Ok, I kinda ditch my ATF because she's not been responsive to communicating with me last week. She was a no cancellation, no show last week.  Then last night, I got a text from her.

"Thought you was comming today". I responded .. "you didn't call or text me" She said "Sorry I forgot .. I'm Starving .. haven't had no calls ... struggling" I said "let me help you". I'll give you some $$$ tomorrow. She says "no, can't take cash from you for nothin". I said, let me buy you groceries. She says "groceries will last me longer" I say "I can meet you at Walmart in my town. She says "I need to see if I can get a ride" I said "I can go to your place" Then, she gives me a name of a hotel. I said I'm off from work tomorrow at 4 pm. She says "OK".

Any comments? JeZZ! Should I give her groceries for credit? or as a gift?

When your ATF just "forgets" about you, you need a new ATF.

lives and their money

those with sad and sorry stories are to be avoided. If a like they are playing you. If true they are a disaster in the making.

There are plenty of women who manage their business very professionally, pay taxes, invest in their future, achieve and maintain financial stability and therefor are able to treat their clietns with consistency and professionalism.

Somebody on the edge like that needs *help* - not to be selling her ass for groceries.

And you need to find more professional companionship....

Dude everybody has there ups and downs but you should remember that this is a hobby business, granted we have our favs but its still a business transaction with the provider. Like anything if the service or attention are not met you go elsewhere, if you are to get her groceries it should be credit not a gift being that you do not mean much to her, its human nature if you care about somebody you do not forget them. Find another ATF this one does not deserve you.

sadly, I've seen more upscale escorts, but she's the only one who really gets me off with the deepest "O"s in years.

She's a young provider (24) and the more professional escorts I've seen are in their 30s. Had an ATF but she's now pushin 38.
This young ATF has not been concern about her brand, services, and professionalism. Not very bright. But god, how I enjoy her in the sack.

I have learned...  painfully in some cases...  and I guess is applies to me likewise (in as much as I hobby)...  that one can not comtrol what someone else chooses to do with their life.  
My ATF... has made some life choices that I would not.  But it is her life to live, we don't get a vote.  Hell, I don't live there!  After 4 years & on a real name basis...  I have occasionally gifted her "gift cards" from a local market.  I know THAT money will go to groceries.  It may just free up money for her to gamble or to go drinking...   But that is her beyond my control.  
The problem is that WE CARE.  I know NSA sex (No Strings Attached) we're not supposed to think about them once the door closes between us...  perhaps some really are that way.  I'm not & do not appologize for MY CHOICE to care.  

If I meet a lady, I pay, we play. Even my ATF...  If I want to help her, I do so by booking with her.  Anything else I choose to give is a gift.  I know some have reported successful loans to providers...  however there are far more who've been burned.  A lady who "owes" a prepaid meeting will book someone else who will give her cash.  If she does book with you, the service will be poor.  

If you can afford to gift her some groceries for old time's sake, than feel free to do so.  That may stop her from starving.  But if she is making bad life choices, you can not rescue her.  She has to rescue herself because SHE wants too.  

Even if you help her out this one time (because you said you would)...  you have to decide just how far you're willing to go.  You do not have to stand there & watch a train wreck.  If she's out partying & not tending her business (face it some providers work their way through school or pay off morgages with their skills) then she is making poor life choices.  
When I was a young man, I'd pick up co-eds from the local college just a few years younger than myself...  they'd ask to be dropped off at their door.  They had a car in their driveway...  but were saving their money to go out partying...  but would not accept a date with a decent guy (which I was in those days).  
Life choices...
skb

You'd do that for a friend, right?

Then immediately start looking for other ladies.

Since she didn't call me early yesterday, I did go ahead and book with a gorgeous blonde in a reputable agency.  In effect, the money I prepared for her went to the other lady. Her fault for not calling no showing. Then last night, she texted beggin for help, said she was starvin.

give her a goodbye!!!!!!!!!

(1) A lady who has her business plan in place, has health insurance and gets checked regularly, pays her taxes, saves for a rainy day as well as when she can no longer work in the biz.  This would include college students who have a plan for their life and are doing this to get through school.

(2) Ladies who live from one date to the next who usually squander the $$ on expensive clothes, jewelry, etc. and then wonder why there isn't enough cash to pay the rent at the beginning of the month.  They have minimal if any health insurance, a beat-up car that can barely run and no financial plan for their life.  They move more in a year or two than I have in my 6 decades on this planet.

(3) Those forced into the biz for whatever reason.  You usually will not find these women here on TER.  Might be found in AMP or other brothel type situations or have a bruzzer pimp around the corner or in another room of her incall which is usually a trashy dump.

Exactly, I care .. that's in my nature .. or I'm not human.

It's up to you whether you decide to help her or not but if you buy her groceries it's a gift-you will never see that money again and she won't make it up in trade.

Sorry, but this whole thing sounds a bit off to me. She's blowing-off appointments when she's broke? Sounds a little too needy to me and you seem like you are ripe for being scammed.  Be careful.

a box of Mac & Cheese!  Wait till she calls and says she's now homeless, and her kids are starving!  Are you sure she's not a Tranny....seems to have some big balls!
Put a price on every food item, and the "cab fare" to get her to Walmart!  No Gifts!

Sound cruel?  Not really.  Ask yourself what she would do for you if the tables were turned!

Looks like you have to get out of the swamp.  You have a huge leech attached to you!  

