Hound's earlier thread about self-confidence and personal power and the last thread about first times with a provider made me ponder a bit..

about 40 minutes into the hour date!

I can definitely say that my confidence level as risen. Dressing up, getting my hair done, doing my nails, all the extra primping and priming that in my normal college life I really don't have time for - it's definitely  made me feel much better about myself internally and externally. I was always a much more internal type of person and while there's nothing wrong with that, I always wanted to be the person who could strike up a random conversation with a stranger and walk away smiling. I wasn't able to do that when I started in May, but now I'm able to.

Been there, and experienced what you have to a certain extent. But that's about me and while it was a good learning experience, it hasn't been the best part of this thing.

To answer your question, yes, there have been many moments when I "got it". Epiphany, cloud parting, smack you in the head style. What I've gotten is a better insight (but still not claiming to understand) towards women.
I've been afforded the opportunity of meeting women the level of which I never would have in any other situation. "Out of my league"? Sure. Good way to put it.
What has surprised me, much more than once, is that once you have a few meetings and get to know the ones who drop their guard a bit....with all they have going for them...they are many times self-conscious still.
They are attractive enough to do this, smart enough to run their business, strong enough to be able to have a separate persona and keep a different life from family and friends, bold and fearless enough to meet total strangers alone, etc. Yet at the end of the day, with all they have going for them, some still worry if they are good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, strong enough......
Geez....there is no easy path for anyone it seems.

The 'hobby' provides more benefits than no strings attached sex, or a way for selfish rude fucks to get laid and feel powerful.
Sometimes....it simply affords us the chance to meet people, have some fun, and learn a bit in the process.

Just sayin'
DD

I definitely feel the same way.
 The hobby world has been a confidence boost. I never though of myself as being a particular good or capable lover and now I know otherwise!
It has also added a degree of happiness and satisfaction that without question carries over to every aspect of my life, both personal and professional. I was always a happy person, satisfied with my lot in life. Now I am even happier. :

Levels significantly higher.

Just like you guys, definite increase in the confidence level.  And I agree with Dirty Diageo also--it is amazing how some incredibly beautiful women still think they don't measure up to their peers.

Another benefit:  It's actually been a plus for my marriage.  Really.  I'm lucky enough to have had overnight or multi-day dates with a few very special young ladies.  In my experience, there's no way that either party can keep up "the act" for that long--that GFE fantasy becomes very "real-seeming", very quickly.

When one of my fantasy GFs has had enough of my BS and (donation be damned!) calls me out on it, this little voice in the back of my head reminds me just how similar the situation is to something that happened with the Mrs not long ago.  If I'm hearing the same thing from two different people, maybe they're right and I'm wrong?  Is that possible?

Sends me back to reality with a new and better outlook.  It's amazing stuff, this hobby of ours.

One person I spent time with remarked that when she is "Escort" she has a chance to be some one she never could be normally.

Thanks, Luna. I definitely understand what you are saying. I was always a bit of an introvert also, but now I find I can be much, much more outgoing and at ease. And others definitely notice!

DD, you get it. A little more experience and you begin to see that you don't have an exclusive on shyness, insecurity, etc.. Once we get that people are people and relax about ourselves, I think we can relate to others much better... on a more human and understanding level.  

For me, it is usually much better, more productive therapy than any single session I've had with a therapist.  

I started out when I was quite poor actually.  I would scrimp and save to go see a gal for a 15 minute hand job or blow job if I was lucky.

Interspersed with that were about 7-8 affairs with various civies that would last anywhere from a month to maybe 6 months when I didn't have to pay for it.

I felt that relying on providers was a negative in terms of becoming well adjusted enough to maintain a long term civie relationship.

I finally got into therapy and my therapist thought that seeing providers was just fine and a good school for how to deal with women, so I continued and finally did meet someone for a long term relationship and we finally got married.

When that started to go south after about 8 years I went back to the hobby and never looked back.

To me, it was not an epiphany but rather a long process.

A good session still does put a nice spring in my step (Though does dent my wallet, but that's another story.)

