Hello all you fruit lovers! I found this interesting article today, and thought you might like to have some fruity fun:

INTRODUCTION

I am a scientist, but lately I had been having trouble coming up with good ideas for experiments. I had kind of a scientist's writer block where I just couldn't think of anything cool to do. A few nights ago, a brilliant flash of insight came to me while I was having sex with my girlfriend.  

I shouted as I came, "I'm going to have sex with different types of fruit and report the results in a scientific paper!" I followed through on my inspiration and carried out my experiment by having sex with many different types of fruit.

Here are the results of my experiment, which I've submitted for peer review in the science journal Nature.

OBJECTIVE

To experiment and document what it's like to have sex with various fruits by carving penis-sized holes into them, and then having intercourse into the carved hole.

I plan to rate each fruit by the following criterion:

Time to Reach Orgasm: How long did it take me from the time I first inserted my penis into the fruit until I reach orgasm. Presumably, the quicker I achieve orgasm, the more sexually attractive the fruit is.

Sturdiness: How well was the fruit able to withstand the vigorous thrusting of sex, as well as its ability to maintain the integrity of the carved penis hole throughout an entire sexual encounter

Texture: How did the fruit feel on my penis, and how do the fruit juices interact with it.

Final Impressions: This will be my general impression of the sexual encounter with that fruit overall.

MATERIALS

- Various fruits large and sturdy enough to withstand vigorous sex long enough to achieve orgasm
- A stop watch to determine how long it takes to come to orgasm with that particular fruit
- A drill auger to carve an erect penis sized hole into the fruit
- A garbage bag to dispose of the used and violated fruit

EXPERIMENT RESULTS

Watermelon (Citrullus vulgaris Schard)
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- Time to Reach Orgasm: 6 Minutes 21 seconds

- Sturdiness:

The hard exterior shell of the water melon withstood my affections quite well, but the same could not be said of the soft fleshy interior. By the time I came, the interior cavity was quite a bit larger than my own penis. The watermelon flesh is very soft on the inside, and is turned to pulp very quickly by a pounding penis. The melon did crack a little as well, although it likely was my overzealous lovemaking that caused this, so I do not hold it against the watermelon.

- Texture:

The watermelon's rind felt very pleasurable on my penis and it compensated for the lack of resistance on the interior of the melon. The abundant water kept my penis lubricated quite adequately.

- Final Impressions:

I really enjoyed my brief affair with the watermelon. I credit the hard-yet-yielding exterior rind and lubricating water for making it a superior sexual partner. It did lose points for the too-soft interior though, so it's certainly not a perfect 10. I'd also suggest to not get too rough with the watermelon, or it may crack open. A little spanking is ok, just don't go overboard.

Passion Fruit (Passiflora spp)
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- Time to Reach Orgasm: Did not achieve climax

- Sturdiness:

This fruit has the most misleading name ever. First of all, it was the smallest fruit that I had sex with. It was just barely big enough to support a hole that would take in my penis. Secondly, it was far too soft and mushy to be appropriate for physical expressions of love. The passion fruit basically turned to mush after only 30 seconds of thrusting.

- Texture:

Soft, mushy, and kind of slimy. The gooey texture was sexually unappealing and was a mood killer. The juices were also somewhat acidic, and they burned my penis hole. The passion fruit also stained my penis an unsightly yellow color which would not come out for days.

- Final Impressions:

The passion fruit is a very inferior lover with an inappropriate name. I thought: how could I lose with passion fruit? But It's too small, and is just too weak to withstand all but the most timid lovemaking session. Its slimy texture was just not attractive either. Take it from me: it's not appropriate to have sex with a passion fruit.

Cantaloupe (Cucumis melo L.)
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- Time to Reach Orgasm: 8 Minutes 46 seconds

- Sturdiness:

Truthfully, I had sex with two different cantaloupes. The first cantaloupe I had relations with fell apart. I'm not averse to rough sex at times and I guess I got a little too carried away with cantaloupe #1; so much that it broke into several pieces. I realized I'd have to make sweet, soft tender love to the cantaloupe; to be a gentle, caring and attentive lover. To cantaloupe #2 I was all of those things and more.

Have you heard the story of Cinderella? Well, there's an old Italian folk tale parody, and the story is told in Italian, and the word for pussy is "figa" meaning "fig," but feminized. Thus the story actually says "Cinderella, your (pussy) fig will turn into a watermelon."

Cinderella really wants to go the ball. Her sisters leave, and the fairy godmother comes to visit. After giving her everything she needs, the fairy godmother tells Cinderella she has to be back by midnight or her pussy will turn into a watermelon.

"Oh no! I don't want that," exclaims Cinderella, "I'll be back at 11:45."

"OK, just remember, if you're not back by midnight, your pussy will turn into a watermelon!"

Cinderella is very scared about this prospect and vows to be home by midnight.

In this parody, like the original story, it exhibits certain interesting sexual themes. The idea of the vagina turning into a watermelon scares the young, innocent Cinderella. She has a fig, that is small, and doesn't want it to grow into a watermelon. But at the ball, the prince snacks on a watermelon, and when she sees how much the prince enjoys watermelon, she decides to forget about the godmother's warnings and delves into the world of sex. She thus leaves her innocence behind and decides to stay the night with the prince, in the hopes that he will be very happy about eating her watermelon.

Watermelon is a very sensual fruit. In fact, in the late nineteen thirties, Italian boys would put watermelons in the sun, and when they were nice and warm, they would put holes in them and use them as aides in masturbation. This type sexualization of the watermelon might have led someone to make up this Cinderella parody.

You should try a durian. Its the big one at the bottom of the link page.

From a female perspective.....I can tell you that a large to medium size strawberry placed just inside the kitty and eaten slowly is heavenly!

-- Modified on 4/7/2008 1:30:38 AM

They are more healthy for you, and stay harder longer.

I can't help but think of the movie American Pie when I read this thread.  I'm sure everyone here remembers this scene with Jim using a warm pie for sexual gratification.