She won't take long to reveal especially if she depends on the income. Otherwise, go see her a few times and don't ask too much too fast... Perhaps after a few bar rendezvous , suggest to her a meeting outside the bar for dinner and drinks just to break the ice. If she's a civvie and interested you'll know very quickly and if she's a pro, she'll say sure and you'll need this or that... As for yourself esteem, you aren't a complete disaster... you could be dead.
I had something interesting happen to me the other day and I can't stop thinking about it. I was on my way home from work and I stopped by an upscale restaurant to have a drink. I sat at the bar. The bartender was beautiful. I ordered a drink and we started having casual conversation. I don't think I'm a particularly attractive guy and I'm at least twenty years older than she is. There were several other guys at the bar that were younger and better looking than I but she stayed right there talking with me. In fact she practically ignored the other people at the bar. Even when she started getting real busy she would steal a few seconds between orders to have a few words with me. When I got ready to leave and we said our goodbyes she made a point to tell me what her work schedule is. Now as much as I would like to think she was interested in me I know there is no way. This lady is way out of my league unless there's cash involved.
Well I hope. Always nice to have a flirtateous fantasy sneak up on you. Go there again & get her # & find out if she's a pro or just glad to see you. If a pro, go for it. Obviously there was some kind of an attraction/connection. And if she's not, then let '08 start out w/a new friend. Either way, it's a win-win situation
Maybe she was just interested in you. Women are attracted to men for different reasons (than men are to women). She could have found you: mature, successful, funny, kind, etc.
I think whether we realize it or not, we seek a man who could (if we needed him to) take care of us. Maybe she is looking for a sugardaddy or maybe she is an independent woman who is attracted to an older man. Either way, since you are interested, you should find out.
-- Modified on 12/30/2007 5:12:22 PM
Kind of weird, the same thing's happened to me on a couple of occasions. I have to wonder what she'd see in me but women seem to be much more aware of personality than looks for the most part. All I can say is why not pursue it whether she's a pro or not? Does it really make a difference since you're a hobbyist anyway? Either way, you win. 
A few suggestions, if you're really willing to persue this lady.
Since it seems as though she's attempted to "break the ice" by volunteering her schedule. You could make some comment about "If I were 10 years younger I'd be chasing you around the bar".
That might get you somewhere even if she is not a "Pro".
If you think she's a "Pro" you might jot down a few hobby acronyms on your drink napkin(s). Make them tough ones not BBJ or DATY since those are used in "civie" life as well.
Maybe "MPOPS" and "RCG".
BUT... LOL.... you'd best be ready with explainations of these if it turns out she doesn't recognize them.
Missouri PreOPs Society
Royal Canadian Guard
And as it's been stated by the Lady from NY, you can't reason out what attracts others.
"I'll never know what he/she sees in him/her!"
Good Luck....
I travel a lot, and I eat alone at the bar in restaurants a lot. The situation you are describing is definitely exciting when it happens, but I can tell you that in all likelihood:
- She's not an escort
- It is about money
Think about it from her perspective. She makes money from tips. She probably knows those young, good looking guys already - she knows how much money they spend and she's heard whatever stories they have to tell. I'm not discounting what others have said - she may like older men, she may have found you charming, and most likely, non-threatening. But the bottom line is this: She knows how attractive she is, and she knows that with a little attention, a guy like you could become a regular. If you do, you are worth a lot of money to her. It's just good business to pay attention to you.
The one part of your story that's a bit unusual, is that this typically happens after your 2nd or 3rd visit. I'm just guessing that she is unusually attentive, and good at building up her clientele.
None of this is to say that you shouldn't keep talking to her. If I were you and this bar were on my regular route home, I would stop in once in a while (okay, I'd be there once or twice a week). But don't assume you are going to sleep with her. A few months from now you might drop a subtle hint, but even then it's likely to either offend or put you in the category of lecherous old creeps, rather than cool customers, if not done carefully.
For now, and until you know much more about her, just enjoy being one of her regulars. Enjoy it when she says "Hi" to you by name when you walk in. Enjoy it when she knows what you drink and when you only have to nod in response to her raised eyebrow to get another. Enjoy it when you can pick up your last conversation where you left off. In all likelihood she will remember the previous conversation better than you do. That's what a good bartender does. An ATF escort is someone to treasure, but so is a good bartender, especially if she's a beautiful woman. Enjoy.
filmat11
-- Modified on 12/30/2007 6:29:47 PM
I travel a lot for work as well and honestly, I get flirted with plenty by pretty women who make their livings on tips. Sure, anything is possible-she may be a pro or she may actually like you but more than likely she is just being nice and hoping that you will show your gratitude in the form of lots of business and generous tipping.
In any event, I would be hitting that bar on a regular basis just to see where it goes....
Wouldn't her time be better spent trolling escort message boards than slinging drinks?
I agree with this. I always say any time a girl that's being paid to be there is overly nice to you, there is usually an alterior motive, that is not to say , that the alterior motive is negative, shes just doing her job and by making you feel good will take home more money, I never take it seriously ESPECIALLY if tips are involved. That's why strippers that offer no sexual services to me are the most brilliant salespeople on the planet. They have to figure out how to get that lap dance money with a generous tip with you leaving with blue balls. It used to happen to me, but again, only in my youth.
-m
I think this is more likely the case. I'll wait a few days and drop in on her later in the week.
...any woman who shows interest in me is an escort.
-- Modified on 12/30/2007 8:24:37 PM
lol, in vegas this is almost always true. I only was fooled once , when I was 17, but hey I was naive!!
-m
I would also add the possibility that she was trying to put some distance between herself and those "younger and better looking guys" at the bar. Could have been that before you showed up she was fending off advances from the young studs, and you were a way to send them a message.
but yeah, I would be there twice a week just to make sure.
She won't take long to reveal especially if she depends on the income. Otherwise, go see her a few times and don't ask too much too fast... Perhaps after a few bar rendezvous , suggest to her a meeting outside the bar for dinner and drinks just to break the ice. If she's a civvie and interested you'll know very quickly and if she's a pro, she'll say sure and you'll need this or that... As for yourself esteem, you aren't a complete disaster... you could be dead.
I exercise regularly and go to the tanning beds once or twice a week (doctor's orders so don't preach)and I always see very attractive women who I think could be providers or at least strippers. and I once proposed some sort of button or symbol to let others know about our hobby.
Maybe some secret handshake, code phrase?
How about a picture of a hobby-horse?
I have bartended before and I tended to look for (a) nice customers (b) good tipping (c) interesting conversations. Also, as with this and many other businesses, having "regulars" is desirable. She may have been trying to get you as a regular customer. Great service, friendly and she told you her schedule- either she is interested or she's just a really good bartender.
One of my best friends has been bartending for 10+ years. She now works a "regular" full time job but maintains a small shift at a local hang out. To this day she has people who will follow her to whatever bar she is tending...she's that good. She has a very similar MO to the lady you described.
If she's interested otherwise- don't look a gift horse in the mouth! Go back, tip her well and let her make the moves- she is a bartender- she knows how to be agressive.
XO
Melanie
As a longtime "follower" myself, I know that Melanie's analysis is right on, and it's pretty consistent with my post above. I learned that particular bit of bartender slang years ago from a bartender I had followed to her new place of work. Remember also that there's a difference between a follower and a stalker. As Melanie advised, be nice and tip well. Don't be creepy.
Filmat11
I'll wait a while then go back. Maybe she's just friendly, maybe I'm not a threat to her. I'll let her make the moves. I'm definately interested. I have misread signals in the past though.