Participating as a provider in this "hobby" has ruined dating for me, but in a good way.  It's sad to say but my clients treat me so much better than the majority of the dating pool out there.  I mean why waste your time with a guy who's idea of a date is going out and getting drunk (you pay for your own drinks) and then have him try to snivel his way into your pants when you can have a nice gentlemen who treats you like a queen, tries to ensure you are recieving pleasure as well and then pays you for your time!  Ha!  Degrading my ass, modern dating is more degrading then this profession.

A previous scenerio, I'm working (civilian working not playing) with three women, two of the women are average in looks and body and the other is a total knockout. When the knockout talks I find myself being more attentive even though I know that I'd never have a snowball's chance to be with her. Is that unfair to the other two women? Absolutely! They most likely have just as much valuable input to the task as the hot one, but because I'm a man (visual creatures that we are) I show unwarranted favouritism to the hot one, even though I'm aware I do it. Now that I hobby, and I'm having great sex with as hot or hotter women and the knockout loses her Kryptonite effect on me and I treat all three women the same. Now there have been times that I'm traveling to a site and I hadn't planned on hobbying but there is a hot woman at that site and I have to schedule a date because I don't want her to have that power over me, again I completely understand that I would have no chance with her. So, the hobby allows me to fix a personality defect, and I get laid...how cool is that?

Not to mention that a 22 year old hot girl would be virtually impossible to pick up and have sex with in the civvie world.  

Medical and Dental!!

Why do I say it's faux? Because it is not real. If we were not fkin these men, they would not say and do the things they are doing to begin with. If we were not getting paid, we would not be there at all. Far too many men come here because they lack social skills and confidence to date women in real life...same with some providers. It amazes me how many people really are here looking for love and confidence. How does one get a sense of security by fkin a married man 30 years older than her? I don't get it.  

For men, those who are always too busy working, in a bad relationship, can not get sex for any other reasons ...

I understand what you mean, but for me I am not getting my confidence from the men. If anything, it's from me getting ready for my dates is where I get the confidence from. You know, taking the time for yourself, the preparation, the mindset of being great - all of those things are what helped me gain confidence and helped me feel better about myself.

You don't think you're beautiful, London? Sure looks like it to me, and I'm being objective.  

And here I thought you LOVED us. ( where's the Kleenex )

Perception is reality...   You could argue all of life is faux.

The money and the sex mixed aren't illegal. You just have to go about it differently than in the hobbying world. You could get involved with someone and pay her living expenses. She'd be your "mistress". That's legal. You could get married. :O  You could buy her all sorts of stuff (maybe stuff she's said she needs), and that would be legal.

Well put. Just starting out in the hobby and my confidence and general happiness is up. Neediness gone.
I'm in a menopausal but otherwise happy marriage, but my spouse has almost no sex drive. Sex maybe a few times a year was really getting me down. However, I've been wanting to jump my wife's bones a LOT more since I started hobbying, and she's responding to my new found horniness.

-- Modified on 11/7/2013 10:19:46 AM

Ha ha ha...well, yah that's true.

Fucking hookers doesn't make you a better person, but it puts sex into a better perspective.

Guys have been led around by the dick since the beginning of time, getting laid regularly mitigates that, and does give many men a renewed sense of confidence, or at least it takes away some of the desperation they might otherwise exude on that first date if they haven't been laid in six months.

but only if she is not an idiot, I don't suffer stupid people, even if they are hot, but I will confess to still thinking with my dick, and I ALWAYS think I have a chance with a woman, unless she's married, and that's because I don't do married women. well I am sure I have done some married providers, but that's different.

remember you have a SPOTY to win, no sensible posts for you, I've got money at stake.