I have to say that I have been with many many women who rocked my world to the core. The very best sex to me *is a given* in this biz, else I only visit once.

What makes the difference for me between a once n done and an ATF is not the sex per se - I *expect* that to be earth shaking - it is the professionalism, the people skills, the appreciation shown for my business, and the development of genuine friendship....

ATF or not, she's a train wreck waiting to happen. There's another ATF out there! Think of all the fun you'll have finding your next ATF!
BTW, my ATF is 34, pays taxes, has med ins, just bought a car and doesn't ncns me.

This isn't merely an ATF; it is pretty clear that, at some level, you have some emotional investment in this woman.

Men, too often, think with their small head. Likewise, biology being what it is, when you sleep often enough with the same woman, some bonding chemicals are gonna kick in. That's nature's way of making sure you stick around to provide for offspring.

A man should let his big head choose which women he will allow himself to become emotionally invested in, rather than his small head. There are just too many important attributes to a woman outside of sex appeal that make a profound difference emotionally down the road.

So if you are going to see someone a bunch of times; engage the big head in her selection before the small head gets involved.

That's for future reference.

For the present; the woman *knows* you have an emotional investment in her; which is why she would make the sort of appeal that she is making.

HOWEVER, her previous non-responsiveness makes it darned clear; especially as she allegedly had no appointments, that any real emotional investment is ONE WAY ONLY.

While there is often a difference in emotional investment between men and women; in ordinary relationships those differences are fixed in other ways. But this is not an ordinary relationship; so it cannot be fixed that way.

I WOULD say to just forget her and not take her calls. HOWEVER, the fact that she called you for assistance indicates that you have established a track record such that she has reason to be able to depend upon you for same. If you have established such an expectation, it should be fulfilled.

Therefore, I would provide her with money, groceries or whatever it is she needs within reason. This should be provided gratis.

Personally, because she is clearly in extremis, I would NOT take sex in exchange. I am personally uncomfortable in dealing with a woman who feels she HAS to have sex with me in order to eat.

I realize that others have a different take on it, but this is a woman who couldn't be bothered with you last week even though she had no appointments. It would be clear that the exchange was really that of a desperate woman -- so rather than deal with sex; I'd personally just give her what she needs if I have created an expectation of that availability.

BUT -- once you have provided for her immediate needs, you should have no further contact with her. The emotional aspects of the deal are not reciprocal and there is no practical way to put them right. Continuing will only result in things getting worse.

So give her what she needs, and then go.

And next time; select a woman that you'll be seeing a lot with the big head.

In my HUMBLE opinion.

I think it was Charlie Sheen who said it: You don't pay a girl to come; you pay her to leave.

The first one called me after an 9 mo. hiatus. Asked me if I was comming back. I said no and she told me to go F#$%^%$ myself. Long story to this one. Not necessary.


The second one...............LOL



Like Priapus said; give her the boot!!!

If you were starving or had no groceries, would she come to the rescue?

Thought so. Kick her to the curb.

We have these providers cramming into our brains over and over and over again that this is a business, nothing for free, no money/no honey.

Let her know the same thing, nothing for free, and now that she is the one looking to you for things then you get to set the rates. If she doesn't like the rates you set then she can move on to the next one.

Now totally on the other hand, if you have some kind of friendship developed with her then act like a friend.

b-

She sounds like she's got some big problems and is willing to burden you with some of the result. You need to decide how much of that you're willing to take on.

I hope she gets the help she needs.

So, a previous favorite became my best friend and eventually my GF for several years. She was and is a complete fuck-up when it comes to managing her personal life in general and her finances in particular. She is a caring and wonderful person who has lost everything she values in life, including her daughter. When I went through a really rough, life-threatening patch, she dropped everything, and she was there for me 24-7. This was before the GF stage. She has done the same for other friends and family. She is a true and honest friend who lacks the basic skills we all need to get through a normal day. (Yes, she has been in continual therapy for most of the 15 years I have know her. She does not like herself very much.)  Even though our romantic relationship is over, (my choice) and I have a new best friend, I still feel that she is worthy of my continuing efforts to help her.

Alright haters and cynics, put this in one of your stupid categories. Not you Smarty. You asked the right question.

Glad you had the experience anyway.

If she's playing you, it makes for an easy choice.

The tougher call is if she isn't playing you.

On no uncertain terms do I consider an normal client-provider relationship to be on equal terms. That said, I think it's problematic to have her be beholden to you for basic life necessities. IMO.

You have three choices:
 1) Ditch her
 2) Give her money, free and clear - be clear about the conditions (i.e. one time, no reciprocation, etc.)
 3) Make a standard appointment

Either way, be unequivocal and be sure you can live with the conditions and results. You CANNOT fix her.

Personally, I wouldn't ditch an ATF because of a one time NCNS. We all have moments in our lives. The issue here is her complaining about no money and should you help.

I am reminded of a story a very compassionate friend told me. He was driving home and saw a homeless guy with the usual "will work for food" sign. My friend pulled up and offered him dinner, a shower and to wash his clothes for some help around the yard. The guy told my friend to give him some money or leave him alone.

She has the capacity to hurt you, yet without necessarily meaning to.  She expects to be a hobbyist, to keep your options open, and unless your plans with her are solid....  

If things go awry, just let her know why...if she values you as a client, it will take only a few minutes on the phone to clarify, and if apologies are necessary...give them or receive then graciously.  If her plans are outside what what you both previously both agreed an decided upon, you have reason to be pissed...the decision as to whether to forgive is yours.