?"
"I see many people, many-a-time, it's just an unwritten rule that you don't acknowledge each other. If need be a nod is all you need."
And with that, I left. 2 months later when my membership was up, I switched gym clubs just for my own sanity....
Once when I was in the mall at my part time day job and minding my own business,This guy that I have seen a few times,walks by with his wife and when he saw me, he turned white as a ghost and walked his wife to the next store and then came back to me and was begging me not to say anything to him..I said Please!! Im working, you are the dumbass thats over here talking to me..lol
It's not uncommon for stangers who are thrust into close proximity to give a nod of aknowledgement or a hello. If it were someone we'd been with, certainly our eyes would lock and being intelligent ladies & gentlemen we would pass each other by. No words would need to be spoken.
Some creep following a lady around the mall, go to the nearest store and ask them to call Security or the Police. "You've never seen this guy before. Who ever he thinks you are, he is mistaken." Period. I really doubt he'd stick around that long. Gosh, that's creapy.
A Lady should always blur her face photos... How about kids posting photos a parties & etc... later viewed by family, employers, etc. I urge all the ladies we love: Play smart, be safe. skb
One time, I saw a lady in the evening. We just happened to wind up in the same hotel, and the following morning, she was at breakfast with a man and woman. Neither of us made any attempt to say anything. She did give me a big smile on her way to the ladies' room. It was nice. It was even nicer when I got an email a couple of days later, just to say "Hi, and thank you".
I goes without saying that discretion is key. A quick nod, wave, or "hey" is the most that should be exchanged in public. I wouldn't expect a provider to go up to me and start talking, and would know better than to do the same. Then again, I'm bad at remembering faces, so unless I saw a provider multiple times and read her TER posts a lot, this wouldn't be much of an issue for me.
If I'm alone someplace (browsing a bookstore or something) you may discreetly say hi without using the name I use on here. Just, hey, don't I know you? How are you? and keep going. If I'm in public with friends or family and you come up wanting to talk, be flirty, that would be waaaaaaaay too many things to explain. I'd probably act like you were some nutjob who has obviously mistaken me for someone else.
I was out with a guy who is a civie friend. We stopped for lunch and were walking to the table. I glanced over and noticed a young guy that I recognized. I didn't acknowledge him, just kept walking to my table.
He excused himself from his table (he was with a new girlfriend I think), and walked over to me. He leaned over and gave me a kiss on the cheek and said hi, he was glad to see me.
We chatted a quick second, I gave him a hug (what else can you do, but keep it all light and normal looking).
My friend asked who that was, I told him it was a friend's brother that I hadnt seen in awhile, and quickly changed the conversation back to what we were talking about.
I did find it ackward, but in a way complimentary.
I think I was most shocked that he recognized me with clothes on.
Slightly related - but true story nevertheless....
Early 2005 I was part of a team working on a high-pressure project. We were working late and we were due to go back into work for a late-night brainstorming session.
At around 7pm the four of us (my boss (the CTO), his sidekick, another engineer, and myself) decided to go into an Outback restaurant for dinner. We sat down and started looking through the menus.
Then all of a sudden, this blonde woman walks past the table and shouts "HIYA MIKEY! HOW YA DOIN'?"
She was a lapdancer who I had tipped on stage a week earlier (and who I once had a lapdance from two years prior) - and she recognised me and remembered my name!
Well, my boss's eyes lit up!
And the topic of conversation for the meal rapidly changed from techie talk to this blonde girl.
It was a priceless moment!!!
Up until that point, my boss thought that I always buggered-off to Billy Bob's on a Saturday afternoon!!!!
ya know, slight finger brush salute across the nose sort of thing... lol.
I would do the raised eyeborow thing MAYBE.
I was seen in JC Penny but a client and I did not even know. I got an e-mail later. He was shopping with his wife.
I so appreciate discretion because the whole real name issue is difficult to explain when some one addressses you as someone else... BUT you could say you have a look-alike I guess.
It happens and all I can say is I would probably do nothing and hope they would do the same.
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