Agreed! I enjoy my time with my clients so much more then most of my "civvie" dating.  That's actually how I got started in this biz. I unknowingly entered a sd/sb relationship and he treated me like a princess. The rest is history. But I also feel you get what you give in this biz. If you show class and respect you get class and respect. This thread is very uplifting and some of the most positive posts I've seen on ter since getting back on. Thanks fellas
Xoxo
Taylor

Just finished an interesting book about the hobby that is told from both the provider's and the client's POV.  Although this story contains much more, there is fascinating insight into both of their internal workings.  If you have experience with the hobby from either end, then I highly recommend this engaging read:

There's so many services that are there for people to increase their self confidence - life coaches, therapists, psychiatrists, personal training, I actually put this activity right in that category, sex is a need and sometimes all you need to feel good about yourself is to release those sexy chemicals that come with orgasms. Just like people go to therapy to get those empathy emotions fulfilled.

No my confidence is as low as it usually is. Hobbying just makes the solitude a little less sexless and a little more tolerable. Actually, quite a bit more tolerable. No more going years in between mediocre sexual encounters. It's wonderful to get to have sex several times a year, and actually enjoy it.

Agree with Cosette. At the very least, sexual frustration does ugly things to people. We're all better people after we've been laid.

that has to come from within. What it does do however is eliminate the mystery of having sex with women supposedly out of one's league, whether that be looks or age. I honestly don't know if I would think that I still have a chance with a 20 something civvie woman if I wasn't fucking 20 somethings on a regular basis. In my mind I just don't think that it is any kind of big deal, so in real life I don't treat it like a big deal.

If a man truly believes a woman is "out of his league" she is going to pick up on it and it will be a self fulfilling prophecy. If a man truly believe he has a chance, then more likely than not he will have a shot. I don't feel the least bit uncomfortable talking up a twenty five year old. I am not a walking hard on  since I get laid all the time. It allows me to simply be myself with being "on the make" all the time. Some of you will get this, others won't, but that's how I feel about how the hobby makes the rest of my life better.

I am crushed. LOL

And many of them apply to me, so I won't repeat them.  The only thing I'd add is that, if you're confident enough and click with a provider on a personal level, you can end up in a pretty nice friendship.  I'm lucky to have had several.  I've said it before, but I think this game works the opposite from civvy dating.  With a civvy, you get to know her and spend varying amounts of time with her before things turn to sex.  With a provider it's backwards.  You have sex first and, if you actually like each other, a friendship can develop.  Where it goes from there depends on what each of you wants.  But nothing can ever develop if you don't have the honest confidence to let your real qualities reveal themselves.  With me, that confidence didn't come from fucking hookers for $$$. It's just the result of life experience.

First you make a good point that a provider's compliments need always be filtered just as you would filter a compliment from anyone you're paying ("Funniest joke ever boss", "That sweater looks great on you chief).  Nor am I deluded enough to think I bring every provider I see to multiple Os with my magic touch and my Brobdingnagian apparatus (although there was that one lady in DC 15 years ago).   But given that confidence is a state of mind I don't know how it can be called fake. If I really feel content because I just had a great O is the feeling of contentment fake because I paid to get it?  

Hey London, I am totally disagree with you about far too many men come here because they lack social skills and confidence to date women.

Have you missed the countless "I fell for a hooker/client" threads lol. You can get the very same release from Cocaine...I would not say Cocaine makes anyone self confident past the time they are doing it. I know many men who use the hobby as a safe way to have sex with women, because they are too scared to approach them in real life...that's why I said it is a faux sense of confidence. There is nothing confident about paying a prostitute to fk you, and her saying yes...it's a transaction.

Then, kindly explain to me why we have hookers who've been doing this 10 years on a regular basis, and are miserable...same for some guys. Sorry, not buying it. Sex alone with someone you're not even attracted to does not do a damn thing for most 'sane' people. I am actually more bitchy after an orgasm, especially if the guy is still there when I want to fix a sandwich.  

if everything in your life is going alright - job is ok, family is ok, friendships are ok, and the only thing missing in your life is sex, then yes, sex can make you happy, that last piece of the puzzle.

My comment was about men and women I know who are indeed using this hobby to boost their confidence, when it's not really a good idea. I am not talking about feeling good after you fk a hot chick..that's a given, but real men who lack real social skills, and think fkin hookers can give them that. Hey, if in that deluded state it actually helps land them a better job, more power to em. I am just pointing out that not everyone is here for the same reason or the same benefit, and it is actually very destructive for some people. To ignore that, is ignorant.  

Thank you London that I am not included.  I am sure there are a lot of guys here don't included too.

I am also very happy with the 1-2 clients I see in a month, and would not want to change them. Looks have nothing to do with confidence, despite what so many seem to think. Some of the most awkward looking people I have known had the most confidence. In that confidence, they went from being a 2 to an 8...most guys who do look good, lack that very same trait, because they feel their looks excuse them for anything else. Not the case. No "outer" thing could ever give me confidence, but that's just me. Sure, when I reach certain goals I feel good about that, but I would also not be depressed if I failed. I will always fail at something.

-- Modified on 11/7/2013 4:12:29 PM

Hey London:  On your early post.  

But yes, if you or any other man here is dumb enough to actually believe everything a provider says to you, therapy migh be in order. Not many are going to tell you to your face you suck in bed, are not that attractive, and she would rather be doing her nails. Well, Farrah and I will bwahahaha, but not the majority. Providers LIE to you, in order to keep getting your money. Some of you are hot, some are awesome in bed, some smell like a bed or roses, but that is NOT the majority f the men in the hobby. So once again, it is a faux sense of confidence for men who actually buy into the bs some hookers are selling. Hope that was clear.

I've felt the confidence that comes with this hobby, but it isn't the motivating factor that pushed me into this activity.

Hey London:  I just want to make my point that you were talking about physical appearance.  And you tried to tell me you are not.    Now the case is closed.

Go to a M&G.  Then you'll see for yourself that many mongers fit the profile that appears on these boards.

Wow, I was planning on go to Meet and greet and hope I can meet some hot chicks.  Thanks ChgoCPS.  Now for sure I am not going to any Meet and Greet at all.  I want to make sure I am not one of the

How old are you...13? WTF are you talking about with your "case closed" bs? I was talking about ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING, not just physical attributes, but sure, we can include all of those too. Stop pulling things out of your ass, and actually learn to READ a post, before you reply with dumb shit that makes no sense! No one said ALL clients are old, fat or bald...well, except for Fido, and that's exactly who you sound like. BTW, how many male clients have you had? None? Then, exactly how do you know what any provider sees on a regular basis? Ah, that's right...you don't lol.  

Hey London:  I can tell you are really piss now, by asking if I am 13 years old.  Sorry, I am not 13 years old, and I won't ask you if you are 13 years old.   ( I have more class than that ).

Wow... I was planning on going to Meet and Greet to meet some hot chicks..  Thanks for telling me.

Wow, I can tell you are really piss.  to answer your question, NO sorry I am not 13 years old, and I won't ask how young you are..... because I am going to keep my cool.

should be given TER's URL when served with the papers!

They love new meat...especially if he's under 60 and not fat, bald and ugly  

How about you learn to write past a 3rd grade level, and people might understand what the hell you're trying to convey. Yea dude...you're some super model because hookers you PAID say that about you, and all the clients I see are old, fat, and ugly...right lol. Thanks for proving my point...you bought the bs.  

Okay, Keep making fun and put people down... enough is enough.  Remember I told you I am keeping my cool?  Now you are crossing my line.

are it is pathetic.

Like others said, just go to a M&G.  

You will see something unique. Bunch of women running towards some dude who would not get even 1st look at any other event and screaming "OMG HANDSOME I MISSED YOU" Sometimes it is "OMG I AM SOOO HAPPY TO HAVE MET YOU"

By the time poor fellow walks out of that bar he really thinks they all wanted him

What are you going to do Thomas? Call me fat? Yah...been done, thanks. Old? I don't lie about my age, so again, na na na boo boo. You're a fkin idiot..end of story! No, I am not here because I LOVE sucking strange d*ck, you moron. The rate should give you a clue about how much I do NOT have to work lol. I am here for 'extra' money, not my sole source of income...any idiot knows with as little as I work, I would be starving if that were the case.